StaceyS

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There are some days I feel "normal" even though I don't think I look "normal." Is anyone else like that?

I went out Saturday night for dinner with my bf (OMG, do 38 year old widows call their SO's, "boyfriend?") and we met his mom and aunt.  I've met them before and when I excused myself to go to the ladies' room, I heard his mom say, "she so pretty and she looks great." That made part of my night.(NSV #1)

Following that, two of us went to a dueling piano bar (there are a lot of these popping up over the country, go if you can, they are a blast!) that he used to play at (he plays drums). I've never been a "club type person" and of course, that was because of the weight. I didn't want people to see the fat girl in a club. Maybe everyone's not like that, but that's me. I told him that I was nervous about going because of that and he says, "but you're not the fat girl anymore." (NSV #2)  We get to the club and we're talking to the owner and I started to feel "normal." I felt like I looked great  in a pair of black INC pants, pretty black top and 3" black pointy heels from Nine West (size 8!) and I was having a really good hair day.  As we're talking, the owner says to Stephen, "so when did you get married" and Stephen explains that we're not and the owner says, "but you  look like you're married, like you go together." I guess this was NSV #3 - practically since we started dating, people along the way think that we're married.  NSV #4 was being able to sit on a bar stool and cross my legs at the same time. That felt FAB!

I'm not much of drinker, but I had 2 cosmopolitan's over the course of four hours. I think they helped!!

Just thought I'd share my weekend NSV's and I hope you had some too!

Just some rambling...

Still down about 150 and I'm thrilled. I want to get to goal!!

I was getting ready for work today, complaining (?!) that every pair of pants I pulled out were too big (?!) and Stephen says to me, "you look like a normal person now." That totally made my day.   I don't feel like I look normal, but it's nice to know how others view me. I still can't wrap my head around what I'm seeing in the mirror.  He didn't know me before, of course, but he's seen pictures and I've spoken about how miserable I was before, physically. I love when he tells me how good I look. I love that I feel healthy and alert and not tired and draggy.

Has a wonderful time in Indianapolis and Chicago with Stephen. Speaking of "normal" I did "normal" things. I walked and walked and walked in freezing cold weather and all bundled up - something this Florida girl is not used to. We spent New Years Eve watching the fireworks at Navy Pier in Chicago in 4 degree weather and then walked (?!) about 2 miles to the hotel. I never could have done that at 350 pounds.  We almost missed our flight home and I RAN from security down 11 plus gates to our flight carrying 4 frozen pizzas from Lou Malnati's (I still have food issues), a laptop, a carry on and my purse.  I would have missed my flight if this would have happened pre-surgery.

Last Sunday would have been Bruce's 43rd birthday. I went to the cemetary with a donut and sat and talked to him. I yelled at him too, but he's used to that I guess. I hope he saw me sitting there, on the ground with my legs crossed.  I'm doing the American Heart Association 5K Walk again for him on March 14 and I hope to run some of it.

Hope everyone is doing well. I'm so happy for all of you preops - your life is going to change for the better.

Stacey

I can't believe my one year surgiversary has come and gone. I kept meaning to update, but "life" is keeping me busy.

There are so many new faces on the sleeve board and I wish you all well.

Here's an update on me:

I am down just about 150 pounds and my surgery was on August 20, 2007. It saved my life.  Actually, my DH saved my life. When we found out the insurance wouldn't pay for it, I was fuming. I didn't want the bypass. We came home from seeing Dr. Rosenthal and I was in such a mood. I was doing laundry and throwing things around and DH was on the computer. I was beyond irate when I saw him on the computer when I was so upset about the insurance not covering the sleeve. I yelled, "What the heck are you doing?" and I was crying and he turned around, with this big old sh-- eating grin and said, "I moved things around, you are getting your surgery." So when I say that my DH saved my life, I mean it.

Unfortunately, my DH died of a heart attack at the age of 41, less than 6 weeks after my surgery.  He saved my life and the guilt I have about not being able to save his, kills me.  He was overweight, not morbidly obese, but we had no idea how bad his heart was. He was admitted into the hospital on October 4, stented twice, sent home on October 14 and he died an hour later in bed.  My life has been turned upside down. A 38 year old widow.  I firmly believe that if I didn't have the surgery and he died, I would be well over 400 pounds and housebound. He saved my life.

I love the sleeve and physically, I feel better than I have ever felt. I can play tennis, walk for hours, bend over and tie my shoes, sit on the ground, sit in booths and not worry if I'm going to fit. The seatbelt on the plane fits fine and the one in my car no longer cuts into my neck. I fit comfortably in the chairs in the salon and my fat doesn't stick out the sides. I can button the smock when I get my hair colored. I can cross my legs. I wear high heels from places like Nine West and feel stylist and I don't feel like I'm going to fall over. All these simple things (and there are more) that were not so simple 150 pounds ago are now part of my world. 

I still have about 40-50 pounds to go and it is harder now to lose the weight. I want to tell the world how great I feel. I get sad when I see a SMO person struggling to get around and I just want to wrap my arms around him/her and share my story, but I don't. I wouldn't have wanted it done to me when I was 330 pounds. So I smile and go about about my business.

I never wanted to start dating, but DH's mother and sister threatened to put an ad online for me if I didn't, so I did. Not expecting to meet anyone, I did, back in July.  Of all the men who contacted me, he was the only one who said, "I'm sorry about your loss."  He makes me laugh and I enjoy spending time with him. We are going to Chicago and Indianapolis to see family at the end of the month over New Years. We both want to start this New Years in a different place, and for me, it's more of a mental thing.

All the best to all of you.  Feel free to contact me at any time. I have gotten so much support and friendship here and I would like nothing more than to give it back.

Stacey

Posted some pictures taken earlier this month in a size 18/20 top and 14 pants.  ME????

I did some shopping in Macy's the other night and just about lost it when I realized I was able to wear a 1X INC top and that the 3X was way too big on me. he poor saleslady didn't know what to do.

My surgiversary is coming up on August 20 and my 1 year post op appointment is on August 22. I have so many feelings about this upcoming milestone.  Sad that DH isn't here to walk me through the doors of Cleveland Clinic 109+ pound lighter. So happy that I can walk through the doors without huffing and puffing and feeling like I ran a marathon.

I have a new friend and would like to call it "dating" and not "non-dating" and inasmuch as it's fresh, exciting and fun, I am so afraid of letting my guard down and getting hurt.

Okay, so with my stalls, I decided to see an endocrinologist at the Cleveland Clinic, where I had my surgery. I've been on Synthroid since 1999 when I had to removed due to being HYPERactive.  

I met with the PA first who took all of my information, looked at my bloodwork from April, and said that the doctor was going to leave my dosage the same.   Thatit was normal (?!) for my weight loss to slow down and it was a combination of slow metabolism and my food choices and that I should meet with the NUT.  She made it sound like I didn't need to see the doctor, but I told her I wanted to see him since I made the appointment with him.

I just loved this guy. Very sweet and a great bedside manner. He said that while my numbers are in the normal range, the TSH is 4.10 and although 0.35 - 5.50 is normal, new schools of thought are showing that the number should be closer to 2 and that's what he's going to shoot for by increasing my dosage a bit.  He also said, and this is why I so prefer to go to a specialist, that due to the surgery, my stomach doesn't absorb the whole dose, so while I'm taking 225, I'm not getting it all. Made sense to me.  He also said that he didn't want me to focus on the weight loss as much as eating nutritious food, taking my vits and exercising.  

So I'm hoping that the higher dose kickstarts things for me.

Treadmill
Interval program
2.5 - 3.0mph
Up to a 3.0 incline
35 minutes
1.45 miles
Burned 196 calories

Elliptical - 30 minutes
Burned 310 calories
Distance: 1.70 miles

Treadmill - 33 minutes
Burned 200 calories
Distance: 1.45 miles

I've been wearing these (ok even I'll admit it) way too big 26/28 tshirts to work out in.  This morning I started poking through my closet looking to see what was lurking in there. I found an XXL Hard Rock San Francisco shirt still with the tags that my SIL must have bought for my DH a few years ago.

I didn't think it would fit so I threw it on the bed. Then I decided to try it on and IT FIT.  This is HUGE (no pun intended) for me because I don't remember the last time I was able to wear something bought in a "normal" store.

I wore it proudly to work out this morning and loved, since it was white, how I could see the sweat!! LOL

So yes, I'm stalling, but for some reason, my body is still getting smaller. 

A very good NSV today!

Elliptical
30 minutes
1.76 miles
320 calories burned

Treadmill
35 minutes 
172 calories
1.7 miles

So as I sit here eating at 6" BMT from Subway (I ate a little more than 1/2 of the 6" and I'm stuffed), I'm thinking about the 4 day liquid diet I'm starting tomorrow.  I did it for 2 weeks pre op and of course 2 weeks post op, so I know I can do it for 4 days.  I want to get the carbs and sugar out of my system.  I'll do it until Friday night (dinner plans) and when I start eating again, hope to just stick to proteins, veggies and a little fruit.

I took a mental health day today. I found out that DH's headstone came in. The funeral home was supposed to let me know in advance but they didn't. My MIL actually found out on Sunday when she went to say hello to her parents who are also there.  I went with my SIL. It was a hot, sunny morning. We cried of course, yelled at him and told him we loved him. Spent a few hours shopping, so it was a nice day.

Went to PF Changs on Saturday night for a birthday party. It was the same PF Changs DH and I went to for another birthday party the Saturday night before the heart attack. It was weird. I don't think I was "all there" for the night but that's okay. I went.  The last picture taken of us together was there as well. It's a terrible picture. Too close of my face. His eyes were closed.  It was 6 weeks after my surgery and was one of my first meals out.  I remember eating 4 shrimp and was stuffed. Didn't care about any of the other yummy appetizers. I was with my honey, the surgery was over and I was loving life. How different from this particular night where I had a spare rib, a lettuce wrap and a few bites of different dishes. And um, oh yeah, a "healthy" piece of birthday cake.  I do follow the "no drinking withing 45 minutes" rule, but I was so thirsty from the high salt meal, that I sipped on water.  And then I felt it.  That "feeling" that makes you sit up straighter, hoping it all stays down.  I grabbed the napkin from my lap, ran outside in the back, and well, it wasn't pretty.  That was the 4th time I'd gotten sick since the surgery. I heard DH's voice, the concern of me being sick, and I felt worse. Worse that I ate soooooooooooooo much and felt that I was slipping back into old habits.

Got the Wii fit hooked up and LOVE it. I don't like the fact that it states my real age is 53 (I'm 39) so I have work  to do!

I'm up to 30 minutes on the elliptical and I'm so proud of it. Considering that before the surgery, I couldn't do 2 minutes on it.

Tomorrow is a new day, right?