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So I cannot believe it has been a year already! It feels like yesterday that I woke up from surgery already feeling like a different person. I have to say that, this has been such an amazing journey. I feel better than I have, probably ever felt in my life. We were just in Israel last month and I got such a great reaction from my relatives about how much I have changed. My one aunt, who has always been the most critical of my weight, didn't even recognize me. That was a wow moment for me. I had other "wow" moments, as we like to call them. Sitting on the plane and actually fitting in the seat, not needing a seat belt extender, being able to eat from my own tray table, and not having to put it on the table next to me, and just hold my food, and being able to sit comfortably and even cross my legs, was so awesome! I had Michael take pics! So as you can see I did drop some more weight since my last post, and all of it was lost while we were gone. It was very hard to keep my normal routine being away. I wasn't able to get in my protein shakes and I didn't take my vitamins or iron regularly. Eating was a challenge. Not being able to totally control my choices was pretty hard--by the time we left I could have killed for a greek yogurt.  However, the weather was super hot, and I was fairly active everyday. It was very hard to get in the appropriate water, I sweated so much and even got dehydrated one day. That was a terrible experience--I almost had to go to the ER.  Michael nursed me back to health though! He was amazing!  So one thing that I need to stress to anyone wanting to have weight loss surgery is, while it helps you lose weight, it doesn't "cure" your food issues. I am having some issues right now, because I am able to eat ANYTHING now. The amount I can eat is much more, although I don't overeat-I do pay attention to the amount that I am eating and I do eat protein first.  I am not dumping as much as I used to. I had some cake in Israel and I did feel a little queasy, and started to yawn a lot (which for me is dumping) but I was able to have ice cream and regular yogurt, without much of a reaction. It is freaking scary.  Overall I would assess my progress as pretty typical. I am very aware and that helps. Now that I am back, there are a lot of stuff going on--School is starting, Jewish holidays are coming up and I am needing to refocus and get back into the gym. I love how I feel and I like the way I look--although I have loose-skin issues (that can be taken care of though in a couple of years.) What I most love is, being able to keep up with my kids and live a normal life. No limitations. Limitations killed my spirit. Now I know I can do anything. Including, getting back on track!!!!  That's it for now! Peace out!

ONE-DERLAND!!!!  That is the term for someone finally entering the 100lbs bracket. I haven't been under 200lbs since 1997.  It has obviously been a long time since I have posted. There are a few reasons. The first one being the fact that I have only lost 5lbs since my last post in May. I am having serious issues with my whole "plan" lately.  I have been snacking, not drinking enough liquids, not consuming enough protein, I am deathly low in Iron and am seeing a hematologist this week. I feel like shit because I am so weak and have really bad headaches, which makes me not want to work out.  I was prescribed a mega-dose of Iron that makes me really nauseous, so it has been hard taking it at all.  I am not getting enough sleep at night--by my own doing.  I have been staying up till 2-3 a.m. sometimes. So during that time I am nibblin', which brings my calorie count up for the day. Not to mention I have had ZERO energy due to low iron, fatigue, sleeplessness. I do have my good days and my not so good days to be fair. HOWEVER--during this plateau--I have gone down in size. I am now in size 14 jeans and a 38 C bra. PLUS----Since about 2 months after my surgery, I haven't been able to wear my wedding rings, they were way too big.  So I finally went and had them sized. When I got engaged 9 years ago I was a 7 1/2 ring size, during that time I had to up size them TWICE. Ending up a size 9 1/4. I am so excited to say my new ring size is........6 1/2!!!!!!! What?? Crazy!!!  

 I have talked to my nutritionist and the bariatric nurse and I have been reassured that this is to be expected, but I can't help feeling like a little bit of a failure.  I know I have come along way, even with all the setbacks so far. I am trying to keep a positive attitude. I have to push myself to get to the gym. That is the key to breaking through this plateau.  Ok, here is my short goal list:

*Gym--At least 3 times a week in addition to 1 yoga class

*Protein--No less than 60 grams a day

*Carb Watch

*Vitamins and Supplements

*WATER!-No less than 70oz a day

*No Snacking after 9pm

*Bedtime--No later than 11:30pm (hey that is wayyy early for ME)

*Food log

I feel that is a long short list. I can do it. I know I can.  Oh by the way, my old motto of: "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" Is complete CRAP.  I can tell you of many things that taste AMAZING.  I will say that I never overeat. I have eaten too much before and I can tell you it feels like shit. So I know my limits--I can eat a small, normal meal now, more-or- less depending on what it is. I have limited my bread consumption, but snack on carby things like crackers, or dry cereal and probably eat way too many almonds and nuts during the day. So tracking my food intake will help me to "see" what I am actually consuming.  So there it is.  I kind of dreaded having to write this. I guess I expect people to judge me and I was trying to avoid that. I am self-deprecating enough.  That being said I don't regret having this surgery at all. I am not even a year out yet so I am still in the losing phase. I just have to get more active. The hard work starts NOW.  Peace out!

Its been awhile since my last post! Last week Michael and I celebrated our 8 year anniversary. We spent the weekend at the Gaylord National Hotel at the National Harbor and had an AMAZING weekend! Together we walked (and jogged a little!) our first 5K in 56 minutes. It was so great! Maybe next year I will be able to jog the whole thing! I think I will make that my goal.  I have DEFINITELY hit a (temporary) plateau right now. It's a little scary, because I feel like 'omigod, that's it, I'm done losing weight!'--But I have been reassured that this happens and it is normal. Ironically, I FINALLY joined a gym almost 2 weeks ago and have been trying to go everyday! I am only doing the treadmill right now because that's what I am most comfortable with. In the beginning I started with 30 min at 3.5mph but now I am at 45min varying my incline (up to 10) and sporadically running here and there to increase my heart rate. It feels great!!!  I met with a trainer, and she showed me all the other equipment in the gym so I look forward to working my way up to the weights and all the other different machines--I will admit its a little intimidating, but its fun! They also offer free classes and tonight (in a half hour!) I will be taking my very first yoga class! I am excited and nervous! I have always wanted to try yoga! So, that is all for now! Peace out!

I have officially lost over 100lbs now!!!!! It feels great! I am now in a size 16 jeans, and I feel really good!  I did have some food issues as far as bread is concerned, but after I had made a post and received some great advice and "tough love" I have found ways to be able to "indulge without all the guilt! Thank you eggface!  Tortilla pizza is the bomb!!!

Today is exactly 6 months since I had my Gastric Bypass! I am now down 94lbs and am 20lbs away from being under 200lbs! I am very excited! I saw my surgeon today, or his nurse rather, and from the "charts" I am right on track!  So far so good!  I also went and toured a gym today! It is right behind my house so I can walk to it (no excuses like "its too far") it also has babysitting (no excuses of having Nadav with me!) and they also offer Zumba classes, Pilates and Yoga amongst others! Its not a very big gym but it was spacious and not overcrowded which I like. I am going to start a free week trial and give it a try, but I am sure that it will be the best option for me! Convenience is key!  So that is all for now, I feel great and am so happy I made the decision to have this surgery. As you can see from the pics I posted, I have changed dramatically since I had the surgery! I don't even recognize myself in the "surgery day" picture! All I can say is 94 pounds gone forever!  Bye Bye and good riddance.  (1st pic: 9/1/09:(Surgery Day:313lbs  2nd pic: 3months out  3rd pic: 6months out 219lbs!)

WHooo Hoooooo! I am down 90lbs now! I am so excited about almost losing 100lbs!  Only 23 more lbs. till I am in the One Hundreds!  I haven't been under 200 lbs. in over 10 years.  I am wearing a size 18 jeans, and an XL, 14/16 top.  I bought some sz 18 jeans from Lane Bryant a couple of weeks ago and I actually got sad because the smallest size they carry is 14/16 and I will most likely get there in a couple months. I have only really shopped at LB exclusively for the last 15 years!  I am finding the idea of shopping at "regular" stores a little daunting--BUT---I am sure willing to figure it out!!!!!  I feel smaller and have bought new clothes, but also have some old clothes floating around. I have t-shirts and sweatpants that I still wear but they are huge on me.  I have a lot more energy and aside from the symptoms that I am having related to my menopause, I feel great!!  Speaking of menopause, I did see the Radiation Oncologist and she didn't feel that I needed any radiation at this point. That is great news!  However I still have to make a decision about any long-term treatment I may need. It's a hard decision, and I am having trouble making it.  My doc told me to give it 3 months and I we can revisit it then. I am not in any immediate danger so that's why I have chosen to do a little more research. Regardless, I will be seeing my Oncologist every 3 months, where he will then be doing numerous tests on me.  All the tests that I have done so far (CT scan, Bone scan) all have come back negative!  So that is where I am at! I have yet to join a gym, and although I am a lot more active I know that I want to and NEED to join a gym!  On a side note: Today would have been my Mom's 65th birthday! She has been gone now for nearly 11 years and I miss her so much! She would be so proud of me right now! Happy Birthday Mommy, I love you and miss you so much. 

So until next time....Peace Out!

I am now 229lbs! It feels great!  The last time I was 229lbs was 10years ago! It's wonderful to be more active and feel lighter.  I am still recovering from my hysterectomy, and that's been okay also.  I got the results of a CT scan I had 2 weeks ago, and they are good!  There was no evidence of any cancer anywhere!  While that may be good news, I still have to undergo some type of preventative treatment.  The type of cancer that I have is Endometrial Stromal Sarcoma--and while I don't have a uterus anymore the chances of it recurring elsewhere is a definite possibility unless I take medication to suppress it.  I have been referred to another Oncologist to see what my options are.  Within the last week I have been feeling very Menopausal.  I have had hot flashes, and fatigue, and just an overall odd feeling.  The hot flashes are very strange--it feels like someone suddenly turns on a heater that is blowing really hot air on you. It is uncomfortable.  I have definitely been irritable, I am a lot more impatient than I was before.  My Dr. has told me I "will NEVER be able to take hormone replacement drugs, EVER!" He was emphatic about it. The hormones could fuel my cancer for sure.  I am going to have to research my options.  Other than ALL THAT, I am feeling great.  I have a positive outlook and I know that I am going to be better really soon!

Happy Holidays everyone! A lot has happened since my last post.  On December 9th I had a total Hysterectomy due to cancer recurrence. Almost 6 years ago, 9 months after my first child was born, I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer and underwent surgery to remove a large tumor and my right fallopian tube. A year of treatment later and I was given a "clean bill of health" to try to have another child in May of 2005.  Due to my PCOS, irregular/heavy menstrual cycles (both due to my obesity) and only 1 fallopian tube, my chances of conceiving naturally were pretty slim.  My husband and I decided to go to an infertility specialist, and we hadn't even finished with the preliminary tests,  when we had already spent about $1,000.  It was very discouraging and frankly we didn't have the kind of money that it took for all the treatments. So we just tried ourselves, but after a year or so of trying I almost gave up.  I desperately wanted another child and got a little depressed about it and ended up gaining weight. My friend food made me feel better. Mid 2007 I started to buy those over the counter ovulation test kits. I went through one kit and nothing happened. I tracked all my cycles to perfection and was totally aware of the signs of ovulation.  So I bought another test and another test.  Finally, one day in January of 2008 I tested myself and was positive for ovulation, Michael was about to leave the house to go to a party, as it was Superbowl Sunday.  He was literally, out the door and I had to stop him to tell him I was ovulating and he is NOT going anywhere!!! (at least not for 2-5 minutes he wasn't...tee hee) Anyway------so while it wasn't very romantic, the job was done. I propped my legs on the wall for about 1/2 and hour and let gravity help. I was confident that would do the trick.  The next month I got my period.  I was devastated.  I was so emotionally spent. Hoping every month for those little lines to show up. In March 2008 I had to go to get my bi--annual ultrasound to monitor any growth on my uterus. What was supposed to be a 20 min. appt. turned out to be 1hour and 45 min. After 2 Techs and not much being said a Radiologist came in and I bluntly asked him "Whats going on? Did you find something?" I thought the worst.  He said "Well Mrs. Gross, whats going on is we think you are pregnant".  I was in complete shock--I told him " I am not pregnant, I think I would know if I was" and then he scanned me and there it was--this little tiny sac with a teeny beating heart. My own heart started to beat so hard.  I was overwhelmed with emotion and I started to cry. The Tech said " Are you okay Mrs. Gross?" I said to her "I have been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years now and I was told I never would be able to!"I then got really excited and drove all the way home crying to tell my husband! We made phone calls to family and then to my Obgyn to start prenatal care!  Superbowl Sunday will always be special to us, and I was never really a fan to begin with.;)  In Oct 2008 my miracle baby was born. Nadav Eitan, all 12lbs 3oz and 21in. of him.  It was actually on the operating table that my Obgyn stated "I think this is it for you, isn't it?"  I didn't realize it then, but I obviously knew that he really was a miracle and when I delivered him I was my heaviest weight ever at 333lbs. Talk about a really tough pregnancy.  2 months later I started to go through the steps I needed to get gastric bypass.  A few months later after I finished breastfeeding I had started to get my period again. It was heavy and irregular more so than anything I had ever experienced. Then I got bypass 9/1/09 and it wasn't until early November that I finally went to my Gynecologic Oncologist and told him that I was miserable with my periods and I had even thought I might have needed to go to the ER at one point.  He told me it was time to have a hysterectomy and that there were no other options.  I had pre-surgical testing and my ultrasound came back with a mass in my uterus. Dec. 9th they went in not really knowing what they were going to find or what they were going to take out. The initial plan was to leave my ovaries but as they went in (laproscopically first, but that proved to be too difficult with all my scar tissue) all the scar tissue from my previous surgeries had adhesed everything together, even my bladder. To even try to pull it all apart would do more damage. They biopsied all my tissues and nodes and sent them to the lab.  I woke up to find out that they indeed took everything. While I was informed about that possibility, I fooled myself to thinking that I was emotionally prepared for that. My Dr. came in the next day to discuss the surgery and their findings and that was it. I was in the hospital for 5 days and I was actually relieved at the idea of never having a period again! A little over a week later and I went to get my staples out and get the pathology report. First of all, let me tell you my recovery would have been much worse 70 lbs ago!  My incisions for my previous surgeries always healed very nicely and quickly, this time is was terrible.  It looked like a train wreck.  It opened a little and it oozed and smelled!  Not good!  My Dr. said it was normal and it would stop, so I dealt with it.  Anyway, my results were for the most part good.  My cancer had indeed come back. The biopsy of the other tissues, (the nodes and surrounding) all came back negative but because the tumor was positive and it went deep into my uterine wall some cells could have gotten into my blood stream. So, I need to have a CAT scan and he will give me his final report in 3 weeks.  So there it is.  I am staying positive although it is very hard at times. Especially when I look at my beautiful children. I actually had a bad night last night.  After dinner I felt miserable, I had the chills and ached.  I couldn't get warm, so I got into a hot shower. My mind was thinking of the worst and for the first time I had a vision of my body being ravaged by cancer and that was why my body hurt and ached. I started to cry at the thought of dying and leaving my husband and kids with no wife or mother at such a young age. It really bothered me.  I never entertained thoughts of death before, I have always been very positive about my diagnoses, past and present. It scared the shit out of me to think that I could die. I am going to focus on my health and my family's health from now on. Losing 77 lbs. so far has been fabulous!  I feel so much different, my clothes feel different, eating and food don't hold me hostage anymore. I am a new woman and I have lots of hope for the future.  I love my life and my family and plan to "live" for the first time in many, many years.  I am jewish and celebrate Hanukkah but this is in a way my "Christmas Miracle" story!  Happy Holidays everyone and Have a Happy, Healthy New Year! See you in 2010! Peace out!  

O---M---G!!!!  First of all it has been a couple of weeks since my last entry, but I have a lot going on right now--Lets Discuss.....  I am now 248lbs!  The last time I was 248lbs. was 7 years ago when I got pregnant with my first child!!!  I am feeling GREAT! When I left off a couple of weeks ago I was in the midst of getting ready for a small vacay to Las Vegas!  I weighed 256lbs on the day I flew to Vegas. That was the 19th.  Not only did we have a blast, but there is so much walking to be done there!  I could NEVER have done all the walking that I did, 60lbs. ago!  That is for sure!  I did it in a quick pace, nothing ached and I didn't get winded! Hallelujah!!! That alone was a milestone for me!  So when I got back on the 23rd, I weighed myself with the thought that I must have lost at least 5 pounds from just all the walking I did!  NOPE!! I was so shocked! I didn't lose a single pound! Still 256lbs!  How can that be?  I was not only annoyed, but worried that I was in a lull again!  So I decided that I wasn't going to weigh myself at all the rest of the week until I went to my 3 month check-up with my surgeon.  On 12/1 I weighed 250lbs.  Which crossed off one of my weight loss goals!!!  Well today December 4th 2009 I weigh 248lbs!!!! Michael and I were just looking at old pictures and we ran across one of Noah and I taken Fall/2004 and I almost vomited a little in my mouth.

I was probably around 285lbs in this pic.  I remember feeling ugly and I didn't want to sit that way-but we all know how those generic school photo poses are! BTW Noah was in a RARE bad mood that day, which made this pic EXTRA horrid.  I NEVER WANT TO HAVE A PICTURE LIKE THAT OF ME AGAIN!!!! I am so much happier now!  How I am able to tell the difference, is in clothes. I am currently in a size 20 in jeans, although they are a little loose! I am in a 1x top and I have lost in the Boobage dept. as well!  Before I was a 42-44DDD/G NOW I am a 42DD!!  WTF!!!  I hope I don't end up having floppy pancake boobies.  Although if I do--there is always surgery to correct that!  Anyway!  I never in my wildest dreams thought that I will have lost 65lbs. in 3 months.  I am happier than I have been in a long time and I can't wait till I reach my next milestone of 225lbs!!!!  Peace Out!

I am now down 55lbs!  I am so excited!  However, I will admit I was a bit worried there with not having lost more weight the last couple of weeks.  I guess that is a testament to the fact that I need to get more active and start working out!  Although, I am now in a size 20 jeans, and an 18/20 top!  I am feeling lighter and I am looking forward to starting a more serious exercise routine!