sdw1963

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Hi Everyone,
Yep I'm still alive , although I thought at first I would be totally insane by now on this liquid diet.I haven't got too long to go...just a couple of days away and I can;t wait. I am getting so excited. I think I am ready here on the homefront.
  I can't wait to see how much I have lost on the liquid diet. I think I am going to wait till Tuesday morning at the hospital and find somewhere to weigh just prior to my surgery...This would be soooo much easier of I didn't have to cook for my family, do the grocery shopping etc. Well you women KNOW what I am saying. My hubby wants to loose weight too but apparently doesn't actually want to have to do anything to loose it. He won't get off his rear and do any kind of exercise.....he won't diet. It is easier for him to reason away that it is my fault that he is fat...and wait for the weightloss fairy princess come to wave her magic wand and make his beer belly disappear. Geesh !!!
   I read some of his medical records where the doctors made note of the fact that he seemed to blame me for his weight...talk about being pissed off !
I cook healthy things....no one wants to eat them BUT me...and he rarely gets up off the couch....
Oh well I guess it is much easier to put the blame off on anyone other than yourself. I have way too much other thigs to concern myself over. Me and my daughter are really best friends and I want to help reverse the obesity for her. She is like an only child, is very backwards socially....so I know that when I can get to moving better she and I will be unstopable. In the meanwhile I guess hubby will be left sitting here on the couch as always by himself. In  a kind way I informed him that as I loose this weight I will NOT want to sit around on the couch anymore...that for a chance I wanted to LIVE...get out and do things, have fun, experience life and people.....but the sad part is that more than likely I will be doind it alone with my daughter. Sad to know that when you get married,  you marry to have a partner in life and all things. For me that has not been the thing. Ihave had to learn the hard way it is better not  to depend on a man...that I can stand alone and get things done by myself...that as far as it goes there isn't ONE SINGLE area of my life that he has integrated himself in that makes him irreplaceable or missed really and that is truly sad !
 It seems sad to me simply because of the people I have in my life that I love, I want to be irreplaceable...I want to mean something to them. I want to be missed when I am gone, or not there. I am not just " along for the ride" being what I want to be for myself and no one else. Well I am getting into some really big hurts here and I don't know why I wandered down this path. It only means pain.
I will emerge from this part of my life. I will become a better person, more whole and healthy. God has been so good to me and walked me though it all. He has blessed me when I didn't ask for it or even deserved it. No matter how it turns out I know He will be with me each and every step of the way. Knowing this I feel completely at ease and without any real worry concerning this surgery. However it turns out it will be according to God's plan and so I am at peace with it.
Peace and Love be with you all my friends. Hugs,
                                                                                   Sandra

Hi Friends,
Been a little while since I posted. I have completed my pre-op on March 27th...and now I am on the dreaded liquid diet. UGH !
  I am already getting sick of  bullion, slimfast and jello. On the good side since I have been on liquids my blood sugar level has only been slightly elevated. I havent taken any of my diabetes meds...how great is that?
  For the next 10 days my goals will be to stay on the liquid diet and not cheat, stay away from the scales and be as active as my mind and body will allow.
 I figure if I can  stop smoking after 33 years then I can do this also.......Its a mind thing that I am going to have to brianwash myself to keep me in a good place over the next 10 days.
 On a bad note.....while obesessing over food after the H&P I gained another 20 pounds....YIKES !!! Hopefully  I will get that off me during the pre-op diet so I can at least start out where I was. Will let ya know more lata.
Hugs, Sandra
 

Hi Everyone,
I did my H&P yesterday...everythings a go... So now I finally have a date of April 8. Didn't get March like I wanted, but at this point it doesn't matter at all. I am just anxious to go ahead and get this party started. At least I will still be able to have a significant amount off me by the end of this summer and by next summer I will be a long way into my goal.
There are sooooo many things that I miss dearly that I have had to give up over the years...so many things that I want to do again. Dr . Cox asked me yesterday "What was the MAIN thing that compelled me to  start this journey to WLS?"
  I told him I was  tired of just existing and not living. I want to live fully again. I am so excited to  think that in time I will be able to resume alot of things that I have sadly seen go by the byway. I think this surgery will help alot with my depression and my own self worth. Finally for a chance I feel as if I am worth it, that I deserve this. Lord, it took me alog time to be able to say that.
  I am doing my water aerobics whenever I can and trying to be more active on the sidelines too. I want to hit the ground running ( borrowed phrase from another OH member) and maximize my WL.
I think with the support of my family and friends, I will survive and make ti though this journey.
Well I will shut up for now....
Take care .
 Hugs,
Sandra

Well my  file was complete nearly two weeks agao. I am waiting to hear from the surgeons office regarding my H&P and surgery date. I hope they can schedule it when the kiddos are off  from school. They will have  over a week off for Eater holiday...so I guess I will see. Hoping too not to get sick with all the flu that is floating around everywhere. I had the shot , but from what I have heard the strains have changed and the shots we had aren't that effective. My almost 10 y/o daughter has been very sick....trying to get her better...and not to take it myself.
Keeping my fingers/toes crossed. I cant stand WAITING....I have waited for over 6 months now to start loosing this fat. Lord, help me to be patient.

Hi Friends,
Hope all is going well for you. I got good news yesterday from my endocrinologist. After a ton of blood work and 2 cat scans, it has been determined that my adrenal gland mass is ok for now...yippee! so that means it won't delay my gastric bypass( which I hope to have a surgery date before the end of Feb or near the top of March) Just finished my last weigh in for the 6 month supervised diet and did my last blood work. 
  I so look forward to being able to get off most of these meds...especially the meforamin for diabetes. I look forward to being able to do my housework standing up , instead of sitting in a chair. I look forward to being able to climb the stairs to my old bedroom...and maybe even one day being able to resume a sex life with my husband. I want to be able to go out shopping one day with my daughter and really enjoy it instead of hurting. To be able to hop into an airplane without a seatbelt extender or paying for an extra seat.  To be able to wash myself and feel clean for longer than 30 minutes. To take a long hot soaking bath in the bath tub..... all those simple pleasures in life. 
Overall I think it says it well enough to say , I want to live again ! to feel like a normal person...thats all.
Well, I will shut up for now....Will update when I know more.
  Hugs,
Sandra

Hi Guys,
Been a while since I posted so I thought I would bring  my blog up to date.
I will be through with my 6 month diet attempt the end of this month....so then I will get the  H&P w/surgeon soon after that I hope.
  I go back to the endocrinologist  tomorrow to see if  i will need surgery on my left adrenal gland before I have the SWL.I soooo hope not since it will delay my bypass.
In other news my father in law is under hospice care and is expected to pass on , probably within the week. Bless his heart , he is almost 93, and I am sure his body is tired. I have truly been blessed with two fo the best in laws a woman could ask for. I hate that I didnt get to enjoy them as long as I would have liked. Life can be so sad sometimes. It seems just when you are comfortable in your own skin and things are calmer you are old and life is almost done. Enough on this subject before I get started 
 
My counseling is going good...much better than I would have ever dreamed considering what a rough start we got in the beginning. I am looking at my life in a totally different way. My counselor wanted me to start an exercise routine and have that in place prior to my surgery. With my joints in the shape they are in water aerobics is the only option. I have to say this has made a very big difference in the way I feel.....physically and emotionally.
God knows I need all the help I can get these days.
  I have read some good books of late that I would like to recommend to everyone. One in particular is especially useful for self help. For those of you that dont know me personally, I am married to a hopefully recovering alcoholic.... I have bore many scars over my lifetime as many of you may have also experienced. This book gave me a toally new lease on life. It has been on the NY Times best sellers list 4 times and has many million copies. It is called "Codependant No More "by Beattie.
Also , some very heart touching books that I know you will love...anything  written by Mitch Albom. The ones that I know right off the bat are: For One Day More, Tuesdays  With Morrie, The Five People You Meet in Heaven.

I usually like to get my friends recommendations before I purchase something or check it out at the local library...so I dont waste my time or money on things I wont like. Read these if you get the chance. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND them all. Let me know what you thought about these books.
Until the next post.....
Hugs,
Sandra
 

 Happy Turkey Day everyone,
Just thought I'd do a quick update. Finally got in to the patient education class. It was nice meeting other people who are considering  SWL. It was nice to have my hubby hear what to expect too.
   Finished my psych eval...and of course I have some new goals  that have to be addressed before I can join anyone on the loosers bench...but they are attainable. I have hope for tomorrow .
As far as the 6 month diet, my weight  has gone down and up  and back down some. I get tired of feeling so hungry all the time. I think that is the worst part. Still hopeing to have a Feb. surgery date. I think that is the perfect time for surgery considering by the time that I am recovered from this it will be close to spring and more chances to get out and be physical. I am eagerly awaiting that. I hope that we can all as a family be more active so I can help reverse my daughters childhood obesity.
   There has been several new developments though after a cat san of my abdomen ( I have been having ongoing  right upper quadrant pain)  I have so much arthritis of most every joint....so I thought it could be coming from my back. Turns out  I have small gallstones, a small hi hernia and a tumor of the left adrenal gland. As  many know, the adrenal gland produces hormones that regulate weight, blood pressure, and even  moods etc.
According to the radiologist I had it back  3 years ago and has remained unchanged in that time.....but no one ever mentioned that I had it.....and considering that it was a new finding back three years ago it should  have been monitored  to see if it was cancerous, or if it was causing problems  with hormone overproduction. Apparently this is a pretty rare tumor , and I am not sure as yet if I will have to have surgery to remove this. I hope not.
   Apparently removing the gallbladder , if needed, wont be a real problem during my SWL, but they wont remove the adrenal tumor at the same time because it is in a totally different area, hard to do and have to be under anesthesia too long. My PCP wants to research what kind of blood work he needs to do to determine if it is affecting my hormone production. I am in no hurry to move one way or another....but if it turns out that I have to have the adrenal gland removed, I will have one of the doctors at Hickroy Surgical do that too.
    I want to get everything  cleaned out of my  "closet" and be ready to  go when it comes my time for the SWL. Hopefully nothing else  will pop up in the meantime. I am working to lower my A1C level . Looking into some way to get some water exercise in the meantime to  help with the weightloss and stregnthening. Wish me luck ! God knows I am gonna need it. Hugs to all and God Bless us all.
      Sandra

Hi Everyone,
I hope you are having a blessed day. ! The sun is shining brightly here even though it got down into the sub freezing temps here this morning.
  Well, last week I went for my  "psych evaluation". I had to take a Psy. in Morganton because she was one of the few who were accepting new patients before the date I hope to have surgery. What an experience !
I was wondering if mine was anything like the ones the other people here  have gone through ? First of all this Psych. said we had to pay upfront 450 bucks for the evaluation and she would file my medicare... she said her fee was actually higher than the 450 she was going to charge upfront, but we had to assign payment to her. Next she said she "liked to do her evaluations in 3 parts". The first part was she talked to you one on one for about 30 minutes or so. Next you had to take 3 different psych tests which in total took about 4 hours(true false questions)
Next you had to send to her the last 5 years of your medical records and when she scored your tests and looked over your medical records she would call you to make an appointment for the last part , which was to go over tests  and talk to you about her recommendation. She was pretty high on her haunches about how they wouldnt touch me to do the surgery unless she gave the go ahead. That Medicare looked at her recommendations very seriously before they would ok the surgery. She warned me not to lie on the test... that it would show up on the test and look bad on me.... I felt like a criminal who was being given a lie detector test . Anyone who has taken these tests know they are true /false and open to interpretation. None make a lot of sense. I dont know about anyone else , but I find it odd that she can demand my medical records along with all the other things she has already done. I feel violated, I dont feel it is really much of her business  what the medical aspects of my records say.To me it feels as if she is judging me by what is in my records..as to if I am just a fat person lying about being fat and needing help to get rid of the fat to live longer. She also mentioned that sometimes she makes it a part of her recommendations that you might  "have to do something she requires"
To me if feels like she is saying, " I have you by the balls. You will do as I  tell you to do.
I think this psych thing is a bit over rated and over priced. Just my opinion.
Will post more later.  Hugs to all.
Sandra