starflower
I had surgery !!!!!!!!
Nov 05, 2008
2 & 1/2 days until surgery & feelen' fine!
Oct 28, 2008
Yae, I have a date!!!
Oct 14, 2008
I talked to Legacy today!
Sep 19, 2008
OK. I just called Legacy & they said they'll call me in a week or so after they discuss my case. I have a large BMI over 40, & they want to make sure we're completely ready. I am ready on my end, but am waiting for them now. I'm getting excited. I've been walking this week & am going on another mile long walk tonight, but am slowly starting to waver when it comes to my diet. I am really trying to keep things going good on my end of the pre-surgery spectrum. But the whole point of surgery is to get help for my overeating. I hope they hurry!
I "think" this is definitely a mental goal LOL
Sep 17, 2008
When I stop eating, I start thinking? No wonder this is so hard
Aug 13, 2008
I am currently looking for a therapist. It was my negative thought process that got me to this weight. Maybe positive thinking will pull me out of these hard times.
Once again, thanx for the luv & support from OH members, support grp members, family & friends. I'm truly grateful! ~Lots of Love to all, Heather
forever struggling
Aug 07, 2008
Even after attending an encouraging support group last, night I 'm still really struggling with starting my liquid diet regimend. My life is going downhill fast with every relationship I have, my spirituality, & my mental health. At this point, my physical health is actually declining less than the forementioned life areas. Any encouragement or even point-blank truth is welcome. Thanks.
Liquid diet nutritionist appointment yesterday
Aug 06, 2008
Saturday Morning Breakfast
Jun 21, 2008
I was on such an "I can do this." role with my last blog post, but when breakfast time rolled around, I was going for the gut-buster gold! During the cooking process, I slowed my food thoughts down. Way down. I usually only have to worry about my late night unexplainable food warewolf that comes out of nowhere. But like I said last time, these weekend breakfasts are getting more tough too. I checked out the calendar to realize there's only 11 days until my next surgeon appt weigh-in. She doesn't want me rescheduling like I usually do if I don't continue weightloss. Well, I guess she'll see how difficult this is for me then. Anyway, depression took over while cooking brkfst after evaluating the calendar. I pulled myself out of it some, but it really should have been a lot more. I don't usually post what I eat, but this morning, a large amount of scrambled eggs with carbohydrate loaded ketchup & 3 skinny grilled hotdogs (no bread) was my downfall, although it could have been a bit worse. The funny thing is 5 months ago, breakfast would have been double that amount. It's hard to congratulate my successes when I know it's still just not enough. Why did she say I have to continue losing weight? Why couldn't she have said to continue maintaining my weight? Anyway, I took a nap before lunch & woke up with a different attitude. I did really well the rest of the day. ~HR*
WHAT HAPPENED AT THE SURGEON APPNTMT
Jun 20, 2008
Oh wow, When I 1st came back from the surgeon appointment, I posted what happened on the Oregon board because that's where I was discussing my surgn apntmt the most right before I went up, so I forgot to post here, so my apologies, but here's what happened.:
By the day of the apntmnt I had almost 40 pounds gone, so the weightloss was substantial, but it was kind of quick loss so she wants to make sure I continue after surgery. I guess some people lose it really quick & want to hurry & get surgey w/o keeping it up for a while. She wants to make sure I'm committed to a lifestyle change. She also said that she gave me 2 requirements which were to lose weight & use my cpap machine. I haven't used my cpap because of some kind long lasting cough & cold sickness (pnemonia? pcp wasn't sure) I got this winter with an incredibly stuffed up nose. The cpap people said not to use it until my nose was unplugged, but I was still sick the day of the visit, so there wasn't any cpap usage yet. Also, I kept postponing my appnt because of no weightloss, so by the time I went back to see her, it was quite a few months later. From now on, I'll keep my aptmnts even if I know there is no progress. I guess doctors like to know how we're coming along. She said to continue losing weight, start using my cpap & come back in one month. Well, there's the update on the visit.
Now, I want to update you on my progress back here at home. I tried to fool myself into thinking I wasn't that upset. I mean I do see her side AND mine. I guess my huge issue is that weightloss is harder for me than she realizes. I kind of feel singled out since my BMI is higher than a lot of WLS patients. I feel like some people slide by while I'm more noticable because I'm bigger. I feel that way because a lot of WLS patients tell me they only had to lose a few pounds or they didn't have to lose anything (usually other hospitals & lower BMI patients). But now I realize that everyone has hurdles during this process. Some people struggle with insurance for great lengths of time, some people don't have ins., some ppl have other health problems that slow or hinder the process, some ppl might have to lose more weight than me, some ppl might have money issues or any number of things. I need to stop whining and get on board 100% & just do whatever she asks. I know it's for my health & she wants it to be a safe & successful operation. So do I. I guess the problem now is continuing to lose weight while other things in life are starting to catch up with me. I put too many things on hold while waiting for this surgery & maybe the blessing in disguise is that I need to learn how to function in life while not overeating. I believe emotional issues are arising while I lose weight because I don't have food to stuff them down with. At first, I thought I will take care of these issues on my own, but I kind of feel like they're harder to pinpoint because it's not just one huge traumatic event, but rather a lot of smaller negative events all rolled up into one called my childhood. Just Kidding -kind of-. But, honestly I have more positive memories than negative, so the negative ones must have been really bad. I'm sure I block a lot out, so I'm going to start counseling soon. I've already looked into it, so I need to dedicate myself to it. I do think the co-pays are worth it, so I will start in July. Everyone says the doctors only operate on our stomachs, not our brains. Plus this may be the thing to kick me into high gear. I've been struggling with caloric intake since the aptmnt. At first, because of anger of not getting a surgery date, then because of depression of not getting a s.date. Then I get depressed because I can't stop eating & I'm addicted to food, then I eat more because I'm angry & depressed that I can't stop eating. The only way it will stop is if I believe I can lose the weight before I go back up there. I have to believe in myself to do that. If there's no more weightloss at this visit, I have to be even stronger for the next time. I hear myself going in circles. Then other life happens, & I when a take a moment to process, I realize it's been almost two years since I've started & most ppl don't take nearly this long at all (need to lose more wt. because BMI is over 60 -higher than most WLS patients-). What's gonna get me to do it? Going to counseling? support groups? Spending time on this OH site? Talking to ppl about weight problems? Talking about other life problems? Right now, I feel like writing this out in my blog has helped so much. What's gonna happen when I get off this computer & go back to real life? What am I gonna eat for breakfast when I wake up in the morning? Traditionally weekends are heavier breakfast days. There's time to sleep in & make a breakfast a big event. I've dieted before on weekends. Lots of times. But now that I've already been slipping up dietwise, will I continue to overeat in the morning or will I remember this self-inspired moment & do a complete turnaround? I need to get on with life. I can't stay stuck in fatland any longer. I WON"T be in fathell any longer. Stay tuned. You'll see. This is it. I'm done.