sleevicidal_maniac

What a difference six weeks can make

Oct 05, 2012

I crossed the six-week mark this week. Before I add some color to this post, I will give you all a few details. I've lost 49.4lbs (couldn't get to 50 just for the fanfare, really?) I have lost almost 8" around my waist. Even my neck is smaller by 2".  My BP was 120/84 this morning and today is the last day for the nerve blocker. I am standing so tall I feel like I've grown an inch! I feel great.

I have an appointment with my PCP on Monday morning. I should be allowed off, or at least a final stepdown, of the beta blocker I've been on since the hospital and then I'll be down to just my Prevacid and Actigall. When it's only a gummy vitamin and an acid blocker I'm going to dance in my underwear - I'm tired of taking pills. All in all, it's been a small price to pay.

I really don't want to pontificate. I don't want to advertise my surgical past. I don't want to recruit WLS patients and I don't want to be a life coach or counsellor. What I do want, however, is to say that in just six weeks, despite all the complications, my entire outlook on life has changed. I cannot believe what a difference I can see - even better - feel in myself and my family.

I have lost this much weight before but it was never like this. In the past, dieting my way to lose 50-60lbs was a war. There was defiance, anger, resentment and I got ornery as hell. It would be so horrible to play the mind games that by the time I started getting close to my goal for that particular diet I would be on the brink of divorce, pick fights with my friends and start the little bit of cheating (out of sheer frustration and anger) that would ultimately do me in. I cannot believe I'm saying it, but this is so much different.

After my surgery, complications nothwithstanding, I went through about a week of carb deprivation that triggered the same old dietish feelings that made me question my judgment and my decision. I was angry, I was resentful and I was a little sad about what I had done to myself - and worse - for the rest of my life. It only lasted a week. Once the carbs were out of my system I have been a rock and progressively enjoyed myself and my "new life" a little more each day.

I have been on soft solids for about 2 weeks. I have had a few bumps where I just flat out ate too much, too fast or both. I got really uncomfortable. That's it. I haven't thrown up. I haven't choked or foamed or frothed or slimed or whatever else everyone talks about. I just knew that in the future if I were going to eat that food again, I'd cut back on the portion size and slow it down. At six weeks, other than comically small meals, I feel normal again - only less fat.

Pre-op, I would have denied until I was blue in the face, but I was definitely a carb junkie. I can't think of a day when I didn't sugar up my coffee, have a chocolate chip cookie in the morning, a sub for lunch with some chips or fruit a couple of drinks that were full of sh*t like artificial sweetners, coloring and some kind of stimulant to make me hungry again. I would work for hours and hours on end and then get home starving and devour dinner for two, or maybe even three. Wrap that all up with a snack - man, I was livin' large. (sure was... about 300lbs large)

Now, I can walk by the same things that literally ruined my life without even thinking twice. Even better, I have nibbled here and there and feel like I'm in control. I can have a bite, or not. I wake up ready to go, I plan my food out (still getting used to that) and I'm off. I have't spent a dollar in a convenience store since early August. I haven't craved anything that I wasn't able to just willpower away and I haven't hated myself or anyone else for it. I feel like a totally different person. Maybe this is what it's supposed to feel like? I hope so. If this is what "normal" is about, then I'm in.

I can only speak for myself, but I'm pretty sure that my wife would start a spousal support group as well. I haven't had a cross word or mean thought in my head since I came out of the operating room (except when I wanted to kill my surgeon... earlier blog post) She has been so excited for me and so involved in every day. She started weighing her food and getting up early to go on the elliptical - not because she was a fatty - but instead, because she wants to look good for me! I'm literally welling up as I type that. My wife is stunning. Gorgeous. She could be a model. For the past 20 years, I have ruined our pictures. I have rained on our parade. I have been the blemish on her otherwise perfect face. Now, she wants to look good for me? I'm beside myself.

my beautiful wife


Carrie and the pimple


So, my weight loss has been pretty steady. I had two different weeks where my progress was slow - maybe a pound over six or seven days - but I didn't change anything, just kept going. Like I said when I started this post, it feels different. It's as if I know that my body is still working for me and my mind is on board too. In the next week or so, I will be halfway to my goal of 112lbs (-56lbs) and it doesn't seem out of reach. In fact, I'm enjoying guessing what the scale is going to say based on how the prior day went. The days when I'm perfect, I expect great results and seem to get them. After the days when I didn't move around as much, enjoyed a bite of something that wasn't packed in my lunch box or an offering from my 11-yr old I expect a pause, and usually get that too. I guess that the whole "diet and exercise" thing really does work. I just needed the diet part to be controlled for me. The major difference being that I can still cheat, but just not enough to destroy the last six weeks of progress, but I don't and I really don't even want to.

As for the exercise, that's a different story. I'm not a gym guy. I hate the gym. I don't like going to the gym. I don't like being at the gym. I don't like people at the gym (I'm sure you guys are great...) I don't like the way the gym smells. I don't like gym clothes. I don't like trainers. I don't like training. I don't like rubber floors or mirrored walls. So... that hasn't changed. I do like being outside though.

So, I have been walking. I start every day with a brisk 15-minute walk with my big fat dog. She also hates dieting and the gym, but seems to like our walks. I expect to be cleared for lifting again on Monday, so I'll resume a full work schedule and that will kick it up. What I did do though, is buy myself an exercise machine.... well, kinda.

the yak

Today will be the first day it goes in the water. I have to take my "real" boat out before it gets too cold and the next few months will involve me getting my upper body, back and core workout in the surf and offshore chasing striped bass and bluefin tuna. I get my protein the old fashioned way - I buy a crazy kayak - launch into the breaking waves and then go fish for big fat fish and hope not to drown on the way back in after I catch them and then filet them and eat little tiny pieces at a time!

So, maybe the 50-lb mark is coming so quickly that I'm a little giddy? Maybe after 20 years and 20 diets I've finally learned how this works and embraced the process with the assistance of my sleeve? Maybe I'm psyched that I'm finally going to be fit? I don't know. All I know is that I cannot remember ever feeling so good. Good about today, good about tomorrow and even good about yesterday (although a little hungry when I think back to it...)

So, for all of those who have gone before me and offered guidance, thanks. For those of you who are behind me, buckle down because it's about to get good and for those of you who haven't made the decision or are riding the fence, I don't know what else to say except look at my picture and look at the smile on my face - ear to ear, baby. Send me a private message if you have any questions, I will gladly tell you anything I know.

I will try to do a milestone post with a couple of then and now pictures when I get to my halfway-to-goal mark. I'm also shooting for a 60lb number by Nov 1st when I'm taking my wife to Puerto Rico for our birthdays. Maybe I'll even post a few pictures of me enjoying myself on a vacation for the first time in years? 

OK, gotta go... time to get the kayak on the truck and grab a shortjohn wetsuit and get inthe water. Gotta get some exercise! Peace

 

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