staceycvd

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Well, today is the last day of my 9 day holiday in Ottawa. We leave to go to Sudbury tomorrow for my orientation class on Tuesday then back to Timmins after class.  It's been quite a nice holiday. We got here on Saturday, the 7th of July. Here is what we did:
Sunday: Went to Joe(my hubby)'s brothers house in Wakefield and had smoked ribs and potatoes. Spent the day chatting and trying to plan a trip to Holland in 5 years to visit their family and maybe an all inclusive next year depending on when I get surgery.
Monday: Joe and I's first wedding anniversary. We went shopping at Ikea, Bayshore, Rideau Centre and toured the market before we made our way to The Keg and had a great dinner. Steak medium rare with some fries. Yummy!
Tuesday: Went shopping at Costco and then had a relaxing day at the mother-in-laws.
Wednesday: Went hockey pad shopping for my hubby and bought some great ones. We then went to have dinner at the Mill St. Brew-pub. I had a cheeseburger and fries, it was good :)
Thursday: Went for dinner at Joe's aunts house, had a burger again with some salad. Afterwards we went to the Cube Gallery on Wellington and watched a presentation about astronomy- one of my greatest passions. Afterwards, we went to the Parliament and watched the Mosaika presentation. It was breathtaking and really makes you feel patriotic and love the great country of Canada. Once that was finished, we returned to the Cube Gallery to look through telescopes that they had set up. They put out all the lights on Julian ave. I saw Saturn's rings which was probably the most amazing thing I've EVER seen. I was speechless. I then saw a few nebulas which seem less impressive after seeing Saturn.
Friday: It was my birthday so we went to Red Lobster for lunch then came home and I had salmon for dinner. It was great. I went to bed very early.
Saturday: Spent the day at my aunts house by her pool. Got a nice tan :). We had dinner there and we had yummy ribs. I did her hair after dinner (I am a hairdresser) then we came home and relaxed all night.
Sunday: Did absolutely nothing today. Didn't even get dressed. It was a pj relax day. 

During the week, we had eaten more than I usually eat at home yet I lost 4 lbs. I don't understand it but I wont complain at all!  This week has given me time to reflect on my life. I have decided I will leave my minimum wage job and get back into hairdressing in a salon. This hairdressing job will be good for when I'm in school for the next 3 years. It'll make me alot of money.  It was a great week and I'm very glad that we had decided to take this holiday. 

Here is a picture of my hubby and our Chow Chow. It's not the best picture of her but it sure does show how happy he is with his "little" girl:

Hey everyone.

Yesterday and today have been great. I haven't eaten all that great since I had two dinners to go to, but hey, I'm still pre-op so I figure I might as well enjoy this while I can. To counter all the calories I ingested, I cleaned for 7 hours straight yesterday. Man did I ever sweat. And today me and my hubby walked 3km with our two dogs. It was really good. My first appointment is in 22 days and there are no words to explain how excited I am for it!! The first day of the rest of my life!

I've been shopping online at Beyondtherack.com and I'm thinking that I should buy myself a size M/L dress as my goal dress! I think I'll wait until I have a bit more money first though haha.

I've downloaded the couch to 5k app for my android phone, I'm hoping that I can start doing that soon.

Anywho, have a good day!!
Stacey


ps, here are a few pictures of my pride and joy, my puppies.

This is me, Lexi(black chow chow) and Mia(poodle-chihuahua)


Mia again since she was cut off in the other picture :p

Feel free to comment. :)

Today I'm at work, and it's really dead, so it led me to thinking.

Am I fooling myself thinking I can go through with this surgery? Do I really have the willpower to not eat junk when I have such a violent internal struggle with my brain? My relationship with food has been a disastrous one. One day I love food and eat tons, and then other days I am jealous of anorexic people because they don't have a voice in their head telling them to eat ALL the time.  I wish I could eat to live, not live to eat.  I LOVE exercising and going outdoors but I'm so fat I can barely walk 20 minutes without being winded.

My mind is a very cruel mind. My mind depicts me as a monster when I look in the mirror, yet people tell me I'm beautiful. Is it ever going to be easier? Will I eventually break through and see the beauty that others see in me? Will the urge to deface my body ever go away? Will being thin even help me rid myself of this depression and the meds that accompany it?

I think I'm just in a bad place today. It's the one year anniversary of my father-in-laws death and everything just seems so disgusting and depressing. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

My name is Stacey Van Dyk and I am a fat girl.

I love dogs, I love the outdoors and I love my husband. My entire life has been about making other people happy, which unfortunately has contributed to me being in last place when it comes to priorities. I've been struggling with my weight since I was 9 years old. Most of my family has struggled with their weight and are weight obsessed. The main topic of conversation at family dinners has always been weight loss and food. You tend to get really uncomfortable around your family because you know that they're studying you, seeing if you're gained or lost weight. I know they don't do it to be mean, I know they do it because they love me and are worried about my health. It's always "You're SO pretty, imagine what you'd look like if you were skinny!". UGH.  Finally, I had had enough. When I was 15, I started working out and eating healthy. Little did I know that I would never lose the weight, but I would keep packing on the pounds.

I had spoken to my family doctor may times about having the surgery but he was convinced I was too young. Finally, he has agreed to send a referral for Gastric Bypass surgery. He made sure to tell me that the process usually starts a year after the referral. To my surprise, two weeks after my referral, I got the letter. I am SO happy about it. My orientation date is July 17th, I have no idea what to expect but I know it will be the best thing to ever happen to me! :D

My current weight is 256lbs and my goal weight is 150lbs. My heaviest weight was 272lbs.

Add me to facebook if you'd like! 
https://www.facebook.com/staceycvd