shrinking_sarah
I've been overweight my entire adult life, beginning in high school. When I started high school, I was actually a healthy weight. Despite this, people always told me I was overweight--well, really just one dance teacher and my grandfather told me that, and I don't think they meant I was overweight, they just meant I wasn't super skinny the way people expect ballerinas to be. Still--that type of thing is dangerous in the mind of a 12-year-old.
I was on a dance team in high school, and the first year we had weekly weigh-ins. I know that, for my hight, the maximum weight allowed was something like 135. There was one week that first year I was benched for being 136 (which, laughably, is now within my "healthy" range). The next year we got a new adviser who wisely decided weighing us in was archaic and stupid. I can't imagine anyone outside a wrestling coach weighing kids in on a weekly basis for any activity these days.
By the time I graduated from high school, because of stress eating related to my tumultuous home life and (I honestly believe) because of the fact they closed campus and I was forced to eat school cafeteria food for my senior year, I was up to about 175. Doesn't seem super high but when you're 5 ft 3 it's too much. College lead to a decrease in activity and increase in cafeteria food (carbs), and by the time I graduateed I was probably 220-ish.
In my mid-20's I went to Jenny Craig and got down to about 185, but I soon ran out of money (I was a teacher living in the SF Bay Area) and gained it back plus some. When I got married at 29 I was about 225. Then I stopped taking birth control pills to try to get pregnant and promptly gained 20 lbs. I was diagnosed with PCOS but was left untreated for about a year, during which time I exercised like crazy and tried to significantly reduce carbs in my diet. I neither got pregnant nor lost any weight, but I did at least not gain weight. Once I saw a reproductive endocrinologist he put me on metformin. I promptly lost 2 lbs and was pregnant within the month.
After my daughter was born I was at my pre-pregancy weight by the 6 week post-partum visit (242). We moved to California, and I was unable to find a doctor willing to treat my pcos at all. I saw a nutritionist and joined a gym, and was down to about 220 by the time my daughter was a year old. I started graduate school and the weight loss stopped, but I maintained it until my daughter was about 18 months old and I had a miscarraige. About four months later I got pregnant with my son, and was back at my pre-pregnancy weight of 242.
After my son was born I got down to about 248. He was a high-needs baby and didn't sleep through the night for a full year, though. The stress of his needs, lack of sleep, and grad school had me up to 264 when I finally started seeing a counselor in Dec. of 2010. I wanted to get my head straight before deciding if surgery really was my only option.
This summer my family went to Gilroy Gardens, an amusement park not far from us. They have these swan and duck paddle boats, and usually we can't go on them because they only seat 2 and it's just me and the kids (and they are too young to leave one at the dock). This time, my husband was with us. There was a sign saying the weight limit was 300 lbs, but since I'm not 300 lbs (yet) I didn't think anything of it. Well, when it was time for me and my son to go, the poor kid running them had to tell me we couldn't go out because the boat sank too far on my side. My husband had to take my son out after he'd already paddled my daughter all around the pond (you're welcome for the extra cardio, dear). It was horrifying. That's when I decided enough was enough.
Well, it's 2012 and my head still is not straight (I will continue to work with my therapist after an insurance-company-induced hiatus when they decided she was suddenly out of network). However, I've decided I don't want to waste any more time. I'm almost finished with grad school (finally) and will have a good chunk of time afterwards before I find a job when my kids are both in school and I'll be able to concentrate on myself. The timing is right. Now I just have to make it happen.
