It has been a minute

Oct 18, 2010

I have not posted on here in over a year.  Lately, I have been looking through my friends lists and it seems like for most after about two years we stop updating and blogging.  I can say the reason I did is because I started seeing the "old" me resurface and no matter how hard I tried, or should I say didn't try, she kept trying to resurrect herself.  I have gained about 30 pounds and am now at 260 pounds.  I feel so terrible.  I have become an emotional eater, probably always was, but now it is worst.  I can feel myself, telling myself not to eat, not to go back for seconds and I still do it.  Well, I went to see my surgeon, I even had gotten upset with him..... so I took a year sabitcal.  Well anyways, I went to see him and shared with him what I was feeling.  And he is his ADD state ( he really infuriates me, cause he is always on the move), sent me to have complete blood work and an EDG, well come to find out my "pouch" is no longer a "pouch" but trying to become a full fledged stomach.  It has strectched 40 percent.  I was like how did this happen I followed most of the rules.  I have not drunk a soda in over three years, I don't drink with my meals,  I tried to eat healthy, not a lot of sweets ( well).......   so I am eligible to have a revision.  I am having mixed emotions about doing this, because I feel like such a failer and I feel that people get you prepared for surgery and right after surgery, but you are not prepared for maintance and life.  I don't want to go through another surgery and come back to the same place.  I will admit a lot of it is me.  I was so comfortable with the weight coming off without much effort until I did not put forth much effort to exercise.  After, I got pregnant, my OB was like you need carbs so that the baby can get what she needs......and on it went.  I then had to deal with having a baby with special needs ( that really is not so needy) Thank God... a husband, children a high stress related job as a therapist, and a lot of emotional "shit" that I did not even deal with.........so now going into this I have to get  myself together so that I can life a healthy life forever and I am realizing a small stomach is not all it takes.  I just want help and education on how to life a healthy life and how one is to eat and exercise to maintain an weight that is healthy.........so personally I feel like a failure on all spectrums, because I did not do anything of this the "right" way.  I guess a lot of you would be saying, girl be happy that you have a second chance, I am but I am not sure if it really is a second chance, when I did not do well with the first.........

Would love comments, support and feed back
Thanks
Sheila

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