Getting my head shrunk...

Jun 17, 2010

Well, last night was the first of five behavioral modification classes that we must attend.  I was really surprised by how full it was!  Everything that we discussed about having a great support team and hubs and spokes made perfect sense.  I feel like I have a healthy amount of will power and by outward appearances, everyone around me would think this will be a piece of cake for me.  But, if I'm being honest with myself, if I had such phenomenal will power, how did I get here in the first place?  Also, how can I apply these very logical steps in altering my habits and my relationship with food without feeling silly or appearing to others that I don't have everything under control?  Up until a month or so ago, I never even considered that I had a "relationship" with food.  I am also concerned about my support team.  My spouse is on the fence about the whole idea, I don't think it seems real to him yet.  My best friend will always be supportive no matter what, but I haven't even told the people who have supported me through thick and thin (my parents), because I'm afraid that they will try to talk me out of it or feel that I'm am taking an unnecessary risk in order to better my health.  I think that is the thing that is eating at me the most.  A big part of me wants to wait until after the surgery to tell them, which will be very difficult because they live close by and we talk everyday.  The other part of me has almost gotten the words "weight loss surgery" out of my mouth on at least two occasions and thought better of it.  I suppose I'll know when the time is right.  Now that the surgery is becoming more and more a reality, I'm finding it difficult to believe that I'm going to have start from scratch so to speak; that everyday life and my eating habits are no longer going to be inherent and second nature.  I'm going to be talking to myself a lot, treating myself as a child (good choice, bad choice), and I'm going to have to plan out each step of my week when it comes to food, and somehow live day by day and make adjustments as obstacles arise.  I'll need every minute of this pre-op time to truly prepare for my new lifelong changes.  I guess there really is a lot of merit to considering weight loss surgery to being "reborn".

Becca

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