soulfull_ladee

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Tripped up before I even got to walking good. Started back at work but now I have no job to go to, I am struggling with how to fit in what meals I swear these milk drinks are making me sick now, I can't help but feel a little sick when I drink water like even to take my meds. I have the desire to work out but getting there is another story. so far I guess I can say I average like once a week?
That  is totally not making the most of my $78 membership. Had drinks a few times, not taking my multi-vitamin I think now I should be taking my vitamin D? I am going to sign up for that health tracker so I can see how much good I am doing. I have lost weight of course, but nothing very noticeable lately though just alot of squish.

So, had my surgery and now I am back at work, having some trouble with my FMLA for coming back to work and then deciding I was not ready, hopefully all will work out ok though. I am a size 14, my clothes are kinda big on me, the few things I did not throw away I can actually fit now, it is nice, gotten some compliments lots of questions and everyone seems supportive. Today I fell totally sick I am having my milk/protein and it is really making me icky at first I thought I was drinking to fast but it is something else wrong. I used to always look forward to my "milkshakes" next week I can start to have real food like toast! this week is just mushy stuff, but I did well trying to make myself like a burrito blended with salsa...

Well, my surgery is scheduled 5/27/11
 I should be excited but there is also sadness...what is all this about taking longer to loose weight cause I am "smaller" I know I have to do my part eating well being active, but I am having SURGERY this is major I expect major results! I put out a post I hope I ge a reply soon.

ARGH! I don't know what is going on but my clothes are NOT fitting me the same and this is not a cool thing, I am not sure that I am getting bigger, but the proportion of my body is getting worse, like I had a shape, but now thngs are all just doing there own thing! Yesterday on of my very liked tops which usually is more flattering, made me look like I am pregnant! I know some may say I am just being self concious but this was really serious I was praying no one asked me!! And of course by the end of the day my clothes really don't fit as nice as when I left that morning, my nice camisol waws no longer covering my breasts, the part of my stomach I could get in my pants no longer wanted to be resticted and they were serious! Not that I am trying to wear clothes that are tight or something but every time I look up it really seems like my size is creeping up,,,,so I could take into consideration PERHAPS it is cause my visitor is coming soon, but I don't think I can accept that.

Missed my first appopintment for weight loss evaluation so have gotten nowhere as far as that goes, have a reschedule this Tuesday.

There have been a lot of emotions regarding my weight loss surgery, I have not gotten far in the actual process at all, but I am trying to prepare myself mentally, like "what am I going to do socially?" It won't be food, it won't be alcohol, it won't be smoking??? Then I thought about the saying about "you are who you are with" Or , you are classified in a sense by the people you hang with, so what do I want? I think I will still like the club scene...oh, I remember I used to love to DANCE!!! I still do but hardly have the energy and flexibility I used to, not to mention catching a glimpse of my self in the mirror is not a sexy site anymore. OK, so I got that part, now what else?? I used to love to exercises, I miss when it was fun! I miss playing sports! I can get in some leagues, make some friends that way. I love to sing!  I will have a better lung capacity and my voice and tones will be stronger! Love to shop, my selection will be much bigger! I can astound my kids again with my strength and fitness! No ,more sleep apnea! I will actually be awake to do all these things right? I am so ready! ( so why am I so scared?) Hey Guys I would love to hear your stories!

Wow, is it just me or is this heading way huge!
 I am so nervous and excited, I  really have no one to talk to that has been through this, specifically the sleeve surgery so I am wanting someone to relate to me. About two months ago I went for the informatoin session for weight loss surgery tis was for the second time, cause the first one was over a year ago so I had to start with the session again. The good thing about this was since then the Verticle Sleeve has now been added to approved weight loss surgeries through my employer! B4 It was still considered experimental. So it seems perfect for an in - between- perosn like myself not as dramatic as the bypass and not as back and forth like the band.  So got a call in to schedule my first "set" of appointments, nurse, lab Dr. and psychiatric appointment. A four hour day but alot taken care of at one time. My hunnie was ok with everything till it go tto this point...she went to the session with me, when I mentioned starting the appointments, she started mentioning what about taking my meds, I explained that this procedure shold not effect that, and then it is who is going to stay home and care for me...and what if my car is not fixed, what if she cannot get off work to go to the appointments...
Of course this turned to tears and as reassuring as I tried to be, when I called to set up those appointments today none of those things phased me, I am on my way!