sleevicidal_maniac

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Today is my nine-month surgiversary. I have hit quite a few milestones without many problems and I am getting pretty close to all of my final goals. I am very, very happy with the choice I made to have a VSG and not a band or a bypass. I am sure it was the correct route for me. I didn't need the physiological rebuild that a RouX-N-Y gives you or the accompanying malabsorbtion, and I lacked the discipline and, therefore, would have cheated the lap-band. No doubt about it, I'm a sleever. Even better, it's taken nine months and I still haven't figured it all out, but I think I'm reformed too.

Reformed? Yes, reformed. You know how people always say, "in order to lose weight you need to make a lifestyle change."? Well, My lifestyle has changed. I would be outright lying to you all if I said I hadn't played around with the dark side over the last nine months either. You see, I'm like a 16 year old living in a 42 year old body. I still need to make mistakes in order to learn anything and eating with my new stomach is no exception. But despite my misgivings and mistakes, my sleeve always straightened me out.

So... what have I learned? I'm going to make this into a list format, because I skip over the fat and go to the numbered instructions, so if anyone like me (interpret as most men) reads this, maybe they won't be bored out by the most important part. 

1. My weight problem was never about food choices or activity levels. It was about portion control. I have literally dieted for 20 years. I have eaten everything and anything that was supposed to keep me lean, fill me up, burn fat, burn sugar, etc, etc. I know - now - that it wasn't what I was eating, just how much.
2. I can eat carbs again but they remain my weight loss/gain enemy. I have been able to eat most carbs, with the exception of soft breads, for about three months. After almost completely depriving myself of carbs as a part of my post surgical plan, my body didn't like them for quite some time. Well, I can now eat almost anything. About the time I started getting brave and trying some "new" foods, I also stopped losing weight. I brought the carbs back in check and whaddya know? back on the slide.
3. I can tell you exactly how much 6oz of food is! That's what I can eat. Any combination of almost any food about 6 times a day. I don't usually do that, but I could if I wanted to. This is important to know because, in theory, I could eat a solid 2+ lbs of crap if I chose to go back to my wicked ways and force a weight gain. Please - Sleeve Police - don't worry, read the next one before you put an APB out on me.
4. I care about what I eat. I can eat much more than I do. I can also eat a lot more bad foods than nutritious ones. I make better choices than I ever have.
5. I no longer feel the dieting deprivation and resentment that I felt pre-VSG. When dieting, especially when I was rocking, I often would "reward myself" with a snack or a cheat because "I'd been so good" or one of these "wouldn't kill me."  Well, we all know how that goes. Now I treat it differently. I don't feel like I'm on a diet, I eat when I'm hungry and I fill up fast. Bonus. If I feel like a treat, I review my options and if I have a craving that only a piece of chocolate or a gummy bear will satisfy, I act like an adult and have a Hershey Kiss or a couple of gummies and then I go about my business. I'm not on a diet, I eat the right amount of balanced, nutritious foods and therefore 50 calories of a sweet once or twice a week isn't ruining my life. Funny how it works.
6. I write things down. I weigh myself every day. I take my BP every day. I keep a comprehensive food and activity log every day. Any time something is out of line, I cross check it against my journal and it's very easy to put my finger on what I changed - for better or worse.
7. The most important thing I've learned about myself is that I am a happy, kind and energetic person. I used to be everyone's BFF. I used to be the life of the party. I was the first one on the rope swing, the first one to make the sad person laugh, the first one to talk to the new guy... then I got fat and I was just miserable. In turn, I made everyone else miserable too. It was how I coped. I haven't had a fight with my wife in nine months. My daughter loves me and I just get along with everyone. I love this about myself.

So, to get to the numbers, I'm at a skinny 205 (204 point something) and down 95lbs from my surgery weight of 300. My BMI is 27.1, still overweight but not obese and my body fat is 20% - in the healthy range (>22% for males 40-59) for the first time since I was 21 years old. I am down 13" in my waist and two or three sizes in everything else - I had to buy a new race car helmet because even my head is a full size smaller!

I am off of all of my meds except for my acid blocker, and my appointment with my GI doc is in July so that's coming too. My BP is a steady 108/73 and my resting pulse is around 50 BPM. I do a lot of funky things like kayaking, race cars and climb poles for work so my exercise hasn't really changed other than walking the dog 2 miles about 4-5 times a week. I still don't go to the gym. 

As for my diet - what diet? I eat whatever the people I'm with are eating with a few exceptions. Like I said earlier, I can't digest soft bread, it stops at the top of my skinny little stomach tube and acts like a cork that holds everything else and causes great pain. Many white carbs cause the same discomfort/pain and therefore I pass on them. I choose to avoid sugary snacks, fatty foods, fried anything. I will enjoy a snack or a sweet treat now and then, but my limited carb intake accounts for limited carb cravings. I have not had a sip of soda or beer. I have had wine on a few occasions, but a glass gets me drunk so I stop at one, or even 1/2 a glass.

Now that I am flirting with 100lbs of weight loss and as healthy as I've been as an adult, what else is there? Well, I am fitting into the coolest clothes I have ever even wanted to wear. I am running around like a teenager doing cool stuff all the time. I participate with my daughter actively in her sports and school events instead of just being a spectator (this has been a blessing for both of us). I have squeezed myself back into a race car instead of just being a builder. I've mentioned this before but I don't snore any more. My businesses are both thriving - because I'm fully engaged and attentive as well as energetic and patient. And, perhaps best of all, my wife says I'm as good in the sack as I was when I was 19!

I guess I'll be back in August for my one-year check in but I promise I'll post as soon as I get to 100lbs. I love you guys and I love this forum and I can't say enough for the support it has provided throughout my entire rebuild. I pray that all of you reach your goals and learn about yourself the way I have. It has truly been my greatest reward.

Boy, have I learned a lot about my body, my family, my friends and myself. If you read back into my blog, you will see that this story started out a littler scarier than planned. I had a little more discomfort than anticipated and some complications that took time to overcome, but six months out, I have a whole new life.

Just by the numbers, I am pretty happy with how things have and continue to progress. As of this morning, I am down 86 pounds. My goal is 112, so I'm doing fine on getting there. I still lose weight, just at a slower pace, about 1-2 lbs per week.

I feel wonderful. I fit into awesome clothes. Almost every day, somebody tells me how great I look. I do things, I enjoy everything more. It's great.

At six months, my eating looks like this:

0630 - multivitamin, actigall

0700 - 1 scoop of protein powder with almond milk, or protein juice or cold coffee and ice - about 2-300cal

0830 - snack of fruit snacks, small piece of fruit, 100cal pack, light granola bar, some nuts - 100cal

1000 - prevacid

1100 - another small snack or a drink. Something sweet but not crazy like a zero cal sports drink or a small fruit juice. Sometimes I'll have a cup of coffee with milk and sugar. 100cal

1200 - lunch. I can still only eat protein so I make a bunch of things on the weekend to bring to work. Turkey meatballs, small hamburger patties, a fruit and cheese plate, hard boiled eggs, high quality deli meat rolled on a white cheese. I eat about 3-4 oz of food, sometimes it's too much, but I'm usually full. I still have a difficult time with carbs and veggies when eating them with other things - for example - no sandwiches. 250-350cal

1500 - another snack. I keep good items in my car, small boxes of raisins, 80cal fruit snack packs, cheese sticks, single serve packs of mixed nuts... anyway, another 100cal

1800-2000 - dinner. I eat whatever my family is having, just a little bit. I try to mix and match but usually with painful results. I just sit at the table and pick at different things for as long as I can take it and until I'm full. I'm pretty good at stopping because a few times, I ate more than I should have and it hurts like a sunuvagun. I don't weigh, measure or plan very often because my sleeve limits my intake. I doubt if I ever have more than 500cal, but I think it's typically about 3-400.

I drink water all day long. I will have a couple small drinks of fruit juice, coffee, tea, sports drinks too. I only count them if they have calories and otherwise I just keep drinking. I will still pick at things because I'm only taking in 12-1500 calories on any given day and I'm an active man, 6'1". I know it's why I'm still losing weight. I have been exercising a lot more than before the weight loss. I play basketball a few times a week, own two businesses that keep me on the go nearly seven days and when the weather breaks I'll get my kayak back in the water. Autocross season starts April 20th and that's pretty demanding as well, so I imagine I will hit my goal by my anniversary in late June.

I finish each day with a second gall bladder pill and a BP pill, but those will be gone very soon. On March 5th I have my 6-month checkup at the bariatric place so the Actigall will be done and my BP is down to 110/70 with a resting pulse around 55. I can't imagine I will be on the Lisinopril much longer either. I think I need to stay on the acid meds a little longer.

Like I said before, I still eat too much pretty often. My stomach will hurt anywhere from a few minutes to an hour. It takes that long for my stomach to pass whatever it is that I shoved down my throat. I don't throw up. I do get a backup. I think others describe it as "the foamies" where I get a soft, airy, foam coming back and sitting in my throat and occasionally making all the way into the back of my mouth. I think the Prevacid helps because it isn't acidic like vomit and it doesn't burn like reflux, just pretty uncomfortable. 

I often get hiccups and, embarrassingly, I have a lot of gas. Otherwise, since my rocky start, I've really been pretty much symptom free. I am so happy. I don't stew on it too much, but I do occasionally think about what my life could have been like if I'd never been fat, been able to control things on my own or even just gotten my VSG sooner. Whatever, I'm glad I did it when I did. It may sound weird, but I'm glad that the complications came and went because they put an exclamation point on the value of improving my life and gave me a new perspective on who and what is important to me.

I had posted every few days, then once a week, then every two weeks and now I'm trying to post on milestones or anniversaries. I might not be around for a while, but I thought this was a good time to add an entry. I hope you all are doing awesome and kicking WLS-Butt! 

I'll see you on the skinny side. Jason

I had my first post-WLS Thanksgiving Dinner with my family. It was a double-edged sword. On one hand, I was sad because my plate resembled a TV dinner with my tiny little portions of everything and because the Dallas Cowboys suck (that's another story, but a constant source of depression and anger for 33 years...). On the other hand, I felt so great afterwards because I ate what I needed and wasn't tired or stuffed or sick or bloated and watched everyone else stuff themselves and run the gamut of those sensations. It's amazing that this is an American ritual - eating until we are physically stuffed. I don't get it much more than to say that it's no wonder that every other American (one of two, not every beside me...) is obese. I said a couple of silent prayers for what I am thankful for this year.

I am down to 230lbs, 70lbs from my VSG weight of 300 and 42lbs from goal. This coming Wednesday is 15 weeks. I have been very good about exercising. I live in a pretty rural area and walk a two-mile route every morning with my dog. I have been jogging for a block and then walking for a block, my own kind of interval training and it it's going great. The dog loves it too. I have been averaging about five such walks each week and getting ten miles and two and a half hours of cardio that way. I also moved our elliptical and Ab Lounge upstairs and have been doing crunches every day as well, I started at about 30 and I'm up to 50. I will work on getting that to 100 each morning. I'm sure it will help with the excess baggage around my waistline.

Speaking of my waistline, it continues to shrink. At my fattest, the pants I wore were 46 waist and I had some with the elastic extender sides that stretched out another inch or two. I am now wearing old fashioned Levi's and Lucky jeans in size 36 and 38. I kept my work belt for my own purposes and I have drilled eight extra holes in it. It literally wraps past the side loop on my pants and is starting to go around the back. I wear it a full 12" smaller than I used to. It's crazy. All of my other fat body parts are shrinking too! I had to get out the regular sized sleeve for my BP machine, my collars on my button-down shirts are 2" too big, I am running out of long-sleeved shirts that I can wear after a dozen trips to the goodwill box giving all of my clothes away and even my shoes have some room in them as, apparantly, my feet were even fat.

I also began ice skating with my wife and daughter. I was a hockey player until graduating from high school and one of my favorite forms of exercising was open session at Winding River Ice Skating Center. I took off 25 years because I was afraid to get hurt or to fall or to be too tired or... you know what I'm talking about. Well, I'm back baby. That's a good thing. I went a few times in the past couple weeks and even put my skinny feet back into my skates from 25 years ago. They haven't fit in almost as long. I left them to be sharpened yesterday along with my new skates. I think I might leave a pair in my truck like I used to do and then when the ponds and bays freeze stop on the side of the road and go for a quick skate.

I have a Doctor's appointment tomorrow to review my blood work. I had the labs done on Black Friday. I'm not sure what they're looking for, but that's what's next on my regimen. I'm pretty close to my surgeon's goal of 65% of EBW, which for me was 73lbs. I know he'll be thrilled to get another patient to the mean, but I am serious about wanting to get my BMI back below 25 to a "normal" weight. I can honestly say that there was only once in my entire cognitive juvenile, preteen, teen and adult life that I ever recall being "normal" always "overweight" and for the last 20 years, "obese". My BP is really good - I'm pleased about that but I'm still on Zestril. I also still take the Prilosec but I will speak with him about that and the Actigall is another 16 weeks I think, then that's gone. I really hope to get off of my blood pressure medicine, and get to where the only pill I take is a vitamin, but I'll go ahead and let my PCP be the judge of that.

Anyway, I'm pretty good. I feel good. I look much better. I am doing things I haven't been able to do and have been spending more time with my family doing better things and being a better dad and husband. I still have my moments and suspect that certain parts of who I am will never change - for better or worse - but the metamorphosis have been pretty awesome. I will get another post or two before Christmas and maybe put up some more pictures.

Thanks to my friends who reached out after the storm. It helped cheer me up. It got pretty nasty around here and the whole area was depressed, depressing and just sad. I pray the worst is behind us and look forward to tomorrow and tomorrow's tomorrow. God bless and I'll see you all soon.

 

 

Wednesday marks week 13 for me. It also marks three weeks since Superstorm Sandy destroyed my home town and so many areas that we grew up in and around. I was born and raised in NJ. I spent 1990-1999 in FL before returning to the Garden State to raise my own family. I never really knew just how fond I was of my home state until three weeks ago when Sandy turned our lives upside down.

My family was very blessed. My parents and sister lost power for a few days. My wife's side fared even better. I had a few small branches down and my hammock flipped over - otherwise you'd be hard pressed to know it had even rained on Monroe Ave where I live. But... that was just in my little tiny world. At 730 am on October 30th, my phone started ringing and now, nearly 3 weeks later, and it's just finally calming down.  

I can hardly describe it. Driving my big truck into the water and looking out the window at the boats operating next to me. Wearing chest waders and towing my kayak behind me, pulling people and pets from their homes. Carrying my Goddaughter and her brother out through 40" of water around their whole house. Wiring a  generator to a fuse panel so my best man could have heat and hot water for his family. Working one block west of Army Blackhawk helicopters extracting people from roofs. This is not the third world - it's New Jersey for God's sake. I spent last week in Seaside Park, on the barrier island. Every house on every street east of the Barnegat Bay and south of the Tunney Mathis bridge is uninhabitable. Every belonging and every item that was inside the house, to include construction materials like walls, floors, carpets and insulation are now outside of the houses - every house. Where are they going to put the garbage?

I am just beside myself. The devastation is a bit overwhelming. There are subdivisions that have been here for 40, 50 even 60 years, that no longer exist. They're gone entirely, absolutely nothing left. It's mind blowing. There are entire towns where eight or nine of every ten houses are off of their foundations. I have some video and pictures but I'm not ready to look at them, Maybe by next post.

I weighed 235 today which means I'm down 65 pounds in under 13 weeks, which is a 5lbs/wk average. I like that. At that pace, I have 9 weeks to goal. Probably unrealistic to think I can get there in nine weeks, but why the heck not?

I drilled four more holes in my belt and keep bringing clothes to the goodwill boxes. I bought some jeans but had to bring them back before I got to wear them. I am exhausted. I also haven't been able to eat very much. Pretty much everything makes me feel lousy. Maybe it's all related? I've been at it for 16 or 18 hours a day for three weeks... I don't know. I'm falling asleep on my keyboard and it's only 10:15... It must all be related... I'm going to bed. I will edit this later for a few items I need to remember. God bless us all, and Happy Thanksgiving. We have so much to be thankful for this year.

Today marks 11 weeks from my surgery. Yesterday was my 41st birthday. I didn't make an entry last week because we were cleaning up from Superstorm Sandy and then traveling to Puerto Rico. Everything's been a crazy blur for the last two or three weeks and life moves on. I don't really know where I'm at. In fact, I'm not really feeling "it" right now. I do know I've lost a little more weight, but just a little.

I have a few new observations. They are not positive or negative, just observations. I am going to list them below - in no particular order, just some things that popped to my head lately.

I look different. I feel different. i am surprised to see myself in the mirror. I keep changing, seems like it's happening fast. My face looks different. I think I'm going to allow my hair to grow in a little bit because it looks kind of thin on top and I think that I look younger but the thinning hair throws a counterpunch to the rest of me.

I am hungry all the time. I don't know what "head hunger" is. When my stomach gets going I try to drink some water and see if it takes away the hungries, but most of the time, it's that I need some food. I can't eat a meal, just some of this or some of that - a few ounces at a time. I eat about six or seven times a day, which is too frequently according to the plan, but it seems to be what it takes to keep me going. I have a protein shake in the morning and I count that, so I am probably only having one extra "meal", but it still is a little annoying. I feel like I always have to carry food.

I have thrown up, but only once. I get a little bit sick at least once a day. Sometimes I think it's from eating too much, but mostly I think it's from eating too fast. It took 40+ years to make that habit, I guess it will take more than 11 weeks to break it.

I hate going out to restaurants. This is a little bit of a touchy subject for me. I loved dining out - not eating out - dining out. I am a gourmet cook - so much that I considered opening a restaurant. I know all of the best places, around the state, country and the world to get the finest, most delectable goodies. I wasn't a ravenous eater or a glutton, I just really, really enjoyed going out and eating the creations of fine chefs. Now, I stare at menus and pick apart every item.  I figure out why I can't have anything the places offer and end up really sour over the whole experience. It makes me sad because I know I am ruining my wife's time and while I am intentionally trying not to do that, I still am a little bitter about it. I recently went to a restaurant called Marmalade in Old San Juan, Puerto Rico. This is a 5-star restaurant where everything on the menu is a gift from above. I ordered tabouleh. WTF is tabouleh? I'll tell you - it's ground cauliflower with some cucumber and other crap in it. It's a side of veggies for goodness sake. I liked it, but it would have been much better as a side to a piece of meat or fish. If I order a piece of meat or fish, I can't eat anything else. I want risotto. I want a little piece of bread. I want to be able to eat more than a forkful of anything again. I want to enjoy a restaurant. 

I still feel regret and anger. Not more than I am happy about my weight loss, but I do nonetheless. I love every minute of every day that doesn't involve food or eating. I like getting dressed and I like to go about my business and not feeling fat or being looked at. I like blending in and I like not being tired, winded, achy, bloated. I don't know if I regret not being able to do this without the help of my surgery, or if I am angry at myself for needing surgery, or angry at people who don't need surgery. I just don't know. I just know that every so often, I just feel mad that my new life, for as great as it is, no longer includes some of the very things that made me who I am.

I took of my shirt and didn't care. I have been flipping through before and after pictures. I have no pictures of me without a shirt. This is because I never went without a shirt. I was humiliated to be without a shirt. This kept me from swimming and the beach, surfing, snorkeling, diving, water skiing, just plain old being a guy in the summer. I always had a farmer's tan and I always wanted to walk around without a shirt without feeling self conscious. I was away for four days and every day, I took off my shirt and did things that the other guys were doing and nobody looked twice. It was awesome. There were other guys there who were fatter than me. I am not ashamed to say that I liked not being the fat guy.

I took my first post-VSG vacation to a sunny place and enjoyed it. Carrie and I went to Puerto Rico. We stayed in Condado. We stayed on the beach and did all the things I used to scorn - sour grapes. I loved it, it was a blend of the prior observation (taking my shirt off) and the next (activities). I look forward to another trip like this with my daughter.

I look eagerly forward to activities but still hate exercise. So, while we were in PR we did things every day. We started each day with a 3+ mile walk around the lagoon at Condado. We went kayaking once during the day and once at night in the bioluminescent bay. We hiked the waterfalls up the side of a mountain in the rain forest at El Yunque. We went snorkeling and swimming and we danced in the streets to live music. It was just amazing. Even before that, I have been walking 15 miles a week with my dog, Dallas. He wakes me up at 615 every morning and we go. I love it. I am exercising more than I have since my ROTC days 20 years ago but I still won't be going to the gym.

I want to change the rest of my life. I want to do different things. I want to do the things I haven't done in 20 years because my weight prevented it. I want to change my job, I want to move, I want to wipe the slate clean. I can make some changes, others are more complicated. I always liked doing different things. This has superseded liking and having the urge to. I really think I am going to need to change my daily scenery. I don't know why, I just know that it's coming. 

I think I'm nicer. I'm just not angry or bitter any more. I used to be the life of the party, the fun guy, the one that everyone loved and followed. The fatter I got, the more bitter and unpleasant I became. I alienated some friends, estranged myself from certain family members and just generally became less nice as I became more fat. I don't hate myself now and this has made me a much better person to be around. I don't freak out as much, I enjoy being out and around other people again and, in general, I'm about back to my old self. It's nice to be nice. I had forgotten.

I still have a long way to go. I am 241 lbs which means I'm down 59 lbs since surgery and have 53 to go to make it to my final goal weight of 188 lbs. As of yesterday, I have one year to make it in time. My BP is good, but I still need medicine to keep it that way. I do not snore at all. My wife lies awake and watches me sleep in amazement. She said I sound like a baby and she thinks it's sweet. She sleeps better than she has in almost 20 years too.

I have to get back to work because there is a lot of cleanup to do since the storm. I will try to include some Sandy remembrances in my next post, for you and me. See you in a week or so.

 

 

Wednesday marked nine weeks for me. So this post is a couple days late because I spent the last two weeks on the road traveling for work, which in itself, was interesting. I finally made it home at 630 Friday morning, unloaded my duffel bag took care of the unmentionables and stepped on the scale. I was very excited to see that my three day road trip brought me four pounds of weight loss! So with the couple of pounds I lost last week, I'm within spitting distance of 60lbs and 3.5 past my halfway mark! I guess, if making it to goal is a climb to halfway and a gentle ride to the other side, I've reach the downhill part of the trip. 

So, what are the details? Well... today marks 65 days post-op. I have lost 59.5lbs from surgery. My overall goal is 112 pounds so my personal milestone was 56, marking halfway there. My waist is now an honest 37" down from an equally honest 46-48". My neck is down from 18-18.5" to under 16", which I can't remember since I started measuring my neck - maybe high school? My BP  has been floating around 125/85 but I'm also off of meds for the first time in, well, since my neck wasn't 18" and I feel pretty good that it will slide itself back down in short order too. I take the Prevacid once a day and the Actigall in the morning and at night. Other than that just the vitamins. I feel so good and I look so different that I brush my teeth with the lights on and my shirt off, staring at myself. It's so weird.

As I said, working on the road has been interesting. I packed a cooler and premeasured my chicken salad, yogurt, cottage cheese, trail mix, cheese sticks, applesauce and drinks and load them up in the truck. However, I also ate out once a day. I had a 2pc chicken fingers from Arby's - it worked for me. I ordered a slider appetizer from Applebee's and only ate the patties. I ate all three and it made me sick. Two was enough, I'm guessing they were 2oz each and I just ate more than I could handle. I went to Subway for a breakfast sandwich, ordered an egg white, ham and cheese and only ate the insides (no bread). Sick again. These are my three staple foods, so I don't know what did it this time unless it was just the processed food that did me in, but that was the worst I've been in six weeks. Finally we went to Texas Roadhouse and I ordered a chili appetizer with a little bit of raw onion and some cheddar cheese. I ate 2/3 of the portion and was full, felt great and enjoyed myself. I don't know if I will ever get used to what I can eat, but I promise you I am actively logging what I can't. 

It's really something. The deeper I get back to my old life, the farther I am from my old lifestyle. I wonder if that makes sense? I had a busy weekend making hurricane preparations and now, I'm at my office, unplugging computers, lifting them off the floor and buttoning things down to see what today brings. I'm supposed to go to Puerto Rico at the end of the week with my wife. i hope the weather permits.

I guess I will add another quick post before I go away but for now, I guess I need to continue shutting down. Good luck fellow east coasters. I hope this storm is just an overblown rainy day - no pun intended. God Bless.

 

 

I'm on a work trip so I'm just taking a few minutes to update my blog. I mostly trolled and lurked this week. No real reason, just tried to step up some of my other projects. I spent a full week in the shop working on my cars, got a trailer put together for my kayak, pulled the big boat out of the water for the winter, walked six days with my dog and got on the water for a couple hours on Sunday morning. Wow! This is what my life used to be like... Maybe I should take a few more weeks on light duty?

I have been starting each day with a protein shake and eating five or six times a day. I'm up to 3-4oz at a time. The denser the food, the less it takes to get me past the hunger and back into whatever I was doing. I have not made a really serious distinction between "meals" and "snacks?" I made a big pot of 2oz fowl balls (turkey meatballs) and was eating a couple a day. I stepped it up to one and a half at a time. Cottage cheese, yogurt, cheese sticks, turkey breast, eggs, turkey sausage, grits, kashi, some nuts and a little dried fruit make up the rest of what finds its way into my mouth and my new stomach. 

I do find myself pretty hungry pretty often. I don't know about "head hunger". I know that my stomach growls and gargles and when I'm hungry. If I can eat, great, if not, I try to drink some water or water alternative. Sometimes it makes me feel better for a minute, other times not. If anything, it's a little less convenient than my "prior life." I am getting used to it.

I weighed in at 246, down 54lbs from surgery. I'm down to the last week and a half of the beta blocker and hopefully, I will be able to stay off of BP meds entirely. My BP has bumped up just a bit again, but not anything crazy - 125/85? we'll watch it for another week or two and then make the call. Other than that, I only have Actigall for another 20 weeks and my Prevacid until someone tells me otherwise. I'm thinking by my anniversary in June that I won't be taking anything other than vitamins.

Other than being busy, I have had a pretty normal, if not boring, week. My new life is becoming routine except for my shrinking body. It's pretty terrific. My first goal is 56lbs - halfway to 112 - which is my total goal.. I have to believe that this time next week, I'll be there. My pants are feeling loose and my belt is out of holes... I hope that nine (weeks) is my lucky number.

  

Today marks seven weeks for me since my surgery. I have had a great week so far with a couple NSVs and a weight loss milestone. I think it will only be a few more days until I get to halfway and actually take a few photos of myself - for myself - so I can start internalizing the fact that this is what I look like now. So, I'll give the boring details in a moment, but first, I'd like to memorialize my NSVs, for me and for anyone who reads this post.

The first one began on Sunday and was cemented today. I had spent some time thinning out my armoire and closet and bagged two big garbage bags full of clothes that were too big and needed to go to Goodwill. Issue at hand was that I didn't have any jeans that fit. Since I work in jeans five days a week, this is a problem, so I ran to Costco because I saw they had regular ol' Levis on sale a few days earlier. I only bought two pairs since I can't imagine them fitting for too long - they were 10" smaller than the last pair of jeans I bought around this time last year. Even better - they are too big already! I increased my exercise about 10 days ago and had three big days this week and the pants that I bought on Sunday are already literally falling off today. I only took the tags off one pair, so the other is going back, but my mind is blown. I lost 2" in 4 days and I'm going back to get my first pair of jeans in the 30's in about 15 years because I have lost 12" around my waist since my VSG just seven weeks ago.

My second NSV was on Monday. I visited my PCP. I've been seeing the same doctor since 2003. I really like him a lot. He listens, he stays current with his practice, remembers little things from past conversations, takes his time with me and responds quickly when I need something. I had a 1015 appointment and I was sitting in the waiting room. He comes out to the waiting room - twice - and then finally goes in and asks the nurse if she'd heard from me and she says, "Doc, he's sitting right there!" He didn't even recognize me! I just saw him a month ago to discuss my medications and the complications from my surgeries and he looked me straight in the face and didn't even recognize me! I laughed out loud. It was awesome. I jumped on the scale, blasted off another twenty-something pounds since my last appointment and got relieved from all but the last of my meds. I spent almost an hour detailing everything I have been doing, eating, exercising and just really talking about the surgery and my results. Before I left he asked if I'd be open to talking with some of his other patients - and he's not even a bariatric guy. Wow! I felt great.

So my milestone was 50lbs in 49 days. Prior to my surgery, I didn't really know what the time frames were and what to expect, only that everyone progessed a little differently. I set my sights on 50lbs in 50 days and 100lbs in six months. I have been making some nice moves and then slowing down for a few days and then dropping a few pounds, and so on... The last two weeks have been tough for me, though. I lost 2.4lbs at the beginning of last week and have been looking at the same weight for almost 10 days, plus or minus a couple ounces. I've been exercising, eating great and working long hours. I have really been keeping busy and putting a little extra effort into myself. Well, today, I woke up, did what I needed to and then took the dog for a walk. I made breakfast and lunches for my daughter, wife and myself, ate my breakfast and then showered before I got on the scale. It was almost an afterthought. I got on and was thrilled. I was 2.4lbs less than yesterday. I was so thrilled I got off and weighed myself two more times to be sure I wasn't just standing on the wrong corner or something - nope - definitely skipped 50 and 51 and went right to 52lbs gone! My halfway to goal mark is 56lbs and then I'm shaving my face and buying a few new clothes. Wow, awesome.  

So, my summary is something like this: in 49 days I have lost 52lbs, 12 inches from my waist, gone from 40 to 32.8 BMI and my blood pressure is down to 115/75. I only have to take my Actigall twice a day and my Prevacid once. I am finally cleared to lift things again, so I have been working really hard again and doing all of the things I love as well. I feel like I've picked up the pace almost back to normal. I don't smoke anymore, I don't snore, I exercise every day, I don't need blood pressure medicine and, ya know what? I really don't even crave the things I loved enough to make myself so fat in the first place.

After a rough start, I'm getting it done. I'm really, really happy. I'll see you guys in four pounds with a couple pictures of "Halfway-to-the-new-Jay!"

I crossed the six-week mark this week. Before I add some color to this post, I will give you all a few details. I've lost 49.4lbs (couldn't get to 50 just for the fanfare, really?) I have lost almost 8" around my waist. Even my neck is smaller by 2".  My BP was 120/84 this morning and today is the last day for the nerve blocker. I am standing so tall I feel like I've grown an inch! I feel great.

I have an appointment with my PCP on Monday morning. I should be allowed off, or at least a final stepdown, of the beta blocker I've been on since the hospital and then I'll be down to just my Prevacid and Actigall. When it's only a gummy vitamin and an acid blocker I'm going to dance in my underwear - I'm tired of taking pills. All in all, it's been a small price to pay.

I really don't want to pontificate. I don't want to advertise my surgical past. I don't want to recruit WLS patients and I don't want to be a life coach or counsellor. What I do want, however, is to say that in just six weeks, despite all the complications, my entire outlook on life has changed. I cannot believe what a difference I can see - even better - feel in myself and my family.

I have lost this much weight before but it was never like this. In the past, dieting my way to lose 50-60lbs was a war. There was defiance, anger, resentment and I got ornery as hell. It would be so horrible to play the mind games that by the time I started getting close to my goal for that particular diet I would be on the brink of divorce, pick fights with my friends and start the little bit of cheating (out of sheer frustration and anger) that would ultimately do me in. I cannot believe I'm saying it, but this is so much different.

After my surgery, complications nothwithstanding, I went through about a week of carb deprivation that triggered the same old dietish feelings that made me question my judgment and my decision. I was angry, I was resentful and I was a little sad about what I had done to myself - and worse - for the rest of my life. It only lasted a week. Once the carbs were out of my system I have been a rock and progressively enjoyed myself and my "new life" a little more each day.

I have been on soft solids for about 2 weeks. I have had a few bumps where I just flat out ate too much, too fast or both. I got really uncomfortable. That's it. I haven't thrown up. I haven't choked or foamed or frothed or slimed or whatever else everyone talks about. I just knew that in the future if I were going to eat that food again, I'd cut back on the portion size and slow it down. At six weeks, other than comically small meals, I feel normal again - only less fat.

Pre-op, I would have denied until I was blue in the face, but I was definitely a carb junkie. I can't think of a day when I didn't sugar up my coffee, have a chocolate chip cookie in the morning, a sub for lunch with some chips or fruit a couple of drinks that were full of sh*t like artificial sweetners, coloring and some kind of stimulant to make me hungry again. I would work for hours and hours on end and then get home starving and devour dinner for two, or maybe even three. Wrap that all up with a snack - man, I was livin' large. (sure was... about 300lbs large)

Now, I can walk by the same things that literally ruined my life without even thinking twice. Even better, I have nibbled here and there and feel like I'm in control. I can have a bite, or not. I wake up ready to go, I plan my food out (still getting used to that) and I'm off. I have't spent a dollar in a convenience store since early August. I haven't craved anything that I wasn't able to just willpower away and I haven't hated myself or anyone else for it. I feel like a totally different person. Maybe this is what it's supposed to feel like? I hope so. If this is what "normal" is about, then I'm in.

I can only speak for myself, but I'm pretty sure that my wife would start a spousal support group as well. I haven't had a cross word or mean thought in my head since I came out of the operating room (except when I wanted to kill my surgeon... earlier blog post) She has been so excited for me and so involved in every day. She started weighing her food and getting up early to go on the elliptical - not because she was a fatty - but instead, because she wants to look good for me! I'm literally welling up as I type that. My wife is stunning. Gorgeous. She could be a model. For the past 20 years, I have ruined our pictures. I have rained on our parade. I have been the blemish on her otherwise perfect face. Now, she wants to look good for me? I'm beside myself.







So, my weight loss has been pretty steady. I had two different weeks where my progress was slow - maybe a pound over six or seven days - but I didn't change anything, just kept going. Like I said when I started this post, it feels different. It's as if I know that my body is still working for me and my mind is on board too. In the next week or so, I will be halfway to my goal of 112lbs (-56lbs) and it doesn't seem out of reach. In fact, I'm enjoying guessing what the scale is going to say based on how the prior day went. The days when I'm perfect, I expect great results and seem to get them. After the days when I didn't move around as much, enjoyed a bite of something that wasn't packed in my lunch box or an offering from my 11-yr old I expect a pause, and usually get that too. I guess that the whole "diet and exercise" thing really does work. I just needed the diet part to be controlled for me. The major difference being that I can still cheat, but just not enough to destroy the last six weeks of progress, but I don't and I really don't even want to.

As for the exercise, that's a different story. I'm not a gym guy. I hate the gym. I don't like going to the gym. I don't like being at the gym. I don't like people at the gym (I'm sure you guys are great...) I don't like the way the gym smells. I don't like gym clothes. I don't like trainers. I don't like training. I don't like rubber floors or mirrored walls. So... that hasn't changed. I do like being outside though.

So, I have been walking. I start every day with a brisk 15-minute walk with my big fat dog. She also hates dieting and the gym, but seems to like our walks. I expect to be cleared for lifting again on Monday, so I'll resume a full work schedule and that will kick it up. What I did do though, is buy myself an exercise machine.... well, kinda.



Today will be the first day it goes in the water. I have to take my "real" boat out before it gets too cold and the next few months will involve me getting my upper body, back and core workout in the surf and offshore chasing striped bass and bluefin tuna. I get my protein the old fashioned way - I buy a crazy kayak - launch into the breaking waves and then go fish for big fat fish and hope not to drown on the way back in after I catch them and then filet them and eat little tiny pieces at a time!

So, maybe the 50-lb mark is coming so quickly that I'm a little giddy? Maybe after 20 years and 20 diets I've finally learned how this works and embraced the process with the assistance of my sleeve? Maybe I'm psyched that I'm finally going to be fit? I don't know. All I know is that I cannot remember ever feeling so good. Good about today, good about tomorrow and even good about yesterday (although a little hungry when I think back to it...)

So, for all of those who have gone before me and offered guidance, thanks. For those of you who are behind me, buckle down because it's about to get good and for those of you who haven't made the decision or are riding the fence, I don't know what else to say except look at my picture and look at the smile on my face - ear to ear, baby. Send me a private message if you have any questions, I will gladly tell you anything I know.

I will try to do a milestone post with a couple of then and now pictures when I get to my halfway-to-goal mark. I'm also shooting for a 60lb number by Nov 1st when I'm taking my wife to Puerto Rico for our birthdays. Maybe I'll even post a few pictures of me enjoying myself on a vacation for the first time in years? 

OK, gotta go... time to get the kayak on the truck and grab a shortjohn wetsuit and get inthe water. Gotta get some exercise! Peace

 

Out of the gate, I want to immediately say that I don't have any of these. I wrestled with such emotions for a long time prior to pulling the trigger and moving forward with surgery, but since I did it, I only feel good. I was sharing a few thoughts with a friend and a teacher and was inspired by her to share them with my friends. So, here goes nothing...

It's my opinion that there is no better gift that one can give their family than living a longer and healthier life. We are better equipped to give of ourselves to our parents, grandparents, children and siblings if we, personally, aren't in need of constant attention. Overcoming the issues associated with obesity like diabetes, high BP and mobility problems opens the door to a world of fun and exciting things that we can enjoy - crazy things like climbing and diving and racing and mundane things like going in the pool and taking long walks - but all things that create memories. Speaking on my own behalf, I have missed out on hundreds of things like this because I was sour to trying things, because of embarrassment or fear of physical limitations. 

I love my time with my family more now, and they better enjoy their time with me. Most of all, however, I enjoy my time with me more. I'm not as nasty or bitter, I don't tire as easily and I'm not afraid or embarrassed to be involved. If I can't do something - it's because it's difficult or new and not because I'm not physically capable - that's for certain. In the past, it was all sour grapes. Now, half the fun is trying! 

I used to hate the mornings, brushing my teeth in the dark because I didn't want to see myself in the mirror. The same thing at night - the first and last image of every day was one that I hated. What a way to go through life, right? I think my obesity was so devastating to me because it made me feel like a failure. I failed at dieting. I failed at exercise. I failed at pills, powders and potions. And, worse, on the rare occasions when I succeeded at any of the above - I failed at maintaining whatever losses I could manage.

In business, I hadn't ever failed. Now, I say I hadn't failed but we all know that that's merely a matter of semantics. I lived by a basic rule, "Try the simple fixes first, and if they don't work, move on to the next thing."   What I had, in fact done, was fail over and over until, finally, I got it right. Every day, we wake up in the morning and begin making decisions. What socks? What pants? What shirt? wait... socks don't go with shirt - FAIL? not really, adjust. What's for breakfast? What am I packing for lunch? Honey, did the dog poop when you walked him? ugh... gotta go back out with the dog. FAIL? of course not.

Diet didn't work out? Pills are BS? Can't do the gym thing? FAIL? NO!  I guess if I'm going to succeed, I just need a higher level of medical intervention.

If people say that WLS is the "easy way" then they're high on something because I can honestly say that I don't know a single WLS patient who hasn't tried every method known to mankind to do this without surgery. Nobody runs to the doctor and says, "hey cut me open and risk my life because it's easy!"  and if even for just a second, you feel like a failure because you've chosen surgery as a means to acheive a healthier lifestyle, I urge you to think again.

I'm sure you've heard the expression that most millionaires went broke before making it? What you might not know is that the rest of the millionaires went broke more than once before they finally scored their success. The point I'm trying to make is that the most successful people in life don't just scratch off lottery tickets and wish themselves into prosperity. They work their butts off and try over and over until they get whatever it is they're after.

Face it, if you have tried diets, pills, powders and potions. If you've been to the gym and the pool and the support groups and you still can't climb a flight of stairs without making it, then biting down hard and making the decision to get surgical help isn't failure it's the next move you'll make to win at life, to live longer and healthier, to succeed.