Well that was fun.....NOT !

Apr 17, 2009

There is a saying that the things in life to be savoured are the things you work the hardest at.... i know this is going to be tough, and will admit, that although the actual running around to get all the letters and approvals etc was just an annoyance, the waiting game was really tough. Alot tougher than I had anticipated and it took a toll.  Previously, I had been "training" for surgery, not really regulating my diet but getting 3 works outs a week in as I want to be in good shape for surgery and recover fast after.
The wheels fell off the wagon, as it were, this week when i found out my letter was coming. I had managed to ignore that it had been sent, that it was working thru the process, but in the back of my head, i knew it was out there lurking.
There was a bit of self loathing this week and no exercise, both of which has caused my GERD to flare up.  Time to start taking care of myself.  I found the letter made me sad, and i think it is due to the fact that i feel i have really let myself down. There is a feeling of failure because i need this "tool" to help me be healthy. 
I just want to feel okay with my body again... i have had some significant weight losses in my life thus far (two 100+ losses) so i know i can do the eating plan after, but i think i fear failing again. I have decided this time around I am not telling friends or my parents about any of this. I just dont think i could stand the shame if i gained the weight back for a third time.


About Me
Toronto, ON
Surgery Date
Sep 06, 2008
Member Since

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