ssgoodri
Hmm well I am wondering if I should do the long story or short :).. Guess since I can't eat, I will do the longer version! haha
So I have been a bigger girl since I was a teen, somewhere around size 14-16 back then. As I got older, more and more weight piled on. At one point I was using drugs and lost a ton of weight (not proud of this in any way) and went down to a size 8-10 for about a year, then I got pregnant with my first child. Of course when I realized I was pregnant all the bad choices I was making were stopped and I started eating again, and this time it was for TWO (or so I thought that is how it worked)!!! Well, in March of 1990 I had my first child (a boy) and was so very happy... for a little while at least, until I realized I gained over 100lbs while I was pregnant (POST birth gain)!!! What a total shock to me, and trust me moving from an 8-10 to a 18 pant size was totally tramatic (especially at 18yrs old), so I tried all sorts of crazy things: pills, not eating at all, ipecac syrup (you know the stuff that you use if your child swallows poison so they throw it up), pushing tooth brushes down my throat etc.. Obviously nothing worked and most of them I couldn't sustain anyway - they were all short lived. I finally just gave in to the fact that I would now be fat for the rest of my life and I just needed to focus on the joy of my new child and family. 4 years later, I was pregnant again and didn't gain any weight at all, but I was still a big girl (probably in the low 200's at that point).
I continued living life to the fullest (at least that is what I thought I was doing) and ate anything and everything I could possibly put in my mouth... After years of abusing food, I was at 305lbs; it slowly creeped up on me every year. Don't get me wrong, there were diets over the 18+years that actually worked - temporarily. Eventually I would gain it all back plus some (most people know that story), I lost almost 100lbs at one point with Weight watchers, but I thought I had control of 'it' and stopped doing the weight watchers -- then BOOM up to 300lbs I went.
About 3 years ago, there was a woman at work that lost a ton of weight, she looked GREAT! We ended up taking a work trip down to Cali for a day together. When we got into the building there wasn't an elevator to take up to the 3rd floor for our meeting, so we hoofed it up the stairs. By the time I got up to the top I was sweating, breathing hard (could hardly talk) and thought I was going to die.. I was VERY embarrassed; she had none of those symptoms so I asked her if she was working out or what.. She then told me she had WLS (the sleeve) and that is where the turn around to my life started. After talking to her ALOT about things I decided to talk to my dr to see what my options were. She referred me to OWLS (Oregon Weight Loss Surgery) clinic - Dr Patterson.
I went to their website and completed the application they required and waited for them to call back with the approval to accept me into their program. Maybe a week after I submitted it they called my cell phone and left a message to call back. I got scared and didn't call back. I really thought I was tryng to take the 'easy way out' and that I was stronger than that...So I went back to Weight Watchers -- but it wasn't nearly as fun or successful this time and I was barely losing anything, I went back to CURVES, but again it was boring and I didn't stick with it... Things seemed to spiral downhill for about 6 months, until I got the guts up to call OWLS back, and what an amazing decision that was! From the minute I started second guessing my initial application to OWLS I should have realized it wasn't the easy way out, otherwise I wouldn't have been having the 2nd thoughts about it in the first place, but our minds play tricks on us sometimes :)...
Since I started the program with OWLS (and the requirement for my insurance), I have lost about 30lbs by eating right, drinking plenty of water and excersizing at the gym. I bought a bodybug (www.bodybug.com) to help keep myself motivated (I love that thing!) and started walking about a mile on the treadmill at the gym about 5-6 days a week. What a change I feel already, I do things I never would have thought of doing - going on hikes with my dog or my kids, taking trips, eating in public etc. I know these are just small things compared to what is going to come after the surgery and I can't wait!
I never realized how much I was actually depriving my children -- all these years being afraid of doing things because of my size.. and it hit me in the last 6 months - never again do I want to be that mom! My kids are older now which is unfortunate, but it is never too late and I plan on making the rest of our lives together fantastic :)...
I am so excited to continue (I feel I have already started) this journey with the aid of WLS an be part of this great online community that has developed!!!
