Sarah C.

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It's been too long.  Far, far too long. 

I'm not going to give excuses.  I'm depressed and ashamed because i'm letting my depression get to me.  I have chronic headaches and I've not been exercising.  My foods haven't been the best and I've been stalled.  It's all on me. 

I went for my 6 month check up the day after my 32nd birthday and they said I was doing great!  I was at 60% excess weight loss and that usually people are at 50% at their 6 month check.  I've not had any major complications aside from gas and nausea..and depression.  So I've had the doctor change my meds...again.  and they aren't working so we did this special DNA test but I've not got the results.  blah blah.

So, here I am.  four weeks from my brother's wedding and I'm in the bridal party, of course.  I'm so nervous.  I'm succeeding at something that I've never succeeded at in my entire life and I'm not sure how to handle it.  I've never weighed this little.  I've never fit into a size 12 (did I mention that?? i started at a 22 and am into a size 12 now) and i realized today that I've lost twice as much weight as I have left to lose.  If I can lose 70+ I can lose 35.  i CAN do this. 

Which brings me back to OH.  I need to see other people who have succeeded who have previously not succeeded as much as they are now.  YOU are my inspiration.  and I want to be someone else's inspiration. 

Learning to love myself has been the biggest challenge of this WHOLE thing.  If I can do that...I really can succeed at anything.

So anyway, i'm back!  :D  I'll try to check in more than once every two months as I KNOW this gathering place will help me on my journey.  I just have to utilize every single tool available to me for success. 

Maybe it should be "The truth is the matter" but that's far too deep for me to consider at 6:15 this morning. 

 

I'm having issues.  I could say I'm having issues with food, with my new diet, with my new body, with my boyfriend, with my family...but what I'd really be saying is...I'm having issues with myself and I'm placing blame everywhere else and that's not fair to anyone including me.

 

This is the most insecure I've felt in a really, really long time.  I think I'm going through the phase of "man, this is real.  i'm succeeding at something" and I get to this point and then suddenly i'm like...whoa, must self sabotage because I am not worth succeeding.  Yes, that is my problem.  I don't think I'm worth it.  Now, please don't comment with things like "you're totally worth it" because you think that's what I need to hear.  it's nice, don't get me wrong, and I DO appreciate it.  but I'm the one that needs to tell myself that, not everyone else.  In my head, hearing it from everyone else just makes it that much harder because I have put myself into this mental place where no matter what people say, my internal chatterbox twists it around and makes it a complete and total lie.  Example:  Boyfriend sends text at 2:55 this morning and says "Sorry I didn't say goodnight.  phone died.  Jess (his ex who is in a long term relationship) called with an emergency and I didn't get home until 245.  I'll call you later and tell you about it.  it's very bad."  Now...this could be anything!!  but what does my head do??  My head twists this into "Sorry I didn't say good night.  I didn't get home until 245 because I was out fucking another girl.  I'm only saying I'll call to tell you about the "emergency" because I want it to be a believable story so you won't know the truth."  What has he done to deserve this sort of doubt? Nothing. at least not that I'm aware. but I shouldn't even say that! yet...I do. and then I wonder....will I be like this with everyone I date? Because if so, THEY are better off without me.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?  and it's like this with EVERYTHING.  My boss tells me I'm doing a great job but she wants to take things off my plate because I'm overloaded and I think its because she wants to learn my job since i'm the only one that knows a lot of what I do and she's going to fire me because I'm not good at what I do.  I was fucking employee of the year in 2011...the first one EVER. 

I am currently the lowest weight I remember.  Period.  I've lost more than half my excess body weight and yet, because I've stalled, I'm a failure.  I'm going to the gym.  I'm getting in much of my protein.  I'm having issues with sweets and veggies...no different than before, but I KNOW that is the self sabotage.  Did I mention I haven't eaten dinner since Saturday?  It's wednesday.  I have a shake for breakfast (that's how I get in much of my protein) and likely a lean cuisine for lunch, if that.  I had peanut butter on sunday and I was so nauseated, watching a carousel on TV gave me motion sickness.  I had to turn away. 

I'm not asking "why did I do this??" I'm asking "Why did I think I was worth it in the first place?"  and why is it so damned hard to find a reason to consider myself "worth it."  I have nothing to show for my life.  truly.  I have no kids, am not married, have a cop out degree, a dead end job, am bankrupt and have no confidence to change any of it. 

I used to have to say "Yes, I took a breath.  That is success."  and follow that up with "Yes, I took another breath.  Two successes in a row."  now....I tell myself "Wow stupid, breathing is involuntary.  You can't count that as success." 

first step, they say, is admitting you have a problem.  I have a problem.  I need to fix it.  I can't be ashamed of it.  I've suffered from depression for a LONG LONG time and sometimes what was working no longer does. 

Side note:  my new blu ray player is wifi and has a yoga channel.  maybe i should start doing that.  it may help with my stress levels.  I simply can't deal with anything at this point. 

I am strong.  I am beautiful.  I am lost and don't know where to find the non-broken person I am.  I don't even know where to begin.  I thought this surgery would help me find that person, and maybe i am on the right road, but this stage is just a slight detour. 

I need goals.  something to work towards.  something all my own.  I don't want to set myself up for failure, but I don't want to cheat myself, either, and set goals that are too low or too easily achievable.  I had one goal.  get to 170 before my 32nd birthday which is in 4 weeks.  it WAS 10.6 lbs.  now it's 11.8.  why did i go up?? and is my stomach growling or is it gas?  I can't tell anymore. 

and now I ask....anyone else experiencing complete and total chaos with emotions?? I swear i'm worse than a pregnant woman. 

which reminds me...I obviously am not succeeding at life because I can't even take a pregnancy test and get a result.  positive OR negative.  who does that?! Me obviously.  I'm on the depo shot and haven't had a period (well, one) in over 24 months.  the odds of me getting pregnant are very slim...

 

I'm such an emotional wreck.  Guess I'll hit the forums and see about major depression striking after surgery. 

Well, it's happened.  "Man, this must be really hard for you." he says...."What's that?" I ask.  "This thanksgiving potluck and all this food."  was his response.  "Not really," I say, "I organized the pot luck.  I have a food plan.  I'm good."  and it's TRUE! 

I don't need your food pity.  So little smokies probably weren't the optimal choice, but of what was available, it was the BEST choice.  I had a few of those, some cheese, and some sliced genoa salami.  I had one chip with some salsa.  and yes, I even had a BITE of two of the 6 different desserts we had.  Do I feel guilty?  Nope, a little nauseated b/c one was Peanut Butter Fudge (anyone have a SF recipe for that!?) and even though I ate less than half a tablespoon of that and less than half a tablespoon of some pineapple pie thing, they look at me like I'm some giant sinner.  Look.  It's about control.  Sure, i've got issues with cookies (which haven't reappeared by the way!) and now I know I can't have peanut butter fudge and I can't have whatever the pie was.  Fine, it's OKAY!  I focused on my proteins first and foremost.  Then I'm having water.  Really.  I'm GOOD.  Oh, then he tried to tell me that I should eat baby food because that really helped him bulk up when he was in college.  Um, hello. I'm trying to LOSE WEIGHT not bulk up!  Silly!  He's just trying to help, though, and I appreciate that.

 

I'm looking forward to the deviled eggs.  I make them every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve.  I normally would've made them for the pot luck, but have had a cold and didn't want to give it to anyone else.  I know they like it when I share, but NOT germs. 

So anyway.  that's where I stand.  Black Friday List:  New bra, potentially a new pair of jeans, new sheets, and MAYBE a surround sound system for the living room, but if not that, at least a BluRay player so I don't have to constantly move from one room to the other. 

Things are going okay with the boy, I think.  Anxiety level is way higher than it should be, but it's been so long since I've been in a relationship EVERYTHING affects me.  But he understands that I got burned bad last time so I'm skeptical and second guess everything, especially myself.  But it seems every time we hang out, I lose weight.  Could it be because I'm too anxious to eat in front of him or because we have a lot of..um...fun.  ;)

Seriously though...10 lbs so far this month.  That's good, right?  about a pound every two days?  Far more than I could've hoped for, I assure you, especially after last month. 

that's all.  Love to all! 

*hugs*

Sarah x

Yes, I did just use the "C" word.  I have a problem and I need help.  My coworkers keep bringing cookies, today they had 50 cupcakes because we had 4 birthdays.  Chocolate chip cookies, no bake cookies with peanut butter, sugar cookies with little candy corn turkeys on them.  WTF PEOPLE!? 

I can't lie.  I've had cookies.  and i need to STOP.  I'm 10 weeks out and I'm having frigging cookies?  I had this surgery to change not just my life but my life STYLE as well. 

Melting Mama posted on FB the other day that 2 extra saltines a day equals a pound of gained weight in a year.  What if i have a cookie a day!?  THEN where I am I??

Here's the issue...I've been "testing" to see what I can eat without causing dumping syndrome but...I'm not sure what dumping syndrome is!  I thought maybe I'd have a wicked upset stomach or start throwing up, but neither has happened.  I have some nausea, but i get that if I eat too fast. 

Yesterday, I moved the bloody cookies to a desk that I don't see every time I walk down the hall.  And I've asked them to please not bring cookies.  Oh, they had halloween candy so I thought, hey I'll bring in some sugar free so I can still feel like I'm part of the group....made me feel like a giant pile of POO!  Seriously.  The only other thing that I've eaten that has made me feel that bad is....well, I had a bite of a cupcake at a 6 year old's birthday party and THAT was bad.  She kept insisting, though.  hard to tell a 6 year old no when she's trying to give you a cupcake.  and I daren't teach her the word "diet" because I do NOT want to be blamed for any complexes she may have when she gets older. 

I resisted the cupcakes today (since I had such an awful experience with the 6 year old) and I feel okay about that, but...not the rest of it.  No. More. Cookies.  No more SCREWUPS.  Not now. 

Riddle me this, though, Batman...why is it so easy for me to decide to eat a cookie when I start CRYING over whether I should eat a lean cuisine or just skip dinner??  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 

Food is the devil. 

PS: I think that guy and I from several blogs ago, even presurgery ones, are officially together.  and I find out on Thursday if/why my uterus is screwed up and causing me A) not to have periods and B) not to be able to have kids. Probably won't find out anything, but hanging with a 6-year old at Chuck E Cheese (No, I didn't eat pizza, I had a muscle milk!) made me wish I had a kid of my own to yell at when they would be doing things they aren't supposed to do. oh well. that's a WHOLE different blog.

Pizza Out!

Sarah x

I'm two months out from RNY and i've been having pain just under my rib cage on the right side, typically after I eat. It's not the same kind of pain that I get if I eat too fast or don't chew well enough, it's over to the side and different. I've been dealing with the intermittent pain for about a week and a half now, but yesterday I also started having pain in my lower right side.

When I went to my pre-op, my surgeon said he and my abdomen are married. If anything needs to be done to my abdomen, he's the one to do it. I completely get that. But how do I know if what I have going on requires a bariatric surgeon to look at it? I feel dumb for calling my doc because what if it is something stupid like gas pain? (again, this pain is different and I can make it worse by pushing on the area.)

I'm just afraid he's going to think I'm extra paranoid about these pains, but I don't know what I don't know and it's frustrating me. I don't want to be one of "those patients" that calls for every little thing, but I also want to make sure I see someone who knows what's going on post-surgery. Also, I haven't called for anything since my first week post-op.

I guess working in the medical field has me over-thinking this whole thing about how doctor's think about their patients. I KNOW how doctors and nurses are, though; even though they SHOULDN'T think about their patients as nuisances, but they do.

Well, I thought I was doing really good with the sugar thing, but today I came in to work and BAM! there was a whole huge bowl of Reese's Pieces, Reese's peanut butter cups, Fast Breaks, etc. 

Reese's Pieces and I have a history.  And now we have a new chapter. 

I won't lie.  I've been trying "sweets" a little at a time because I don't know what to expect from dumping syndrome.  BUT i've not had ANYTHING huge.  I've had two of the little bite size hershey bars, a smaller than bite size snickers and even a blow pop!  I've even had a few bites of chocolate chip cookie.

however...today...I may have gone too far.  I've had TWO individual bags of Reese's Pieces AND a chocolate chip cookie!!

So now I feel like total crap.  and I think I've learned my lesson.  maybe not entirely learned it, as sometimes it takes a time or two for it to stick, but i've been here 3 hours and I've felt like crap for 3 hours.  I even felt bad BEFORE the snacks, so yeah.  I've since had a couple of crackers and some cheese to settle my stomach.

We'll see how it goes.

So much for tempting fate.  Note to self:  can't eat reese's pieces and a cookie or I'll feel like poo. 

and DUDE it is HOT in here.  ugh! I have my fan on high, the hall fan going, drinking ice water andi'm in light clothes.  next  - the shoes come off.

I shouldn't feel so hot since I'm losing weight - Less insulation and all.

maybe i just need to go home.  that sounds like a really good idea. 

Love to all
Sarah x

Wow, what happened to the last 20 days?? Well, truth be told, I've been busy with personal and professional things. 

I used to air out all my negative work shit on Twitter, then I was found by one of the most "perfect employees" and I had to stop.  Maybe I'll come here and do it....

I've been very very stressed at work.  I finally told my lady boss that i absolutely could not STAND my male boss.  I'm not one to have issues with authority figures, but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!  This man thinks his penis gives him all the power in the world!  Dude, you are NOT harry potter and it is NOT a magic wand! 

So, naturally he's been walking on eggshells around me and I've been ignoring him as much as possible.  Sorry dude, I am not your bitch.  Put your big boy shorts on and deal with it! Find someone who is under educated, has little to no work experience and has no clue what they are doing to do your grunt work.  It's much cheaper and the job still gets done!  Ooh!

(so I just ate my dinner...whoa. too fast.  eat while angry  = pain and nausea)

Enough about him.  Oh they fired someone else at the office.  Now granted, she was calling in two out of three days a week (part time employee) and that was putting several of us behind, but I feel bad to a point b/c she was/is my friend.  She hasn't said anything to me since she got fired, even though I HAVE reached out to her, but NOT about work. 

I had my six week check last week and am down 23% of my excess body weight.  I found a dress that is HOT HOT HOT that I want (think Julia Roberts black lace cocktail dress) and I think I'm going to get it and wear it to my company christmas party.  I'm just not sure what size to get.  Our party is between 6 and 8 weeks away, still.  but I LOVE it!  okay Link: http://www.dressbarn.com/detail/scalloped-lace-dress/101151279/956

I've NEVER WANTED to buy a dress.  EVER!  it's a completely foreign feeling to me, but I really think I'll enjoy it.  They have it in women's and misses, so maybe I'll have a choice as to which I can get.  I'm thinking maybe aiming for a size 12/14.  I'm in a large top and 16/18 pant right now, depending on the cut and how long I've worn them! 

I'm nearly ready to take my 8 week photos (not til next week) but i'm interested to see how things have changed.  I am starting to feel a little "squishy" in areas that were previously "firm" but that's what happens when you lose FAT! I'll take the squishy if I'm weighing less than I have!

I've been doing physical therapy 3 x a week for the last few weeks and walking two other days a week, but i'm really struggling with exercise.  walking has gotten BORING!  If I have a television show to watch (only on my Kindle as I don't have cable) then it's not AS bad, but I've been dealing with a ton of buffering lately which ticks me off. 

I went to an Arkansas Razorback Football game!  GO HOGS!  and I got to go with Kaitlin my future sister in law.  It was her first game and it got FLOODED!  Literally they had to call the game with 5:08 left in the 3rd quarter because weather was SO BAD!  they'd already done one delay, but then this little thing called a TORNADO hit about 20 minutes north of the stadium.  Yeah, time to pack up and hit the road!  You know it's bad when you're driving down the highway and you're running neck and neck with a storm chaser.  I didn't follow them, though it was SO hard for me not to do so!

Last Friday I went to the St. Louis Cardinals game 5 of the NLCS with my DAD!  I love spending time with dad and that's all I'll say about that because inevitably I start crying when I think about how much i love that man.  He's like...the perfect dad.  He's ALWAYS there for me, my brother, my mom, his mom, whoever.  I'm so freaking blessed to have him as my dad!  And my mom....holy cow, if you guys even KNEW how blessed I am.  I should've realized that when times were bad for me....it seemed as though nothing could pull me back from that edge, but my dogs did. 

okay, new subject b/c I'm tearing up. 

What else...Hmm.  I'm getting the hang of eating different things.  lean cuisines are definitely my go-to these days.  I think I'm going to wear this new rust colored top and black slacks on Wednesday.  We've got a very important meeting with a client and he's been very supportive of my surgery, so I'd like to show him that his support hasn't gone unnoticed. 

Oh! and I'll post pictures of the girls at their halloween party. 

For now, i'm off to listen to game 7.  GO CARDS!  And sorry i've been MIA.  I'll try to do better.  it's just been busy.

Love to all!
Sarah x

Well, Tomorrow is my 4 week mark.  I'm down 15.8 (or something) since surgery.  I'm a little frustrated with that number.  I was hoping it would be more, but I keep getting stuck, then I lose a pound get  stuck, lose a pound...etc. 

It's been an interesting few days for me!  Let's see....I last blogged on the 26th.  To be honest, I don't even remember what day that was.

we'll start with today.  Today I had physical therapy to help me settle these dizzy spells I've been having for about 2 months.  It was my first full session.  I had my testing on Friday.  Naturally, I didn't have a dizzy spell then or today, but maybe tomorrow.  I don't care if they happen while I'm there, just care they GO AWAY! 

work was frustrating.  I really think I'm done with that place.  I really like my coworkers, but this one boss HAS GOT TO GO!  He doesn't DO anything.  Okay, he does...he delegates EVERYTHING.  (sorry guys, this next comment may offend)  and the ONLY reason he's in the position he's in is because he has a PENIS! Think I'm kidding?  I'm not.  This is the same boss I spoke of earier that wasn't going to approve my time off.  And the other boss that got shifted to a different position is leaving on Friday!!  I'm CRUSHED! He was really good for our business.  He'd listen and he knew it was the EMPLOYEES that kept the business going.  But...with a little luck, some prayers, and a little faith, maybe he'll ask me to transfer with him to his new company.  So, fingers crossed for me, eh??  

Last night I had my first Girl Scout meeting!  I did girl scouts for years growing up, It really helped mould me (yes, that's the british spelling!) into who I am.  I hope I can finally give back to the group that helped me become who I am.  i get to work with one of my best friends and her daughter, plus the other troop girls.  I'm 'co-leader' which essentially means I'm just there for moral support, but really, i don't mind.  I can sing and play and do dorky things and she can be the heavy!  it'll be good. 

I've got more to tell, i'm sure, but even as I sit here at my laptop on the kitchen table finishing my tuna, i'm getting eaten alive by mosquitos!  have I told you how much I hate them??  and how allergic I am? I've got three bites on my neck alone.  Not cool.

Oh! NSV for me - I'm up to 1.5 miles on the treadmill in less than 30 mins, and I've even done some RUNNING!  Minimal...about 30 seconds, then I walk a couple of minutes, then I run 30 seconds, then I walk a couple minutes, repeat.  but hopefully soon i'll be able to run a mile!  like....RUN it. Or just jog it.  I'm happy with whatever. :)  

anyway, i'm getting away from the PC and am going to lay down.  PT has worn me out, made me nauseated but NOT dizzy. haha

Love to all! 
Sarah x

PS:  I'll post before, two week and one month photos tomorrow I think.  ;) 

I'm struggling right now.

Although I've been switched to soft foods, that doesn't make the longing for other foods any easier. Today at the office, we had a business meeting for which lunch was catered.  What did they have?  Chick-Fil-A.  And, as tradition stands, if there is still food remaining after the business folk get their lunch, then the rest of us vultures swoop in and snag the rest of it. 

Only....I can't be a vulture anymore.  They have nuggets, fries, cookies, brownies, salad and coleslaw (fortunately THAT doesn't tempt me).  Not to mention sweet tea!

And so now I'm wanting to cry because....i want chick fil a.  I just want a nugget or two.  But I know I can't because of it being fried.  

Last night my doc had a great support group meeting and some of the other post op folks that were there were talking about how they've had these really strong feelings of "oh my gosh what have I done?" and ...I haven't.  I DID have the "am I sure this is the right decision" minutes before I went under the knife, but I've not really had the other thought process...at least that I remember.  But right now....I'm definitely having it.  I'm struggling with the fact that I could be having fried chicken nuggets and sweet chocolate brownies and chocolate chip cookies, not to mention BBQ sauce and fries, with sweet tea to wash it down. 

I tried reviewing my few photos of my physical changes since my surgery, but its only been three weeks so A) there aren't many photos and B) i'm not that different.  I shouldn't expect a HUGE change, but it just adds salt to the wound, I guess.

So I decided I was going to go on a walk outside because it was very fried food smelling in here and I was getting more and more depressed by the minute because I couldn't have any of the chick fil a, but then it started pouring.  Talk about raining on my parade, eh? 

I'm already struggling with eating enough and getting in my liquids.  But I am at least able to take three or four good swallows from my water bottle and not get ill or feel overly full, so that helps me catch up. 

I don't know.  i'm just venting, i guess.  Food shouldn't have such a dramatic hold over me.  *I* should be in control of the food, not the other way around.  Food is inanimate.  Food is fuel, not a friend.  at least...not anymore. 

I also think I would be felling less emotional if I would've dropped more on the scales.  I'm only down to 221.8 from 236.4 when I had surgery.  14.5 lbs in three weeks is great, but...what if I should be losing more but am not because I'm doing something wrong? 

Oh wait.  I am.

exercise. 

I hate walking on the treadmill as it is, but its been raining, or I've thrown out my back, or I've been nauseated...it's always something!

I just need to do it.  I've done everything else.  Why is this one little thing holding me back??  I have 3 weeks until my next doctor's appointment.  three weeks.  it would be nice if I could drop another 15 in that time period.  Think that's realistic?  I don't know.  I've never done this before (and I don't plan to do it again!  This is my ONE shot at permanent lifestyle change for a happier, healthier me!) so I don't know what is "normal" weight loss.  They say I'll lose the bulk of my weight within the first 6 - 9 months, but at what rate?  If i have 88-90 lbs left to lose, that's more than 10 lbs a month at 9 months since I'm already 3 weeks in. 

Oh well.  Enough ranting and moaning.  Someone DID say it was Wine Wednesday....but I don't think they meant WHINE wednesday. 

PS: I just ate a cracker.  OMG it was delicious.  yay salt!

So my entire life I've always been able to eat just about anything in almost any quantity.  I could have two large plates of spaghetti before getting "full" plus I'd drink a glass or two of milk with it.  Only then would I be miserable from overeating.  Three or four pieces of pizza?  no problem! 

But today is a new day. 

Last night I went to the store with my mom (as a food babysitter! and to help me carry things) and I swear I spent $44 on cheese and dairy.  I got shredded cheese, string cheese, one oz cheese pieces.  I got yogurt, milk and spray butter.  I wanted to get cottage cheese, but they were out of the one I buy.  Eggs and thin sliced turkey!  It was nice buying real food.  We looked at the sugar content of everything.  I'd been approved for protein bars, too, but they have WAY too much sugar!  Atkins were the best with 1g or less of sugar, but they had crap for flavors and everything had nuts which I can't yet have.  Going to see if I can make my own somehow or hit the healthfood stores to see if they have better options.

So!  okay here's where my new dilemma comes in to play. 

I just made myself a one egg omlette with two pieces of thinly sliced turkey and a smattering of shredded cheese.  I took about 15 minutes to eat....a THIRD of what I made.  I know I'm new to the eating thing and part of me is still tentative about eating too much, too fast and throwing up, but....I don't know if I got full! 

I'm not hungry as it is, so I've not got anything to compare it to once I DO get full.  The only kind of "full" I've ever known is miserable and often I kept eating until I actually felt that. 

I didn't get my liquids in yesterday.  A 3-hour nap knocked a big hole in my drinking time, so today I have to focus focus focus!  BUT I got up at 11.  and I ate...so now....I have to wait 30 minutes (still have about 15 to go) and then I guess I have to "chug" the rest of the day. 

What a learning process.  I mean really...this is crazy. 

Oh, and that weird little feeling I get from either my new or my old stomach....yeah, i was laughing at it so hard last night I think it was literally driving me crazy.  I've not had kids, but i can only imagine that it felt like a baby kicking.  What the heck is that?!  and of course, I tried to tell my Mom about it and she, too, thought I was crazy.

Yes, I went to my folks' house last night.  Yes, I know what the doctor said about secondhand smoke.  No, I don't want an ulcer.  But NO, i'm NOT willing to give up my support system!  I'll not spend as much time there while I'm healing, i'll grant the doctor that much.  And NO, i'm not typically the rebellious type, but....this is something that I won't budge on.  They are my family.  I'm NOT giving them up.  They are willing to make changes for me by smoking outside instead of in.  Over time, if they always smoke outside instead of in, then the nicotine will likely fade inside.  They may not want to quit and frankly, if I've been unable to convince them to do so MY ENTIRE LIFE, then it is unlikely one bitch out from a doctor that isn't theirs is going to make any difference.

I wish they would quit though.  Now that I'm getting healthy and may be able to have kids, I want my folks around to be able to see them grow up and graduate, get married and all that.  I love my family.  I'd hate to lose them to something that is preventable.