seashelly

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It may be a little too early to tell, but I fully intend that today go down in history as the day I climbed back on the wagon. I got my vitamin situation sorted out. I even figured out how to take them only twice a day with no adverse side effects. I learned how to properly cook chicken, which had previously been the bane of my existence. And although I've yet to be back to the gym this quarter, I intend to start going next week and also to start walking more often than I bus. It's a hilly mile to class, and another uphill half-mile or so to work. I try to go both when I'm feeling up to it and whenever I miss the bus.

I keenly await the news that I've lost a full 100 pounds. It's certainly not far off. When I do, I think I'll find some way to celebrate. Maybe I'll treat myself to some new jeans? I dunno yet. But something.

In related news, I've gotten more comments than usual lately about the change in appearance, some from almost perfect strangers. I don't feel like I look THAT different. I mean, yes, I see a change. But seriously? I'm still fat. It makes me realize how bad I must have looked before surgery for people to say I look good now. Or something.

Things are going swimmingly. I'm down to about 312, getting close to my first hundred pounds gone. I'm supposed to get bloodwork done but I'm worried. I don't take my vitamins as much as I should and they're going to know when they look at my blood. I'm concerned because the last time I had my appointment with Dr. Oh was when I was doing a lot better on vitamins. I gave him a list of what I was taking. Since I'm not really taking the same things any more, I'm worried that my low levels of whatever vitamins will make him think that I need to take a lot more of those vitamins. Probably something stupid to be worried about, since I can just explain the situation. But I don't really have a great excuse for why I don't take them. I just don't like to. And I feel fine.

I do still get frustrated sometimes. I feel so limited even though I know it's ridiculous. In many ways, I can do so much more than before. But all the things I'm unable to do just start to drive me crazy after a while.

I don't usually do the resolution thing. But next year I'm going to resolve to go to the gym at least 4 days a week and find a vitamin regimen that works. I want to come up with a way to do it twice a day instead of four times so that it seems a bit more doable.

All in all, all is well.

Edit: Just ran the numbers, and my BMI is finally under 50. That's pretty exciting to me, not gonna lie. :D

Since my last post, I've passed my three month surgiversary, Thanksgiving, and my 21st birthday. I've also passed 80 pounds lost.

Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday. I expected it to be really really hard this year. However, I actually did not mourn as much as I expected to. I didn't even eat too much, at least not seriously too much. I did what other RNY people say they do on Thanksgiving - ate tiny bits of everything without sugar. Maybe an ounce each of green beans, shoepeg corn casserole, turkey, and mashed potatoes, and I was fully satisfied. It was a pleasant surprise.

I didn't even remember or notice my three month. I didn't do anything to commemorate it or anything, but I realized the other day that it had come and gone. In three months, I'm 80 pounds lighter. Makes me wonder what the next 3 months holds.

And yes, I am 21 years old. I didn't really do anything to celebrate that, either, at least not what you're thinking. A few days beforehand, I went to a concert in Seattle, which was really fun. I'm not interested in drinking, but I'd like to know more about the relationship between the RNY and alcohol. If anything, I'm kinda hoping someone'll say "You can't drink," because then I'd have an excuse not to. It seems like at least some kinds of alcohol would metabolize into sugar and make me dump. I'll probably make a forum post.

Anyways, that's about it. This is Dead Week at school, and next week is Finals Week. This time of the quarter, I don't have room in my head for anything but studying. That means no gym, rarely vitamins, and I'm lucky if I remember to eat in a day. I leave the house early and get home late and sometimes remember to do some of what I'm supposed to do. It's bad, but I honestly can't even function until after this quarter's over.

Nothing of particular note to report. Things are going well. I finally started taking vitamins the right way, i.e. actually taking them. I take almost all of them almost all the time. Protein is still difficult but I'm doing at least a little better than before, when the grand daily protein total averaged to "none."

If there's one rule I've actually been following, it's the no-sugar rule. It's freaking hard. Now, I've never been too into super sweet confections. Sure I used to enjoy chocolate once in a while, but short of giving up my white chocolate mochas, it hasn't been too hard to cut out candy. Ironically, the reason it's so hard to give up sugar is because I really want fruit.

I used to drink juice all the time. I practically lived on grapes and oranges. Everyone seems surprised to hear I've cut it out. I really should find out for sure whether I have to. But I've not yet been brave enough to dare breaking the no-sugar rule. Dumping sounds like about the least fun ever. But yesterday I ate a single grape and went like *gasp*.

But yeah, I'm down to 331-ish. Over 70 pounds gone. That's the weight of my little brother. Little crazy to think about. Especially comparing it to where I'm at with my weight training - how is it that I can lift less than I used to carry around with me all the time? Seems odd.

Just a little update - I passed what I believe to be a moderately-sized milestone today, maybe even two, depending on how you look at it. For the first time in my life, I exercised because I really wanted to. Also for the first time in my life, the exercise made me feel good instead of bad. When reading various accounts of surgeries before my surgery, people would say "Oh, I just don't feel good if I don't go to the gym" and I was all like "Phhhbbbbt, yeah right, that could never happen to me." I've never enjoyed exercising, ever, but today I was feeling a lot of righteous anger and I just couldn't sit still, so I went to the gym to work it off.

Long story short, I did five miles on a bike, a few sets of weight training, and another half mile on a treadmill to cool down. I've never pushed myself quite so hard before, at least not in recent memory. I am going to be sore tomorrow, but when I was done, I think I was actually feeling that fabled endorphin rush I never thought I could get. And for a while at least, the anger dissipated. (Of course it came back later so I hiked up to the Ridge - a walk, which, by the way, I was never able to make without stopping to rest pre-surgery, but which I made in under ten minutes today.)

Possibly a third major milestone? I am actually feeling pride in my accomplishments. Granted, I could never have done it without the surgery, but I'm allowed to take a little responsibility, right?

So I suck at this surgery thing lately, but I've gained inspiration in the past few days. For example, I managed to knock back a shot of protein without throwing up earlier, although it was a close call. My bestest friend gave me one of those old-lady-style pill boxes with not just seven boxes, but 28 - four for each day of the week, which is perfect for the schedule I'm (supposed to be) on. I filled the boxes with my pills, although a majority of my "pills" are really liquid and so didn't go in the box so well. I intend to get more pills or chewables next time I'm at the supplement store. Liquids do not work so well for me.

I'm down to 335, which puts me at 67 pounds down from my highest weight.

And this clearly isn't a political blog nor is it the place to talk about politics, but it bears repeating that being able to say "President-elect Obama" is like, the best thing to ever happen. I'm going to go ahead and claim that I am motivated to say that in this blog because his election has vastly contributed to my emotional well-being these pat few days, and that it's possible to skew it in such a way that the promise of a new administration is what inspired me to stop failing. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

But seriously, Obama rules.

I think this whole process would be a heckuva lot easier if I wasn't trying to do it at the same time as being a student. I'm in the middle of midterms right now, and it is really hard to maintain a normal schedule with food and vitamins and stuff while also working on papers 5-8 hours a day in addition to 3 hours of class and my job. I guess I should keep in mind that other people have busy schedules too and still pull this off.

I'm supposed to go the gym every day, but midterms have ruled that out this whole past week. Usually food for the day consists of grabbing a SF Protein bar on my way out the door, grabbing a coffee at some point during the early afternoon, and then maybe remembering to eat something when I get home around 6:00 or 7:00 pm. I suck at protein in general.

I'm going to do better though. I did not go through all this just to screw it up. The protein is the hardest part, but everything else is going to come together. I just have to get into a routine. Maybe if I keep saying that, I'll actually do it.

Forgive the rampant pessimism. Midterms do this to me. O_o

Getting sick must be the fastest way ever to lose weight. I'm down to 344, which is like, 10 pounds in just over a week. Kinda ridiculous. Nearly 60 pounds gone, though. I may take a new picture soon, even though I'm still not sure it's made a huge difference in my looks.

Also, I need to remember not to go shopping when I'm hungry. I bought a lot of food today. I tried really hard to only get things that would last a while, either that I could freeze or make and refridgerate leftovers. And I'm getting the hang of what I can tolerate and what I can't, and there are a lot more foods available to me that I thought would be out, like tomatoes and cheese.

At my 4-week followup on Friday, I weighed in: 354. That puts me down about 48 pounds from my heaviest and about 18 since surgery. I'm happy with that, I suppose. Except that I'm betting most of that weight came from my boobs. :( But the comments have started coming, that I look great, etc.

Not much else to update on since last post. I am allowed to start swimming though, so I might do that one of these days. Oh, and apparently I'm allowed to take pills again in a month or two! That's going to make my life so much freaking easier! Can't wait!

Yesterday was my one-month surgiversary. In an ironic turn of events, I got accosted by a group of preschool kids while waiting at the bus stop. Upon seeing me there, one three year old boy pointed at me and said quite loudly "that lady's fat!" which of course led to the subsequent pointing and whispering of the entire gaggle of twenty children. Oy.

In other news, things are going all right, I suppose. I think I eat too much, although I still have to make a conscious effort to make myself stop, even after I start to feel full. I definitely am not doing a great job getting my vitamins in, although I do now take at least my multi every day, as well as my D and B-12 most days, since that's what I was deficient in from the beginning. My energy isn't too bad, all things considering. I feel like I'm improving, at least. I walked to work last week and even though the 1.5-mile trip did wear me out, and did take a bit longer than I would have liked, I made it. I've also made plans to go to the gym on weekdays with my friend, so that should be good, right?

I still haven't the slightest clue how much I've lost. I guess I'll find out at my appointment on Friday, though.