Stacy H.

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I thought I'd update since I haven't posted for quite a while. Things have been going pretty well for me overall. Unfortunately I relapsed (I'm an alcoholic I'm pretty sure I mentioned this before, I hope!) on Dec 6 with a about 9.5 months of sobriety. I really struggled to stay sober from the first day I drank and it greatly impacted my weight loss. I stopped and started again multiple times for a little over a month and basically stalled out my weight loss for the entire month of Dec even gaining a few pounds by the time I finally quit again. The amount of calories I was drinking (probably around 2000 just in drinks) and eating on top of it plus not exercising took it 's toll. My last drink was on Jan 11 and I have 30 days sober today! I am grateful for the sobriety again and I'm grateful to be able to see how much it affects my weight because it's just added bonus to stay sober.

I've done well getting back on track since I got sober and as of today I am down to 161.4 from my starting over weight of 203 on July 1 (that's 41.6lbs). I'm working a ton of overtime right now so exercising is a little less than I'd like but I'm so happy to see that number going down and it's already hard to believe I saw 203! Anyway sorry but shift is up and I'm outta here so I'll be back later :)

Today is my 35th birthday and I am so grateful today. Grateful for almost 8 months of sobriety, for the 23lbs I've lost, for my renewed love of eating better and exercise! All of these things have resulted from choices I'VE made and work I'VE put in. It feels good to be able to see improvement in many areas of my life and be reminded what some dedication and resilience can result in. I still have 40lbs I'd like to lose but I'm truly amazed that I've been able to put my mind to this and make progress. Using the MFP app has been a huge help to me. It keeps me accountable to myself and others for what I put into my body and helps keep me aware and in reality (not delusional thinking of "I'm not eating that bad/that much") and I think the battles are usually lost in our mind. I saw a quote from Joel Osteen recently that I think is to true:

The first place we lose the battle is in our own thinking. If you think it's permanent then it's permanent. If you think you've reached your limits then you have. If you think you'll never get well then you won't. You  have to change your thinking. You need to see everything that's holding you back, every obstacle, every limitation as only temporary.

Everyone have a happy and blessed day unless you have other plans ;)

Progress not perfection...it's a phrase we use in AA that I am learning to apply to all areas of my life. I am far from perfect but I feel like I have made good progress since I embarked on this journey of being healthy and happy again. Today I have 7 months sober which I am beyond grateful for. I am also watching what I eat, exercising every day and I have not drank any pop in 52 days! I'm proud of myself for the dedication I've had to this process and I'm starting to feel like the old me again. I've been very active with My Fitness Pal and logging my food and exercise daily. I still have a ways to go but I'm pretty satisfied with how far I've come. It can seem painfully slow losing weight the "old fashion way" once you've had RNY and had the weight just fall off but when I look at the big picture I've lost 15lbs in 12wks which is an average of 1.25lbs per week (it didn't actually come off at that rate because I bounce all over the place for about a week for before a loss really "sticks" for me) and that is a healthy rate that from what I read is supposed to be more likely to be maintained. Anyway I just wanted to give a quick update. I'll be back if/when I have anything news worthy to share

 

ETA: If anyone else is on My Fitness Pal please feel free to add me my username is stacyjh1979. It would be great to have the support of others who have had gastric bypass as a lot of the "regular" folks don't understand some of the differences between us post op and them. 

I had started a new profile then regained access to this original one so I'm copying my blog entry :)

 posted 7 days ago

I don't know if anyone will read this but I know it really doesn't matter. This blog is for me. It is so easy to forget things as we move through our life. Hard to remember where we once were emotionally, physically, spiritually. My life has been a journey and one with a lot of battles for sure. I spent a good bit of time yesterday reading over previous blogs from my original OH page and it really impacted me. I have blog entries from March of 2005 before I was even approved for surgery through Sept 2008 when I was 3yrs post op. It's amazing to see the transformation I went through during that time. Going from 270lbs and a size 28 to 125lbs and a size 4 had a huge impact on me in so many ways. It changed me not only physically but very much so mentally. I love reading how positive my outlook was but also recalling how truly miserable I was at 270lbs. At nearly 9yrs post op now I have regained a good bit of weight but praise God I am not where I once was. My journey through WLS later evolved to divorce from my second husband, ensuing a battle with alcoholism I would have NEVER EVER dreamed I'd have, a third marriage (with another alcoholic at that) having another child as well as blending of our families into one. It's honestly no wonder that weight has crept back up as I look at the things I've dealt with over the past 6yrs. It's not an excuse it's just my truth. However reading back over old blogs has reminded me of some things and made them clear and fresh in mind once again. Foremost being that when Stacy puts her heart and mind into something she can and will accomplishment. I had lost a lot of the drive I once have, I allowed alcoholism to steal many things from me and that was certainly one of them. Along with that self esteem, self respect and I could add to the list on and on. I learned to deal with life's ups and downs with alcohol...rather than food as I once did. The raw truth under it all and the constant thread through my entire life being that I have just never known how to do life on life's terms. At almost 6 months sober (once again, there have been many successes and many failures in my 5yr struggle with alcohol) I think I am finally starting to get somewhat of a grip on how to do that. First off learning to trust God to be my guide, protector, strength, comforter and giver of grace through whatever life may throw at me. Second being willing to ask for help when I need it (which I have always been horrible at doing). And third taking life in ALL of its facets ONE day at a time. I've recently decided it's time to get back at it where my weight is concerned. As of 7/1/14 I was back up to 203lbs. Not comfortable physically, clothes not fitting (size 16-18) and just feeling down about myself in general as well as not healthy. I was drinking anywhere from 44-120oz of diet mountain dew pretty much every day, had not exercised in years and not following the basics of how to eat properly. I started then exercising and I'm now doing daily exercise anywhere from 30min-1hr, watching my calories and eating protein first, drinking only water (this is only day 4 on that change) and rededicating myself to be healthy all the way around. Reading my old entries and thinking of the hard work involved in training for and completing a full marathon reminds me that I have it in me to work hard and that is what I'm prepared to do. I welcome any and all friends as I trudge the road to happy destiny :) God bless!

Oh my i can't believe I have not blogged in 6 months. That should tell you something, LOL. Whenever people avoid updates it's usually bad news! That's the case for me. I tell you what, this year has been a real struggle for me with my weight. I am currently up to 138-140 and I hate it but I am trying not to get too down about it. At 3yrs post op I am still at a healthy weight and in a size 4/6 jeans. I want to get back where I was and I believe I will but it is really very hard at this stage. I have had a lot going on this year and it has really affected my weight. I am an emotional eater and always will be I guess but I need to learn to manage it better. When I blogged at 2.5yrs I didn't mention some of the struggles I had been through because i was trying to avoid the topic and work through them.

The truth is my husband and I split up in Nov last year. We got back together around New Year's and that is when my weight started creeping up. I'm not blaming him, I don't understand the exact reasons but the coincedence is too big to ignore. I have struggled ever since we got back together losing and regaining the same 10lbs. Well we finally decided it was not going to work after nine more months of trying and our divorce ws final last Wednesday so I am hoping I can get happy and lose this weight. Here I am three years post op with a completely different life. I know it's so cliche to be divorced now. I don't blame the surgery like a lot of people want to do. The truth is I don't think I changed from who I truly am, I am back to who I used to be....the problem in part was that the (fat) person that my husband married was not the true me. I am ready to find myself again, focus on me and my daughter and just be happy. I am not concerned with finding a man ANY time soon. I can't wait to date and live it up though! And let me tell you at 3yrs post op I can drink with no problem too, LOL but I know I gotta watch that ;) So anyway that is my update. I wll be moving out of the house the end of the month (yes we are divorced and still living together) when my apt is ready and hopefully be updating you all of my lost poundage very soon....I will be back in those tight jeans again :) Later all!

Ok so I am about a week early but I thought while I had the time and some things on my mind it would be a good idea to blog. Next Friday I am going to be 2.5yrs post op! I cannot believe it has been so long and I am beyond thankful for the way this surgery has changed my life. I will NEVER regret my decision as I have gained even more than I have lost. I have gained self confidence, self respect, self esteem, energy, pride, joy, not to mention the ability to do a ton of things, wear what I want, go anywhere and do anything I set my mind to! I have proven myself to myself and to other people and I have added years of health to my life!

I want to take this time to reflect on some things that have happened to be me recently because I think it would be a disservice to anyone who reads my blogs to not know the full story. I gained some weight! Yep me, little miss "poster chld for WLS" as everyone likes to tell me. Well guess what, I'm not perfect I am only human and I let myself slip back into some old habits. I tell you this because I want everyone to be VERY aware that the further you get post op the easier it is to gain weight. You've all seen a lot of people do it and there is a good reason. it's easy to do! I can eat a fair amount of food now and what I can't eat in one sitting you better believe I can graze on it and get it in! I also unfortunately can eat sweets without dumping. I can't eat a ton of them but I can eat enough to add the pounds and sweets happen to be my biggest downfall. I love them! Cookies, candy, doughnuts, ice cream, you name it....if it is sweet I probably love it! I started eating a lot of junk that I didn't need to be eating and the pounds started creeping on. Here is the catch though, I stopped it and lost the weight BEFORE it got out of hand! That is the key people. We may have rerouted intestines but once we lose the weight (or even before, once you are close to goal) we are just like "normal" people in the sense that unlike before we now have to be aware of ourselves. We can't ignore lbs as they pile up and put changes off for another day.

We all have spent our lives hearing "skinny" women compain that they need to lose 5-10lbs all the while saying "whatever bitch!" to ourselves. Well now I can relate to that skinny girl. I am sure people look at me in my size 4 jeans and think what is she worried about? But I knew I had gained weight and I felt uncomfortable in my own skin and even more so emotionally/mentally. I was up to 137 which is a 10lb gain and I was not going to take it. So I got my butt in gear, got serious about cutting out the crap and eating right and now.....just one week later mind you I am back down to 129.5! I am proud of myself. It just proves that when you put your mind to it you can do anything. My "tight jeans" were my motivation and my real wake up call even more than the number on the scale. When I couldn't get into those jeans I knew I had to do something. I am in those jeans as I sit here typing this :) So the moral of the story is, if you are struggling don't give up! Don't beat yourself up for the mistakes you've made! Don't wallow in self pity and shame! Don't let yourself think for a second that you can't get back on track or lose the weight! You can do it if you put your mind to it! Don't put it off until next week, don't put it off until tomorrow, start right now! Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time if you have to and keep your eye on the prize. It's not always easy and you are going to slip up. The problem is letting those slip ups turn into habits. There is room for everything in our lives in MODERATION! Even my sweets...when I get to a point where I can handle them again, right now i can't and I am avoiding that all together. Know your weaknesses, know your strengths and do what you gotta do.

I am proud to be 2.5yrs post op and still wearing a size 4 and under 130lbs. I have learned one thing for sure and that is that this journey is NEVER over. It does not matter how far post op we are. If you had this surgery you are a food addict. I was a food addict 2.5.yrs ago, I am one today and I will be for the rest of my life. It is an addiction we have to learn to manage. We have to eat but we CHOOSE what we eat and how much. It's hard but we can do it! Keep up the good work everyone! Love to all!

Well it has been a long road getting here and I should have written sooner but time gets away from me. Anyway after I made the last post about the marathon being postponed, I ended up getting a REFUND check for my entry fee the very next week! They were so screwed up I won't even go into all of those details but it's insane. The race was supposed to be today, as of last week they were saying it was going to be cancelled all together and to be honest I'm not sure what ended up happening.

After I got my refund I took matters into my own hands (after being very pissed off initially) and signed up for another marathon that was scheduled for Oct 21 (the day after my 28th birthday)! It was the Nationwide Better Health Marathon in Columbus Ohio. A friend of mine and I went and did it together. Everything went smooth as silk and we did AMAZING! The time limit for walkers was 8hrs and for runners 7hrs. I finished in 6hrs and 40min meaning I walked it in less than the running time limit! I was very pleased with that as my goal was to finish in 7:30 :) My overall pace was 15:17, pretty awesome over 26 miles if I do say so myself. So it is official, I am a marathoner now!

My next goal is to work on running more. I want to be able to run at least half of the mini marathon next year but I'd like to run the whole 13 miles. Then when next year's full comes around I can run half of it and keep going from there. I am very proud of myself for sticking this out through all the obstacles I've faced. Once I set my mind to something nothing can stop me! Just wanted to update, talk to you all later!

I was just looking back over my profile and realized I've left out an important piece of info. I failed to mention that my marathon got postponed. I bet some of you reading may have wondered why I said nothing about my marathon. Two weeks before the marathon they decided to postpone it until Nov 3!! Pretty stupid and I was MAD but I am over it now. Anyway the weather had been really hot here and they decided they didn't have enough medical staff to accommodate the number of people who had registered. They didn't expect so many people to register the first year but it ended up getting a really big response. So now I have to continue training for two addition months which I was NOT happy about at all. I have almost a month of that behind me now thankfully so it is getting closer each day. I am so ready to be done with it and get on with my life! I did 18 miles two weeks ago and 20 miles this past weekend so I am getting to the highest point of my training again (I just went back two months on the training schedule and started over). Honestly I think it is hard on my body to still be doing this after so many months but I am hanging in there. So I just wanted to update on that. I may not write every single month anymore. Now that I am 2yrs out things don't really change much from month to month but I promise to update on anything important including the marathon when the date finally gets here. Until then....

From myspace blog pretty much sums up my thoughts:

Well today marks my 2nd rebirthday as many of my gastric bypass friends and I like to call it...some say surgiversary as well. We're pretty imaginative huh? LOL! Whatever you call it, it is a very special day for me and one I can't believe has arrived so quickly. When I think back over the past two years, really all a blur to me now, I cannot believe how drastically my life has changed.

Just two years ago I weighed 265lbs. At my height that put my BMI at 45.5 which falls into the category of morbidly obese. Let me tell you that is not an easy thing to hear, the word morbid attached to your condition. I had even applied for life insurance and been denied due to my morbid obesity and that really hit home for me, this company didn't want to insure me because they felt I was at a high risk of dying early. Wow! My body fat percentage was over 50% meaning that of the 265lbs I was lugging around, at least 130lbs of me was pure fat. I couldn't say I was just big boned or use any other excuse, it was FAT. I was wearing a size 26/28 in jeans and miserable in my own skin. I think I put up a pretty good front but on the inside I was very unhappy with how far I had let myself go. There was no one to blame but me, it was not genetics or anything else it was bad choices on my part and choices that no matter how much I tried I couldn't seem to get right long term.

On Sept 7, 2005 I walked into the O.R. of Carmel St. Vincent hospital at 11:55am and my life has never been the same. From the moment I woke up I knew it was the beginning of a new life for me and it has been. I have followed the rules given to me very closely and taken my decision very seriously. Gastric bypass surgery is NOT the easy way out. I still have to make (and struggle) with choices every single day about what to eat and not eat and whether to exercise. My new tool has given me the help and confidence I need to make the right choices. As a reminder to myself of what I was willing to give up when I had this surgery, I went on a protein fast this week. From Sunday night at dinner until Wednesday night at dinner I did not have a single bite of food, I only drank protein supplements and water. Was I hungry? YES! But I know now that what and when you eat is a choice and I used my tool and my willpower to say no to the food and remind myself of what I am capable of. 

My surgeon is amazing and I love her dearly for giving me a second chance at life. The Carmel bariatric center of Excellence is just that....excellent! I could not ask for a better support program to help me on my life long journey of continued health.

I reached my ultimate goal weight of 130lbs in November 2006 and have maintained at or below that ever since. This morning I sit here at 125lbs and thrilled with my life. I now have a BMI of 21 and a body fat percentage of 18% which falls well within the healthy range of 17-24%. That means that of my 125lbs I am only carrying 23lbs of fat. Now I can comfortably wear a size 4 in jeans, a size that was never even in my wildest dreams. I have also lost over 100 inches from my body, including 19 inches from my waist, 22 inchest from my hips and 14 inches from each thigh!! I can do ANYTHING I want to do now, as I have proven in the last few months with my marathon training. I look better on the outside but more importantly I feel better on the inside. I love the person I have become in just two years and person I know I can continue to be for life thanks to this surgery.

I want to thank every family member and friend who has supported me through the past two years and will continue to support me in the future. I know many people were scared when I made the decision to alter my digestive track forever, it was a big decision but one I would not change for anything. I was blessed with a speedy recovery, no complications and no troubles tolerating foods and I know how lucky I am. I also know how hard I have worked to get where I am and I do not give all of the credit to the surgery, it helped ME get myself to where I am today. You see many people have gastric bypass and regain their weight, that is because it is not the magic answer. I will never let myself forget that and I will continue to do what I need to do to stay the healthy person I have become and love. It's a wonderful life!!

Here I am for my usual update. Next month I am going to be TWO YEARS post op! Just blows my mind. I know you've heard me say that like two hundred times but it is so true. I have a good friend at work who just had surgery two weeks ago and I have told her that before she knows it she is going to be 6 months post op and wondering where the hell all the time went. It just seems like a blur, a dream or something like that. Sometimes I still can't believe it is all reality. I have had such an easy time too that there are days it seems like I had nothing done to me and I forget the my insides are permanently rewired for the rest of my life. It is so great now that I can just live a normal, healthy life and be like everyone else! 

Anyway in my last update I mentioned I was up a few pounds. I actually ended up getting as high as 131 which you better believe I had a cow over. I emailed my dietician about the carb loading and she told me NOT to do that. I wish I had asked sooner! She said just eat 100-130g of carbs every day and if I don't have enough energy for my long walks to let her know. So that took care of that problem. My next problem was a PB&J addiction. Sounds crazy right?! Well when I did the mini back in May someone had suggested eating  a bagel with PB on it for breakfast. I thought that would be too dry so I added sugar free jelly. Then the  next thing I knew I was hooked! I was using whole wheat bread, natural peanut butter and all fruit jelly but I'd say a sandwhich was easily 400 calories because PB is high calorie and fat. I believe that was a big part of my weight woes. I was eating one EVERY day, sometimes twice a day (hate to admit that but true). So on Aug 1 I put and end to that and I have been "clean" LOL for almost 2 weeks now. I had to actually get the PB and jelly out of my house in order to stop but I did it. I don't miss it at all now either! I have also cut back on my snacking because I know I eat at work and in the evenings out of boredom when I don't truly need to eat. I've done really good. My friend having surgery has really helped inspire me. It is a good reminder of where I came from, all the things I willingly gave up in the beginning, etc. Once you get to this point post op and you can physically handle things it makes it much harder to say no. In the beginning you could actually hurt yourself, it's not just about weight loss. But I am remembering that i have the CHOICES and if I make the right ones I can continue to stay where I am.

So all that being said I am back where I belong now! As of Friday morning I was back to 127. On Saturday I walked 22 miles for my marathon training and when I was done that day the scale said 126 so I am happy and feeling better. I only have 4 weeks left until my marathon so the next time I write I will be an official marathoner! How cool is that?! My next goal is to  learn to run. I can walk 26 miles but I can't run even 1 LOL. I'd like to be able to run the 5k for the Komen next April and/or hopefully run about half of the mini next year. I will be glad to be done with my marathon training so I can go back to other exercises like eliptical, stair mill and weights! Well this was a long one, sorry about that. I think that's about it so I'll see you next month and I'll have two years and one marathon behind me! Amazing how fast life can change!!