Just plain pissed
Jun 17, 2010Ok I admit it. I have messed up.
My day goes like this:
Wake up way to late cause I am too tired to get up at a decent time.
Eat breakfast at work at my desk. It's anything from cereral to Qdoba.
Lunch (I don't pack it much cause I am rushing in the morning) so I eat whatever.
Leave work. Most times it is not at my normal cut off time cause I get stuck. Then I rush home. Try to cook for my family or if I am too late from work, guess what, fast food.
Spend 2 hours or so with family. Then bed.
Notice I can't tell you what I eat? I don't eat as much as I used to, cause I can't but I ain't doing no better. I don't exercise. I'm too tired, not motivated. I don't know what I need or should be doing anymore. I have never felt so alone in my life before ever! I can't talk to my family cause they don't understand.
I hate this whole journey because I have slid so far off the path I don't even see the road anymore. I can't remember the type of road it was, but I know it wasn't smoothly paved because this journey has been nothing but a struggle (except at the very beginning).
I feel like I have failed worse than any other time I tried to lose weight without surgery.
I called the clinic and the receptionist must had heard my distress (SOS signal) cause she told me to come ASAP (tomorrow) and has a game plan for me. Too bad I ain't got it all mapped out like she does. I pray she knows something to help me start crawling back to the road of recovery.
This food thing, is like being an junkie. I never been an alcoholic or drug junkie, but I am a food junkie, foodholic.
I got so much other bad stuff happening to me also all at once that some days I just wish life would end and this hellish journey would be over. I'm too cowardly to commit suicide so I know I will not end my life.
I'm lost, I admit it.
Jul 17, 2008