SheliaB

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WOW!!!!

      I am really overwhelmed with all of the SUPPORT that I have received.  I am shocked to see how many individuals that my post has touched, pre-ops, those still in their WLS journey, and those that have met their goals, as well as, the post-plastics individuals as well.  I knew that this is a touchy subject, because it is not the GOOD part of the journey and it is the BAD and UGLY part of our journey, but this is a SUPPORT group and this has proven just how SUPPORTIVE this group actually is.  In some ways even though we have not personally met some of these individuals, we have not let that stop the overwhelming SUPPORT that the TN Forum provides one another and for that I THANK YOU ALL!!

      Yes, I have been reading each and every one of your posts, tears have flowed, smiles have been formed, and even a chuckle of understanding has been muffled under my breath.  Each and every one of you has touched on the multitude of feelings that have inundated my body lately, both physically and mentally.  I have been exhausted by the good things and the bad things, not to mention looking at my own blessings that have come my way lately, to only wonder, “What is going to happen to take them away”, I am sure that is just due to the feeling that, I still believe that I am not deserving of anything good to happen to me.  My past has really been to serve others and even my own relationship with the only actual blood family members: mother, brother, and grandmother have been completely conditional as to how I can serve them.  I have been estranged from them for the past several years and some of you may remember around Christmas, I mentioned some individuals have come into my life that have not been around and I was having some difficulty with it, well it is my family.   They did not even know that I had WLS and that I had lost as much as I have, they were actually spreading rumors around that they saw me and I have gained so much weight that I am now bigger than a house, FUNNY HUH when the actual opposite was true!!! I do not speak to them much, because I am not ready nor willing to go back there, but each time they call, my weight is the focus of the conversation, when are you going to get rid of that loose skin so you can look better, are you coming over so I can show my friends how good you look (like I am a prize or they had something to do with it), or you have  gained any of that weight back, I sure hope you do not plan on gaining any of it back, do you??  These are just a few of the comments they are constantly making when I do speak to them, so I have really limited my contact since they have chosen to come back into my life since Christmas. Yes, there is a lot of history that I will not go into, but they have always been one to manipulate and use me, until I realized a couple of years ago, when I was actually holding pill bottles in my hand, called into work, sent my son to school and sat there praying to get the nerve up to end my life.  I felt was not worthy and only a burden on all those around me, it was that day, that I realized that I WAS worth living and that my family should love me for who I WAS and not just as a condition as to what I can do for them.  I have apparently overcome those feelings, but the AM I WORTHY part has come into play these past few weeks.  YES, I know I am WORTHY of living and that my LIFE is worth living, but the VANITY of Plastics has really scared me.  I know that plastics is NOT AT ALL Vanity, it is a medical issue when you have the amount of excess skin that a large weight loss leaves.  I guess, I am really having issues with the WORTHINESS of the entire issue and the possibility of being THIN and actually like that of a NORMAL person, scares me to death.  For once in my life, I will have a body that puts me at an even playing field as others around me and I will no longer have an excuse. 

      When someone mentioned the fact that we may have hidden behind our weight for many years, they hit the nail right on the head, I have hidden behind my weight and allowed it to be an excuse for why I did not do something or why I felt that I should be treated the way I have allowed others to treat me.  I have done that for years in my career and those that I have worked with and for.  I have found a tremendous amount of adversity at my job since I had WLS and my immediate supervisor has never understood my decision nor do they understand the discrimination that has been placed on overweight individuals in the public, since this is a form of discrimination that our society has actually just considered okay!!!  Look at the recent proposal in Mississippi to fight obesity when some of their public elected officials tried to make it a law to not serve obese individuals in restaurants as a way to fight their obesity epidemic in their state.  However, when it came out their excuse was we only did it to call attention to it, which is so sad, because it was okay to humiliate obese individuals to call attention to a problem that has a multitude of contributors to the obesity epidemic.  There are task forces in every city to fight drugs and alcohol, but to mention or even hold a Walk to fight this epidemic is HUSH HUSH or an embarrassment.  As many of you know I am in college and I will be in my 40’s when I actually graduate with my BS, but I plan on changing this attitude in our country and fight this epidemic, but lately I have really wondered can I do it or am I a FRAUD, will I fall on my face and fail, AM I REALLY WORTHY???

          I know this is a lot of UGLY to share with you, but I believe that this is something that many of us feel deep down and if you have not already gone through it, chances are that you will experience this at some point in your weight-loss journey, maybe not exactly as I am experiencing it, but to some degree it will be similar.  You have each provided me with the SUPPORT and WORDS OF WISDOM to help me overcome this UN-Worthiness feeling and look forward to the next phase in MY journey as I approach this next important era, the era of plastics and maintaining my weight, I know it will not be easy, but having each of you helps a tremendous amount.  I thank each and every one of you as you have really been there and I know you will continue to be there as you see this journey is not JUST the weight-loss it is the plastics and the maintaining that is probably one of the hardest, but less talked about struggles that we must face.  It is unfortunate, but once many individuals reach this stage or after the plastics, stage tend to shy away from the support groups, but I am finding that this is when I am needing it the most!!   As Melinda stated, I too am a sufferer of OBESITY and I will always suffer with OBESITY, regardless as to what the scale says or the size of my clothes and thanks to your SUPPORT, I will have the strength to fight this on a daily basis, for that I am ETERNALLY THANKFUL!!

Love You ALL!!!
Shelia

     I started not to share this with everyone, but I have always said that we should share the “Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, so I am going to share this with you.  I have been having some mixed feeling lately since I have met my one year mark, that is one reason I have not been quite as active as I normally have been on the boards, because I did not know how to express this and there are not that many that could actually relate to what I am feeling, so please understand as you read my post, I am in great need of SUPPORT at this point in my WLS journey!! 

      Let me begin by saying that I don't regret having the surgery, what I have been feeling is uncertainty as to if I will be able to succeed with my maintenance.  I am facing the plastics era of my journey and I know that this financial and physical investment will officially end the weight-loss journey and beginning the maintenance journey of my life.  Through all the years of diets and dreaming of reaching this stage, practically all my life since 10 years old, it is actually scary when you reach this stage in your journey. Trust me, I am proud of my accomplishment thus far and when I put on those pants at the last Lunch Bunch, the confused expression on my face says it all, for the first time I realized it, I did not know what to think, because it has put it all into prospective as to where I actually am in my journey.  Trust me, losing the weight, was not an easy journey, but for some reason now that I am at this stage the fear of failure has become greater than when I actually began my WLS journey. There are so many negative attitudes around when you have the surgery, but it seems to increase when you get actually lose the weight, because all those that were negative before are just waiting to see you gain it back.  I guess not seeing the scales move anymore has also really played a tremendous part in this feeling.  When I started out, I set a personal goal of 140, and to be at a normal BMI at the weight of 150 by my one year mark and I did not accomplish this, I was 3 pounds shy of it. Yes, I know that until I actually have plastics, this goal is now really unreasonable, due to the tremendous amount of excess skin that I have.  This skin alone has created a very mental toll on me, because when I see it, the wall is so thick, I think of it as fat, not skin, but I have been assured that it is skin with fat attached and that I will not be able to lose anymore until I have it removed through plastics.

     This is one of the UGLY things that we do not discuss, it may be because many do not like sharing this or that we do not have many that are at this point, but it is not Pretty, it is actually “the UGLY” part of this journey and can really make an individual feel pretty bad about their body and the weight-loss.  Please understand that I am not sharing these things to get sympathy, I am only sharing my feelings for SUPPORT and maybe there is someone out there that is feeling the same way that I am and needs the SUPPORT too. I know that many have told me, but I am really having more difficulty with it lately.  I have had a ton of infections and actually, I just received a letter from one of my doctors for my insurance company explaining that I was one of the worst cases he has ever experienced.  This is good in that hopefully my insurance will help cover some of the expense for plastics, but knowing this has also been really hard, because I know how I feel, but seeing it in writing really has made it that much more surreal!!  There have been many days that I look in the mirror or when I am in the tub and seeing the skin makes me really feel as large as I once was at 336 pounds, to the point that I dread these activities.  Yes, I know what the scale says and what the tags say in my clothes, but getting it straight in my head has been very difficult lately, some days more than others.

      Everyone here is so supportive and wonderful and I would not be where I am today if it were not for those here. Susan, Paula, Melinda, Juanita, April, Kym, and Misty have been around longer than I have and have been my ANGELS and I am very grateful.  I have also been thankful for those that have come behind me, because helping you with your journey has kept me accountable for my actions, some have referred to me as their ANGEL and I am just grateful to have been taught by the best and given the opportunity of “PASSING IT ON”.  I just wanted to share my thoughts and feelings as to where I am in my journey and what I am going through.  I saw someone post recently about her problems since she hit the one year mark, so I have been really thinking about how I have been feeling these past few weeks since I hit mine and thought I would share them with you.  Yes, I knew going into this surgery that there was a strong possibility that this could happen and I looked in the mirror and said which would I rather be Fat, Ugly, and UNHEALTHY or Thinner with lots of loose skin, but HEALTHY, well I chose the later of the two, even though I do not regret my decision, because my health is why I did this and it is very much improved and for that alone I am grateful, but I am having trouble with the reality of the skin!!

     Sorry this is so long and if you have taken the time to read it, I thank you, because I felt it really needed to be expressed and maybe someone can help me or read this and know that they are not alone!!

HELP with my HEAD ANYONE!!!

***This was posted to the TN Forum  

Love Yall,
Shelia 

Hi. I am pre-op, so I don't really have any "words of wisdom" for you, but I hope you find your way through this struggle. We all have experienced what it is like being fat - the discrimination, the humiliation, etc., and I think that doesn't go away with the pounds. For many of us our extra weight was like our security blankets. It allows us to have an excuse for why things do not happen for us. Sometimes we even embrace the discrimination because it gives us a "cause", y'know? After WLS when the weight is no longer a shield for us, we really have to figure out who we are because our identity as a fat person is gone, and the loose skin is a reminder of both what you were, as well as the journey to get where you are. I'm sure it wasn't easy. So, maybe you focus on how much better you feel. Maybe you start looking at before and after pictures of patients who have had plastic surgery so that you can get your head around how things may be for you. Again, I don't have answers, but I'm trying to best figure out what I would do in your situation, and I think I would try to be excited about what is to come. I don't know if what I said was helpful, but if nothing else, you have got me thinking ahead to my future. Best of luck, Kathy 

I think it is good that you expressed this for many reasons. One that everyone knows that the journey is not easy or without bumps along the road and that we all learn from it as well. I think My issue is not only the skin but the fact that I am only three months from my two year surgiversary have lost over two hundred lbs and yes I am proud yes I am so glad. I only wish I had it sooner. I guess you can say I am jealous of those who had surgery at a starting weight of what I weigh now and within months are in onederland or what have you. Maybe hard to understand but I still feel like I should have done better?? Those of you that started where I started may understand what I am talking about. 

You have done wonderful the feelings you are having are real and should be expressed and you are not the only one that has felt this way. I am here foir you sweet lady !!  Juanita
I'm sure there have been groups before, and will be those after, all of us currently here.  Truth is, though, that of the one here now, I was the first to receive plastics.  Everyone was elated, including me...  until it became reality.  Then after plastics, life was topsy turvy, and no one was there for me to turn to.  I tried to voice my pain, my dissatisfaction, and honestly I turned to another website, actually 2, that i dont tell anyone about here because it is my own plastics support group.  They have been through the journey, farther ahead than myself, and know what it feels like, and even know the rejection and misunderstanding that comes from friends, family members, and yes even other gastric patients...  when it comes to having the plastic surgery. 

to some, it might be enough to lose the weight.  For others however, there will be a lot of mental/psychological affects until they receive their plastic surgery and get "fixed".  All I saw, regardless of how much I lost, was that hanging skin on my tummy.  I could not see my pubic hair unless I grabbed hold of the skin fat combo and lifted it up.  I had not been able to see this area on my body for years...  but the weight loss made it worse.  How would I think that a man could find that attractive?  It was a terrible mental anguish for me...   So when I took that bandage off after the tummy tuck, I was near tears...  I could see my pubic hair for goodness sakes!  Something that many women take for granted...  I could sprint across the room and NOT hear the sound of slapping skin!  I could run and not feel like half my body was weighting me down and causing me to be a laughing stock...  so many things i could name that the surgery did for me... 

I think that its a very important step.  As for the fear of failure, I know what you mean by that as well.  Hey my pants are tight this week.  I posted about that, didn't get too many responses...  wasn't looking for pity cause someone else might say "yeah, well who cares?  I still have to lose my excess... Three pounds isn't goig to hurt you!"  But to me, that three lbs is the EVER constant reminder that I am one step away from being obese again...  fear of failure...  fear of regain...  fear that all it would take is one episode of out of control eating or careless haphazard and I could/would be on my way to 251 lbs again.  We're all in this together....  whether we had 100 lbs to lose, 350 lbs to lose, 500 lbs to lose...  and whether we gain 3 lbs, or 10 lbs, or even 30 lbs...  it is very taxing on our psychological part of who we are...  something we will have to fight for the rest of our lives. 

Someone told me recently that I was trying to be too controlling over my eating...  so as not to gain weight.  Yes, so true.  I do have an eating disorder.  Its called obesity.  And because I am not obese anymore, that does not mean that I no longer have that eating disorder.  It means that I am still in recovery and healing myself and trying to change my lifestyle habits so I won't LOOK like I have an eating disorder, when really my head is still there.....

It does help to talk about it.  Honestly, I think people don't want to talk about it.  They don't want to admit their issues...  Hey I can't help but look at others and ask Tim "are they smaller than me?"  and in my heart, I find myself wishing i was smaller.  I see a woman whose breasts look perky and great, and I think "why can't mine look like that?" and part of me gets so mad...  and I think, "she looks pretty, why can't I be that pretty?"  and it makes me strive all the more to better my appearance...  I think that as women, that is a very natural part of who we are, whether we want it to be like that or not...  men though don't generally care as much... 

I'm just going on and on...  but know that you do have support here...  sometimes it might be quiet, and not many responses, but it does at least spawn some type of mental thought processes in each of us that make us think about it....  Melinda
I have seen my friend's go thru this..

You young lady have come a long way's,,thank God you had the balls to go have the surgery in the quest to get healthy,,and Thank God again that He supplied your need's for this tool to be done...alot of people arent so lucky,,,weight for most of us will always be a struggle,,ya know,,we all want to be  slim and have the J-Lo body,,wouldnt it be great if we could just snap out finger's and do that ? 

I have met you,,and you are one of the kindest people I have met...

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Psalm 139

Never forget,,that u are where u are supposed to be,,,you have Balcony People cheering you on,,you have done well and you should be proud of yourself,,,

Give yourself time hun,,really,,it will come and thing's will be better

I think your an inspiration !  You are to me anyway's Liz Moore

Shelia,

Bless your heart for being so honest.  We ALL need that.  I have a LONG way to go, but am already unhappy with hanging skin.  I have also been terribly afraid of failing.  I have always failed when it comes to weight loss so I have a hard time believing I can do this.  But, I CAN do this...you have, and Mel has and many others have,  and I get hope from all of you.  My best friend lives in Alabama.  She had RNY almost 3 years ago and now weighs about 130.  She could not get to her goal until she had her LBL.  Then, I think it was 8 pounds of skin was removed, and she hit goal!  I am sorry that you are feeling scared, but I certainly understand it!

Marilyn

I, too, am a pre-op and do now have words of wisdom. However, I do want to offer you support and well wishes. I hope you are able to overcome this feeling.

Brit

Shelia and Melinda,
Thank you both so much for your honesty. I am just 4 months post op but often wonder what I will face when I am at goal. I have had one plataue that lasted 3 weeks and I just knew I was going to be that one person that the surgery only worked for 3 months and that was it! I too am afraid of failure.
The support here is great and I appreciate your honesty and sharing what you guys are feeling.
Hang in there and we shall all take this journey just one day at a time. Betsy

Hey girl!  I think this is a fabulous post.  So many people think we have it all together!  Bwahahaha!

I know exactly what you are going thru.  Exactly.  I am coming up on my 2 year surgiversary and cannot believe it!  I had a physician tell me just this past week that NOW is when I need to be worried because NOW is when wls pts start gaining back the weight.  WHATTTTTT?  I did not want to hear that.  At all.  Now I am really scared.  So i DO understand where you are coming from.

I think it is important that folks know, regardless of where you are on the journey, that this journey never gets easy.  NEVER!!  That is why we need this support group and whatever support groups we can get in.  I think it is awesome that Melinda is in a plastics support group.  I think if you have had plastics, you should be in one.  We can all use a little help from those who know what we are experiencing. 

Never think that something you are going thru is not important.  Or would not be helpful to others.  But know that sometimes to be supportive, we have to be honest and tell each other things that we may not like to hear.  I hope you guys care enuff to do the same to me.

So, my physician friend scared me.  I am going to make more goals.  I am going to do another 5 k in the spring and try to beat my last time.  And keep trying.  If anyone else wants to join me let me know.  I refuse to let this physician be RIGHT.  I am sooo going to prove him wrong.

Thanks Sheila, you rock girlfriend!  Paula

Hi  Sheila, I can fully understand your feelings. I see a therapist to help me sort things out. I have my tummy tuck done in April of 2007, and I have gained some weight back on, where I don't know, but it's there.  I understand that having the loose skin or flabby part is the ugly part of this journey, but I  just prayed more about it and even though I've had my thighs done, I still don't like my arms being so saggy.  This board has be my life savor for 4 years now as I became a member in May 04.  You're right no one talks about this side of the journey and that's when we need the support too, not just during the weightloss.  But remember this, the plastic surgeons would rather wait to remove the lose skin after 18 months to 2 years because you are still losing or to the point of gaining back a few pounds before doing the surgery. I was 15 months out when I had mine done due to infections.  Melinda was 10 months out when she had hers.  Now we are both starting to gain weight,  it's a constant battle for life.  I just have to trust God that all will be okay for me and that HE knows what is going on.  This board is very supporative for the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it really hit home on a lot of issues.      I know you will eventually over come these thoughts, at times I still see myself as sever morbid obese, or find myself in the plus section of a store. It still hasn't hit me fully that I don't belong in those departments anymore.  A part of me is still afraid that I won't be able to get this extra 20 lbs off that I have gained since January 16th when I had my 2 year weigh-in.  

I will keep you in my prayers that everything negative will take a turn for the positive real soon. 

Love Kathy

Hi sweetie, I don't know yet what the afterwards is like, with blessings I know one day I will. But I do have hanging skin, which I've had forever, not as bad as someone that has lost has much weight but one that has not tone any muscle in forever. My heart goes out to you hon, and I know that is plays on your mind, and the pain that you must feel. You had once told us that you look in the mirror and at the pics and you see the large frame of person instead of the small frame that you are. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. With a big ole hug, hon you are  so beautiful inside and out, Maybe you'll be able to get the approval alittle faster than usual. 

Hi Sheila. Like others, I am happy you posted this so that everyone knows that there are stil struggles even after you lose the excess weight. Like Melinda said, being obese never goes away (like being an alcoholic never goes away).  We are always going to struggle with every pound lost or gained. The maintenance stage is very scary! I didn't realize it myself. I thought I would be so happy to finally get there but then it becomes the worst part because you feel like you can't eat bad at all. When you are still losing a little weight because of the surgery and you sneak a little bad food, oh well. You will lose it and your body will make sure it will lose it. But once you are primarily done losing and in the maintnenace phase, you have to think twice about eating bad because you know you alone are going to have to work it off. Your body is done losing on its own. It is a very hard concept to adapt too. I think the best thing you can do is realize how far you have come. This really is a lifestyle change and you definatley made that change. You know how to eat now and you have accomplished enough to know how to maintain. It is all about a healthy lifestyle and you have that. Don't ever doubt yourself and how much you have learned and accomplished. You have a great support system around you are you will do just fine. 
I am right along with you with the excess skin. I know the finicial burden it is going ot cause my family is going to be hard for me to expect but I know how hard I have worked to lose weight and be healthy and I deserve to look like a "normal" person my weight. I really want to have the excess skin remove more than anything. I feel like it would complete my transformation. I really need to see the results of my hard work and yes, being smaller and more healthier is results but when I see all the hanging skin, I still feel big. I don't know why. But I do. I guess it is mental. Not much I can offer you with not feeling that way since I still feel that way. All i can say is you are not alone and we can get through it together. Talk to you soon! MistyA

I have been mulling this over in my mind, and think its worthy to be said.  As obese, we also have given up our own self wills for everyone else's happiness...  Misty said it that it would be a financial burden on her familiy...  as it has been for most of us just to have wls... a strain on our pocket books...  but we have given up our rights to be happy, to be selfish...  and now that we are taking better care of ourselves, and seeing that are are worthy to have nice things, treated kindly by others, and won't stand to be treated poorly anymore, there comes a whole other psychological aspect that we never thought of...  how NOT to feel guilty for treating ourselves good...  

And when you have the wls, or have plastics, some people might look at you and even SAY, "But why can't you just...  (fill in the blank...) "  Or, "that's a bit selfish, don't you think?"  All those years of mistreating our bodies...  if we had done it right all along, we wouldn't be in this mess.  Truth is, we didn't do it right.  We didn't exercise right, we didn't eat right, we didn't have healthy perspectives...  but now all of that is changing.  Exciting! Yet hey oh so scary!

Now I just see it as "I deserve to treat myself kind.  I deserve to look great.  I deserve to feel great about myself."  I had too many years which obesity stole those things from me.  I am ready to take them back.  How about you?  Are you ready to take it back?  I think you are!  Melinda

You are soo right (as usual). As a bigger person, we just gave up our own happiness for others. Some because we didn't feel worthy and some because that is what we thought we had to do to get people to like us. Now, after this lifestyle change, we know we deserve better in life and we should be able to do and get the best things we can for ourselves. Not that we are selfish but it is as much as our right as others to treat ourselves and be treated like we deserve and anyone else deserves. I think that is why WLS people tend to lose family and freinds because people think we start acting differently or selfishly. But in reality, the people who think this are the people who took advantage of us as bigger people and now that we are not letting people take advantage of us, we are thought of as selfish or with an "attitude". It is just not true. I am a much stronger person now who realizes she deserves the best in life and has worked hard for everything she has gotten and if someone else doesn't like it because I stopped letting others take advantage of me - so be it. I like to think of myself as a nice freindly person who would do anything for anyone. But I also now treat myself the  same way because if others deserve it - so do  - for once in my life!!! Ok, enough of the rant! See what you got started - the evil hormones!! Luckily, I have a great husband who I spoiled all of our relationship (I think out of guilt from being overweight) and now he knows it is my turn to be spoiled. He is actually happy that I started treating myself better and doing more things for myself. He always told me too but I never felt worthy to do anything for myself and now I do. And he is a great support of that. MistyA

All I can say is WOW.  Sometimes when you are going thur things you think that you are the only one going thur them.   That is the one thing I have gotten from this support group.  We are all going thu them.   I look at the fact that I have lost over one hundred pounds, but  still so far to go and know that I am going to have to have plastic to finish my journey.  I love the fact that you posted this, it makes us all think.  I also like what Melinda had to say, sometimes we post and get nothing in return, it doesn't mean that we don't care, it just means it made us think about ourself.   Girl, I love you more than you know and admire your courage and stength.  Praying for you while you are going thur this.  Melissa
My son asked me the other day if I now feel like I have completed what I set out to do when I first decided to have WLS. All of my kids have been very supportive but this showed me that my son really doesn't quite "get it". 

Have I completed my journey now that I have been on maintenance for several months and had plastics? No! There is no end to this journey. As Melinda said, I will forever be in recovery for my food addiction. I will forever have to be very concious of what I eat. The nutritional value as well as the caloric impact.

The difference now is that I can look in the mirror and like what I see and feel like I am worth the effort to eat for my health. I know it will be several months before I will be able to fully appreciate the changes brought about by the plastics. For now though, the change is so dramatic that I am happy with what I see.

I think we have all run into those people who think we have WLS for vanity. They don't understand that we do it for health reasons. 

I have also run into WLS patients who look at plastics as vanity. They don't realise that many of us have plastics for health reasons. Sometimes it is just the mental health aspect. When you get compliments on your appearance and have people tell you "Oh, you don't have much extra skin at all. You look good." But you look in the mirror and see all of the skin you are able to hide with clothing.

I'm excited for you as you begin the journey to plastics. I know you are going to feel so much better after this major leg of the journey. Know that we are here to help you along this path too.  Susan J

Chicken Fajita Soup 
Shelia Bess aka/Shelia B

 2 pounds of chicken tenderloins (diced into ½ inch pieces)

 6 14.5 oz cans of tomatoes with jalapenos (Kroger Brand)

 1 lb bag of Kroger’s frozen three peppers and onion blend

 1 lb bag of frozen carrots (sliced)

 1 lb bag of frozen corn

 ½ of a 1 lb bag of diced frozen onion

 3 packages of Fajita seasoning (found in the Mexican Section, Kroger Brand)

 1 1lb bag of dry black beans cooked and rinsed or you can use 4 cans of black beans rinsed.

 
Add chicken broth or water to fill crock pot

I place all ingredients in the crock pot and turn on with liquid until it is capable of being stirred well.  Cook on low for 10 hours until chicken is done.  You may need to add water as it cooks.

Enjoy!!  However, those that is early out from surgery, watch the corn, everything else should be okay, but eat around or omit the corn. This can also be pureed for a good meal.

      As odd as this may sound, I have been having a difficult time looking at the scales not to see them budge!!!  They just seem to go back and forth between the same 4 to 5 pounds and never under 153.  I wanted to be at 150 by my 1 year mark, but it came and went with no such luck!!!  I have really had a hard time looking at pictures past, looking in the mirror, and even at a pair of orange sweat pants that I wore to the hospital that are big, but with the strings tied shut, they did not fall down.  Well when I saw that Kiwi Green suit that use to be mine, it was like an answer to a prayer, I took those pants and they were HUGE on me, Reality was that I have actually lost weight!!!  I know that everyone thought I was just silly, but you do not realize how much I needed that WOW moment at this point in my journey.  I have been at a stall for almost 4 months and it has really been depressing when goals are not being met and you wonder if you are really doing the right things and begin to doubt your own accomplishments, but when I stepped into one leg of those pants, I realized I have accomplished so much!!!!  Thank GOD for those little things in life!!!

Six Weeks Post-OP

      Yesterday, I was six weeks post-op and it has been a little rocky, but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.  I have had no major complications just lots of nausea; however, I have been able to take Zofran and Reglan, which has helped.  I have not really eaten much in the way of food, even pureed foods, due to the nausea.  I have been surviving on Isopure, New Whey bullets, and Whey Protein to make sure that I get the required 80 grams of protein in each day.  I have forced myself to stay hydrated regardless of the nausea and that has kept me out of the hospital (Praise the Lord).  Both Dr. Spaw and my PCP says that this happens with some patients and I just was one of the lucky ones, however if this is the only problem that I encounter, I will be just fine.

      It took me five years to decide to have the surgery, I felt God really tugging at my heart and I finally decided to DO IT!!  Once I decided there was no stopping me and I am so grateful that I did.  When Dr. Spaw was performing the surgery, he found that I had sclerosis of the liver; I am only 37 and never drank a day in my life.  However, it was probably from my weight and all of the medications that I have been on for years destroying my liver.  Therefore, this surgery saved my life in more than one way.  I am now off all the medications except one that is a migraine preventative and my insulin, which has been drastically reduced. My PCP feels that I will probably be off my insulin within the next 6 months to a year.  I was taking 40 units of Regular insulin at meals three times a day and 14 units at bedtime, now I am taking only 15 units of Lantus at bedtime and when I do eat only 5 units of Regular (about once a day).  I have been on insulin between 16 and 17 years, this is truly amazing to me. 

      I went to my PCP on March 6, 2007 for a follow-up visit and to run some blood tests since the findings about my liver.  He called on the 8^th and my liver function is 100%, Cholesterol is perfect, Hemoglobin A1C (blood sugar) is 6.8, normal is below 6.5, therefore mine is doing wonderful, considering this is based off three months.  However, my thyroid is a little off; he is going to recheck this in June when he reruns all the blood work.  All I can say is, “Praise the Lord”.

     I weighed today and I have lost a total of 40.6 pounds, I started at 242.4 when I went on the two week pre-diet and now I weigh 201.8, another 1.9 pounds and I will no longer weigh 200 something.  WOW, I cannot remember the last time I did not weigh 200 something, I am sure it was in early high school.  One of the things that I did do about two weeks after surgery was join Gold’s gym, yes a gym, I also have a personal trainer, because I did not know what I needed or how to use the equipment properly.  They are not as bad as I always imagined it to be, both image wise and financially.  I started going three times a week and now I am up to four times a week, soon I will be up to five days a week, which is what they recommend. I do believe that this is what has helped me a lot, I would recommend this to anyone, trust me I never thought I would be a gym member or even say that I enjoy going, but I do!!!  Believe it or not!!  I have a wonderful trainer, Jessica and she truly seems to care about me.  She has an aunt that has had WLS and knows what it was like for her, therefore she is able to relate to me and works very well with me.  Today I meet with her and next week we will do measurements and I will update you all then to let you know how all that went. 
 

Keep you posted then!!

 P.S.
      The one piece of very important support that I failed to mention that I am very thankful for is all of the friends that I have gained here.  I truly believe that each of you have helped me in more ways than I could ever express during these past six weeks, more than you could ever know!!!  

BLESS YOU ALL!!!!