smilan

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So, it's not as easy as the first time. Im really having to work hard. I cant get a fill until I go in for an office visit first. So, I have two weeks to wait for the office visit. Then after that I can schedule my fill. I have to be focused and diligent. I've had some hills and valleys. Im pushing forward though. I've done it before and with God's help I will do it again. I lost 80, surely I can lose 20.

So, my restart went well. I lost 4 lbs in the 3 days I did liquids and mushies. I gained 2 back after going back on solids but then I lost them again a few days later. So, Im 4 lbs into the 14 I want to lose short term. I need to get rid of 10 more to get back to the weight I spent most of time at. I was comfortable at that weight and all of my clothes will fit perfectly. However, once I get there I want to lose another 8 to get to the smallest I've been since WLS. Once that goal is reached, I want to lose my final 12 lbs! I am perfectly happy at the 177 but I think 165 is going to be the best weight for me. So, Im not beating myself up and Im not crash dieting Im just practicing my bandster lifestyle. I do think I could use a fill b/c my portion sizes are a tad bigger then I would like. Im going to wait a couple of weeks though and see if I can wittle them down on my own. If not, its a fill for me. Afterall that's what the band is for!!!

I am now a whole 20 lbs heavier than my lowest weight. I will not give up. I did this before and I can do it again. I went on liquids yesterday and I'll be on mushies today and possibly tomorrow also. I need to retrain my mind to think and eat like a bandster. I have thrown almost all of it out of the window. So, back to basics...70 grams of protein, tracking my food, 8 glasses of water and I will lose the 20 plus 15 more! For now, Im trying to lose 10.  Im going to see my band doc next week, maybe I'll get a tiny fill. Im a bandster and I have been blessed to be able to reboot when needed. Here we go...

Today is Tuesday, it’s the second day of yet another “start again.” I’m not on a diet, and hopefully I will never diet again. I have changed my eating habits greatly from say, 4 years ago. I have slacked off in the last two years though. I was diligent in my quest for good health. Now, I am eating way more sweets than one person should. I also noticed in the last month, I’m eating fried foods again. If I’m honest, I’m eating everything I used to eat. So, maybe my diet from 4 years ago has snuck up on me. Ha! Revelation as I type!!!!  Ok so now that I’ve gotten that out of the way…it’s over!!! I’m throwing that mindset , the fat girl, and my old diet away – once again.

 

Funny thing is I exercise now more than I ever have in my life. Not that I’m running miles or doing insanity videos... I am working out at least 3 times a week and for an hour. That’s something I’ve NEVER been able to commit to. Thank God though because it’s probably what’s keeping me from regaining the whole 80 lbs. I’ve lost. I have however gained 15 of them. How quickly can 15 turn to 80? Faster than I can gobble up Peanut Butter Lovers cookies! I had one and a half last night by the way. Spring is here and I am ready to once again commit to healthy living and this time I’m coupling it with working out. I should be unstoppable right? I AM UNSTOPPABLE !!!!!!

 

Ok, here we go…

Yesterday I ate turtles and today I had reese's cups. Tomorrow, I will do the right thing.

I rediscovered quiche today. Ummmm....quiche Lorraine! It was soo good, and it has 12 grams of protein per serving. Im having it again for dinner tonight. I got it at Publix grocery store. All of their ready to eat food is so good. I passed the sinfully delicious Raspberry Delight cake and didnt even flinch!

I gave myself permission to eat what I wanted (in small quantities) on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I didnt eat toooo much. I had some sour cream pound cake, caramel cake, and plenty of egg nog (spiked)! We had gumbo for our Christmas dinner and that's not fattening so...

I am not going to weigh myself until Thursday to give myself time to recover from any damage that may have been done. I had lost 6 pounds since my fill last week so I hope to have kept that off at least. I'll check in on Thursday to report my weight.

Ok so I stayed on liquids for three days and today I am on mushies. I have lost 4 lbs even. I am glad to see the scale moving down. It's been a while since that's happened. So, Im moving along, trucking along...

I got my first fill in a year yesterday. I had two unfills this past year and gained 16 lbs. I was so upset about those lbs and the way I had let my eating habits spiral out of control. I decided it was time to get a hold of myself again. I got a small fill and I went to the grocery store to stock up on the things I know I should be eating. So, since yesterday I have already lost 2.5 lbs. I know that I can do this, b/c I've done it before! I am back and on my way to losing those 16 lbs. and 20 more. I will then be at my goal.

Ok here goes…confession time. I have become addicted to sweets. I am eating something sweet everyday. Sometimes 2-3 times daily. Mostly it's chocolate: Lindt truffles, Fererro Rocher, or just plain Hershey's bars. I'm in school and it's like a snack free for all while in class. Chips, chocolate, etc. I am also eating too much. I'm still eating very little, but I find myself eating a few more chunks of the chicken in my salad b/c "Ive barely eaten anything". I am full though and should stop! So, today I have made up my mind to return to the way of eating I was practicing when I started this journey. This morning I had a cup of coffee (instead of 2). A packet of raisin, date, and walnut oatmeal with protein powder. For lunch I'm having a side salad with chicken (and stopping at the first sign of fullness). I will be drinking my water and having a protein shake for my snack while in class.

I only have about 20 more lbs to lose. I had a goal set for 145 lbs., but Im 177 now and I think 20 lbs. would put me just where I want to be. I like the way I look now, but a few more lbs. are in order. I'll see when I get there. Thankfully Im tight (havent had a fill since the first of December). So, even though I've been eating crap, I've only been able to eat a little of it. People say candy and chips are sliders so you can eat a lot of it. I really cant, but I havent been eating much of anything else. I'm not getting my proper nutrition. Also, I don’t want the band to loosen and I'm still eating crap. I'm not going to lose those lbs. or keep the weight off that I've already lost doing what I'm doing now. So today is a new day and I am a renewed bandster. I will soon be a bandstar again!