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Sometime I feel like I'm running in place...thats when I have to take a step back and look at my progress as a whole. I'm going in the right direction I just need to make a few tweeks here and there...
pounds : 233.9 pounds

What I’ve taken from this journey thus far....

I'm constantly learning and molding myself, trying hard to create an image of myself that I can be proud of.. it’s a struggle everyday.

It's going to take a lifetime to find my niche in life,I realize that now , I just hope I create milestones along the way that I can be proud of.

Finding the food that will feel fulfilling, palatable and pleasant in my pouch has been a struggle. I often feel nauseous or uneasy after a meal. It's a work in progress. Peanuts and nuts in general have been
comfort foods for me also, going to Juice It Up or Roebucks and adding my own protein powder to it has worked.

My problem with air pockets and food stuck in my chest has subsided. I’ve learned how to deal with it now. If my preventative measures don't work such as eating slower, taste testing, and eating foods that have already proven successful, I go to my last resort and that is to hurl it up. It works for me. But I just do my best to do the right thing first.  Everything I eat is thought about first. I have changed , I don’t live to eat anymore, I eat to live,,,it's a job and I don't want to get sick on the job. Although, I still try to test the limits every now and then. My pouch has become a definite preventive tool that I am thankful of most of the time.

I feel the loss of what I had before surgery , I am also thankfull of what I been able to take away from having surgery, Its a constant struggle with grasping at the idea of having  focrced myslef with  having to be selective with what I put into my mouth. I feel the loss , absolutely.  it's a choice I made and one thing constant in life is time.  It constantly moves forward the choices you make in life are going to stick with you forever. I  just have to keep moving forward and make the best out of the choices made,be smart about the decisions that I choose to make in my life.... Things get better with time..like fine wine.

At this point I need to work on my exercise habits. I have been walking the neighborhood a lot, And riding my bike with my son to the park. I will just  take it one day at a time and find a solution,  Secondly I'm applying for school to get my teachers credentials in the winter and then I plan on keep going to school for my doctorates ... Until next time.

My life is a journey of self-discovery, a journey that never ends.

My Weight: 248pounds

 

I'll be back to post my reflections...Life is like a Box of Chocolates..At this point I'm going through the Kubler Ross stages of loss when it comes to food..I'm at the bargaining stage..AND THE POUCH IS WINNING. 

cUURENT WEIGHT: 260 POUNDS.

This last month has been a learning process.....You just don't know the answers to ask pre-surgery...There will always be an I wish somone would of warned me about that feeling...

"Keep moving foward"

I consider the  RNY method to wieght loss as  the kick you in your ass method to loosing weight..... The first two weeks were good...I was following the plan..taking my vitamins....taking in the protein and exercing. ...then you start to loosen the regins a bit ..its natural ...

"With great success comes great sacrifice."

The protien drink started to make me gag I tried several kinds.......I contniued to get tired of it...just thinking about it makes me hurl. .....There is no one answer to the protein solution ...Secondly,I would eat too the point were the food seemed to settle in my throat and the only relief was to hurl...Thirdly,I had problems with the way I drank..it was like hot potatoe i wasn't sure If I was going to get gas pains  stuck in my chest or not. ..somtime the only relief was too hurl...These were my biggest obstecles....but you learn quickly how to adjust...Eventually you will figure out how not to keep getting kicked in the ass. 

Then there is the personal enjoyment factor...I was taken in more carbs than I should have once I figured out I could eat salty baked fries and bean burritos from del taco. I began to not count my protein intake and skip my multi vitamin..or not take the protinix...each day I had to find myself.
"
If you want to be different, do something different!"

I have found solutions to some of my biggest problems with the help of great friends of OH and my own self perserverence. Like my brother said,  "Lisa,Theres no turning  back now."

"I am much more interested in possibilities than limitations." 

current weight: 276.2 pounds
BMI:42

With the push of some friends and veterans online and advice of a friend who had the surgery the same day in the same hospital, I decided to eat prior to what the deadline on what the book said. I also followed my doctor’s order. So far in the second week I’ve eaten the following:  Milk, egg, mozzarella string cheese, baby shrimp w/ cocktail sauce, and refried beans. All went down comfortably although I still chew the heck out of everything I eat and slow and steady wins the race.

It’s true. I too had dream about food…. Mine was about an ice cream banana split. I dreamed that I forgot I had the surgery, so I went to Baskin and Robinson and purchased a sundae and ate it the way I always ate something I knew I really wanted to enjoy that I shouldn’t have, in hiding..  When I finished it , I  remembered that I had RNY surgery  and I got scared  because I knew I was going to get really sick so I braced myself for the punishment to occur. The dumping never happened and I began to cry….realizing that the “tool” did not exist and all the risk I took to alter my body and change my existence was all for nothing….. Then I woke up to my son crying in his crib thinking to myself, that was a weird dream.

My life is constantly evolving my existence is changing in the direction that I choose.  I feel that I gave myself an opportunity to gain more control of my path in life, I gave myself a tool. The tool is only as good as the person operating it ( I think that is what my dream was telling me)   I’m learning how to live a new way of life. I wake up and take my vitamins first thing in the morning..I prepare my protein shake to last for the day (went back to powder and add fruit now and milk. it’s delicious) ….I say my affirmations before I start the day…

My first follow –up with Pacific bariatric w/  Dr. Tanaka in Anaheim new stats:
-He says I can exercise in a month
-Take my other vitamens in 3 months
- Drive now...I'll be back to work monday
-see them in a month w/ labs

 Body Type: standard
gender: female
Age 34
Height 5'8''
weight" 285.0lbs
BMI 43.3
Fat% 56.4%
Fat Mass 160.5lbs
FFM 124.51lb

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have until next friday before I can start eggs, yougart and cottage cheese., cream soups and cheeses. I don't consider that a prize but anything is better than protein and water at this point. Iv'e been looking at other blogs who are at the point that i am or was and everyone seems to have no conceerns other than they have a sensation of eating again. I don't have that at all.  My Biggest probem is that I am always thirsty and the protein is starting to make me gag.

I am experiencing dry mouth. It’s like I can never drink enough to feel satisfied. 1 to three ounces every ten minutes is not quenching my thirst whatsoever. I’ve been carrying a water bottle with ice and have been sipping on it throughout the day. It helps somewhat. Am I always going to be thirsty? I’ve always been a big liquid drinker. 

 I have decided to mix my diet up a little. Last night I bought different flavors of crystal light. I love plain water, but in order for me to get through next Friday I had to incorporate something new in my diet. I also purchased Lactose free nonfat milk. Maybe I can use that as protein which will reduce the number of protein shakes I have to pour down my throat. Milk don't fail me now. 

At this point I am still pretty self conscious and cautious of how much I consume at one time because I don’t want my stomach to do a little dance, and make a little noise.

Well I am going to get down off my high horse, suck it up and keep moving forward. The birds are chirping reallly loud outside and the sun is rising thats my exit...By the way I did step on the scale and it read 292pounds.

The first few days have been a definite challenge for me. I’ve been sore my energy is a hit or miss and I'm already sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am unable to hold my son the way I want to so that's frustration for me and him. I'm not the best at being restricted in what I can do. It's a healing process I know and it's temporary but I'm still pissed off about it.  

 I had to figure out what's going to work for me in order to get through this healing process as smoothly as possible. I wasn't taking the pain medication because I didn't think I needed it...since I was barely using it in the hospital. My cousin came over who is a nurse and told me to take the pain medication. I told her how little I was taking it in the hospital. She said what they give you in the hospital was hardly nothing. She looked at my bottle and saw it was liquid vicodine. She said if you want to heal faster take the medication, stop living in pain. So I took my first dose last night and she was right it worked. I feel a big difference. 

The second thing I had to adjust was the protein. The protein powder regiment just wasn't cutting it.  I remember getting a bullet pro slam protein from GNC that had 45 grams of protein. I looked in the fridge and started using that then I went to the GNC and stocked up on more. If I have to take 60 grams of protein I want to get it down as quickly as possible.

 It 5: 37am the sun starting to rise I know each day is going to get better. Plus when I see the weight coming off and I can start going to the gym I know Iam going to feel a whole lot better. For now I just need to wade it out.

 

 

Friday
I had my surgery at 7:30am on Friday May 30, 2008. After getting into the room there was nothing to eat and drink until 8:30am Saturday morning. The most things there looking for is gurgling sounds in your stomach. Wasn’t out of the fog of the Anesthesia until 7:30pm that night. Brushing my teeth, using the swabs and rinsing my mouth help eliminate the desert mouth feeling,

Saturday
Then for that whole day in a Medicine size cup of ice chips 1 oz every hour. I wasn't really hungry so getting those ice chips down was a challenge because every time my stomach started to move I had to take like a 5 minute break until it settled. Walking helps pace the time and sleep. Now there looking for you to pass gas for me it happen in my sleep and then again when I woke. That’s a milestone, truly excited( I never thought i would be so excited to pass gass but when you feel bloated and gas  feels like cramps , air pockets in your gut all rolled in one...standing and walking helps, ps. it is bearable for all pre-op people...they said no to gas x)

Sunday
The next day Sunday we moved onto liquids. My first choice was sugar free popsicles. Same amount. So of course it fully melted and I wasn't able to finish it. I’ve still been doing my two laps about every two hours or more and my breathing contraption is in full use. I was ready to go home Saturday. I’m on apple juice now. A tad sweet but pouring it on my tongue at very slow intervals helps. You can’t sip due to extra air. 

At this point I'm doing the count down to go home. Luckily I met a really nice family, she is going through this with me. It helps to have someone to talk too. We go on walks together and she has become a lifesaver in coping with the hospital stay.

I checked in at 5am they took my weight one last time pre-sugery which was at 297.0 and gave me some blood thinner heparin which stung a little and had me change into a high tech gown which they blew warm air in. I was rolled into the pre-surgery room where they ask you why your here check your vitals and put leg pumps on you to lower the risk of blood clots.. The nurse Jiga was super nice and very professional.Jiga said out of all the doctors, my doctor was the one who stressed loosing the weight the most.This was the last room my mom could stay with me pre surgery. I talked with the anesthesiologist, operation nurse, and finally the Doctor, They both looked comfortable and in good spirits. Then I was rolled into the surgery room. They had their music on( it was  r&B, I would have preferred classical while being cut ) which was nice and there was a male nurse (tall black man with a beard)and the female operation nurse(Short hair pugy white lady). Your put on a tiny table strapped in and was ready to go. The next time I woke up was in the recovery room.  I thought they hadn’t done anything because I didn't feel any pain at first. The when I touched my self and felt my stomach strapped then I realized that I made it. I My mom said I was finished at about 12pm , they didn't roll me into a room until 2pm because there were no rooms available,

It took me 12 hours before the anesthia wore off. I saw one of my pre op friends in the recovery room. I first was introduced to her here on obesityhelp.com It was a good feeling to see her. There were a total of four people getting gastric surgery in my preop. Every one was so confident and ready, I didn’t feel nervous at all.

Later on at about 7:30pm when I felt functionable I asked were she and the other two patients. She stated there were two floors that people recovery on and since it was the weekend we would not be having the exercise classes were we all meet up. But she did say if she heard anything she would keep me posted. 
The first 12 hours I felt a little uncomfortable, a bit nauseous and the catheter wasn't pulled out until 4am the next morning. The other thing is you still can’t drink until 7am the next morning with the doctor’s approval. Am I having about 2 more hours? I was able to walk, brush my teeth and get swabs. It helps allot. I think there waiting for your stomach to have gastric sounds moving, it’s a sign to show that its functioning again . Ive walked three times already, each time gets better.

 

 

 

Well I’m going to rest now

 

I made it to San Diego  making a pit stop at the Walmart on Cairemont mesa exit. I wasn't sure if I should get a moo moo dress or some pajama bottoms...I opted for the pajama bottoms.  Also purchased an outfit because the one I was wearing wasn’t covering my ass. That’s what I get trying to wear the lightest thing in my closet for the all intensive weigh in.

My Concerns:
Leaving I was more concerned about my son's welfare than the surgery. Luckily his Father and Grandma are going to take care of him at home until my return. 

My mood:
I think  I am still in the skeptical stage. I will probably be this way up until they gurney me in to the surgery room.  I didn't even pack...I brought my laptop, my IPOD, My TV phone, socks ( required), a toothbrush, and deodorant  and pillows...I didn't forget those... My Mom is my Angel I couldn’t have picked a better person although I could have had a little less of  the vocal interpretation of James Cleveland on the 2 hr drive here.

 

Pre-op 
My Pre-op went smoothly … they give you a blowing machine to strengthen your lungs after surgery Iodine for your skin and the do’s and don’ts. Then the weigh in…. 

Pre Op Weight 
298.6lbs Height 5’8’’ 
surgery : Friday 5/30/08 at 7:30am.