At night sometimes I thinking about what has been denied to me because of my weight and how society views over weight individuals. Some days I feel so confident that you can't tell me I'm not tha Bomb..And other days I look at my self and don't want to leave the house.I wonder why do I go through these mixed emotion.Maybe I feel down and out because I'm always tired and dizzy. My high blood pressure makes me dizzy throughout the day off and on. The medication at times makes me lightheaded. The worst part of my day is getting on the subway. I never have a seat in the morning and because its overcrowded and usually hot I almost always feel to faint. LOL. I know its not funny but I have to laugh at myself or I'll cry. One of my fears is to be that passenger that the conductor stops the train for because I'm sick. You know what I talking about The one that the entire train sighs about and damns aloud. Announcer: "The train has been delayed b/c of a sick passenger,"We will be moving shortly." LOL. I don't want that to be me. I am at my 6th month of seeing my PCP. I have completed all the necessary labs and now have 1 final visit with PCP. Hopefully after this month my surgeon Dr. Kini's staff will be able to send for approval from my insurance company United Health Care PPO.