3 week rant

Aug 01, 2013

Ok so I have lost 15 pounds since surgery about 3 weeks ago.  I know everyone says how good this is, but I lost most of that in the firt 2 weeks.  I was losing every single day after my gas and extra fluid was gone after surgery and then last week, it is like every single ounce is begrudged to me.  And to top off my pitty party shit cake, today I weighed 2 more pounds than yesterday!  I know that it is fluid retention but damn just seeing that shit pisses me off.  Pissing me off is extremely easy to do these days too.  I feel like I am always either crying or about to start yelling.  I can't eat, I can't drink, can't have a smoke.  I have lost every comfort to myself and what have I gotten in return? It feels like not a whole hell of a lot.  I am at that point everyone gets to where you ask 'WTF did I do to myself and why did I ever think it was a good idea" and "Am I going to be the only fat girl who only eats 600 calories a day?"  The worst thing (and probably the best thing long term) is that even if I wanted to eat a pizza or a big juicy cheeseburger, I would not be able to.  I know everyone says that it gets better, but right now I am so not feeling it.  Also for some reason sleeping has become an issue.  I wake up every single night around 3.30 am and can't go back to sleep.  My body aches from where I was sleeping and I can't find a comfortable position to sleep in.  This is not helping my grumpy attitude at all.  I am trying so hard not to snap at my husband or 6 yr old daughter, but I still find myself doing just that, and then I feel really guilty afterward.  I feel like I have lost the ability to be a good parent or wife because I am just so angry/upset all of the time.  And I found grey in my hair this morning.

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