SlynnD

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 and I'm so ready for this!

I'm not nervous one bit. I've fought hard for this and I feel a sense of relief though at one point I was afraid of failing AGAIN. I was afraid that I would not lose weight, but I'm no longer afraid.  I plan to utilize this tool to the fullest. I'm actually looking forward to the fasting / liquid post - op diet.

My niece came to visit for about 5 days which was a wonderful diversion. I didn't have time to obsess about my approaching surgery. Timing couldn't have been better. I find it a bit strange that my parents haven't called (especially my mom) who will likely call after surgery. She truly believes that this surgery is "optional" as if I've chosen to have a boob job or something. But that's quite okay because I have to do this for my health. 

Anyway, I'm looking forward to a brand new me and to enjoying life once again.

 It's been 2 days since I received news that IMR reversed my insurance company's denial of the Sleeve. I'd planned to attend a mixer tonight, but I don't want to go. The reason is that I feel really self-conscious about my weight. Even at my heaviest, I didn't feel the way I do now. I have never been in denial about my weight, my size, or anything like that. I've never felt bad about myself although I've felt like a failure when each diet attempt failed. I've hated not being able to find cute shoes wide enough to fit my size 6 feet and I've been frustrated at not finding cute clothes too. But I have never felt this way about myself and I'm not used to it. All I want to do is stay indoors until August 5th, surgery date.

What the heck am I supposed to do to get over this?

 My surgeon's office called to schedule surgery. August 5th is the date. I'm excited, but it doesn't seem real to me. My husband is making plans for us to restructure of lives - exercising together, planning healthful menus, etc. I wish he'd join me at support group meetings too, but I think that's expecting too much - lol.

I'm ready for a new life!

 Today I got the news that Independent Medical Review overturned the insurance company's denial. I was speechless! The rep from Blue Shield sounded so chipper and upbeat, which is good and it didn't matter whether she felt that way or not. Such a long, hard battle and I just wanted to go to sleep after I shared the good news with my husband. Seriously, I just felt relieved and a bit tired. Of course I was so very happy, but it was such a battle until I have to rest a while before I can celebrate fully.

Now I'm just waiting for my surgeon to schedule surgery. I hope his schedule is full and there's no major scheduling delays. 

Did I mention that I got the news on my birthday? So exciting...

  ...but I know a change gonna come.

I've been seriously working toward wls surgery for over a year now. I say "seriously" because I've been researching and consulting for at least 5 years. My status as of today is that I'm waiting for an Independent Medical Review via CA Dept of Managed Health Care. I'm not sure if that particular dept is correct because I'm using the PPO tier of my POS insurance policy through Blue Shield of CA. So on the next business day I'll follow up just to make sure.

I started out wanting the DS, but since then I've decided to have the VSG. If I don't lose weight I will then continue with the full DS. I have to absorb medications that I take daily and I already have vitamin D & vitamin A deficiencies,  So those were some of my concerns about the DS and me.

The husband is maintaining his weight loss after having RnY in 2007; although his doctor said his 97lb weight loss should be higher,  Chart wise he probably could stand to lose 20 more pounds, but HE is satisfied and happy with his current weight and for him that's what matters most.

I kinda, sorta, in a round about way told my mom that I was having wls surgery. Well, actually I told her that my doctor told me that my excess weight makes it difficult for her to examine me and to tell if my joints are swollen. I also told her that the doctor said that excess weight contributes to chronic pain on a cellular level by creating some type of chemical. This is all true, but I didn't tell her that I initiated the wls surgery consultations. Of course, she was "upset" that the doctor would tell me to take the "easy way out." There is no such animal as "easy way out" when it comes to losing weight. I tried explaining to her how offensive that statement is and how much work is still involved, but she wasn't listening. So now I'm not going to discuss it with her anymore. I'm going to do it.

After praying about and researching which wls to choose, I've choosen DS. So far things are going well even before my consultation with the surgeon. Scheduled doctor's appointments have yielded interesting information and some not so good information, but info that I need to know. So in this sense all is well.

I have neuropathy in my legs and feet probably from obesity(I'm not diabetic). While I suffer with fibromylagia, neuropathy is a totally different type of pain. I also noticed that my blood pressure fluctuates wildly - 117 to 123 over 79 to 84 is the average range, but this month it has been as high as 143 over 90. I am going to have therapuetic Botox treatment in my leg muscles. I also learned that I have migraine related vertigo (minus the headache). I didn't know that you can have a migraine without having the actual headache - go figure.

I've been reading how wls isn't helpful with fibro and may increase the pain - Oh, MY GOD. That is making me a little anxious, I won't lie. But I have to get this weight off.

So far my PCP has given the green light, my neurologist has given the green light and has ordered cardio test to help him rule out any cardio related reasons for dizziness and the cardiologist who did the testing hasn't found anything, rheumatologist has given his okay. I have an upcoming sleep study on tomorrow and that doctor said he will give me a copy of his report to give to the surgeon. I have to schedule the psych eval and once his report is done I will have the nutriontional consultation.

It feels good to write all of this out instead of keeping it locked inside. I pray that I'm approved without any hassle. Hubby was approved after sleep study and the insurace rep gave the doctor's office the approval number over the telephone. The office manager said that was a first. His sleep apnea was horrible. He says mine is now, but I guess it would be since he can now hear my snoring and gasping for breath - LOL.

That's my goal: I'll make myself top priority in my life. I told my mom that my PCP referred me to a surgeon for WLS and she said, "Well, I surely hope you are not going to go through with it." I felt so down and discouraged. I know my mom loves me and worries about my overall health, but I also thinks she is embarassed by my weight. She points out that "people are staring" at me. I never pay attention because I really don't care. I often wonder how she notices this.

Anyway, when I told my youngest sister my plans and told her mom's reaction my sister was so supportive and told me, "Take care of YOU. Do what you need to do in order to be healthy and happy." That was the encouragment I needed. Hubby is already supportive and encourages me to have the surgery so that I can at least move around better.

So here goes. It's a major step in liberating ME!