SlithyToves

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I can't get through a whole night of the CPAP yet.  It hurts where it touches my face after several hours.  I woke up this morning with it on the nightstand and turned on.  I don't remember taking it off.  I think I either threw it there and immediately went back to sleep or placed it there, turned off the machine, and the cat came by and stepped on the button.  I can definitely tell a difference when I do use it though. 

I submitted my packet and things to the Bariatric Center and when I called the confirm they were received they said it could take 15 days to process it.  So all I can do it hurry up and wait.  

I am so terrible about this blog thing.  I have never really kept a diary or journaled or anything like that so I am not in the habit of writing things out.    It is weird to read what I wrote before.  All I can think is "I wrote that? That sounds like someone else". 

This whole situation is surreal.  I have made up muy mind that I will have the surgery, but at the same time part of me is like "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!"

I finally had my follow up with the sleep doc and my 2nd sleep study with the CPAP.  Turns out I have severe sleep apnea.  I wake up over 30 times an hour, and in my REM sleep it is over 60 times an hour.  My oxygen saturation dropped to 82% too.  So now I have my own CPAP at home and am trying to adjust to it.  my hisband calls it my Darth Vader mask.  hehe.

Well it looks like I do have sleep apnea - mainly when I sleep on my back and when I am in my REM sleep.  So, on one hand I am glad because it helps my approval chances but on the other hand I could die in my sleep......


So...yay?

I am sleepy today.  I am stupid and got my hospitals confused.  When I said Audubon I meant Suburban.  Gah.  I didn't go to the support group.  I have lots of reasons why but I think what it boils down to is fear.  It feels like when I go it will be a confirmation to myself that this is what I am going to do.  Am I not ready for it yet?

I have to be honest.  I am really fickle and I have a hard time making decisions so I have relied on others to make decisions for me for most of my life.  I guess I was able to blame the others for my actions.  The decision to have WLS is purely mine, and now that I have decided to have the RNY I am a little scared.  Maybe I need to meditate on this for a while.

I have been reading lots of profiles and viewing lots of before and after pics.  Those who are post op and have lost the weight look like they have never had surgery.  I would have never guessed that they had gone through what I am going through.  They just look so damn good!  I want to be there too. 

After much consideration I have decided to pursue the RNY.  I am going to go to the support group at Audubon tonight and talk to the folks there.  I feel comfortable about my decision,  but now I think Iam going to really re-research surgeons.  I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders since I decided which path to take.



I have been in the most foul mood since Tuesday, and it is starting to lift today.  7 years have passed since dad died and it still hurts like hell.

I obsessively research things and after lots of research I am starting to consider the RNY rather than the lap band.  The problem is that I can't seem to decide.  I think I am going to have to leave it up to the surgeon when I can finally see him.  My mom has been a nurse for 35 years and is really scared at the thought of me doing WLS.  I am such a weenie when it comes to pain and the thought of surgery scares the bejeezus out of me  , but the thought of NOT doing anything about my weight except for more yo-yo dieting scares me even more.

Today is the 7th anniversary of my dad's death and tomorrow would have been is 61st birthday. 


Sleep Study Saturday!