A new day
Jul 14, 2010
Nothing really great to write - it's been a very tough couple of months for me personally - my husband and I have separated and I've moved out of our home to a temporary place, and it has been really tough for me. My job is quite stressful and I'm not super satisfied with it, so that has added to my stress.
I am so thankful that at least I have this wonderful tool and at least the satisfaction of having accomplished the goal to lose weight and take control of my health this year - it has been my big "win" and is helping me help myself get through this tough time. I have the energy to exercize which makes my body produce endorphins that make me feel better. I dont' exercize formally as much as I should, but I am trying, something I never did before. I have the energy to play with and chase my beautiful little boy who is the love of my life, so our time together is of a higher quality. These things are what I look to when I'm having a rough day.
I'm not always perfect wiht my diet, but I pretty much stick to the rules and don't waver too much. I do have a piece of chocolate every day, about an hour after lunch. It helps me with my reactive hypoglycemia that I've developed since surgery, and it's typically dark chocolate and I always stop at one piece (my trick is that I either only bring one piece w/ me, or I take the little minis that are individually wrapped). I buy them for a friend on occasion and she keeps them at her desk so I'm not tempted to eat them all day long. This 1 piece allowance keeps the cravings for sweets away, if you can believe it. Other than that, I'll have an occasional 1/2 snack bag of chips, but for some reason I can stop at 1/2 because I give in to the craving occasionally, it doesn't manifest itself into something MUCH bigger. I don't always give in to my cravings - and never right away - I'll have a glass of water first, then walk around a little bit, even visit with a friend. More often than not the craving for whatever goes away. If I'm still wanting that food, then I'll indulge myself, but just a small amount. For me, it works - for others, I can see how this would be too much of a trigger. I just dont' believe in complete denial for myself - I had this surgery to live a more normal life, and that means that on occasion I get to enjoy my salty chips. Dont' think I don't look at the labels and try to make the best choices, even with the snacks, though!
I have tried to eat my stress like I used to when I was very heavy, and it just doesn't work for me anymore. I just end up feeling sick and nutritionally vacant. I've only had a "stress eating" day 2 or 3 times in the last year & 2 months, and each time, I learn something. Earlier this week was one of those days, and I was able to recognize it and stop it before it got too out of hand. It made me feel like i'm evolving, still. I know that being this fresh out of surgery, I'm just now REALLY starting to deal wiht the emotional aspects of this surgery and it's up to me now to maintain the loss that I've experienced. When I do stuff like stress eating, that is counter-productive. But, hey - I'm HUMAN.
That being said, I dont' get hung up on a "bad" day - I am learning to pick my head up, and instead of saying, "Oh, well - I've screwed up this day - might as well eat like shit for the rest of the day, I'll start back again later/tomorrow/next week", whatever, I make sure that my next meal is a light, but very healthy one and get right back on track. I did this earlier in the week, and by the time a few hours had passed I felt so much better. I can't explain to anyone who hasn't been through what we have how, but somehow something has clicked in my brain (finally) to say, "OK, I get it" - I think. I'm going to do my damndest not to forget. It truly is a new day.