Im In A Funk!!!

Jul 31, 2009

Im seriously tring to get myself out of this funk, but i keep going over the same things in my head.  Things like; if i want this surgery this bad that im willing to fight for it and risk my life in surgery, then why wont i get my ass on a treadmill or to the gym and eat properly and lose the weigth on my own.  I have really been beating myself up about this!  ITs Crasy!!!  I have done it lost the weight before but for one reason or another have gained it back, as im sure that we all have done........i feel im really read to make this change!  Just been beating myself up about it the past couple days!  Im usually a really dirrect person and tell people whats on my mind, and ive been really confident in my "real" life to tell people that im having this surgery, but inside im wondering if im -pretending to be confident so that I dont that the scepetics out there know that i too am nervous ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i guess it would help you all as well to know when helping me through this, that 5 years ago i was extremely sick and hosiptalized for a little over a year, durnign this time my father and my brother "helped" i say it in quotes because there form of help turned out to bite me in the ass, but thats anoter story, and took over my 3 little ones at the time.  Im scared for them, ive put them through alot with being sick, although i could not help it, and now this, my fear is what if i dont make it, i dont think that they could take it.  I am the person that they have to depend on , being a single mother, as some of you can relate too.  But as well, i feel that i am doing them a serious injustice by not doing this for myself because i will be a better mom for it!!!

Anyways just thought i would share with you all, you have been very supportive in the past and i was hoping that maybe you could help me out with some advice.

As you all have probably guessed that when i post a topic on here , i also copy and paste it to my blog within a couple a days, so that i can go back in my journey and see what i was going through and read your kind thoughts .......hope nobody minds

Thanks in advance, does anyone feel this way, or know someone that felt this way and you were able to calm there nerves somehow.

Also, I going out today to but WHEY, i used to drink it all the time, and loved it, so im hoping that over the next few months before surgery i will be able to take off some weight!

Cherie

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