seashelly

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My mom got Wii Fit for Holiday and I played with it a little bit. It was actually really fun. Although I haven't weighed in a while, according to the game, I'm at 216 pounds, with a Wii Fit Age of 23. Not too shabby, especially since my 15-year-old sister was 30. (What matters is the difference between your actual age and your Wii Fit age: +1 year for me, +15 for my sister, etc.)

Anyway, I don't think I'm very out of shape. I can exercise a pretty decent amount before I start to feel winded, and I really want to start jogging or something. Next quarter marks my return to a sane schedule and I should have time to do things like that. The problem is my knee - I hurt it a few years ago and it's been aching all the time lately. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to get it operated on at some point, but it's not an option right now. The pain makes it difficult to walk long distances, let alone run.

So I'm thinking of - you guessed it - going to the gym starting in January. As if nobody has thought of that before. But I have a friend who got a personal trainer through the gym on campus, and it was relatively cheap. If I could do that and find someone who'll take my terrible knee into consideration, I might be able to find some good low-impact stuff that'll target the areas I want to work on without putting me in a wheelchair. Maybe I'll even be able to tighten up some of the loose skin and make it so I'm not so gross to look at without the plastics I can't get. 

I'll just have to beat back all the other people who will be storming the gym next quarter, haha.

So, being at a university, it was inevitable that I should get swine flu at some point. I've spent the last six days-ish sequestered in my room, being thoroughly miserable. But! While not as dramatic as the last time I was sick, I did manage to lose some weight from being sick, which I suppose I should take as a positive thing. Down to about 225, size 16 pants, large shirts.

Anyways, just wanted to do a brief check-in, let all y'all who still read this know I'm still alive, doing well, and super busy. I've got a week of schoolwork to catch up on now, but I'll try to post again before another seven weeks have passed. Ta!

How do you measure a year?

How about like this?

As of today:
164 pounds lost, from 404 to 240.
BMI reduced from 63.3 to 37.6
16 pant sizes dropped, from 34/36 to 18/20.
Several shirt sizes down, from 3x/4x to L/XL.
Spring quarter 2008 GPA: 2.57. Spring quarter 2009 GPA: 4.0
I am healthier, happier, more energetic, and more fulfilled in every way than I can ever remember being.

The decision to have surgery was one of the hardest I ever made. I still remember the crying, the fear, the insecurity, the shame, the pain, and all the other negative things that went along with the decision.

But I know now beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was the best decision I ever made for myself. 

Happy rebirthday to me!

PS: I've taken new pictures. They should be posted by the end of the day.

I thought I was busy before?

It's been a while since I posted. First I want to say that I don't have any pictures yet, at least none that I'm willing to show. I'm really a terrible photographer and I tend to avoid photos where possible, but I'm working on it... kinda.

Although I took only eight credits this quarter, the classes were more intense than I expected. I also worked a lot more, studied for the GRE some more, AND I've been spending a lot of time with my boyfriend. It's very exciting, very nice, and I find it very easy to spend the vast majority of my free time (and some of my not-so-free time) with him. Which has meant that other things (like blogs) take a back seat.

I'm starting to feel really self-conscious about the skin thing. I'm in that horrible place now where I haven't lost enough to go for surgery, but I still look and feel completely disgusting. On top of that, in about four months I'll no longer be insured, so I don't know when I'll be able to get this taken care of. It kinda sucks.

But I'm still progressing. The loss is gradually slowing down, but it's not showing signs of stopping, and I'm definitely still shrinking. My size 20 pants (that I just bought argh) are looking kinda big now.

But yes, photos soon-ish, for reals this time.

I got my grades back for Spring quarter. You may recall that this was the quarter I worked two jobs, studied for the GRE, prepared my grad school applications, and took 15 credits, plus I maintained a rich social life and volunteered at an elementary school. I earned a 4.0 this quarter. I'm not even going to pretend I'm not proud of that. I am in such a good place right now.

I also went clothes shopping this last week, since once again, everything I own is comically large on me. I'm down to a pant size around 18-22, women's large or extra-large in shirts, and a 10 in shoes as opposed to a 10W or 11. I think I look pretty good.

Except for all the grody hanging skin, that is. My arms are the worst. When I lift them, it's like... well, imagine a grocery bag full of water hanging from a tree branch. Nasty. The rest of me isn't much better, but at least I consistently hide everything else with clothes. But it's summer and maybe I want to wear short sleeves sometimes. My arms are way too gross to consider it though.

This summer, I have goals. I intend to visit the gym at least once a week (I'd like to commit to more, but I'm going to leave it at that and if I go more, I go more.) I'm also going to try to read at least one book every two weeks in addition to my school books. Oh, and I need another 4.0, which hopefully won't be too hard since I only have two classes this summer.

So I was planning to post this evening anyways, but it turns out that something interesting happened to me today that actually made it worth posting.

First, the basics. I'm at 265, about 140 pounds down from my highest. I feel amazing, blah blah blah. I've been doing a lot of self-reflection this quarter. I feel confident that my skyrocketing improvement in school is due to the improvement in my health. 3.9s for the last two quarters, and a 4.0 this quarter. I'm impressing my superiors, I'm winning scholarships, and I am extremely happy. But that's old news.

Today, I went to a study group for my Ethics class. A friend of mine brought food. She knows I don't eat sugar, so she had some sugar free stuff there for me, which was awesome. I partook of some chips and salsa, and a few cookies from the table. I was kind of munching as we studied (bad, I know) until about six cookies later, I look more carefully at the package. The top corner says "Wheat and Dairy Free!" and my heart sinks. I look at the nutrition information, and sure enough, those suckers have six grams of sugar per cookie. So I'm laughing a little bit at the situation. I'm like "well, dang, I'm definitely going to be sick later." But the thing is, I have no idea how sugar affects me. In the nine and a half months since surgery, today was the first time I've eaten a significant amount of sugar.

And you know the worst part? I'm fine. It's been three hours since I had the cookies, and I feel completely fine. I must have eaten nearly 40 grams of sugar and had no adverse side effects whatsoever. This is terrible. The fear of being violently ill was the most powerful deterrent against sugar for me. I'd like to think that I have the willpower to not go eating sugar all the time even though I know it won't do anything, but I'm scared that I won't be able to.

As ridiculous as it is, I'm still kind of hoping that I get sick later tonight. If I get sick, it'll just reinforce the fact that I can't eat sugar, and I'll be a better person for it. Maybe I'll even be careful about reading labels (I'm usually so good about it! I just misread the "wheat and dairy free" label is all!)

So yeah, I dunno. I'm beginning to get a little worried that my bad habits are catching up with me, despite the fact that I'm still losing. I want to get at least 90 pounds smaller. I think I'll just have to focus on protein and exercise more, especially this summer.

It's 3:26 am and I am awake and I don't want to be for very much longer, but I thought I'd do a quick shout-out in case anyone still reads this thing.

I am doing well, still losing steadily. I'm down to 279, for a loss of just about 125 pounds from my highest.

I am on a whole new level now. This time last year, I was tired at the end of every day. And now... well, I'm tired at the end of every day, but that's because I actually do things. I used to have trouble maintaining my job and schoolwork and social life. Now I'm holding down two jobs in leadership positions, going to school full time and earning a 3.9, and I am very happy with my social life, even experimenting with dating here and there.

So yeah, not much to report. I am happy and alive and well (and looking pretty good, I think. :D)

New pics soon maybe. I got a camera!

So I was on a little bit of a plateau for a little while, but it seems to have broken and I'm down to 289. That's about 113 down from my highest, and almost halfway to my goal. I feel better and better. I volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters, and my Little Brother and I often go outside to play. He's very energetic, and I'm proud to say that I can (almost) keep up with him. Two weeks ago we played soccer. He definitely won, but I hung in there. Basketball last week was the same story - I was amazed that I can actually semi-run now without wanting to die. I haven't felt like that since I was probably twelve.

I figured out how to get protein!! Muscle Milk Light, while terribly expensive ($4 for a 14 oz bottle), is actually really good. No sugar, no lactose, 20-25 grams of protein per bottle, and I can actually drink it without losing it. Don't anybody even tell me anything bad about it. I swear, if there's one of those ridiculous restrictions on it, like once you get the surgery you can't absorb that kind of protein or whatever, I don't even want to know about it. Hahaha.

This website I like, shirt.woot.com, was selling a "grab bag" shirt a couple weeks ago. You pick a size, and for $6.66 (free shipping) they send you a random shirt from their warehouse. They were out of the size I wanted (2x) so I opted for a WXL instead, knowing that even if it's too small, it won't be too long before it fits. I got it in the mail the other day, and while it is a little too small, I could actually put it on, in a skin-hugging, suck-in-your-gut kind of way. And it's cute! And it was 6 bucks! I'm pleased.

But it's exacerbated the fact that all my shirts are now monstrously too big for me. I'm going clothes shopping tomorrow at Wal-Mart though. Ordinarily I wouldn't shop at Wal-Mart, especially not for clothes. I hate Wal-Mart. But I'm super broke and I'm giving my roommate a ride there anyways, so I'll probably just cough up 40 bucks and get a few shirts to wear that aren't circus tents on me.

The quarter's almost over. It was a doozy - like I've said repeatedly, I've never been so busy. I'd like to say that next quarter I'll be better about going to the gym and whatnot, but here is a makeshift chart demonstrating why that won't be possible.

THIS QUARTER	NEXT QUARTER
12 credits	15 credits
Mostly philosophy classes		Two philosophy classes, an English, and a Computer Science
One job	Two jobs
Not thinking about the GREs	Studying for the GREs
Barely thinking about Grad School	Applying for grad school
Did not go to the gym	???

So you can fill in your own inference there.

Okay, gotta go to class.

I'm going to go ahead and make my "six month" post now, although it's a little premature. Since August 26, 2008, I've lost 105 pounds, 10 pant sizes, and I honestly do feel light years better. I remember reading blog after blog where people would say they felt SO much better, and I guess I didn't really believe that would be me. It's hard to know how handicapped you are when that's all you've ever known, but... I'm not afraid of walking any more. I don't plan my day around taking the fewest number of stairs. I can hang out with friends without asking what we're doing and then declining because I don't think I could keep up. I've learned how to read and interpret signals from my body (not that I always listen to them, but that's another story) and I've learned how to function with my new lifestyle.

I'm far from perfect. In fact, I'm pretty sure my doctor would throw a tissy fit if he really knew how imperfect I am. I've promised myself I'm going to do better, but I know I'm not going to get to the point where I follow all the instructions to a T (at least not any time soon). I'm not that kind of person, and I'm okay with that. I'm the kind of person who analyzes tasks based on priority, and now is the time to do that with regard to my health.

My bloodwork came back deficient in B-12, D, and Zinc, so if I do nothing else, I'm going to start taking those vitamins and a multi every day. I can manage that, I think. Most of the reason I don't do my vitamins is that there are SO MANY of them. It's intimidating, time consuming, and embarrassing to take 13 pills at a time, especially when I have to do it in public. But my levels of calcium, C, A, the other Bs, and pretty much everything else were dandy. Even protein.

Speaking of protein, I've got to figure out something. Every once in a while I try my protein again to see if I've magically built up a tolerance for it. I've been doing the kind that's a tiny little shot of liquid, and still, no dice. It comes right back up. I eat almost nothing but protein, but according to this stupid nutrition packet I got, that doesn't count. (Which I think is bullcrap, but I guess I'm not a nutritionist...) But I wasn't vegetarian for 2 years for nothing. If there's one thing I know how to do, it's live without protein.

On the other hand, I've started to lose my hair pretty hardcore. Like, it's really bad. I'm getting to the point where I think I'm going to have to cut my hair just to slow it down, but I really, REALLY don't want to do that. So I'm going to do better with Zinc and try to figure out something for protein. Maybe I can start living off Special K protein water? Maybe I can get the protein injections? I don't know.

I've been trying to cook more. It's hard to get the motivation to cook when I only know how to buy and cook in normal proportions, and when you're one person eating a quarter of what most people eat, it's really hard to buy things in any sort of variety. If I make chicken fetuccine, I'm eating it for the next week. But the other day I did FINALLY do some sugar-free baking. I used to love to bake, but I hadn't done it since before surgery. On Wednesday, though, I made a very-low sugar orange poppy seed cake with SF cream cheese frosting. Yeah, it ruled.

Something weird has recently occurred to me. Since I was pretty young when I got the surgery, it would seem I have a lot more of my life to live post-op than some people. I don't know how I feel about that. On the one hand, by the time I'm 40, all this stuff will be second nature. On the other hand, by the time I'm 40, I'm betting they'll have come out with some SUPER WEIGHT LOSS SPRAY or something that will have made this entire thing obsolete. It's a little weird to think about.

Okay, so ends the longest entry ever. Pardon the rambling. :)

So... I have been insanely, unbelievably, superhumanly busy lately. School is crazy, and I'm starting to ramp up to apply to graduate school, so I've become somewhat obsessed with doing well in my classes. I got a 3.925 last quarter and I'm really hoping for the solid 4.0 this time around. So far so good!

Work is nuts too. I feel like I work a lot more than the 19 hours a week maximum. But hey, somebody's got to make that Internet!

Despite all that, my health is pretty good. I was taking my vitamins really good for a while there, and while I'm still a skosh low in D, B12, and Zinc, everything else looks good, even protein(!), and I'm down below 300. Heck yes, I've joined the Century Club! I've now lost 104 pounds since I started, with about another 125 or so to go before I could be happy with my weight.

Today I've decided to track what I eat. If I could make this a habit, it would be great, since I've been thinking about all the food I've eaten today in terms of "how much would it suck to write this down?"

For breakfast I had half a packet of sugar-free "apples and cinnamon" oatmeal, a slice of toast, a slice of bacon, and half an orange.

For lunch I had half a BLT sandwich on toast, a couple of barbecue chips, and the other half of that orange.

For dinner I'll probably have a salad but I don't know yet. But I promise to come edit this post after dinner.

So yeah, that's it. Hopefully next time I update won't be a month from now. I'll at least try to make it for my 6-month surgiversary on the 26th. :)