Erica Perez

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Hello everyone!

I think the last time i was on here was right before i was supposed to have my wls surgery....and yes that is correct...did not go through with it!...Had one experience after another one on the day of...and im truly blessed to still be alive and that i did not go through with it at all...i know its been about 5 months but i have to say...im doing better than ever!!!! although i didnt have wls as planned...i still went ahead and lost the weight on my own...to date i've lost 66 lbs!!!.....went from 305lbs to 239lbs...and im just so proud of myself. I sincerely believe that this experience was just a push..or i should say more of scare to get me motivated and loose this weight on my own...i been eating healthier and excersicing much more...up to 6 times a week...i feel much more happier and extremely energetic...and most important HEALTHIER! best of luck to everyone and hope that everyones journey has been successful!

Its finally hitting me that by this time tomorrow, i will be doing my final preparations for surgery. Im scheduled for 7:30am and boy am i anxious but oh so excited. I feel like things are finally falling into place for me and im so ready to see what is yet to come.

I am scared though, i keept thinking about what if something goes wrong. These past two weeks I been making sure to tell everyone who matters to me, just how i feel. I've gone out of my way to mend a few friendship that i been so uncertain about, was able to re-connect with an flame and most importantly i was able to just forgive and let go of all the pain...If this were to be it...i just want to make sure i had the chance to say exactly how i felt...with out any restraints. But although i may think and feel like this is it...my heart tells me that i still have many years to live and i know and i am hopeful that everything will turn out wonderfully...

so until then OH family....the next time i blog...i'll be on the loser's bench...yay!!! cant wait! love you guys and thanks for all you've done to make this transition easier!

So as you all know I went in for my labwork and endoscopy yesterday and i was in disbelief on how un-organized this freakin hospital was. The previous day i called to confirm that I had to be there @ 8:30 in the morning becuase of course i dont live any where near by...i actually live about two hours away...so of course i had to figure out what time to wake up, travel time etc...and i thought that was a perfect time since i had to be there on an empty stomach. So i show up and admissions takes me in and thery were like you are way too early...so i was like ok..what do you mean because i actually thought i  showed up late...well it turns out that they moved my appointment from 8:30 to 3pm....I was so upset because how could i stay there that long with out any liquids period and on top of that..no one called me to confirm with me the change. They said they did and made it seem like i was liying. I was like how am i going to lie about this cuz i woke up too damn early to be here!!!....its bad enough i cant eat but now i couldnt eat or drink..that was some BS. And to make things worse...my friend,,who was so sweet in taking me...couldnt stay there because she took her baby and no baby is going to last 8 plus hours in a hospital..i tell ya! anyhow, i called my surgeons office to see what the heck happened and supposively there was a misunderstanding...and told me they would take me in right away....YEA RIGHT! i wen tin right away but i was still there for like 4 hours more before they did anything...and the only reason they took me in when they did was because i was about to walk...and the reason i was about to do that was because the guy that is in charge of the outpatient department was saying some inappropiate crap. He was saying how impatient i was, that all mexicans were like that and so so forth...and he didnt realize that i could hear him. So when i told him "EXCUSE ME??? what is yor problem?" he only replied "Oh you apeak & understand English??? oh well??" what kind of crap was that...i was so pisse off...everyone in thatr hospital was so damn rude...i so wanted to punch someones face yesterday...uuggh! Not a good experience at all...and i couldnt drink anyting til i got home..which was 5 pm....it was awful! and im feeling it today...geez! I jus thope that my experience isnt as horrible as yesterday once i go into surgery...im worried now!

So i have to get up @ 5am tomorrow to get to my endoscipy/lab work appointment tomorrow at 8:30...2 hour drive..ouch! Im a lil nervous because i dont know what to expect and on top of that...tomorrow marks the one week mark before surgery...so im getting anxious, nervous, excited, scared....mix feelings...goodness!

This past Monday I started my liquid diet and at first it was a breeze but man oh man it was harder towards the middle of the week because i was so hungry...i just wanted some refular food, even if it meant that i had to eat beans and rice..which sound pretty good right about now..lol. But Friday, I noticed something...i was so amazingly please....i had bought these pair of jeans a week ago for my final dinner gathering and at the time of purchase they were just a perfect fit...and on friday they were way too big...i was so socked...even my stomach doesnt look as big...i had the tummy that look like i was pregnant but now it wasnt as big...i feel like im shrinking with this liquid diet..and so tomorrow i start my second week and soon after its surgery time...is coming by so fast.

Also, Friday my boyfriend shared some disturbing news with me. He told me he didnt want me to go through surgery...that he cant stand the idea of me going thorugh this and basically he knows im leaving him. and that he wasnt going to support me on this at all...that really made me feel shitty but you know what i had to make myself understand and i told him that i respected his opinion but i didnt really care what he thought becuase what ever him or anyone else thinks...this is my choice...my body...my life..and i was having it!
I do have to say im a bit disappointed because from all people i thought he would understand the most but honestly this relationship is doomed regardless of surgery or not...we have had many problems and i dont see it going any where....so we will see what happens after surgery. But as far as I know...my wedding is off...which is fine by me

On another note...i been getting so much attention from other guyswhich is so funny cuz i havent even had surgery or lost drastic weight...i think it has to do with the attitude that i been having lately...i been changing myself little by little..taking actual care of myself, taking time to look nice...and unexpectatnly im being acknowledged...lol..anyhow, Tuesday I go in for endoscopy and lab work and before you know it im will having surgery...i cant wait!!!!

Let start by saying that Im so blessed to have 3 of the most beautiful, loving and brightest kids!! They make a girl feel like the best mom ever. Both my oldest kids gave me hand made mother's day card and hand made picture frames with their pictures on it...and the best part was that it all came from them...hearing them tell me happy mothers day...as for the youngest, she some how figured it out and said happy mommy to me...aaawww! It was so awesome!

The whole day was just great.....spent needed time with my dad and my brothers before i start preparing for the surgery....and also one of my cousin with her kids and her parents showed up...it was so sweet of them to just come and spend time with me...it meant a lot....we bbq'd and ate tons of yummy food..

and let me tell you...im all fooded out..he he! i literally pigged out Friday, Saturday and today...i went all out...and got wasted friday and saturday and had the opportunity to spend time with all my loved ones....

and even though this was a happy/excited weekend...just an hour ago it just hit me...what if this might be my last mothers day?? I know i should even start think this way but i couldnt help it...i literally broke down and cried when my son, who is autistic suddenly came up to me...hug me, kissed me and told me " mom I love you and im so lucky" and i replied...'why are you lucky sweetie?'. He then said something that just triggered the way im feeling right now...." because i have the best mom ever'....aawww! that just got me...teary eyed and everything...all i could do is hug him so hard and cry....becuase even as i put faith into God, there still is a little doubt in my head that something will go wrong...

So after i finished my little crying/hugging seen...i told my son how proud i was to be his mom...that god blessed me with him and his sisters...that i loved him and that he was one special little guy...

i love all my kids dearly!!

Last night I started to official say good bye to my all time favorite foods..I went out with co workers and went out for dinner and drinks and tonight Im doing the same thing but with family and close friends and before you know it, I officially start my liquid diet on Monday, which makes me realize that my surgery is just around the corner.

I must admit, I am a little scared that Im going through this...all i keep thinking about is what if something goes wrong and then what is going to happen to all my kids. But even though im scared..well more terrified i should say, i know im doing this for them and better yet, for me. Im actually doing something for myself..and thats a shocker in my book.

But you know what...im so looking forward to having it done...lol. Anxious to get it over with, loose all the weight...take time off from work, he he!...loved the reaction they gave a work when i submitted my request for leave of absense...6 weeks off, yay!, but i want to see their reaction when i do go back to work...see if the notice the change..so many things im looking forward to but i think the most important thing is getting to live life again...aahhh! its just so mind boggeling that Im blessed that god guided me to this...

2 more weeks and then its crunch time!

yay!

I just realized that this past week I changed a little bit..OMG its so weird. I usually dont worry about getting dressed nicely, doing my hair or putting make up on. Im prettty much do and wear was comfy and most convenient but this past week I been much more aware of doing these things. I been dressing nicer for work, going on and about, straightening my hair all week and even putting make up on....i think that since i know that im having surgery that maybe im preparing and starting to be more aware of my appearance..lol..its so weird!

Since begining my WLS journey, I honeslty haven't had a a heart to heart talk with my dad about it. I didn't want to bring anything up until I had my facts together and til I knew for sure that this was something I needed to do. I knew that he knew about it since i did discuss it with my mother and she basically told him the news. I guess I was a bit afraid to hear what he had to say. Well today i went over and basically broke the news to him. I told him that I was having surgery on the 26th of May and wanted to know what and how he felt about it. He just asked me if i researched it and understood the outcome of it...of course i did and thats what i told him...although he insited that he wished i didnt go through with this that he was still behind me 100% as long as i knew what i needed to do to basically maintain a good health. I was realieved that he felt this way and jsut made me happy that he understood where I was coming from...It's like weight was lifted off my shoulders as I am getting prepared to loose the weight ....a huge sigh of relief!!

I'm so EXCITED, HAPPY, THRILLED...SHOCKED and OMG!

I finally got the call from my doctors office & shared awesome news..

I been approved for surgery....YES!!!!!

I'm scheduled for May 26th and Im so much looking forward to the beginning of my new life....

I'm SPEECHLESS!!!