sparkles

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I'm a failure... It's all I can think about.  I can't believe that I haven't lost anything in over a year.  Starting Jan 1, I'm working out 5 days a week, every week.  I'm trying to talk my husband into it as well.  I'm tired of looking like the fattest person in the world.  My best friend will be getting married probably with in the next year, and well, she isn't gonna want a COW for a maid of honor, so it's gotta come off.  Not to mention, Apparently having a kid isn't happening.. even though we try... I just.. maybe if I lose the rest of this weight, I'll get pregnant.  

I mean.. I did good with some things, I don't drink anything with calories (minus a glass of wine now and then or some juice (probably less than 5 times this year).  I don't do soda, however I do drink with my meals, I have pretty much all along.  I don't work out, I eat all the carbs and fried food, sugars... you name it... 

I don't know what else to do, I'm embarrased to call my doctor, and because I live so far away now, I guess they don't expect me to contact them.  

I'm really gonna try this year.  I believe my hubby is gonna join the gym with me, and knowing he's going will help me go.  (I hope)  My goal is to get below 200 in 2008.  That's between 40 and 50 lbs.  My final goal is so far away, I dunno if I'll ever reach it, but I just want to be under 200.  I'd really like to run this year... in a race.  

These are my resolutions....
1) No carbs - breads, pastas, sugars, potatoes.  Good carbs like fruits and veggies are ok
2)Eat healthier options - skip the oil, butter and fat
3)More protien -  shakes, fish, lean meats
4)excersize 5 days a week, whether I want to or not
5)weekly weigh ins and measurments to stay on track
6)quit smoking

Please God... let this work!

So this train took a temporary derail.  It's back, and LOOK OUT!  

I started the 5 day pouch test yesterday.  You can find details here:  http://www.5daypouchtest.com/index.html

I also started the Marcher's March across America goal.  I walked 4.53 miles yesterday in 2 seperate walks and a shopping trip.  

This morning I walked 1.77 miles and then had to park very far away so I'm up to 1.86 miles.  I will walk more when I get home, and possibly on my lunch break.  

I have been really good on my pouch test and am on Day 2 of liquids.  I have lost 4.5 lbs so far, and feel pretty dang good!!!  

Also, just a quick note, I can't wait to meet the girl inside, and I AM WORTH IT!

OMG.. so I guess the days of updating this thing once a week are gone.  :)  I'm hanging right at 235 now, and ya know, for the first time ever, I can safely say I'm smaller than some of the people on the biggest loser.. that makes me feel good.  :)  

I can't seem to lose weight so easily, but i got a dog yesterday, and I want to get a bike soon so I can do rides in the evening time.  I think my hubby and I can enjoy that together.  :) I am paying for a gym membership, but don't go... I never feel like there are enough hours in the day.  

We bought a house, and you can see pictures of it and the new puppy at www.lilleypad.net.

Our next big adventure is starting a family.  I think I'm gonna work with the puppy for now, as there is alot to do, but man.. I WANT to be pregnant.  LOL.  Someone help me!! 

So this time last year, I was laid up in the hospital in Ocala, healing from surgery.  

I've learned alot, gained friends, personal respect and self esteem.  I've lost a whole person at the same time.  I've also discovered things about myself I never knew before.  For example, I have a terrible sweet tooth that needs to be under control.  I don't miss soda at all.  A little bit of food will fill me up.  I don't have to eat it all at a buffet.  Working out is fun... when you have someone to go with, but alienating when you go alone.  I have alot of emotional and mental issues that I need to deal with.  I'm afraid of abandonment.  There's alot more here, but you don't want to hear the nitty gritty do ya?!  :)

I started this journey at 400+lbs.  I'm currently bouncing between 255 - 250, I haven't really seen it dip below 250.  I want it to soooo badly.  I still feel like a huge person, and I still am.  I'm noticing alot more hanging skin than ever before, but I'm not losing any weight.  I could be losing inches, but I've never measured.  I only have about 80 lbs more to lose, then I need to start talking about plastics.  That last 80 is going to be much harder than the first 150, but I know it can be done.  I just need to finish.  

I also had my first experience with dumping last night.  I had a small slice of birthday cake for my birthday and well, WOW.  I can see now why people dont like it!  OWIE!!!  

Anyways.. Keep praying for me, to hang in there, and get this done, I'll get there eventually.  My double chin is almost gone!! :)

So, I just finished up my first week at work.  It was LONG!!!  Lots of info to remember... but I did well.  I met some interesting people on friday too. 

I started going to the gym this week, after nearly 3 months off, *UGH*  and boy.. am I out of shape again!!  Thats ok though.. cuz I could feel my work outs, and thats a good thing. 

I also went grocery shopping today, and bought some healthier food options.  :)  I'm looking forward to eating my lunch at work this week, instead of eating out every day.  I'm having roast beef sandwiches on an onion roll with cheddar cheese... mmmm.  :) 

I just wanted to let you know I'm still alive, and kicking.  :)  

Josh and I have taken some photos lately and I wanted to share them with you!  :)

Please look at the pictures section! :)  

So I took some new pictures and uploaded them.. what do you think?  I also updated my ticker.  I don't have as far to go as I used to, but I still have a really long way. 

I'll get there eventually.  I had surgery 10 months ago today.  Yay me. 

So, We're here.  I know.. you got that already. 

I'm so tired of saying good bye to people.  I just dropped off Doug at the airport, and it was so sad to see him go.  I hated it.  Really hated it. 

I start my new job on the 5th.  I'm looking forward to it.  It'll get my mind off all the sad stuff that has happened in the last week.  I passed all of my checks, background, fingerprint and drugs.  Yay!  I got this huge packet of information and I have to study it and pass before I can start training.  I'm a little nervous about it, but it'll be ok.  I just can't wait to start bringing in some cash.  I'm glad Josh's money will not stop, because otherwise.. we'd be in trouble. 

My weightloss is probably in the gutter.  I've been a very bad girl.  I have to stop drinking with my meals.  I think next week I'm going on the plateau blaster diet, and I'm gonna go to Bally's.  There is one about 5 miles from the house, which is good.  :) 

I'll get some new pictures up soon, I promise.  I'm gonna go for now though.    

So.. that's all I wanted to say.  We're here, we're unpacked and I'm sooo tired.  :) 

That's all.    

:)

I got the Southwest Airlines job!!!  :)  Infact, they said I was the best canidate the interviewed!  I start Feb 5th, and am taking my drug test tomorrow.  HEHEHE.  I'm so excited. 

I've got almost everything done.  Which is definately a good thing, considerings that I'm leaving in 3 days!! :) 

Gotta go though, Josh and I are doing Family pictures tonight.. YAY!