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I GOT THE DATE....I was in the city of Montclair  on Central Ave and Route 66 on May 21 at noon in a Seminar.  The San Diego Area Code "619" showed up on my phone...I knew who it was. At first I said can I please have a date in late June or July not wanting to hear the date that she called for that was fear talking...She started to come up with some options.  Then I said by the way what was date were you calling to give me ....She said May 30... I was completely trying to keep my composure at that point.

All I can say is that I was a bit shocked. The therapist did say it was going to start in Late May...She was right. I turned to my mom who walked out into the front of the building with me. I asked her if she was going to be around on that date, she said I'm here for you and I told the Lady I will take it. So she said she will call me back with the instructions and confirmation. I hope I didn’t sound too precarious over the phone.

It was a bundle of an excitement ...a little fear... and complete surrealness all wrapped in one.  I started visioning how my life was going to be after the surgery. I'm ready. I couldn’t go back to the seminar right away so my mom and I walked over to Best Buy  for a bit to take it all in. 

For the rest of the evening All I did was repeat the day over and over again  and just began reflecting on my life and visioning my future.

I'm ready.  Friday May 30 2008 - My Surgery Date

I made it back from San Diego consultation. 
Got in to San Diego at 1am checked in at SummerSet Suites 
Hotel. Its litteraly next door.  4 fluffly pillows, Bathrobes, Kitchen ware , fridge...I wish I could stay longer. or at lest take a few souveniers. But I did neither.  

First I meet with the Internist first...He performed a second EKG... checked my vitals and gave me an all clear. 

Secondly, I went to See Dr. Rumsey ( next door)...he was very to the point matter of fact. I was given a full body analysis and a printout to keep for a souvenir. Gee Thanks. Once again given the negative followed by the positive and was able to ask my all important questions.  He said I need to lose 8 more lbs. Fudge.

I made a list Yep. I asked him 8 out of the 10. .the blood one was answered during his spill and the other one I felt was only for my personal gratification so I left the college one alone. Here are the questions I asked.

1. What is your MSRA rate, how do they treat it and how often is their staff tested for it
2. There are surgeries out there with better absorptions such as VSG, why is RounY the surgery of choice for Pac Bar
3. What happened to J.O who died 9-22-05..did it happened during surgery or after
6.What is the average length do you keep in touch with your Kaiser Patients after surgery ( since they are only contracted to your hospital)
7. Do you have a message board or contact board were we can ask Post op questions
8.Was George Univ. your 1st choice for med school and why
7.Is there other things you can look at and check during surgery such as my liver etc.
8.who are the anesthesiologist and what are their experiences
9. Are Blood transfusions done during surgery and can I use my own
10. What made you choose RNY as your specialty?

Finally I went to the Psychiatrist ...I think that was her house. It was pretty easy going her dog was snoring towards the end of the interview. And she stated I was the perfect canidate She asked question like when did you first realize your overwiegt? Did you grow up in an intact family? Did you have any abuse in your past? Etc. I Liked her,she had a very nice personality, 

So,that's it in a nut shell. The Best thing she told me is that if all goes well I should have my surgery sometime in May. Yep MAY...That is quick, before we went on our 90min  trip back home we detoured to beach to take pics.

Body Type: standard
gender : female
Age 34
Height 5'8''
weight" 302.5lb
BMI 46.0
Fat% 55.9%
Fat Mass 169.0lbs
FFM 133.51lb

I Did It.  I crossed the finish line…6 months Kaiser options Program Track 27 at Baldwin Park. Wednesday April 16, 2008.

The Instructor ( Mary Kate) of the program went to each person individually to see if there was anything left to complete before they grant clearance to fax the referral packet. Thankfully I had completed the course she stated the referral packet will be faxed tomorrow. She said Friday Afternoon I should call Pacific Bariatric to schedule my consultation with the Surgeon, Internist and Psychologist. 

Guess what? While I was in Lynwood, Ca today on 4-17-08 at 12:50pm on the corner of Martin Luther King Boulevard and Imperial Highway my phone rang. 

HELLO? “Hi may I speak to Alicia, This is Alicia“, this is Pacific Bariatric",   that was Quick.  I told them I am available anytime.I'm going to the consultation in San Diego on April 23, 2008

Ok weight don't fail me now..I need to have the scale move down in six more days.

current weight: 304.6 pounds 4-18-08

Spring – “The transition season”...It’s time to shed the fat

The Sun is getting brighter …Temperature slowly rising…. California Spring: The birds chip more…less clothes...The bugs hit your windshield more often.. Days get longer and the nights start to shrink.

Am I going to shrink? It's highly likely although I can't yet grasp that concept yet... Right now I'm just trying to maintain. If I could just not try to put on any weight at this point…I'm tired of fighting myself. Why do I choose not to want to succeeded is beyond me. I know in my heart that I want to win but my actions say otherwise. And actions speak louder than words.  I need to develop a plan that will work for me. 

My Goal this week: Take Care of Me ,Work for me and not against me. 

 

Love,

Me 

Thanks 4 the energy to keep moving forward in my journey. I go to this site for inspiration and motivation and sift through the stories of incredible leaps of faith to try to get to a better state in life .., mentally, physically and emotionally.        

Your words strengthened my conviction to walk this path.  All those words ring true in my life today…the aching feet, soreness, but I know there is a better existence and that is what I'm striving towards.

Today in class Week 22 of 24 of options the lady said at this point you should be coming in to agreement that you’re ok with what will be your life after surgery. I accept the vitamin regimen…I’m willing to risk my life for a hope for a better existence…and I will accept the goods and the bad that will result after surgery.  

You have to look at the big picture and decide is this a risk I’m willing to take. My answer is yes.

 One of my young clients   asked me
what my Moto was the other day and I told Him “Keep moving Forward, Don’t give up"...I am my own self motivator in life. I realize that...In certain areas in my life I require more inner fight than others...So I'm going to just keep pushing forward and creating milestones in my life that I can be proud of.

There is a lot of Phenomenal People on this site ,

 Thank you QwnBee 2007

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PHENOMENAL WOMAN
by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees.
I say
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It's in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 more clases to go..i Can't believe it. 
Last night we had guest speakers. One lady was 10monnths out and the other was 2 years out. The most intersting aspect of the entire class , was that they were both contradicting themselves. It let me realize that each person experience is different and unique. .

Week 19..3/14/08...305.5pounds


Today I'm going in to do my last set of labs and ct-scan of gall bladder and EEG.

I made up my 5 missed classes so now I'm back on schedule as far as the options program goes. 

The only thing I'm worried about now is being denied surgery do to my not doing the logs on consistent basis and not losing the required weight... 

On thing they have changed in options program is logs are not required on a daily basis anymore which works in my favor. 

I'm just going to keep moving forward and hopefully everything will fall in place with time and increased effort on my part of course.

My Thoughts...I'm Fat because.....
1. I am very critical of myself and I am not very accepting of compliments on success as it pertains to my appearance...My mom reminded me of when I was little and she used to say my doll...and I would respond Mom I'm not a dog. 

2. The weight has become something I hide behind and use so people can’t see me as pretty and I can stay in the background of things. 

3. I like drown in my own sorrow of things that happen to my pass. I need to accept the things I cannot change...Change the things I can and recognize the difference.

4. I have what other people label as shy moments in my behaviors, expressions, comments, I think it’s genetic.  I think allot and analyze allot and I am not much of a talker and If something is not relevant to me why should I be fake and go with the flow because its the "norm"...that why people say I'm weird but I look at them and smile but it frustrates me at times. They are passing judgment on me without understanding who I am or where I'm coming from.

I'm Back...
I was having feeling of hopelessness. i guess because Iv'e never been this heavy before in my life..the program is to long...and I have been stuggling with my eating habits. 


I came back becasue ...when I left options program..the little light i saw at the end of the tunnel went  dark..and I new if i left i would be 50 pounds heavier in the next 6 months.

and I haven't been taking advantage of the options program and following the contract they forced me to sign. ( well maybe not forced, but i don't think I had an option).

I have always had dropper outer syndrome. Its an ugly disease and I have not been able to find a cure. If anyone has a cure let me know. 

Im on week 19 of 24 and 2 more classes  to make up out of a total of 5 that i missed. i should be back on track by next wednesday beileive it or not. 
April 16 is the final class. 

As  far as weight loss.. drum roll please........0

yep i lost nothing ..not a damn thing. Iv'e got 1 month to lose 30 pounds..thats 10% of my weight. Have i been trying? I have spurts of energy here and there but nothing has been very consistent. 

As for everything else...My son turned ONE yesterday...happy Birthday Rome.  I take my final this satuday for the Cset to Apply to grads school for my teaching credential and masters degree.

My goal is to stay positive and Don't Give up. 

I finished my third week in the Options Program, 
21 more to go....

1st week:....10.24.07....308 pounds
2nd week...10.31.07... 309 pounds
3rd week....11.07.07... 307 pounds

My biggest obstacles at this point is the food diaries.
 Prior to going into this program my eating habits have been out of control. It's forcing me to actually think about what I put in my mouth and that is a bit of a problem because until now, I choose to stick my head in the cloud and detach myself from the food that I was in taking. Even though in my mind I thought I was not over indulging and being too gluttonous even though the scales don't lie (I plan on buying a scale this week).

The 1st two weeks I have been giving them the logs, only because they told me the first week, if I didn’t it would prolong my surgery date. I have not put much effort in being diligent in doing them accurately.  

Last night was the first group project ...what are 5 things that help you gain success in losing weight and 5 things that were barriers to your success.   The result of this exerciseis was that we all shared similar experiences. That wasn't a huge revelation although it is nice to have a reminder of it every once in a while and hear it spoken out loud in a bonding type of experience. 

Goals for this week:
1. Log in food Diaries Daily
2. Choose Healthier alternatives when eating
3. Exercise Daily...at least 30 minutes
4. Do The Homework

I did it....I made it through the first day of the options program. Traffic was a mess coming  in from LA with no minutes to spare I walked in to a class of about 20 people sat in the last row in the back ( I did consider sitting in the front row for a second) and listened intently. It waasnt' so bad but this nurse means business.

Food Diary...check
Be On Time and or it doesnt count.......double check
What goes on in the room stays in the room.....Hippa Laws you know...check
 
You have to weigh in before you enter the room  and I of course wasnt to happy with the number. At home my scale only does Kilograms,so I have to convert . I thought I took everything out my pockets...maybe I should of stripped down to my undies..ohhh well..The damage is done...now Its time to address and correct the issue (again).

Weight 308pounds as of 10-24-07.