SoSoDef81

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WOW, has it really been that long? I must say this has been a journey. Life keeps you so busy that updating here never gets done. If it wasn't for the email reminder I probably wouldn't have updated this morning. I lost 80 pounds with weight loss surgery within 1 and 1/2 years. I kept the majority of it off. From 260 to 180 and I am 5'7. As you see in pictures I looked very thin.

 

Advance 5 years and I am 200 lbs with a 10 month old baby boy and the same man who was with me before my surgery who is now my husband. I would like to lose 20 pounds, but I take it day by day. I wouldn't take anything back from my experience. Maybe focus more on nutrition and get better informed on keeping my iron up.

 

Don't think this is a magical experience. It is HARD, and you will laugh, cry, laugh, cry and cry again, but in the end you will be a better you. I'm here for support:)

I remember when i couldnt get off this site now I cant seem to make time for it. Things change and people do to. I've changed physically and for the better. I am a super sexy, confident, independent, mature, understanding, compassionate woman who makes her own decisions and is focused in life. I am about to get married on sept 3rd to my man that I've been with from the beginning. Through thick and thin , (literally) lol. He's my heart and i luv him. I havent lost any weight or gained any weight in ayear. My portions are still pretty small but i can eat a whole lot more than i used to. I can eat almost anything without getting sick , thats the bad part. My stomach doesnt like much of anything with tomatoe sauce. So no lasagna, rarly pizza. i guess its the acid in the sauce. I am still a size 8 and never hit the 100 pound weight loss and its been two years come september. Reagrdless I've accomplished a lot. I 've been feeling nausious and need to get a check up.

Thoughts:I was speaking to a coworker today about losing weight and it brought back so many memories on how important that was in my life. it was my focus. Even though i havent forgot where i came from or the weight that used to hold me down I cant say that its my focus any longer. I love me and weight doesnt occupy my mind. What a relief. 

Judgement: People look at me and judge me.. But what people should realize is that they should never judge a book by its cover bc it can be very decietful. My pain and my struggle doesnt show but it made me who I am today.

A strong woman!!! I will keep you posted OH. LUv always, Sophia

It's been 11 months since my surgery ..Almost a year. I feel like a new person.I am a new person. I got a promotion at work. Making more money and  I love my self even more then ever. Its been quite sometime since my last posting. I dont be having the time but i need to make it and give back. I feel good most of the time and I've lost 90 Ibs. WOW. I should be at a 100 but I've been cheating a lot. I have a high tolerance to sugar and my brain knows it and there I go eating and drinking sugar stuff. I went from a size 18-20 to a size 8-9. I went from 260 to 170lbs. I want to be 150lbs. Pray that I get there. I dont really have any extra skin. very little on the arms, and that is strange because they were really big. The attemtion I get is ridicioulous. I actually am tired of it and wonder damn, i guess I was invinsible before. It seems like every man I walk pass/ and some women want to say something to me. I guess it was the weight. Life is crazy.

ITS BEEN 4 MONTHS SINCE MY SURGERY AND LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER. I HAVE MANAGED MY EATING. NOT GOOD WITH MY VITAMIN'S OR PROTEIN. I'VE BEEN EATING MORE AND CHOOSING GOOD FOODS HOWEVER I SLIP EVERY NOW AND THEN. I AM OFFICIALLY IN ONEDERLAND. I AM 190 LBS. SIZE 10 JEANS AND LOVING EVERY MOMENT OF IT. SOMETIMES I WISH I NEVER TOLD CO WORKERS BC ALL THEY KEEP SAYING IS DON'T LOSE ANY MORE OR HOW MUCH HAVE YOU LOST. I'M ALWAYS QUESTIONED. I NO LONGER LIKE MY BREAST BC THEY ARE NOT PLUMP LIKE THEY USED TO BE. BUT I DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT BC I WILL BE TAKING CARE OF THEM AFTER MY WEIGHT LOSS EVENS OUT. LOL. IM TREATED SO MUCH BETTER IN SOCIETY. MEN CONSTANTLY TRY TO HOLLA AT ME AND COMPLIMENT ME. I FEEL EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL BUT AM NOT STUCK UP.. WILL UPDATE LATER..

Things are getting better as far as my eating goes. Not everything hurts but things are def not the same as far as what I can eat. I still eat a lot of soup, try to get my vitamins in and Im terrible with the protein. I feel a lot better. no more high blood pressure and pills. I get a hell of a lot of attention. A lot of unwanteed attention. LOL. I have  a new attitude towards things. I was always go with the flow but now i do what I want. If I dont want to do something I say I'm not doing it and thats it. Im not being this way to be a bitch. I just feel a different way about myself and I wont tollerate being treated any less. When I walk down the street men are constantly calling to me and telling me hey beautiful. Most woman would love this. I actually feel disgusted by it bc when i was 30lbs heavier the calls were far and few each day. I am also in a committed relationship and my man be tripping thinking Im gonna go else where bc "i'm feeling myself too much." Please. I'll update later.

Its been a month since my last post and since my surgery. The last blog was very negative and I'm not a negative person. I didn't post anything since that one b/c If I have nothing nice to say I'd rather not say anything at all. LOL. Well things have gotten better since a month ago however I still regret this surgery. Yes I've lost weight. only 15 lbs. My start weight was 256 . I lost 11lbs on my own. The day of surgery I was 245lbs and now as of 10/10/08 I am 230. I believe I should be losing more but whatever. I still can't eat. I eat like 3 bites of something and i feel to throw up. Its horrible b/c i want to eat but can't. I want to drink but if i drink too much I throw that up too. Well I'm going to keep this short. I went back to work and everyone was shocked at my weight loss. all together it is a total of 26 lbs lost.What a difference that makes.

On the day of my surgery 9/9/08 I weighed 245. So I lost 11lbs. Well I went in very positive not really scared. They rolled me into the OR and I sat on the cold bench until I woke up 5 hrs later and I was in recovery. Now I'm going to tell my story exactly how it went for me.. nothing sugar coated like I've read off of here. I have read many blogs and no where did I read I would experience the worst pain of my life. It was worst than labor pain. Anyway when I woke up the pain was excrutiating (sp) and the attendent/nurse was very cold. I kept telling her I was in pain and she kept saying I can't give u but so much pain killer. She kept saying reate your pain level. I kept saying 10 and she kept saying Im giving you all i can. The nasty ness was in her tone. Well my mom came in to see me and she asked how are you? then immediately asked to see my belly. I wanted to scream. Not only was I in pain but I was also being asked stupid shit. I said no leave me alone. I asked for my fiance and he came in and asked how am I. He looked really concerned and asked the cold nurse to give me something to kill the pain. She gave me a little more but I was still in tears b/c the pain was so bad. on a scale form 1 to 10 it was a 20. I couldn't take it. It subsided to tollarable after more meds was given. I wasn't allowed anything to drink just ice chips. I was so thirsty. This was however expected b/c once you go under anestisia (sp) you become extremely thirsty when you awake. Well I was then pushed to my semi private room where another lady was there for an bowel obstruction. She was a little older lady whom disclosed to me she had had the same surgery 14 yrs ago. She kept to her self mostly however we shared the same bathroom so she was shitting constantly and left her shit and piss in the toliet for nurse inspection. It was disgusting. I had to get the nurse to clean it up each time I had to go. To make matters worst my damn period came the same day of surgery.It skipped last month entirely just to pop up on the say of my surgery. So on top of the surgery bs I had to clean up my menstral b/s. I was in so much pain I couldn't bend, lay on the side or do much of anything but lay in bed moaning. When I was given the MORPHINE that subsided the pain however in order to keep the pain away I had to give the dose to myself constantly. Yes they gave me a self controlled IV drip which I could give to myself when ever the pain bc bad. I could give it ever 8 mins. LOL. Isn't that some shit? Well I gave it to myself constantly and kept a damn headache b/c of it. IM KEEPING THIS BLOG 100% REAL AND IF YOU DONT LIKE IT READ SOMEONE ELSES HALF ASS TELLING IT HOW IT IS. Yes everyones experience is different but this is mines. Well to make matters worst the nurse came in with my anti blood clog shot which I received 1 each day and a bambardge of different doctors all asking you if you walked and to see you insicions. The day Nurse Jill was really nice and the night nurse was also really nice. On the 2nd day I was rushed out the hospital although I expressed to the nurse how much pain I was in. And to the surgeon how much pain I was in. I felt dizzy and could harldy move and was sent home. I wanted to cry. On the car ride home with my man I felt every bump and crack in the side walk. I just wanted to DIE!!. Then when I finally arrived in my neighborhood I got my prescription filled and  went to my apartment where it was total chaos. So much noise and confusion. I was praying to disappear. I had to call baby daddy to get my daughter and Tell my man to take the son home to his mamma so I can have peace. You would think that the adults in my home would think to do that on their own. Well I guess not. As of today I am still in pain. I can harldy move around the house. Haven't been able to eat much of anything. and have been a real uptight b*tch. Everything is bothering me. I hate how i feel and wish I never had this F*&Cking surgery. I hope I feel differently later on. But I don't know.

Ok.. I know its been a while so where do I start? Well tomorrow is my surgery (God Willing ) because I did not lose the 10-12 Ibs the doctor required. I have only lost 6 lbs. I was at 256 and this morning the scale read 250. I have been on this  semi liquid diet for 9 days however clear liquids only since yesterday morning. The doc required 2 days clear liquids only. I must say I've been extremely hungry and cranky but I'm praying its all worth it. I would be lieing if I said I didn't cheat in between. B/C I did. Not intentional but the hunger can be so so painful. Its not in my mind like people seem to believe. The hunger strikes me and its horrible.My mother flew up from Mcdonough Georgia to help me out for the next 3 weeks. How great is that? She came in sat 9/6/08. I'm happy she here. My daughter absolutely loves her. I had to work this past sunday and when I came home from work my mom had washed a load of my clothes and my daughters. It a good feeling to have help. During my 10 day liquid diet I was to eat 1 slim fast fro breakfast 1 for lunch and a sensible dinner. Since there is nothing sensible about my dinners I opted to purchase lean quiscen (sp)/ smart ones. So I tried really hard to get the slimfast dn b/c I hate slimfast, milkshakes/ milk. And i looked forward to my 1 meal at dinner time. When I called the nutricianist to tell her what I've been eating she says no. you can't eat any starch ..no potatoes at dinner, no pasta, no rice. even in small amounts.. OoPPss. well that explaines the small weight loss. I was suppose to receive a call today from my surgeons office giving me the time of the surgery tomorrow however I have yet to receive that call.I just called them and spoke with rep who said rashida was on lunch and she would call me back. They are so pleasant however forgetful. I hope she calls me b/c my date is tomorrow. (wtf?) Well.. u guys are updated. Wish me luck..

My neice mercedes and I went out for my final drink on friday night. We went to a bar called Moca's in Harlem and had a great time. We drank, talked, laughed, dance and enjoyed ourselves.My best friend was suppose to come but was stuck in brooklyn waiting for her man so she couldn't make it. Too bad b/c we had a great time. Now that all that fun is over  I'm having and extremely hard time following this diet and its day 1... OMy Goodness. I HAVE ALWAYS HATED SLIM-FAST. I NEVER LIKE ICE-CREAM, MILKSHAKES, OR MILK. So how the hell am I going to pull this off? I know that I have to do it or the procedure may not take place or make things more complicated but I want to gag everytime I drink this nasty shit. Why can't i be positive? I am truely blessed to have been approved and having the opportunity to change my life but why is this a battle for me? Yesterday My fiance and I along with the kids went to get vitamins,protein powder, pre-op liquid diet things and slimfast. I HAD NO IDEA HOW EXSPENSIVE ALL THESE THINGS WERE. ON THE PROTEIN ALONE I SPENT 68.99(ISOPURE) GNC. I SPENT 200.00 YESTERDAY ALONE AND HAVEN'T EVEN WENT FOOD SHOPPING FOR MY LIFE AFTER SURGERY. WHAT AM I GETTING MYSELF INTO? LORD SHOW ME THE RIGHT PATH. It's sunday and I didn't attend church today. I just slept and slept this morning. I didn't want to get up and face the day or no food except for a sensible dinner. I purchased many smart foods (weight watchers) for my sensible dinner. B/c if I didn't I know I wouldn't make a sensible dinner.Give me strength!!

I haven't posted in a while ..I had left off saying I was scheduled for my pre-op visit be4 surgery. Well I had that visit and it went pretty well. I was a little early so I decided to get off the train 2 stops before my stop and walk to the hospital. On my way I passed a beauty spa. Me being the person I am had to stop and see what was going on inside. Well as I walked in these ladies were waiting to get their eyebrows threaded. Threading is when they use actual thread and shape your eyebrows (like waxing but better results.) Well I waited my turn and I loved my eyebrows. That was my 1st treading experience. I had heard about it but never had it done. No more waxing for me. It even last longer. Well after that I went through the pre-op test. EKG, Blood pressure , talk with anesteologist (sp) and X-rays. Everything went well. My blood pressure was normal for the 1st time in a while. I have been very diligent in talking my bp meds. They had me take a pregnancy test as well just to make sure. I didn't think that would be an issue b/c i have mirena(iud) I love that Birthcontrol. Had it for 4 yrs with no complications. Everything went smooth until the darn medical assistant pissed me off. As she is double checkiing my blood pressure she ask me, "So what kind of surgery are you having. When I told her RNY she dropped her Blood pressure pump and said. "Oh why are you having that? Your not big enough for that. She had the nerve to say thats for really big people. She continued on to ask how much do I weigh and did I try to diet? Keep in mind I have never seen this woman be4 nor did I start any friendly sister/ girl conversation with her. I would usually have been friendly but I just wanted to get all the testinover with and get home so I could sleep. I hadn't gotten sleep the night before b/c my 4 yr old little girl kept waking me up for every little thing. Bottom line I was miserable. Long story short, I couldn't believe she would say something like that and go on and on about it. I politely answered her by saying that I've done my research on the procedure and I wouldn't be here and approved for the surgery If I didn't qualify. She must have sensed my anger b/c she said , "oh I didnt mean to upset you it's just that you don't look obese to me. You look very nice the size you are. I had to realize that I wasn't mad at her I was just frustrated that people think everyone should agree with their opinions. I don't know anyone in the right mindset that would put their selves through this if they didn't feel it was necessary. My mother is supportive and has always been supportative in anything I wanted to do however everytime I talk to her she says well you know, I was speaking to xyz and they said ..this or that and may be you should ..blah blah blah. I had to tell her yesterday that everyone will have their opinion and mines is the only one that matters at this point. I didn't mean to be harsh but I had to let her no that I don't care what people say I'm doing what I believe is right. In the beginning I listened to everyones opinion and thoughts on the procedure and it made me crazy. I have to live for myself and I need to make a healthy change in my life.