shananignz
THERES SOME SWEARING IN THIS STORY. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED...
OK, so this story actually starts about 20 years ago. When I was six or seven I had my tonsils taken out. Now anyone who has ever had this done knows how much ass it sucks. Until that point I was slim, taking after my mother. The weeks that followed my little surgery I was only allowed to have ice cream, popsicles, shit like that. Until that point I hadn't really eaten things like that. But it seems like it was something my body craved, and it held onto every single little freakin calorie it could get it grubby little paws on. Damn body. So that's when it started.
So fast forward a could of years. I'm 10 and all I can really remember about this age is my mother telling me that if I could lose 10 pounds this lady that she worked with was going to take me shopping. At 10 years old I was 110 pounds. Yeah. Some of those anorexic bitches out there now have never weighed that much, but here I was..110 pounds at 10 years old. We could never figure out why though. We lived on a 100 acre piece of land and I was constantly off running around when I wasn't in school. I didn't eat a lot. In fact I didn't really eat anything, because I was going through that whole, "Ewwww you cooking sucks Mom!" phase, but the pounds just kept loading themselves onto my ever widening frame. A couple of months later I got a very drastic hair cut. Holy shit, why oh why did I ever let Mom talk me into doing this?! To say it was short was an understatement. Back then the only females that had hair that short were lesbians, or people who had and lost a battle with a weedwhacker.(or they had mothers who thought it was a good idea......) So anygoddamnmyhairwasshort, I got this done, and maybe two weeks later we moved. New town. New school. New assholes to conquer. I walked into my first day of school, halfway through the year, into my new fifth grade class ready to be happy with all my new friends. Uhhhhhhhhhh.....how do I say this......yeah fuckin right! I walked in and heard someone say"I thought we were getting a new girl?? Whats with the boy?" DAMN YOU SHORT HAIR....and body frame of an obese 11 year old boy.
Fast forward a couple more years to middle school. Cutler Middle School, or as I like to call it, douchbag central. My hair had grown out, but unfortunatly, so had I. I was bigger then ever. But why???? To this day I still don't understand. I played sports, rode my bike everywhere, I EVEN WORKED OUT WHEN I GOT HOME FROM SCHOOL. Have you ever heard of a young teenager who wasn't a pagent or model wannabe working out on her own???? Fuck no. So sometime during 6th grade I got labeled with a nickname. A nickname to end all nicknames. Some incredibly clever and oh so witty motherfucker I went to school with decided to call me Barney. I don't need to tell anyone out there who Barney is. Yes, so he called me Barney. And oh boy did it stick. Jesus christ, did it stick. For 3 years, I was teased unmercifully. I was tripped, spit on, beat up, pushed around, and generally tormented. The only good thing that came out of my sentence at Douchbag Central was I met my best friend. She's actually a sister to me, an Aunt to my kids, a sounding board, a movie and TV quoting guru, a husband bashing, a drinking partner, a bad joke sharing, her playing DOOM3 and me hiding behind a pillow gamer, all around awesome person. If I hadn't met her I don't know what I would have done. Plus to think of all the chaos we would have missed causing. Oy!!
Alright so now were in High School. I was never, ever one of the cool kids. I was never one of those anorexic being, pill popping, blow job givin, boyfriend with a cool car that he doesn't want you to know actually belongs to his older cooler brother havin, sit with me at lunch and we'll talk about glitter and ponies type of gal. Fine by me. I had my group of fat asses like me, geeks, freaks, nerds, weirdos, and those that couldn't be catagorized. The only thing that was changing on a constant basis was my weight. I still played sports, worked out every freakin day(I could do 200 sit up in about 3 minutes!), ate reletivly healthy but my weight gain was out of control. It was like a freight train that couldn't stop. I was in a size 22-24 jean by the time I was 17. I wore big baggy clothes, which of course didn't help, but I didn't care all that much. I had my friends. Fuck the rest.
Here I am, 27 and until a while ago, at a crossroads. Then I met some random person whose name I couldn't ever freakin guess. She told me she had gastric bypass surgery and had lost 250 lbs. Bam. Sold. So almost 2 years from that day I have an appt. on April 21st of 2009 to have lap band surgery done. It's kinda a last resort for me. I've done the pills, the patches, and special diets, and expensive and extensive personal trainers. I've had more gym memberships then I can keep track of. I've done South Beach, Atkins, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, and Smartones. So now I'm takin it took a different level. If this doesn't work then the next step it a machete taken to all my fat stores to see what happens. Wish me luck
