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I had been ignoring the fact that I was getting fatter and fatter.  Then I was looking at some pictures from New Year's eve from some years ago.  I told someone looking at them with me,  "Oh yeah, that Christmas I was pregnant with Jonathan."  Then I realized that he was standing in the picture next to me!  OMG!  Also Jonathan was born in July so there's no way I would have been that pregnant on New Year's.  In any case, it was a big fat, red-faced moment!  You would think that would have been enough for me but no.  That incident happened several years ago and all I've done was get bigger.

I am really glad that I have made the decision to put a stop to this madness.  Hopefully, it won't be long and I'll be on the "Loser's Bench."

I got the schedule for the nut classes yesterday.  I can go in the day or evening on the second and fourth Thursday each month.  My first one will be on Thursday, the 28th.  It is called Weigh-To-Go and best of all it's FREE!!  It said I have to attend 12 classes for credit for WLS.

I'm still calling the PCP on Tuesday about the insurance thing on that last letter and the 45 day thing.  The PCP office (Samantha) told me when I last spoke to her that she would resubmit me in about three months.  So I'm thinking that means that if I complete six classes in the next three months she will submit me for reconsideration.  This first referral was just for the surg consult.  So I should get the okay for that, then Dr. Suh will let me know what I need to complete the next three months before they will okay the WLS.  I'm feeling so optimistic today!!  I can only pray it goes so smoothly.

I am amazed at the people who tell me I don't look like I need to have WLS.  I just tell them I appreciate the sentiment but looks can be deceiving.  My husband says it's because I carry so much weight in my breasts.  I guess that is the focal point for some people.  LOL

My sister has told me that my brother is going to support me through this, too.  I really wasn't sure.  He didn't seem too warm to the idea when I told him.  I'm really glad he changed his mind.  I need all the support I can get.  Even though they don't live near me, it's good to know that they are in my corner.  Of the three of them, I'm the heaviest.  My brother was always a bean pole until he hit 35 or so.  He's still not over weight.  My sister works really hard to keep her weight in check but she's never been this heavy either.  I think she will keep her weight in check so that she never gets this heavy.  Type I and Type 2 Diabetes runs on our Mom's side of the family, so that is always in the back of our minds.  So far it has hit two of our cousins but not us.

I'm still on the fence about telling my folks.  I think I may follow my sister's advice on that one.  She said they next time they see me after WLS surgery that I just tell them that I've been following closely the advice of my doctor.

I told my sister that she could join OH as a supporter of mine.  She said that she will.  She's always so supportive.~mo

This is were I'm going to keep track of my BP pre-op:

Friday, May 22:
 7:30 am - took meds
12:30 pm - BP: 134/85  P: 81
7:00 pm - took meds
8:00 pm - BP: 119/77  P:72

Well, I really stayed on top of this.....
Saturday, May 23:
I did take my meds and my BP today but I forgot to update....

Sunday, May 24:
8:30 am - took meds
11:40 am - BP: 108/74 P: 71
seems that my meds are working pretty well.

Monday, May 25:
8:30 am - took meds
1:30 pm - BP: 113/78   P: 64

Thursday, May 28:
8:00 am - too meds
5:18 pm - BP: 108/74  P:75

Got a call today from Rhonda at Hemet Med Group.  My first class will be a week from today.  She said I can go out there once a month and then to Dr. Suh's group once a month and that will count.

It's been a stressful week on other fronts so this is good news all entangled.

I realized last night that I haven't had a soda in almost a week.  HUGE!  I am a 3-a-day drinker.    It's saving me a few bucks and a few inches of stacking recycling bags.

But on the down-side my DH was gone all weekend and brought home a big bag of candy.  I don't know what to think about that. I made him throw it away.  He always "seems" to be supportive but then he'll do stuff like bringing me junk food.  I don't get it.  He has never seemed to me to be the insecure kind but maybe that's what it is.  He has mentioned in the past about wives loosing a lot of weight and then leaving their husbands. Goodness!!

I was at Taekwondo with my son this afternoon thinking about how fun it will be to be able to do that as a family.  Then I saw myself in the mirror. YIKES!!!   
My DH is already working out with the kids.  It's pretty neat to see them all three together there.  I want to do it too, but my knees hurt just walking from the parking lot.   I know I will be there one day!  Today I am one day closer than I was!

I just got a call from my PCP.  She said that the Med Grp is requiring a six month run through the dietitian or WW or JC before they will consider a referral to surg.  Even though the PCP referral dept wasn't expecting that, I was, since I have been reading so much on here about the "magic six months".  I've got news for them, like most of you I could write my own nutrition books and give my own nutritional advice.  That doesn't mean that I can do it myself and lose weight.  My insurance will pay for the visits through the Med Grp dietitian.  At least I have a time stamp that will begin with my first visit.  Now I just have to wait to get that appt as soon as the auth is sent to her office.

I just want to know if this is a trick?  If I go through the dietitian and don't lose weight, then will they say I'm hopeless and won't lose with WLS because I can't follow a nut plan?  What if I go through and lose 40 pounds, then will they say I don' t need WLS because I can do it on my own with the right plan?  I'm afraid because I have lost before and when I gain, I gain so much more back.

Yesterday was a tough day!  It made me realize how much I depend on food as a "fall-back".  The first thing I'm going to do, is NOT put myself in that stressful situation today.  Now that I'm seriously considering WLS, I'm really thinking about these things.  Luckily, my DH will be home tonight.  He's been gone all weekend and then last night he had school board meeting.  I haven't seen him since Friday.

I'm still waiting for the PCP to call me with authorization to see Dr. Suh.  On any other authorization I've had from them for other things, it hasn't taken more than 3-4 days.  Of course, it's only been 3 working days since they sent authorization to med group.  I will be patient.~mo

I started making a list of MY REASONS and I began to learn alot about myself.  I think the biggest thing is that I want alot for myself but I don't give alot to myself.
So here's my list.
1.  I want to live to see my grandchildren (if I have any).
2. I want to feel better, physically.
3. I want to sit comfortably in a seat on a an airplane, in a stadium or other place where "normal" people sit.
4. I'm tired of having pain in my back, legs, neck and feet.
5. I'm tired of wearing "fat" clothes.
6. I'm tired of feeling self-conscious when I go out to eat with people.
7. I don't want to be out of breath all of the time.
8. I don't think people take me seriously because of my weight.
9. I don't want my kids or husband to be embarrassed because of my weight.
10. I don't want to be afraid to sit on a chair.
11. I don't like having such a hard time finding clothes or bras.
12. I want to feel "spunky" again.
13. I want to be able to sit on the beach and get up without hurting myself.
14. I need one LESS thing to be depressed about.
15. I've tried and tried, over and over to lose weight and been unsuccessful.  I need to be successful at this.  Right now I feel like I'm climbing up a hill with an airplane attached to my foot.
16. I don't like taking a bunch of meds.
17. It hurts to tie my shoes.
18. I want to be able to take my kids to the pool without feeling like a whale.
19. I want to be able to sit up straight.
20. I want to run.
21. I'm tired of being tired.
22. I'm afraid my health will continue to get worse.
23.  I want to be able to walk around and up and down the stairs at NASCAR races without hurting or being out of breath.
24.  I want to be able to buy my next Dale, Jr. shirt in a size small (and the cute cut) not the men's XXXL.
25.  I want to do TKD with my family.
26.  I want to enjoy sex again and not be ashamed of my love rolls.
27.  I want to be able to wear a bra that doesn't choke me.
28.  I want to be able to buy a bra because it fits and I like it;  not because it's the ONLY one in the store that will fit me.
29.  I don't want to be clumbsy any more.
30.  I want to dump my BP meds.
31.  I want to dump my cholosterol meds.
32.  I want to ride bikes with my family.

I had a visit with my PCP today and asked about Lap Band Surgery.  He told me that I am a candidate so he gave me the referral.  I called the number on the referral and they told me that I need the approval from the medical group.  So now I have to wait until tomrrow when the referral dept lady gets back into the PCP office so I can find out what is the deal.\
I'm pretty excited.  I've been wanting to do this for two years but just haven't.  I'm looking forward to the journey and where it will lead.