My First Real Rant from 1/3/13

Jan 04, 2013

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Is it just me? I had to hit rock bottom first.

 

sheranfour

VSG on 09/11/2012 with Sivamainthan (Siva) Vithiananthan VSG on 09/11/2012 with Sivamainthan (Siva) Vithiananthan

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Send Message Latest Posts sheranfour
on 1/3/13 5:43 pm  

Hey gang!

So...I'm big time into our board...and read and follow everyday...and this is a major part of my WLS success plan.

Sometimes I want to post something...but don't want to ruffle feathers...so I don't.

BUT...I'm posting now...maybe just for my own reminder...but here it goes:

Everyone has different reasons for having WLS I guess...but maybe I'm clueless. It wasn't just a stop at Jenny Craig, or signing up for yet another WW center...or choosing my Nutrisystem menu for the month. This was MAJOR SURGERY!

And I didn't do it to look good for an upcoming wedding, or because I wanted to look good, or because it was the next thing to TRY.

I Flippin' hit rock bottom! Years of dieting and regaining! Not able to get on the floor with my kids, not being able to sit in ANY regular chair!  Breaking a chair once! Not breathing while I sleep! Being out of breath after walking 10 feet! Starting every day with feeling every pound of fat on my body...and dreading having to carry it with me to the bathroom, to the shower, to the car ( where my seatbelt didn't fit) and to work! I prayed every night that GOD would allow me one more day to live and I'd try to take better care of myself...and beating myself up for not. I cried and HATED my life and what NO ONE else but ME did to it!!

For goodness sakes! I am NOT tempted to eat crap!!! It means DEATH to me!! Doesn't it to you???!!!! I'm not talking about vets...I have only respect for those who have walked before me and have succeeded and are still fighting to this day...FIGHTING!!!! Elina, Frisco and Ruggie and If I could list all the countless others who inspire me here I would!!! I have a REAL and I think HEALTHY fear of straying from plan. I know my triggers, and I know my trigger danger foods. I keep those foods OUT of my life...to me they mean death!

Last night Keith posted a you tube site to check out of the man that lost hundreds of pounds, was on the Today show...and became an inspiration to many!! THEN food and feelings snuck up and bit him....now he's gained almost all back! To watch his face now, to hear the heartbreak in his voice! Then I watched all the other stories you tube linked to that one...men, women, adults, teens...bedbound...suffering...it was horrible!! That could be me!!! That could be you!!! Just one darn ring-ding away!!!

I am scared to slip...so scared. And that means that every bite I put in my mouth is planned and scheduled. I want that to be true forever...but I only have control one day at a time...one meal at a time...one choice at a time. I can't afford to lie to myself...not once. I know myself too well...do you know yourself? if not...you really need too...you have a long life to live...and each choice determines the next.

I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone, but it does to me...and I needed to write this for me. If helps you...GREAT! If it doesn't...read another posters post. Find one that speaks to you...and learn what you need to do ...then do it.

(sigh)

Thanks for listening and not rolling your eyes at me

Peace,

~Deb

 

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