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Ok, before you get on my case, I know I haven't posted in a while.  However, I had all of my pre-op testing today and first off I must say the barium swallow kept me just short of gagging!  Thankfully there was nothing in my stomach to gag up anyways!  I got weighed today expecting to cry because my scale at home has not moved almost at all.  I actually gained a couple pounds two weeks ago.  So I changed my diet up and have been walking everyday.  I stepped on the scale and couldn't believe it.... 275!  I had lost 8.5lbs in a month, and I only have 2 lbs. left to shed before surgery!!!!!  So anyways, I was wicked excited and I get to meet with the surgeon now which will be August 9th.  From there it is just insurance final approval and lose 2 lbs and schedule my date!  I couldn't be more thrilled that this process is making some headway... finally!  Now just to keep losing weight until that date arrives!

Well, last night was the first of five behavioral modification classes that we must attend.  I was really surprised by how full it was!  Everything that we discussed about having a great support team and hubs and spokes made perfect sense.  I feel like I have a healthy amount of will power and by outward appearances, everyone around me would think this will be a piece of cake for me.  But, if I'm being honest with myself, if I had such phenomenal will power, how did I get here in the first place?  Also, how can I apply these very logical steps in altering my habits and my relationship with food without feeling silly or appearing to others that I don't have everything under control?  Up until a month or so ago, I never even considered that I had a "relationship" with food.  I am also concerned about my support team.  My spouse is on the fence about the whole idea, I don't think it seems real to him yet.  My best friend will always be supportive no matter what, but I haven't even told the people who have supported me through thick and thin (my parents), because I'm afraid that they will try to talk me out of it or feel that I'm am taking an unnecessary risk in order to better my health.  I think that is the thing that is eating at me the most.  A big part of me wants to wait until after the surgery to tell them, which will be very difficult because they live close by and we talk everyday.  The other part of me has almost gotten the words "weight loss surgery" out of my mouth on at least two occasions and thought better of it.  I suppose I'll know when the time is right.  Now that the surgery is becoming more and more a reality, I'm finding it difficult to believe that I'm going to have start from scratch so to speak; that everyday life and my eating habits are no longer going to be inherent and second nature.  I'm going to be talking to myself a lot, treating myself as a child (good choice, bad choice), and I'm going to have to plan out each step of my week when it comes to food, and somehow live day by day and make adjustments as obstacles arise.  I'll need every minute of this pre-op time to truly prepare for my new lifelong changes.  I guess there really is a lot of merit to considering weight loss surgery to being "reborn".

Becca

Well, I went to my appointment with Nancy yesterday and sadly, I hadn't lost anymore weight yet.  Normally I wouldn't consider this a huge deal but I am meeting again with her on July 7th and she wants to see how my progress with my other requirements are going...  Well, unbelievably I got my psych eval scheduled for June 22nd, my 5 week behavior modification classes are from June 16th-July 14th, and my nutritionist/physical therapy appointment is July 1st.  Which means by the time I see her again, I won't have anything left to do except finish another week of class and get my testing done.  I HAVE to lose this weight, and fast!  I figured I would have time to do it gradually because of waiting for appointments, but at this rate I could possibly have surgery by August!  I am going to have to seriously buckle down and get the job done.  I guess I will start actually taking out the trusty measuring cups and spoons and pretend like I've already had surgery.  I have 11 pounds to go and I think (hope) I can do this!  My next month and a half is going to be jam packed!  Wish me luck and here we go!

Becca

Ok, on the 19th on decided to cut out all starches and simple sugars to help me lose my excess 10% of weight (15lbs., to be exact).  Well, about once a week I *used to* have a whoopie pie for dessert.  And last night, I was feeling weak and went to the fridge to grab on even though I didn't want to blow my promise to myself to cut out starch/sugars.  Man, I almost opened it up, but then decided to take a look at the nutritional information.  Ok, and here was the real shocker to me... First off, 1 serving is 1/2 a whoopie pie... Really?   I could eat a whole whoopie pie with even blinking probably.  Next, and this was the thing that sobered me out of my craving...  1 Whoopie Pie has more calories, fat grams, and carbs than a double quarter pounder with cheese from McDonalds!  Yikes!  So I almost contemplating it for another second, stepped away from the whoopie pie, and opted for 8oz. of cottage cheese mixed with 3/4 of a banana.  (It would have been the whole banana, but it had a bruise...  ha ha).  This is going to be a long road.  So what was even better than making a good choice, was that when I stopped by the bariatric office to get weighed, I had lost 4lbs.!  I will take 4lbs. in 9 days, over a whoopie pie any time!  I'm not getting too psyched up because I feel like there have been times that I've gone to the bathroom and lost 4lbs., but it was a good feeling and is helping me to stay on the right track.

Becca

Well, I completed another "requirement" towards my journey.  I attended a pre-op support group meeting.  I walked into the meeting pretty much expecting my experience to be only that;  a "requirement".  However, I gained so much insight in listening to the guest speakers and during the Q & A session that I really felt better prepared, which I didn't feel was possible.  It helped to solidify my decision in choosing RNY over Lap-Band as well.  I totally lost track of time and could have asked more questions and the 1.5 hour meeting flew by.  I guess I'll just have to go to another one! 

On another note, I am anxiously awaiting a call from the doctor's office to set up my appointment with the bariatric nurse coordinator.  There are two reasons for that really, 1) if they call me back for an appointment, it means they got my insurance "pre-approval" for surgery and 2) I have been avoiding weighing myself in the hopes that I shed a few pounds doing all that I have been doing for the past week.  My exercise is still not where it should be but I am working on that, but as far as my diet, I haven't had any drinks other that water or 0 calories, 0 sugar drinks and I haven't had any pasta, bread, potatoes, rice, crackers, etc. for a week now.  I don't miss it too much, but it does make it a little more difficult to find something I can eat.  I've been here before though.  Pasta is a main stay for me which is probably going to be the hardest thing for me to go without, because it's cheap, it's quick, and most importantly it's so damn good!  Mashed potatoes I like a lot as well, but I tried mashed cauliflower for the first time last week and it wasn't bad at all.  It gave me the psychological impression that I was eating mashed potatoes so I think that was more the issue than my body craving it.  We'll see what the rest of the week brings.  My husband has reservations about the surgery mainly because he is worried about the complications, but he actually told me he was proud of me when I told him I hadn't eaten any simple carbs in a week.  He bragged to his mom about it.  I know it's kind of silly, and kind of trivial, but for me, it felt like a big breakthrough regarding his acceptance on my upcoming changes.

Becca

Well, Tuesday, I went to my informational meeting in Derry and took the first step on my journey to weight loss.  I am pretty pumped to move this process along so I'm attempting to get things accomplished ASAP!  That's just how I do things I guess, all or nothing.  Yesterday I met with Cindy Donovan in Portsmouth and had my "official" weigh-in so they could calculate my BMI, my pre-op goal weight, and ugh... the pounds I have to lose.  It is probably my biggest concern to take off this small amount of weight and keep it off, but I know if I just adjust my lifestyle a bit it would probably be no problem.  I can suffer through the dieting part, my biggest issue, is making time to exercise.  I have 2 small children and a busy job and could most likely come up with a dozen other excuses as to why I don't have time to exercise.  I am planning on attending my first support group meeting on Monday night in Portsmouth and I am hoping that the people I meet there will help to give me a little personal inspiration to tough out this process that to me now, feels agonizing drawn out.  I have a feeling in another six months, it's going to seem like small potatoes!  So anyways, I've NEVER told anyone this before but my starting weight was... eek....  288lbs.  I need to reach a pre-op weight of 273lbs by losing 15lbs, and my BMI was a whopping 45 (which I already knew so no shocker there).  Wish me luck all, and I hope to cross paths with you on this difficult yet rewarding journey!

Becca