~~Stacie~~
NEWEST POST AT THE BOTTOM, THANKS FOR STOPPING BY
I am 41 years old raising a husband and two teen age girls (not twins!). I have fought obesity all my life-
I have lost 60-70 lbs over and over again, unfortunatly it keeps finding me again......plus another 60 or so.
So I am hoping that this will be my permanent solution to a happier, healthier life.
I was approved through Kaiser and have my internist, psych and surgeon appointments at Pacific Bariatric in San Diego all on
2-19-2002.
2-16-2002 Only a few days away from my initial consult with the Bariatric clinic-I swear I am eating EVERYTHING in sight!!!
Luckily the scale has not gone up any-
Today I bought the vitamins required (they are HORSE pills) and my Pro Complex protein powder- Can the container be any bigger?????
I am so excited about my future- yet scared too- I hope to get a surgery date on Tues when I see the surgeons. so keep your fingers crossed for me!
2/19/2002 OK I passed all my tests with flying colors.....now just waiting to receive my surgery date-
I joined "Curves": a excerise program for women. My MD said I had to exercise 4 x a week for 1 hour a day - so........
Waiting .....waiting.....waiting....have i mentioned I hate waiting
2/19- hopefully I will have surgery in March- I am thrilled and scared and hopeful and fearful all at the same time.
This website has been invaluable these past few weeks- thanks to everyone for sharing and good luck to all!!
3-2-02
OKAY- here I am, still waiting for a surgery date- I lost 5 lbs my first week at Curves (plus I totally cut out carbonated beverages) I realized I was drinking 3-4 fully sugared sodas a day- so since NO carbonation is the rule post op - thought I'd get a head start-
3-5-02 OMG I have a DATE!!!!! March 20th!! I am sooo happy, (and nervous)..I can't wait to begin my new life---on the losing side...
3-15-02
Only 5 short days to I am a "Big Fat Loser". I want to thank my family for all the support they are giving me- I know this a a major & drastic undertaking- but , a "goyls gotta do what a goyls gotta do"! Two more days of work and that's it-
I am trying to remain positive- keeping the nerves at bay-
I've gotten everything on my "get ready" list....
I know this jounery is just beginning- can't wait to see how it turns out!!! Smiles and blessings to everyone!
3-20-2002 265.5 bmi 47.7
Well I am down to less than 24 hours till my new life begins-
I am as prepared as I am going to be!!
Am I nervous- yes in a very good way, anxious to this part of my journey started- so I can eliminate a few of the what if's....My broth cabinet is full so there is nothin' holdin me back now!!
Thanks to all those in the AMOS community- you dont know how invaluable you've been to me- and especially a BIG thank you to
my angel, Robin.
3-27-02
16 POUNDS down in one week!!!!!!!!!!! Had my 1 week post op appt this afternoon- started on stage four foods-soft - LIFE IS GOOD!!!!!
I feel pretty darn good- can't beleive it's only been one week- I am on no pain meds, I am walking up and down the street- Been to the grocery stores and Walmart!!!! Who'da thunk!!!!
4-3-02
Officially 2 weeks post op now! I must say for me the surgery was relatively pain free and my recovery has been remarkable-
today my weight loss is 25.5 pounds and 16 1/2 inches-
4-17-02 4 weeks postop today-highest pre op weight 273: new weight 237 pounds- I have moved below the morbidly obese BMI category and I am going nowhere but DOWN!!!
I had my first episode of vomitting yeterday- it was totally my fault- I "forget" I was post op and ate something way too fast... But it was ok- not painful at all.
Feeling GREAT!!!!!
4-18-02 I went back to Curves today (4 weeks postop)and had my weight and measurements redone- I am down 23.5 inches and 28.5 pounds since 3-19!!! This surgery is THE most wonderful thing! I have had a coule of bouts with vomitting, and I can't find a protein drink that I can tolerate BUT none the less- I would opt for this again!! I feel wonderful!
4-28-2002
38 days post op down 37 pounds and a bunch of inches- I keep finding clothes in my closet that I forgot I had!!! and they FIT!!
I am having an easier time with the protein drinks- so that is a plus- I am getting in one a day (25 grms protein)-
I am walking everyday and going to curves 2-3 times a week- I will be returning to work next week.
I do not have the "usual" dumping I have read about- if I eat something that is too high in sugar - I just fall asleep!!! It is the weirdest thing! like a weird case of Narcolepsy....ah- well-If that is the worst problem I get I am ok with that!
5-7-02
Hit a plateu last week, but I am not bothered by it because I know inches are going and my body needs to play catchup- down to 226.5 today- that is a loss of 38 pounds- being back at work- it has been hard to adjust my diet- getting all my water in has been difficult and I am suffering constipation and the accompanying hemmoriods- ouch***--
less than 7 weeks ago i wore 26/28 - today at support group they had a clothing exchange- I got two skorts- size 20!!!!!! I was trying them on at home- thinking they won't fit- and wa la....DH said they look HOT!!***giggles***
5-18-02
My unofficial 8 week report: I now weigh 218 pounds- that is a 46.5 pound loss!!! I feel great- still trying to get in my water, but I have found that koolaid with splenda helps alot - I still manage one protein shake a day-so that is between 25-35 grms of protein depending on how much I use- I have occasional vomitting and some diarrhea- but I AM NOT complaining- overall this has been a wonderful choice for me- I havent felt so good in years- yesterday the DH and I went to the mountains and I could hike all around, didn't get winded or sweaty or have to stop and BREATHE!! What a difference in just a few short weeks!
5-31-02
A big huge pat on the the back to me :)
Today I am wearing NOT my standard stretch "just my size" jeans- but actual DENIM jeans with a ZIPPER!!!!!! WooHOO!! 10 weeks post op down 52.5 pounds & 4 sizes!!!!
7-6-02
Didn't realize it had been so long since I had updated by profile- since I read the boards still and visit the chat room~
I am 14 weeks post op and weigh 201.5 pounds today- that is a lose of 64 pounds! I am feeling terrific- those skorts I mentioned 5 weeks ago are TOO BIG!! Too bad cuz they were my new favorite clothes.... ah well...went from 44DD bras to 38D so far~can wear regular XL ( with only one X), an some 18's are too big!! I have absoutly no complaints about this surgery process-
7-14-2002
15 weeks post op -66.5 pounds weighing 199!!! Woohoo finally UNDER 200!!!!!!!
Havn't been able to say that in awhile!!!!
Feeling GREAT- !
8-15-2002 21 weeks post op! Hit a plateu this month- but I know that the inches are playing catchup because my clothes are too big- I am now in 16-18 depending on the cut- no more W's after those numbers!!!!
What a difference 5 months can make- This week we have relatives visiting- so not only did I take the teenagers to the water park and RIDE the rides, going down the water slides not being afraid of getting stuck in the tube- ahh life is good!- I felt comfortable walking around in my bathing suit- after losing 70 pounds since March- I felt great!! Then the next day we went Museum hopping with lots of walking and my feet didn't even ache! Tonight I am taking my kids to a Eminem concert...and I am excited- I know that I will not worry that I wont fit comfortably in my seat- or that people will stare at me as the "side show fat freak"...Right now I am not much bigger than alot of the teens that will be attending!!
Though I still have 50 poumds I want to lose- this surgery has exceeded my expectation...
PRE OPS~ It is sooooo worth the insurance hassles and fear..There is so much life post op,I did not realize how much I was missing! I am now an active participant instead of a casual observer!
update:
The concert was a blast! One young man even wanted to trade shirts with me :)! course I stayed dress, being the old fogey that I am. Eminem touched my daughter's hand from the stage, so her night was made as well as mine.
9-14-2002
The weight has slowed down - I weigh 190.5 this week- so I lost like 6-7 pounds in the last month- I am not drinking my protein shake and I wonder if that is why it has slowed down or if I am still plateuing.. I probably eat too many carbs too- but I try to mostly have protein items, and I am NOT drinking sodas, just diet drinks or water....I still want to lose another 45 pounds so if it doesnt start moving soon, I will have to change a few things- but my bones are much closer to the surface than they have been in the past- I am healthy, I walk all over the place and do not get tired- I rarely get hot or sweat...all in all I am pleased with the results and cant wait for the rest....
Wed.Sept 19, 2002
WOW I can't believe I am at my 6 month anniversary already!! The preop jitters are so fresh in my mind it feels like yesterday-BUT I can tell by my closet that things are a whole lot different! I am down 76.5 pounds sitting at 190 (for a WHILE now)- I feel like a WHOLE different person, and judging by comments of friends and family I look it too. What has changed in such a short ime:
1) I love to walk (cuz nothing hurts)!!
2) I can go to ANY resturant and not worry about where they will seat us!
3) I can buy normal sized clothes OFF THE RACK!!
4) Movies, I love the movies, especially now that I actually fit in the seats!
5) I can cross my legs
6) I have not had a headache or cold since surgery day- I simply feel great EVERYDAY!!
PREOPS- This is so worth the wait and hassels!
NOW TO THOSE THAT ARE ABOUT WHERE I AM:
I can eat anything without problems and find myself "grazing" through the afternoon...I tell myself "oh, its just a bite" or "it protein"- funny never thought of a "payday" bar (a baby one) as protein before- but I fool myself by saying "its peanuts"!!! How stupid is that!!!
Maybe at 5-6 months we begin to feel invincible- SO LONG STORY ...LONG...I NEED A KICK IN THE PANTS TO GET BACK ON TRACK..GET RID OF THESE LAST 40 POUNDS...so feel free to send those :"why did you get this surgery to eat candy" emails...and shame me back on track!SWEET SMILES TO ALL!!
10/17/2002
ALmost 7 month post op, -81.5 pounds- exercisng again and FINALLY found a protein drink I look forward to. I feel great-
No complaints!
10-26-02
Geesh- finally the scale moved again! It sure is taking it's sweet time nowadays- 182.5 today-
11-7-02
STILL at 182.5- I am getting very frustarated with the scale- I know that I should burn the damn thing- Good things are happening because my hips continue to shrink and I am going down in sizes- I can't stay off the scale because I know that "this is the morning that it will move!!" I have increased my protein, increased my water, increased my exercise.....
12-11-2002
Hi- Just wanted to stop by and give an update: 8 1/2 months- now weighing in at 176.5, hmmm guess I am still losing! Gotta love this WLS- no complaints, no food issues, the energy is amazing- I shock my husband when we go for walks..he can't how fast I can walk and dont even get out of breath! Love this new life!
12-29-2002
I cant beleive that one year ago this month, I attended a WLS seminar and weighed in at 273 pounds. This Christmas I am 173 pounds that is a total loss of 100 pounds- and I am still 3 months away from my one year anniversary! I am so pleased not only with the results on the outside persona, but with the person I am rediscovering inside as well. I have boundless energy, my health is so much improved, I have not had a single cold or headache since surgery! Who could have know the effects that carrying the extra weight was having on me, physically and emotionally! I feel so blessed to have been lucky enough to get approved and begin a new adventure at this stage in my life. I know that 2003 will truly be an inspiring year!
1-27-2002 10 months post op-
Pre op- 273
Surgery Day- 265.5
Jan 27, 2003- 168.5
I have increased my exercise-
Decided to eat protein in the whole form instead of in a salad, I think due to the lettuce being mostly water, I can eat alot of salad and was not getting in enough protein for the calories.
Feelin' GREEEAATTT!!
2-18-2003
Almost 11 mo post op.
Down to 167. Size 12. This weekend I wore my husbands "skinny leather pants" (see after pic) that have been hanging in the hall closest since we met!!
I want to be below 150!
My constipation problem seems to be resolved with the use of FiberCon and stool softeners- I quess that will be my cocktail for life.
I need to be more diligent with my protein drink-
It's weird being told I am skinny- I guess in comparison to where I was I am, but I dont feel thin.
3/20/2003
Happy REBIRTHDAY to ME!
One year ago, I was scared, nervous, excited. Ready to begin a new life. I was filled with apprehension of what was to come and excitement at the success I hoped I would have.
Twelve months later, I am 106 pounds lighter and feel ten years younger. I believe in the power of “the TOOL”.
This past year, I have learned so many new things, how fun exercise can be, how to speak up and stand up for myself, how to clean out my closest every few weeks, how expensive shoes can be, and in hindsight how miserable I was 12 months ago. I am so thrilled at what WLS has brought to my life, a new found freedom, I have tons of energy, my outlook on life and food has changed. I have been given a gift
But,I also believe that the possibility of failure is just around the corner. That is why I am so grateful for this group, knowing you’re here, reading your stories, reliving the pre op jitters and new post op pain and excitement, sharing my ups and downs, keeps me “in the game”. I don’t EVER want to get too comfortable.
4-8-03
Saw my surgeon for my ONE YEAR appointment- official weight (always heavier than home) was 171- He found a small hernia, said to see him and six months and look forward to hernia/TT surgery-
Weight has been stuck for 2 months- but I am doing alot of exercising, MD told me to use heavier weights that my Lean Body Mass is not high enough!
Going on Vacation tomorrow- Memphis! First time on a plane in ten years! I am very excited about walking Memphis with out pain!
5-30-2003
Memphis was a blast! We walked and walked and walked...I never got tired- It was great!
Not too many changes in the last month- still holding between 166 and 168- still hoping for another 20 pounds-
6-14-2003
Almost 15 months post op- STILL holding at 168. Seems my body really likes this weight, no matter what I change or add or take away.
I still "see" myself as FAT most days, though my family tells me otherwise. I suppose it would be really nice for one day to view myself thru others eyes-.
Feel free to email me if you would like additional information, questions answered or support in any way
7-23-2003
Same ole, same ole, still hold steady at the same weight~ I guess that is good, at least I am not gaining! 16 months out now, I sure wish I could lose another 18 pounds, but it just does not seem to be happening. But overall, life is SO much better now, I thank God for WLS and the improvements it has brought to my life-
I am a volunteer on this site now, so if you have any questions or need someone to talk too, just email me.
9-7-2003
A little over 17 months post op, trying to encourage my body to let go of these last 20 pounds so I can see the magic number 150 on my scale...but alas, it doesnt seem to be happening.
Post op life is wonderful. The changes that take place in your life are some of the most wonderful unexpected surprises. I know we all expect to feel better, we expect our feet not to hurt, but do we expect to look forward to walking do we expect to bounce out of bed in the morning, do we expect to enjoy life! I didnt and I am.
10-19-2003
Almost 19 months post op, still dealing with the last 20 pounds, found myself feeling bullet proof and grazing my way thru my day. So yesterday it was back to protein, water and exercise.
Bike ride yesterday, good hard walk today.
I am scheduled for a hernia repair/panniculectomy on November 11th. I am a very excited and a little fearful of the procedure, it sounds painful.
I am grateful though, I have Kaiser insurance and I know how stingy they are with their plastic surgery approvals.
I am here to offer support to any AMOS family member that comes across my profile. Please feel free to drop me an email and I will offer support-
11-17-2003
6 days post op Panniculectomy(no muscle work) and Hernia Repair-ok that HURT! For me, my skin was not terrible,I have been heavy since I was 7-9 years old and as an effect, I had a lower abdominal roll, always had it. When I got approved for the hernia repair(caused by contipation,so keep your bowels moving), I requested a referral to Plastic Surgery to see if self paying was an option. The MD that saw me(thank you, Dr. Sinow)saw evidence of past rash scars and deemed the lower skin removal "medically neccessary". I dont want to be a bikini model, would just like to wear underwear that have a high cut and NOT have my FAT roll hang out the leg openings...
Kaiser does these procedures on an outpatient basis, surgery at 8 AM in recovery by 11 am home by 4PM.
This week has been rough, but each day is getting easier- except now my BUTT hurts from sitting in my computer chair all day as I dont feel comfortable getting onto the couch or in a bed yet. I have two drains, which I hope they remove on Wed.
I cant yet tell what I will look like, as I have about 6 inches of gauze and a binder that cannot be removed until I see the surgeon on Wed.
I will need to wear the binder for 6 weeks, both for the hernia repair and the panniculetomy healing.
Hopefully maybe this will jumpstart my weighloss again as I am STILL hoping for those last 18 pounds to leave..so I can see the magic number 150!
My friends tell me I look normal and small even, but I still dont see it most of the time.
Trying to get to "Normal", like I have ANY idea what NORMAL might be..LOL
I have kept my photo journal updated on Yahoo so feel free to browse,from scars to now...(link is at the top of my page)
I am still an everyday participant on the message boards and am always here for support- feel free to contact me.
Have a wonderful journey!
1-17-04
Happy New Year!
Wow approaching year 2, cant believe I have been on this journey this long. Things are well, I still go to the message board daily. I have recovered from my panniculectomy- the surgical area is still numb, but I am very happy with the results. I cant believe what a difference having the belly skin removed made, I really didnt think I even "needed" it, boy was I wrong. I have a picture journal on my yahoo page..just click on my web page at the top of this page.
Good Luck on your jouryney and I am always avaliable to answer questions..I am just an email away..
5-31-04
WOW! Hard to believe it has been almost 6 months since I updated my profile. Shame on me. In all honesty, I grew tired of the boards here, all the bickering and nonsense that seemed to go on all too often, but the one who has suffered from my absence is me. I knew all along that the secret to my long term success was staying connected with the WLS community, and in the past 4 months I have fallen away from it, and have gained about 8 pounds. Eight does not sound like much, but it feel like 80! Last week I started a new job, so I took it upon myself to get back on track, increase my exercise, my water and my protien. Though my food choices were not always bad, I had stopped drinking my water and exercise consisted of an evening stroll with the dog. So back to the gym, back to hard walks, back to lots of water and most importantly back to the support of the WLS community.
Gastric bypass provides a tool to "level the playing field" with the other "normal" folks in this world. But I must remember that I have a disease, and will never be normal. My fat cells just deflated and are hungrily waiting to be reinflated!
Hopefully my next update will be more positive!
8-24-2004
Well here is my next update and unfortuatly it will not be much more positive than the lst one..according to the scale, I have not gained any weight, though I am beginning to distrust my scale, thinking it is hiding something from me.
I am unable to stop eating, I eat all day long..even if the foods are not bad for me,(which they aren't ALWAYS), I should not be able to consume food the way that I do.
This is why I STRESS, learn good habits NOW! Learn NOT to snack, dont fool yourself into the "5-6 meals" because they are small theory, this can lead to failure later, when it is harder to lose weight.
I really feel like a failure in this, even though I lost the weight and have maintained for the most part, I did not learn what it take to be successful. I did not become an exercise junkie, I have to force myself to exercise. At least once a day,I make a resolution to stop the destructiove bahavior, start walking/exercising/taking protein/vitamins, yet later that same day I did not do what I said I would.
I do not know what it will take to turn me around. I appreciate the WLS community and I do try to stay involved as much as I can. But even then again, plans for get togethers often revolve around food, and even more worrisome to me is the amount of alcohol consumption I see in the WLS community-
I believe we have compulsive personalities and some of us are making one unhealthy trade for another-
Jut for the record: patients 2 weeks post op should NOT be drinking alcohol- you have a baby pouch treat it that way- there is plenty of time in the future to screw up your liver.
Learn to treat your body with respect-
I continue the good fight- wish me luck................
10-14-2004
Up 15 pounds since my lowest post plastic surgery weight.
I still feel the same way as the previous post. I have tried to focus on just protein, but a calorie is a calorie. I have a eating compulsion. I want that FULL feeling all the time. Merely being satiated is not good enough for my sick mind.
I need to make an appointment with a therapist, to find out why I need to be so self destructive.
On a more positive note, our little San Diego WLS community is growing, we had a fabulous lunch last weekend. Boy you women get better and better looking all the time. I am so thankful for this opportunity to meet new people and share in the highs of the newer post ops and the struggles of those farther out- makes me fell more ok with where I am at.
I know I should go exercise, why do I just want to sit here?????
11-5-2004
Got back from OH conference- if you are ever able to attend one, I highly recommend it- the chance to bond with so many people who have lived fat and are now struggling to be thin, is amazing-
I went with Susannah S, Lynnda S & Toni T- better bunch of girlfriends I'll never find- (and Seth too....who hung out with us this weekend)
Lynnda S. thank you so much for what you gave me this weekend-you will never know how much it meant to have the opportunity to go.
I learned, I am Perfect! Enpowerment is important..kinda became a joke, but in reality- I have terrible self esteem and can not see the good I have made in my life, all I see is the negative. I hope to be able to focus more on the positive....improve my self image. First thing was getting refocused on the WLS world. Though I lost a large amount of weight as I have siad before I will always be Obese, it is a disease (regardless of what insurance companies say), and I need to learn to be happy with who I am right now-
I know easier said than done.
Got a new tattoo at conference this weekend to commemerate my transformation..it is daisies (my nickname) and a butterfly- for the emergin beauty that I am (just so you know I am choking as I type that!!)-as soon as I learn how I will put a picture of it up-
Everyone take care...
1-21-2005
First journal of the new year,
God I am such a slug.
I am almost three years post op, I so wish it was my first year again. The weight loss high is so incredible, I see it in my friends. And it sure beats the weight gain fear I live with every day now. Though my clothing sizes have remained basically the same, and I am not unhappy with my shape-or size- yes I realize the vast majority of women wear size 12-14...I am beggin my NEW post op friends for THEIR hand me down clothes.
Why didnt I get down to a size 4 or 6?? I know this sounds like I am whining, and I guess for the moment I am, but this realization hit me recently.
I still think WLS is the BEST thing going, and I would do it again tomorrow, in fact kinda wish I could do it again tomorrow.
But I sure wish that I could get this brain of mine operated on...
WLS did bring me the best group of friends ever! I treasure and adore you guys (you know who you are), and I know that without you all I would be in a dark place, thank you for keeping it real for me and allowing me to be apart of your group.
Work your plan, Learn GOOD habits early on, don't tempt the sugar/carb Gods, DONT SNACK...it will make life easier in the long run...
March 20, 2005
Three years…WOW!
Sounds like a long time, but it seems to have gone by in a blink of an eye.
I am not sure who I am these days.
I know for a fact, that I like ME better now than I did then. I know that I am much more of a participant in life than I was then. I KNOW I am different. But who am I?
Yesterday, my DH said to me…”You are a weight loss patient, that’s who you are. You used to be a girlfriend, a mother, a wife, but now you’re a wieght loss patient, that is who you identify with, oh and BTW, that IS not a negative”(but its was)… hmmmm…so that makes me think
Who am I. ?
I am still a mother
I am still a wife (though I don’t enjoy that role as much as I could)
I am a friend.
I am fun loving
I am happy ...
AND
Yes I am a weight loss patient.
Yes, I spend a lot of time on the OH boards- but I am finding support and giving support as well as being entertained. For me, it is all about keeping my head in the game.
I am one of those that did not get brain surgery, I did not get an endorphines implant during my surgery. I still hate exercise. I still love food. I still eat for all the wrong reasons.
Yes, I have a new circle of friends I did not have before…again- doesn’t every girl need this?
Yes, I do more, I will drive to LA for a get together, I will spend a Saturday afternoon at an event. I will go away for a weekend of fun, friendship and support.
(he has been invited over and over and not ONCE in three years, has he attended a single meeting, social event or support group).
I am gone more evenings during the week (but not that many, just more than three years ago). But isn’t that what life is about, getting out, expanding our wings, discovering who/what we are and LIVING.
If I was not a WLS patient, I would be spending my time on the couch, probably closer to 350 pounds or higher, (figured prior to my surgery I gained 70 pounds in 3 years…so I did some math), I would be miserable. I would not be comfortable making new friends, or going to a meeting where there was a possibility I would know no one.
I would not have put myself in that vulnerable of a position…pre op.
So, he’s right, I am a Weight Loss Surgery patient.
That is what I identify with.
But he is also right, IT IS NOT A NEGATIVE.
This surgery has given me a new life, a new identity and new goals.
I must stay involved in this community and this lifestyle to be even moderately successful. It will be too easy to fall back into the overweight, unhappy person I was, if I don’t fully embrace this new person.
What a ride, what a journey, WHAT A LIFE!
Hi to anyone reading my journey- thanks for sticking it out!
so here I am June 2005...+ 3 years post op, finally realizing and finding the guts to end my 7 year marriage.
This is not a fun time for me, but I have a great circle of friends, and I KNOW this is the right thing for me.
As for my weight loss journey:
I have been exercising the last month- tryin to lose 20 pounds that I gained. Back to basics..this surgery just keeps reminding me that I made a lifetime choice here. That if I dont find and follow new habits, I will be FAT again, and I will not have that.
Thanks for reading..email me if ya want..
Hi Folks-
this summer has been a hell of a ride-
my WLS journey is continuing- I returned to basics and found an exercise that I love-hiking! What a blast to be in nature and what an accomplished feeling to get to the top of peak-peruse the city below and think- hmmm I did this without an escalator!!
Then July came...and my daughter was diagnosed with a pancreatic mass- talk about time standing still for me.
Any one that knows me, or has bothered to read my profile knows that my daughter and I have a very special relationship- we have both been thru so much- and my promise to her has always been~ I will be there for you!
So, what a shock when I was facing a life threatening illness for her, and I felt completly helpless to do anything-
She had surgery 8/3- successful. Tumor was benign- she should be here for many years to give me gray hair- but the 16 day hospital stay was horrendous- for a recovering catholic to end up crying in the chapel at 3 am...it was pretty bad!
But, I want to publically acknowledge my friends, who gave Britt and me strength, encouragment, faith, and above all love- friends who without I would be so lost-
Thank you guys- you are one of the bright spots in my world-
So where do I go now...I know my path is different than it was 4 weeks ago...there are past issues I need to close out- and new directions I need to forge ahead into-
The next few months will be exciting and challenging and I am sure a bit scary- but I am up for the challenge-
God, has truly answered my prayers this month- for the first time in my life~ I have seen the power of prayer~ and it is astounding-
I am gathering strength for the next step in my journey-
Oh yeah- why your reading this: weight pretty stable- stress and depression diet took a few inches, as my pants are falling off today (13 jr-low rise)..eating is pretty normal..for a WLS patient-at 3+ years...I dont expect alot of changes in that arena-
but for any pre ops reading when your a post op- the changes you make will be for life- embrace them now..WLS is not a diet with a beginning and end- it is a lifetime change!
Sure wish I had a positive thought to put here. Life is going forward. Feel majorly out of control with my eating and exercising. the first is too much and the latter non existant. I feel all blobby.
My house is going on the market for sale on Monday- and though I WANT to be divorced, I dont want to be single..I dont like the stresses-worries-what ifs..and that is just the dating scene..nevermind all else that comes with new life changes-
too many variable in my life....too many conflicts...sometimes I just want to stay in bed...
I was told today that my previous post was pretty pathetic (thank you for reading and pointing that out to me), in looking back on it, I am surprised by the sadness that was there, I really am the perpetual fountain of positivity!
Must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed that day :)
I have lost 4 pounds, gotten control of my eating and exercise once again,though I know it will be a life long challenge to be committed to the things I must do for me.
Brittani continues to heal without any side effects from her surgery-and for that I give thanks.
My life is moving forward and I am enjoying every bit of it~
I have said this many times in my journaling- this WLS is one hell of a journey, but not one I would ever give up---
someone posted the song by Garth Brooks recently "the Dance"...
I feel that pretty well sums up my attitude about life..
"And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance "..
thanks to all of you that share in my dance.
12/9/2005
At almost 4 years post op the WLS highs have long since disappeared and I live vicariously thru the 1st year postop of my friends. So what do I have to write about....life after that first year...2nd year..and most importantly this 3rd year!
This year has brought a drastic change to my life, a divorce (long in coming), the life threatening illness of my child, the sale of my home, the unknown of the future, dating, where am I going to live, rediscovering the Stacie that I had long buried, again, dealing with medical issues with my kid (depression), REALLY great friends and an awareness that I can go through ALL that in 9 months and NOT turn towards food! Wow, me who eats for comfort, me who when I am stressed the first thing I want is comfort food....managed to get thru this mess at the same (if not a bit less) weight!
Simply amazing to me, that remembering where I came from, and focusing on taking care of ME for a change can actually bring good, positive results.
WLS changed my life, it changed fundamentally how I see my self, it gave me the courage to live my life the way I know it should be lived.
My brother asked me why don't I crack? How in the world do I keep it together...and I told him..I have learned what I am responsible for and that is me..I had to learn what I had control over..and now 4 years post op I am discovering I have control over food!
Here is to LIFE...FRIENDS, LOVE, RESPECT AND DISCOVERY!
The opposite of WAR is not PEACE, it's CREATION!
(Rent)
Thanks for stopping by and reading my ramblings.
1/4/2006
Happy New Year!!!
"Work your plan, Learn GOOD habits early on, don't tempt the sugar/carb Gods, DONT SNACK...it will make life easier in the long run..."
If you have read my entire profile, you have seen this as a recurring theme.
I am finding that life as a WLS patient will always bring new challenges. Whether learning to love the you that you have become, keeping true to the habits that will bring you long term success or discovering new loves in life to assist you where in the past food may have been your crutch.
Funny, I was out with someone who didnt know I had WLS, and ordering at the movie counter, water only for me please, etc...the comment I got was "are you trying to LOSE wieght"? Well, duh!!
I see people on the boards ask all the time, "When will my mind catch up with my body"...and so wish someone would answer that for me...I used to think it was a self esteem/self worth issue.
Now I just think its a brain issue. I like who I am. I like my sense of humor. I like my beliefs. I am a good friend. I am a good mom. So, I dont thinks its an esteem issue..I just CAN'T SEE me as others do...
Britt chides me all the time because I will get dressed and be unhappy with the 'look'..'do I look fat?'...is still a common question..maybe its not esteem,or worth but self love I need to work on??
I never realized until recently, how much my personality style is that of a 'giver'..discovering that I find it very difficult to 'receive', yet at the same time realizing, that I need to change that, I need to give myself permission to take occasionally, take a friends offered time, take a compliment and take pleasure without feeling guilty or the whole time thinking what can I do to reciprocate..to just ENJOY IT- that is my goal for this year. To learn to recieve and really enjoy it- balance in life-I will continue to give- I cant change who I am- but I can work on knowing that I deserve to have good in my life also.
In closing- I have to comment- that for those that are reading this-who follow my post on the message boards, I am not here to tell ANYONE what is right or wrong is their weight loss journey- all I can offer is what works for me and what I have seen work/fail for other people.
Now get out there and enjoy your journey!
1.16.06
Sometimes your just walking thru life, minding your own business and out of the blue something wonderful happens.
Life is like that.
Thank you Brian, for choosing to be part of my life, for the friendship, joy and laughter you have given me. I hope that I can return the favor ;)!
May you get at least 3 feet of air on your next jump!
1.25.06
As you can tell by my previous couple of entries- I am a little smitten and really feel like the stars have finally lined up for me. I am trying to remain realistic and somewhat grounded yet at the same time hopeful and excited that the dream I longed to share with someone may finally become a reality. Is it possible that there is someone who is so much like me that all I have to do is nod...
Its a a leap of faith to open yourself up again to failure and to heartbreak, but if you dont take the chance, you might miss out on something fantastic! Life IS a dance...find your rhythm and go for it.
2.14.06
Still dancing..or trying at least..wouldn't want to be one of those that regretted not at least trying something-
I have always tried to live by the 'try something at least once, if ya like it make it a habit'...
I had the greatest opportunity this past weekend, to travel to Northern California meet up with some old OH friends and make some great new ones. It was fantastic to see have so many of the folks join us for coffee, if you want to see pics, checkout my www link..Connie Sue, you hold such a special place in my heart and I am so sorry that your in such pain, I know that this will lessen with time and resolution, but it hurts my heart to see my friends struggle.
Brian- what can I say- we took what time we had available and made the most of it, finding you has felt like an old friend came back into my life again, one that I knew should be there all along, one that I would think of when I wanted to share things with, but whose presence was always out of reach. Thank you for being within reach.
I used to say, "the stars are there so we know how far we can dream"...thanks for bringing the stars closer...
I am a little over a month away from my 4 year anniversary- WOW!! 4 years.
Its interesting in hindsight the journey this has been, not only the physical changes but the emotional changes, finding me under the weight, finding my hope, finding my love for life, and to feel it continue this far postop give me peace that the journey is still just beginning.
Remember your journey might be rocky, and sometimes may seem to difficult to continue...but though we have all traveled different roads our scenery is similar. Share your journey and find comfort with your fellow WLS'er...we share a common bond, even if we dont always recognize it.
RIP Snickers: 1/15/2000-3/13/2006 You were the bet companion and I will remember you always..
3.20.2006
Happy 4 year Surgiversary to ME!
Four Years ago this morning, I took control of a disease that had up until that moment controlled my life. Obesity. I started getting heavy when I was 6. I was a pudgy child, a rotund adolescent, a curvy high school student and young adult until finally reaching the level of obese in my adult years,
I tried many diets over the years, grapefruit, cabbage soup, weight watchers, heavy exercising, Nutri System, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, starvation…etc..none had any long term success.. yes, I would lose weight and then it would somehow seek me out and reattach itself and bring along a few of its friends.
Weight Loss surgery gave me power and control over my disease. It did not cure it by any means.
I was and still am an emotional eater. I eat to eat. Not for hunger, not for nourishment, but to have the ‘full feeling in my tummy’. Somehow, somewhere along the line, food became a comfort to me..the need I could not get filled by others I filled with eating.
I have discovered in the last 4 years (mostly the last year) that fighting this disease will be and is a lifelong battle.
I am grateful everyday for the opportunity that weight loss surgery has given me, it has given me courage to take steps in my life that I would have avoided in the past, I am walking paths that previously the ‘danger ahead’ sign would have been more than enough to deter me from walking into it.
Heading into year 5, I know I will experience challenges, conflicts, roadblocks; for sure there will also be wonderful experience along the way.
Here is too another 12 months of adventure.
Its not the destination, it’s the journey.
It also had brought me the best group of friends and an awesome support system. Thank you all for that. Your family.
Just returned from my 10 cruise to the Mexican Riviera. There was plenty of sunshine, booze, relaxation and food.
The outstanding moments came though, in my moments of WLS glory-
first off:
I went snorkeling in Cabo San Lucas..it was wonderful, a free floating experience in the ocean, holding the food and being encircled with fish..wow..it was great..I climbed in and out of the boat with ease.
In Puerto Vallarta, I encouraged my family to take part in an Outdoor Adventure. It consisted of a 25 minute panga boat ride, then a 25 minute off road vehicle ride,then a 25 minute mule ride, then a hike up to the mountain top..that was just to get to where the adventure started...
To get down, we zip lined across the mexican jungle, harnessed in, flying across the tree tops..after 3 of these, it was time for the first repel down a 100 ft waterfalls into pristine pools of water..there were three repel's and a total for 5-6 zip lines..talk about a WLS moment. This adventure had a WIEGHT LIMIT ON IT...and I was able to sign up for it.
I am four years out and totally able to live the WLS dream, to complete tasks that would have been impossible preop.
Life is a continued adventure...
5/30/06..
I continue to dance the dance..life has moved on to my next chapter, I have closed the last. A divorce and sale of a house. I have felt like an observer the past few years of my life, I am ready to be a participant and take on life challenges.
I still around to remind people that this surgery is a life long adventure, not a magic cure to our problems. Make significant changes in your life, find your path, live your dream, but get out there and make the most of this life.
My life is so much richer for those I have come in contact with...my friends, my love...each day brings new and exciting moments...Geesh being in love sure has mde me sappy :)..feel free to email me if you want to want any info on gastric bypass, protiens, regaining your life, etc...I will try to help and if i can't I will try to find someone who can. Thanks for reading.
12/17/2006
Gosh..the time sure seems to be flying by these days-
My WLS journey is still going strong, I have been able to maintan my weightloss coming up on 5 years. The only and best advise I can give someone is :(and if you have read this far..and if you have, bless you!) this is a life long journey, from here on out, you will need to make a consious CHOICE every day to be healthy. To decide each and every day that the new life you undertook is worth making good choices. It is not about being able to eat whatever you want "justin smaller protions", this mindset will assist you to fail long term.
Am I out of the woods, hell no.
I can still gain my weight back, just like you can.
If your struggling find some support, be it the OH board, or a friend or a support group- but something!!
Take Care
About Me
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
