Shame, regret and feelings of failure?

Oct 03, 2012

Out of the gate, I want to immediately say that I don't have any of these. I wrestled with such emotions for a long time prior to pulling the trigger and moving forward with surgery, but since I did it, I only feel good. I was sharing a few thoughts with a friend and a teacher and was inspired by her to share them with my friends. So, here goes nothing...

It's my opinion that there is no better gift that one can give their family than living a longer and healthier life. We are better equipped to give of ourselves to our parents, grandparents, children and siblings if we, personally, aren't in need of constant attention. Overcoming the issues associated with obesity like diabetes, high BP and mobility problems opens the door to a world of fun and exciting things that we can enjoy - crazy things like climbing and diving and racing and mundane things like going in the pool and taking long walks - but all things that create memories. Speaking on my own behalf, I have missed out on hundreds of things like this because I was sour to trying things, because of embarrassment or fear of physical limitations. 

I love my time with my family more now, and they better enjoy their time with me. Most of all, however, I enjoy my time with me more. I'm not as nasty or bitter, I don't tire as easily and I'm not afraid or embarrassed to be involved. If I can't do something - it's because it's difficult or new and not because I'm not physically capable - that's for certain. In the past, it was all sour grapes. Now, half the fun is trying! 

I used to hate the mornings, brushing my teeth in the dark because I didn't want to see myself in the mirror. The same thing at night - the first and last image of every day was one that I hated. What a way to go through life, right? I think my obesity was so devastating to me because it made me feel like a failure. I failed at dieting. I failed at exercise. I failed at pills, powders and potions. And, worse, on the rare occasions when I succeeded at any of the above - I failed at maintaining whatever losses I could manage.

In business, I hadn't ever failed. Now, I say I hadn't failed but we all know that that's merely a matter of semantics. I lived by a basic rule, "Try the simple fixes first, and if they don't work, move on to the next thing."   What I had, in fact done, was fail over and over until, finally, I got it right. Every day, we wake up in the morning and begin making decisions. What socks? What pants? What shirt? wait... socks don't go with shirt - FAIL? not really, adjust. What's for breakfast? What am I packing for lunch? Honey, did the dog poop when you walked him? ugh... gotta go back out with the dog. FAIL? of course not.

Diet didn't work out? Pills are BS? Can't do the gym thing? FAIL? NO!  I guess if I'm going to succeed, I just need a higher level of medical intervention.

If people say that WLS is the "easy way" then they're high on something because I can honestly say that I don't know a single WLS patient who hasn't tried every method known to mankind to do this without surgery. Nobody runs to the doctor and says, "hey cut me open and risk my life because it's easy!"  and if even for just a second, you feel like a failure because you've chosen surgery as a means to acheive a healthier lifestyle, I urge you to think again.

I'm sure you've heard the expression that most millionaires went broke before making it? What you might not know is that the rest of the millionaires went broke more than once before they finally scored their success. The point I'm trying to make is that the most successful people in life don't just scratch off lottery tickets and wish themselves into prosperity. They work their butts off and try over and over until they get whatever it is they're after.

Face it, if you have tried diets, pills, powders and potions. If you've been to the gym and the pool and the support groups and you still can't climb a flight of stairs without making it, then biting down hard and making the decision to get surgical help isn't failure it's the next move you'll make to win at life, to live longer and healthier, to succeed.

 

 

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