waiting

Mar 30, 2009

I am finding waiting is so hard I am down to my last few dieticion visits and they have my test results and I find myself getting more and more anxious and impatient to have my wls.I am a bit scared about it too I mean ive never been a patient person so this is hard anyway and add on all the life chages i have made for my chance at having a healthy life this is the hardest thing ive ever done but its all worth it not to have to live the way i have lived anymore this is probably the first thing i have ever truly done for me.I want to be healthy and happy for me and that is probably the hardest statement ive ever made because for years well since i can remember ive always put someone else before me from my husband to my kids and now i am seperated from my husband and my kids are grown and i have spent alot of time taking a good look at me.I want a quality life and just quantity and i cant have that with the body i have.I am tired of failing at diets and only getting larger I am well on my way to 500 pounds and dont want to pass away like my uncle eldon did he was 750 pounds when he passed,and alot of people never got to see what a great person he was cause they never got passed what he looked like on the outside.I feel like that too everytime i go somewhere ever a doctors appointment and i dont fit in the waiting room chairs i dont get to go to movies anymore cause i dont fit in those chairs either and i feel really bad about myself when i have to sit upfront at walmart and wait for an electric cart  at 40 years old because i cant walk thru walmart without really really bad back pain and knee pain and i dont fit in standard wheelchairs.I know i am probably babling but i just need to vent tonight.I want to walk thru walmart heck i want to walk period without pain I also want my feet and legs to stop swelling to the point they look like they are going to burst,and I want to live life without the use of my cpap.I want a quality life and i want to live a long life and i know that is not going to happen unless i get my weight under control and live a healthy life.

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About Me
roseau, MN
Location
80.7
BMI
RNY
Surgery
Dec 23, 2008
Member Since

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