Changes, Changes and more Changes!

Dec 16, 2011

Weight: 216
12/16/11

It's been many months since I've posted here and I've missed it here.  The last 6+ months have been an insane crazy whirlwind of events.  I separated from my husband in July and he moved to his own place.  I had to deal with being a single mother, full time worker and full time student, and all of the changes that come with a great deal of weight loss.

I also started a new job in August, had a friend commit suicide, and lost my Aunt.  I just sold my home last monday. I began dating again after a decade of being with the same person and found it was a roller coaster ride of emotion for me.  I discovered that I have an extremely hard time with being alone and dealt with anxiety over that.

My husband still wants to be with me and has been trying very hard, but I just feel like there are some things that are still the same and will never change.  It can be fun to meet new people but the rejection that goes along with dating people can be very difficult on the ego.  Especially when I spent a long time with a husband who neglected me and controlled me and my self esteem suffered greatly.

When we finally separated I went a little bit crazy, because I felt like I had been let out of prison.  The prison of a bad relationship coupled with the prison of living in a huge body that couldn't do the things I really wanted to do!  I started making regular trips to L.A., bought a Mustang convertible, and dated more guys than I could keep up with.

I went and bought lots of clothes, went horseback riding and did lots of dancing.  I felt a little too wild at times, but I calmed down after a few months of getting it out of my system.  I consulted with a plastic surgeon and he said I'm ready for a lower body lift, boob job and nose job!  While I want to lose a bit more weight, he said that the skin on my abdomen is just skin and I'm ready!

I'm at 36% body fat so while I'm still heavy weight wise, I'm in a size 16 and I have a large frame and a lot of muscle.  I would only want to lose 20 pounds more anyway, not including the amount of skin the surgeon will take off.  I was thrilled because I was sure he'd tell me to go lose more and come back in 3 months.

We agree that I'll feel much better about my body after all this is over with.  With the sale of my home I'll have the money for the surgery and plan to schedule it some time in february.  I'm so nervous about the pain of all that, but at the same time I'm ready to feel "complete"  while my arms and thighs could probably use some work too, I think the other stuff will make a bigger difference to me.

I'm going to try and spend more time on OH now that things have settled down a bit for me and I'm on holiday break from school for the next month. 

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