Back at it!
Aug 14, 2014
I had started a new profile then regained access to this original one so I'm copying my blog entry :)
posted 7 days ago
I don't know if anyone will read this but I know it really doesn't matter. This blog is for me. It is so easy to forget things as we move through our life. Hard to remember where we once were emotionally, physically, spiritually. My life has been a journey and one with a lot of battles for sure. I spent a good bit of time yesterday reading over previous blogs from my original OH page and it really impacted me. I have blog entries from March of 2005 before I was even approved for surgery through Sept 2008 when I was 3yrs post op. It's amazing to see the transformation I went through during that time. Going from 270lbs and a size 28 to 125lbs and a size 4 had a huge impact on me in so many ways. It changed me not only physically but very much so mentally. I love reading how positive my outlook was but also recalling how truly miserable I was at 270lbs. At nearly 9yrs post op now I have regained a good bit of weight but praise God I am not where I once was. My journey through WLS later evolved to divorce from my second husband, ensuing a battle with alcoholism I would have NEVER EVER dreamed I'd have, a third marriage (with another alcoholic at that) having another child as well as blending of our families into one. It's honestly no wonder that weight has crept back up as I look at the things I've dealt with over the past 6yrs. It's not an excuse it's just my truth. However reading back over old blogs has reminded me of some things and made them clear and fresh in mind once again. Foremost being that when Stacy puts her heart and mind into something she can and will accomplishment. I had lost a lot of the drive I once have, I allowed alcoholism to steal many things from me and that was certainly one of them. Along with that self esteem, self respect and I could add to the list on and on. I learned to deal with life's ups and downs with alcohol...rather than food as I once did. The raw truth under it all and the constant thread through my entire life being that I have just never known how to do life on life's terms. At almost 6 months sober (once again, there have been many successes and many failures in my 5yr struggle with alcohol) I think I am finally starting to get somewhat of a grip on how to do that. First off learning to trust God to be my guide, protector, strength, comforter and giver of grace through whatever life may throw at me. Second being willing to ask for help when I need it (which I have always been horrible at doing). And third taking life in ALL of its facets ONE day at a time. I've recently decided it's time to get back at it where my weight is concerned. As of 7/1/14 I was back up to 203lbs. Not comfortable physically, clothes not fitting (size 16-18) and just feeling down about myself in general as well as not healthy. I was drinking anywhere from 44-120oz of diet mountain dew pretty much every day, had not exercised in years and not following the basics of how to eat properly. I started then exercising and I'm now doing daily exercise anywhere from 30min-1hr, watching my calories and eating protein first, drinking only water (this is only day 4 on that change) and rededicating myself to be healthy all the way around. Reading my old entries and thinking of the hard work involved in training for and completing a full marathon reminds me that I have it in me to work hard and that is what I'm prepared to do. I welcome any and all friends as I trudge the road to happy destiny :) God bless!