Finally found the blog post button!

Apr 17, 2017

Whew!!  I have been trying to figure out - on my own - how to add a friggin blog lol!!!  I finally found the button - NSV for me !

I am at 200.2 today, and will be 41 this year!  I am eating low carb mostly - introducing some different low carb items - like the low carb bread (on occassion) that Natures Own makes.  I can find it at a Dollar Tree here - I love it especially when I have a hankering for a grilled cheese sandwich.  My goal is to get back into the 180s, and I am enjoying this slow descent. I love the freedom and relief of not feeling panicked about weight fluctuations.  Seeing a drop or rise can be cause for concern, but is not a cause for alarm.  I can trace it back to menstrual cylce, eating, or another identifiable factor.  No bewilderment, which is another bonus. My sleeve has not failed me and we are working together - even after six years.  Surgiversary was April 11th! I still marvel at not being plagued by guilt and that incessant voice saying what I can or cant do for the sake of appearance or what I am afraid that other people may think will think are thinking.  I am grateful and still in awe of the movement of my body now, the endurance and energy that I have.  I still value and seek out the quiet in my head and heart. 

My workout regiment has stayed the same - lifting weights and on the elliptical 3X a week, wogging (walking/jogging) at least 3X a week - there is just something about excercising outside that feels clean and refreshing.  I am open to dating, but not pursuing/being pursued by anyone - my divorce has been final for a little over a year.  It just feels so...decadent...to be alone and spending time how I choose to, outside of taking care of my children and being present for their activities.  I still recall how checked out I could be at times when I was overweight - worried about the snickers and side conversations at my children's events - high anxiety to the point where I would opt out of attending because I felt like people were staring at or pointedly ignoring me.  It feels sooooo good to not be imprisoned in that space, and I am sure that some of the energy I have comes from not having that dedicated exhausting space in my head any more.

I went kite flying with my nature group this past weekend, and absolutely loved it.  I had a two-string trick kite, so I had to play with the wind and spread my arms wide to maintain the balance and height.  I enjoyed it thoroughly, so much so, and so enthralled that I forgot about my considerable batwings.  My shoes were off in the lush grass, the sun was shining on my body and arms, the breeze was blowing, and my kite was flying high.  It was a slice of heaven. I flew my kite for over 2 hours.  There is so much arm work involved!  But my arms did not get tired.  They were spread wide in celebration and deep joy!  I love it love it love it.  It also taught me that if I am doing something that I love and can get lost in, batwings dont matter.  I still plan to have plastic surgery when my money gets right, and I am really close!  But I will forever treasure those free moments. They fill me up.

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About Me
28.7
BMI
VSG
Surgery
06/09/2011
Surgery Date
May 09, 2011
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