SkinnySoon

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I can't believe I will be 10 months out in a few weeks.  Crazy!  I wish I were further along than I am, but it is what it is, and at least the scale is moving downward and not upward.  I was hoping to hit -50lbs.  I am close; today I weighed in at 182, -48lbs.  So I hope to get there soon.  I am definitely ready for my next fill.  I am getting hungry sooner and can eat more.  I have been trying to keep it in check.  The hardest thing for me is avoiding sweets.  I am a sweet fiend.  I have been walking a lot more.  The Bugg shows that walking burns a lot more calories than some of the other things I was trying.  On the plus side, I can walk anywhere at anytime.  So I walk to the furthest bathroom, I pace around the lab while I am waiting for the robots, etc.  It all adds up.  When I meet my goals which I set in my body bugg (eat 1000cals, burn 2500cals, deficient of 1500cals) I lose 3lbs a week.  Unfortunately, I let stress get the best of me and I use that as an excuse to fall off the wagon.  At least I keep getting back on.  In the past, I would have fallen off the wagon and burned it.  Haha.  Although I will not reach my goal of 130lbs by my bandiversary (Sept. 11^th), I will be healthier and no longer obese.  I may be able to reach the top of my healthy weight range by October.  That would be 14 weeks to lose 37 lbs (2.6lbs/wk).  Hopefully my next fill will help me reach my goals.  My next fill is scheduled for July 24^th.

Well, I do feel a bit better with my 5^th fill, but my weight has been bouncing around.  My mom has lung cancer and my father-in-law has colon & liver cancer.  So I have been upset about that and I have been running around trying to help out when possible.  So I have been using stress as an excuse to eat.  Grrrrr!  I don't know why I sabotage myself like that.  I decided to buy a Body Bugg to see if I can take control of my eating and exercise.  It arrived last week.  So far so good, I have been learning a lot.  For instance, the Bugg says that I burn the same number of calories sitting at my desk as I do when I sleep.  So I definitely need to move more since I am at my desk a lot during the workday.  Also, I realized that some days I was eating too few calories and other days I was eating way too many.  So I was essentially cancelling out my efforts and not losing any weight.  Hopefully this will keep me on track.  As of today I have lost 2 more pounds (since last month) bringing me to 187.5.

I went in for my 5^th fill today.  Everything went well; the doc gave me 0.5 cc., which brings me up to 5.5cc in my 10cc VG band.  I hope this make a difference.  I have been trying to get control over my eating.  Although I don't have adequate restriction, I still need to do my best to keep the weight off and even try to lose a bit.  So I have been exercising more and trying to eat better.  Over the past month I have been able to lose a total of 3.5lbs, bringing me to 189.5 lbs.  The biggest thing that seems to help me is, that I started the Plateau Buster diet.  I think I was eating way too many carbs and not enough protein.  

I am so bummed, my 5^th fill was cancelled.  The doc had an emergency surgery.  So I understand, but am still bummed.  I called to reschedule.  They can't get me in until April 15^th.  April 15^th…..that is another whole month.  That means between my 4^th and 5th fill I will have to wait 10 weeks.  I can't believe it.  I so need a fill.  I am eating way too much.  The scale isn't happy it is stuck at 193 (yes that means I am up by 2 from the lowest my scale dropped.  I want to cry.  I feel like such a failure.  I have no will power to speak of.  I can't muster up any motivation to diet.  Don't get me wrong I do try to watch what I eat and limit my portions.  Some days I am more successful than others.  I am so frustrated.  I just feel like what was the point of surgery.  All I have to show for it are some scars.  OK, OK, maybe without the surgery I wouldn't have lost the weight I have so far, but it is so hard to stay motivated.  I see so many people on this board who have been successful.  I keep telling myself that I am not a failure; it is just that I have a conservative doc, and it will take time to get where others are.  On the positive side, we started going to the Y this week.  It has been nice.  I am so out of shape, but I will get there.  I will do the best that I can and work my way up. 

OK, so far I have been bad with the whole exercise thing, so that isn't helping either.  The YMCA just opened up a new fitness center down the road from my house (about 2 miles).  My husband suggested we check it out.  It was really nice.  He said he thought we should join, this way we can go together.  So we signed up.  We used to exercise together, that was the only time I actually enjoyed it.  So I am really looking forward to this.  This is just what I needed to get my hopes and motivation back up.  Maybe this will help me tone up and lose some inches and pounds.  If nothing else it should keep me from gaining, while I wait for this tool to start helping.

I went to the support group meeting this month for the 1^st time.  There were a ton of RNY people.  There were only a few bandsters.  The bandsters meet in a separate room.  The meeting leader Marla lost 70lbs or so.  She looked great.  All the other bandsters had their surgeries this year.  So they were looking to me as an expert as I was the older bandster next to the leader.  I felt like it was hard to contribute.  I was trying to be positive and motivating.  But it was difficult since I am struggling. One of the bandsters I met here on OH came late.  We have been talking for month via PM.  So it was wonderful to finally meet her.  Allison was just as nice in person as she was over the net.  I am so happy to have her to talk with.  She had surgery 1 month before me.  Her story sounds just like mine.  So it is so nice to know I am not alone.

Dang!  I was so hoping this would last, but alas.  The sigh comes and goes.  In addition, if I eat too much, nothing happens.  No more ache in my back, so no reminder to stop.  Grrrr!  While the fill was working I managed to lose a few pound, the lowest my scale got was 191.  Now I am having my cycle, so I will avoid the scale, since it always says I am fat during my period.  Well at least I have another fill scheduled.  It is schedule on my 6 month bandiversary.  I was hoping to lose 50lb by then.  There us no way that will happen.  But I will keep trying maybe I can take off 3-5 more by then.

I can't believe it this fill seems to be working.  I am eating less, about 1c of food and I am satisfied.  I am not full, but I am not hungry.  I even have a soft stop.  I sigh, if I go past the soft stop I get an ache in my back.  I never realized that restriction would be this subtle, I really need to pay attention, or I miss the sigh.  I hope this lasts because it is great!  The scale has even started to move a little.

I had more 4^th fill today.  I talked with Dr. Boe and explained how frustrated I have been getting.  It is irritating that I am 5 months out and haven't lost much weight, as a matter a fact I put on a few.  Luckily it is just a few.  The few people, who know about WLS, have stopped asking me about my weight loss, as it is obvious that I am at a stand still.  Now they just look at me like, I guess the surgery isn't working.  Sigh.  Although I must say my Mom has always tried to be very understanding,.  My husband keeps telling me that I need to be patient.  He says he sees how I eat less, and it is just a matter of time.  But he doesn't really understand how I feel.  Some days he is very sympathetic, other days he just seems irritated….because I keep saying/complaining about the same things.   I feel like such a failure.  So after explaining this to the Doc, he said he would be more aggressive.  He gave me a 1cc fill brining me up to a total of 5cc.  I sure hope this makes a difference.

Although I do seem to have slight restriction from my 3^rd fill, I still get hungry shortly after eating the small amount I am suppose to have.  Since I am not losing weight by just eating until I am full (3-4 meals at >1c per meal).  I have decided to try really hard and follow the food plan Dr. Boe recommends (6 mini meals, ½ - ¾ c of food per meal).  After eating just ½ - ¾ c I get hungry in about 30 minutes to an hour.  I will try my best not to deviate from the eating plan.  Perhaps that is what is necessary for the scales to move.  I have been so frustrated and discouraged.  I knew this would take time and that restriction would not happen immediately.  I just didn't think It would be like not having surgery at all.  If I want to lose weight before the band start doing its part I must diet.  I have been fighting it, but that is the only way the weight will come off.  Double sigh!  I just need to keep chugging along, hold my chin up, I will get there eventually.