sparkling_dawn

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I haven't eaten white sugar in 10 days. I haven't had any white bread or pasta in 6 days. I've worked out in the gym 4 times in the last 10 days and walked with the family in the park another day. I'm down 5-6 pounds. Until today I haven't binged or purged (not deliberately anyway - I've gotten sick a few times bc of a grumpy pouch - food gets stuck in my gastric pouch or esophagus sometimes bc of my gastric bypass). I had shakes and low blood sugar/withdrawl symptoms the first few days, but that has subsided. My cravings have lessened. It has been going well.

I've been stressed and a little sleep deprived, broke and juggling school.

I chewed and spit out a couple of mini-donuts today. And I ate more than I should have of "allowed" foods. But I was eating because I was stressed - even though it wasn't a full-fledged binge it was emotional eating. I got a grade on a test that I wasn't happy with, and I ate about 500 extra calories.

It is what it is. It's done. Things happen. It's not good or bad. I am not good or bad. It just is. I just am.

I am in control of my life. I am in control in what I put in my body. I am in control of my habits and behaviors. I get to make the choices and decisions. Other people can tell me what I should do or what they want me to do. But I get to make the choices. And I want to choose wisely because I deserve to be happy and healthy. I am making these choices for myself. I'm not eating something or eating something because that's what the doctor says I have to do. I am eating or not eating things because that's what I choose to eat or not eat.

I've been treating my body well. I deserve to be treated well.

Tomorrow I will choose with a conscious mind instead of an emotional one.

Today is done. Onto the next!

I'm up - putting off studying - wanting to eat donuts or self-sabotage in some way. My health coach told asked me today how I felt about losing 5 pounds? Did it make me anxious? At the time I thought that I felt totally fine about it. But as the day has gone on... yeah it makes me anxious. My therapist said that even though I come across as confident and would even describe myself as confident that there's some little voice deep inside of me that says that I don't deserve good things. That little voice needs to shut the hell up. Because I am a good person. I deserve good things. I am in control of my life, my food, my decisions and my body. I get to make the choices. I get to decide to will good things into my life. Not that little bitch of a voice who tells me to self-sabotage. That little devil on my shoulder needs to die. Bye bitch bye!

Looking at old photos to remind myself where I am NOT going back to and where I still want to go.

I do not need to fix me. I am not broken. But I definitely need to work through some stuff so that I stay healthy and am here to harass my kids for a very long time.

A before/after driver's license pic. Circa 460. A Biggest Loser style pic - I think I was around 430-440 pounds. A pic at my very smallest. 225 pounds. I felt I was too small. I didn't feel comfortable in that body. 4 years later is the present - 60 pounds up from my smallest weight. I am no where near 460, but this is definitely not where I want to be. While I am not really focused on the scale - I'm more focused on my body fat percentage - I definitely want to lose around 40 pounds. NEVER GOING BACK. KEEPING IT REAL. Surgery can fix your tummy but not your head. Eating disorders are real. They are more than anorexia. You are more than what you eat. I am more than what I eat. I deserve things. And I'm not going back to 460 pounds.

The End.

 

   

I got married in December! We had a beautiful baby boy on May 19th! So happy! (-: Right now I am trying to lose the rest of the baby weight. I have 10-15 pounds left to go to get back to pre-pregnancy weight. I would still like to lose another 20-30 pounds.

12 months post-op I found out that we are expecting! Wasn't planned, but we are excited! Have seen the heartbeat! And am getting married December!

Life is so crazy busy! Moving out of my old house has been crazy!6 years of accumulating stuff. It's hard to get it all out. Have been working a couple hours here and there for weeks. We are almost done. Today should take care of the bulk of it. I have been living with my fiance for at least 3months, but we are just now getting rid of my house. I rented. So this will save us a lot of money.

We are remodeling and redoing his house. It needs a lot of work. But we don't have a mortgage or rent. It will help us save a lot of money. And it feels likehome. Mylittle girl loves it here. She loves her new step daddy to be.

The wedding is 8 months away. Ihaven't bought a dress yet.I don't know what size I will be. But I have been losing slowly lately andam close to goal. I will probably buy a dress soon bc it takes awhile for them to come in.

I have some wedding plans in place, but I am questioningsomeof them. Lol. We are getting married in April.

I have some work to do still. Need to get on it! Lol.

Just trying to get through this move and the bulk of the remodeling. But time is ticking !

Work is going well. I'm up for a promotion. Wish me luck!

I'm almost one year post-op. It has been an amazing and challenging year. I am so glad Id ecdied to havethis surgery.

Without I wouldn't have the life I havenow.

Things are stressful from time to time. But i am so happy that I've made thechoices I've made. I love my daughter and my fiance so much.

I really do have a having ending!

Going to keep on working on my weight and toning. I want to lose 30 pounds. Then I will be happy. I am happy where I'mat. But I need to lose more.

Iwant to start trying to get pregnant next year after we get married. I am excited that I will be healthy my next pregnancy. I weighed 436 teh day I gave birth to my daughter.

I have some chiropractic problems. The NP at the surgeon's office said that was common w WLS patients. The extra weight made me go from 5 9 to 5 7.. Now I'm 5 9 again.

They said sometimes the spine doesn't go back exaclty like ti should.

I also had 2 car wrecks that jacked it up more. But this willh elp I think

I struggle with vitamins still, but I am working on it.

I need to go to the grocery and run some errands. So I am out! Have a great day!

 

Last Feb 155 pounds ago


2/13/10 155 pounds lost from last year, 140 from 1st consult, 120 from surgery day


Ewww Crazy Difference! Proud of how far I've come. And SO thankful!


155 pounds lost total! That is hard to wrap my head around.

I have lost 155 pounds since last Feb. My high weight was nearly 460 pounds.

Since my inital consult I've lost 138 pounds!

I am ONE pound away from the 200's!!!!!!! I haven't been in the 200's in years! Since middle school!

I have lost 120 pounds from surgery day! 120 pounds in 5 months!  Crazy! I love my RNY!

Excess skin isn't too bad. I do have some flabby stuff on my belly, thighs and arms. But it's really not bad at all especially considering how much I've lost. Hopefully I can continue to tone some of it up and not need plastic surgery.

I still have a long way to go. I still weigh 300 pounds. Many people start at a lesser weight than this.

But I am very happy with my progress! I know I want to get to 250. Maybe someday 200. Maybe eventually 180. But that is overwhelming to think of losing that much more weight. Right now I am content with getting to 250. Once I'm there I'll reevaluate.

I was recently hospitalized for low potassium, dehydration and a possibe bowel obstruction. The obstruction cleared on its own overnight. And 8 bags of IV fluids got me back in shape. Have to make sure I am drinking a LOT. I don't think 62 oz is going to cut it for me. Drinking as much water as I can.

And trying to eat a bannana daily.

So far I'd still do it again in a heartbeat.

It's surreal to think of how big I was.

I don't really feel that different. I feel more attractive. I have more energy. But I'm still the same person. Just smaller. And healthier!

Some new pics of me at 100 pounds lost. I need to take some better ones, but here ya go. Also some with me and the new man.

At the St Vincent  bariatric program Christmas party last week.


BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE
  


AFTER

I have lost 101 pounds!

I am so fricking stoked!

I still have 100 pounds to go. But I am so happy!

This journey has been amazing. 3 months ago I weighed 81 pounds more than I do right now. 81 pounds in 3 months. 100 pounds in 4-5 months. It's fricking crazy.

Keep seeing myself in the mirror and have to do a double take to make sure it's still me!