I'm just so tired...

Apr 27, 2010

How did I do it before?  I would work a full day then go work out like a maniac.  Now, I'm just so doggone tired, so very, very tired.  I put in these dreadful 10-12 hour days 6 days a week, take care of my family, and try to work out?  I just need to find a routine.  But I'll have to do that tomorrow.  I'm doing well with my eating, I just don't remember it being this hard the first time around.  Shhooooo, I'm hungry!

Meet Aubrey Ann

Apr 22, 2010

So I had the baby on 2/12/10 and I'm totally in love.  What I don't love is the baby weight.  I put on 50#...yes, you heard me right, 50 *%&#@ pounds.  I lost 25 immediately after I had her, and now it's back to basics.  I'm measuring food, logging in fitday, drinking water like a fish and obsessing about my weight.  I'm a full size 18 and that is my motivation, not to mention the spare tire.  How quickly I forgot how ugly plus-size clothes are.  I hate the way they hang on the hanger.  I hate that they have no structure or shape, and I hate the way the patterns are U-G-L-Y and matronly.  OH, I'm BACK!  For real this time!


Oct 06, 2009

So I'm pregnant and just over the moon about it!  I never thought I would be so happy. Then my 19 week pre-natal appt came and what did the evil scale say to me?   It said I gained 7# in one month!  SEVEN POUNDS!  I know it's not cuz I just came back from my dream Jamaican vacation and ate like I did before WLS.  It's not b/c I have thrown caution to the wind and inhale carbs at will.  Well, maybe it is some of that, but it's mostly because I am SO DOGGONE HUNGRY!  Just a hungry, hungry hippo wearing size 18 maternity clothes and that is at Old Navy and we all know they are generous with their sizing.  I love my baby, I didn't know I could love someone who I've never met so very much...but am I wrong if I wish I had enjoyed being relatively slim and trim for another year before taking the plunge into motherhood?  How long will it take me to drop these pounds?  Will I be able to drop these pounds? 

18 months out...

Nov 24, 2008

and well into Onderland.  I'll have to post some more pics.  Let me tell you, this has been the best thing I've ever done  for myself.  I'm  happy, not just because I'm thin...yes...I'M THIN!  I didn't realize it, for real  for real, until I was pulling a sweater over my head and caught a glimpse of my ribs.  That sounds real anorexic, but it's not.  It's a big girl who forgot I got a skeleton. 

May 15, 2008 Happy Surgiversary to Me

May 15, 2008

  One year ago today I changed my life forever.  I had Lap RNY and I am still amazed by this gift from God.  I am full  of emotion today.  I ready my profile from beginning to end and I cried, laughed, and cried some more.  The misery shines through in my posts.  I had no idea, NONE, that I would be sitting here, on this day, feeling like this.  

The Lord has blessed me so tremendously.  This year has gone by so fast and every day of it has been a fantasy.  One year and 120# from my highest weight.  I don't know how much I've actually lost since surgery, and it doesn't matter to me b/c like the devil, the scale is a liar.  This time last year I was a size 24 and never thought in a milIlion years I would be shopping in the Misses or even Junior's department.  I'm a large 12, firm 14, small 16...it all depends on who is designing the clothes.  I'm a firm size L, small XL, my feet have gone down 1 size, but mostly in width.  I'm tall and I accept the fact that I will always have big feet.  

I have discovered bones that I forgot everyone else has.  I can see my feet when I look down.  I've dropped 3 cup sizes and 7 band sizes in my bra.  I cross my legs under my desk and I sometimes sit Indian style in my chair at work.  I blend in with the rest of society.  I'm happier than ever before.  I am the size I wanted to be, I have the job I've always wanted, I'm engaged to be married to the man of my dreams, and I just got a new truck last month (despite the gas prices).  What more could I ask for?  Blessed and highly favored...that's me.  

I was sniggling at this list I had made 2 years ago and posted it....

When I am a loser, I am going to wear:

knee-high, maybe even thigh-high boots - DONE
silk pantyhose - not yet
miniskirts - DONE
coochie cutter shorts - DONE
spaghetti strap everything - need a lift first
anything from Victoria's Secret - DONE
Blanik stilettos - not with these gas prices
halter tops - DONE
if I"m lucky, something with my back showing - WAIT TILL YOU SEE MY WEDDING DRESS!
souvenir T-Shirts - DONE
a swimsuit, maybe a bikini - DONE no bikini w/ these scars
my man's boxer shorts - DONE (and he can even pick me up now )
his T-shirt without it being tight around my bust - DONE
affordable bras with thin straps and only 2 hooks - DONE (but I still stick w/ the Balconette from LB)
Express jeans - not yet
a thong - DONE
a belly shirt - OK, I'm 30..enough saidf
fantabulous night gowns - DONE
low-riders - DONE
hair weaves to the back of my knees - maybe not to the back of my knees
cute coats with belts that wrap around my tiny waist and tie in the front - DONE
fashion belts over tunics and skinny jeans - not  w/ skinny jeans, I'm not really feeling those.
Frederick's of Hollywood faux booties (because I'm realistic, I have a flat one now, I'll have a flat one then - MY BOOTY IS GETTING ROUNDER BY THE DAY!

God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. Thank you Jehovah Jireh

May 5, 2008

May 05, 2008

Cinco de Mayo!!!!!  Arriba Arriba!!! No partying for me though.  I'm on the "No Gain is Good" Challenge and promised to only have 1 Happy Hour per week, so I'm saving mine until the weekend. 

I'm 10 days away from my surgiverssary.  Let me tell you something, Newbies....I'm scared.  Sure, I'm 120# down total with a tolerable amount of excess skin.  I would like to lose another 30#, but the weight loss is freakishly slow right now.  I still have restriction, and I'm going to the gym more often.  It's just that I have this sweet tooth from out of this world. 

I'm off subject.  I'm scared to gain the weight back.  MORTIFIED is not the word.  I sometimes dream I'm back to the old Classy, and I know I said I would never be this way, but I wake up with my heart pounding and covered in sweat.  I test myself by wrapping my hand around my wrist to make sure my fingers still meet comfortable.  I reach down to feel my hip bones aren't covered in the thick layer of blubber.  I feel for my collar bones to make sure they are still prominent.  I'm afraid.  It's funny b/c my fear doesn't keep me away from jelly beans.  

I don't know if you know this, but I used to be a smoker.  I've even considered taking up that habit again to stop the snacking.  I chew gum and water-load like crazy.  I've added 15 more minutes of cardio per day.  I'm scared.  Isn't this such a mind phyuck?  I would rather die of lung cancer than be a size 24.  I guess you just have to be here to understand.  When your nice shiny tool starts to get rusty and you can eat more than you used to....When you sneak a little sugar and don't dump....When you buy a whole cake, take a slice, and put the rest down the garbage disposal.  i'm like a crackhead....and I'm scared. 

April 7, 2008

Apr 07, 2008

OK, so that catering to me thing is a joke.  That's just not going to happen.  It's official though, I AM a size 12....yeah, 12 with a little stretch...but it's  a 12 any and that's fine b/c this time last year I was a 24/26W.  Isn't that awesome?  Isn't our God a good one?  

I found with minor adjustments to my diet and slightly increased exercise I've lost a substantial....and by substantial I mean about 8 lbs. in the past 2 weeks or less.  That's so strange to me because my body was holding onto this weight for dear life and now it wants to drop these pounds just in time for short & tank-top season.  As we all know though, the scale is a liar and it's easier to gauge your loss w/ your clothes.  As a matter of fact, I was fitted for my engagement ring several months ago and now I had to buy a plastic sizer so it won't fall off my hand.

I need to concentrate of toning it up for my wedding. Even though I look small I have jigglies for days.  My arms are less than ideal and my thighs look like deflated balloons.  Since the weather has finally broken, I'm going to hit the gym 4X/week...OK, who am I BS'ing, y'all know I'm not going to the gym that much...but I will walk around my building for lunch 4X/week and go to the gym 3X/week.  I'm going to email my angel, who works with me, to see if she would like to walk with me.  Doesn't that sound productive? 


Apr 03, 2008

For my next trick, I'm going to start catering to ME more.  I'm always on the go and it's no wonder why I haven't gained weight since I stopped working out.  I need to SIT DOWN sometimes.  I'm tired of being tired, tired of having a headache, and tired of complaining about not losing more weight.  My weight, my weight, my weight....I don't want to be obsessed, but I am.  Too bad I don't want to do the work.

OK, so real talk, I think I may be a....dare I say it....size 12.  Some of my 14's are getting baggy and I think ...THINK I may have to buy 12's for the summer.  We'll see, but I'm not buying anything else until it gets really hot.  

Now let's talk about my eating.  Today I had:

B:  2 turkey sausage patties
S:  peanutbutter sandwich cookies
L: 1 grilled chicken breast
S:  more cookies
D:  peanutbutter chicken and noodles w/ Asian vegetables (planned)

As for the noodles, I still eat off a saucer to keep my portions small and I'll only have a fork-spin of noodles, a spoonful of veggies, and 3-4oz. meat.  I don't feel like fitday today, but I already see the GLARING errors in my diet.  However, if I think of the way I used to eat, I have no right to talk trash to myself.  There is always room for improvement but I won't drive myself crazy trying to squeeze in that room.   

I haven't planned my evening snack but I'm out of cookies so I'll probably have a piece of fruit b/c I have this insatiable sweet tooth.  I don't eat a lot, but I'm eating the wrong things. 



Mar 25, 2008

My niece had a baby this morning.  I stopped talking to her around Thanksgiving, so it's going to be awkward when I go to see her baby.  I'm a great-aunt, I'm too young and too cute, but it's whatever.Today, I start back with the gym.  Wish me luck.  I even set my scale back to the correct number.  I had it set where it made me think i was 10# heavier than I really am.  It's actually more motivating seeing that i am still losing instead of keeping the scale at the same number.  I became discouraged thinking I haven't lost any weight.  Now that it's warming up I'm motivated again.  Let's just hope I don't over do it.

March 24, 2008

Mar 24, 2008

I have a serious sweet tooth.  I can't deny it or ignore it.  I've been staying away from the Cadbury Creme Eggs for the most part, but as you are aware, Girl Scout cookies did me in.  I won't even lie, I eat a lot of fresh fruit too.  That's not necessarily a bad thing...TO ME. I know some people eat protein and only protein, but I feel that a balanced diet with protein supplements is the best.  There are some things that occur in nature that man can not reproduce in a vitamin.  I can't give you anything off-hand, but I still don't think we can get all of our nutrients from a pill or two...so I eat fruits and vegetables every day.  I'm sure I would have lost more if I had done a high protein/no carb diet, but I'm not doing it....so now what?

This week my goal is to make it to the gym 3X to do 20 minutes of cardio.  I'm going back to the basics and not try to over-do it. I'll ramp it up 10 minutes per week until I'm back to where I was when I fell off.  Looking at my pics, I either need to start wearing my Spanx every day or get back on the abductor and crunch machines too. 

About Me
Surgery Date
Jul 09, 2006
Member Since

Friends 171

Latest Blog 160
18 months out...
May 15, 2008 Happy Surgiversary to Me
May 5, 2008
April 7, 2008
March 24, 2008