12/1/06

Dec 25, 2006

It has just been brought to my attention that I haven't updated in quite a while.  Maybe because I'm getting used to all this new format stuff. 

Sooooo, Thanksgiving was a failed athletic event in competitive eating.  I was convinced I could slam like I used to.  Apparently not.  I did however eat all the things I know I shouldn’t.  This was my last Thanksgiving before the surgery, I had to make it worth my while. Most in the family were really surprised by my new look.  I’ve only lost  37 pounds so far.  I can’t see the difference, but everyone else can.  There were the usual haters who said “so, she’s still big, I can’t see the difference”.  hate, hate, hate, hate, hate     Then there are the relatives who criticized my decision as me taking the easy way out.  EXCUSE ME?  Why is my choice to get healthy and enjoy a better quality of life suddenly a reflection of my morality and not a health issue?  These are the same relatives who asked me to help them get their journeys started.  Of course I referred them to OH and more specifically BAF.  I can’t do their research for them, they should do it on their own, it’ll keep them motivated. 

Now, lets talk about how I just found out Aetna would have let me do a 3 month supervised diet instead of a six month.  YOU KNOW how I’ve suffered over the last few months…why didn’t my surgeon’s office tell me this?  I only have a week or so left in my 6 month thing.  I’m going to do an extra month just in case they want to be all official when it’s time to approve me. 

I took on a part-time gig to buy presents, so I haven’t been to the gym in forever, and when I say forever, I mean it.  I noticed I got winded going up the stairs last week (that stopped when I started working out), so I quit that 2nd gig and I’m going back to the gym EVERY DAY!  Well, maybe not today, but I’m going back tomorrow. 

Tonight I have my first sleep study.  I thought this would be my last test until someone reminded me of the upper GI and bowel preps, etc.  I wonder if I can get that done in the next few weeks b/c I’ll have to pay for that out-of-pocket on January 1st.  Well, at least pay 20%.  What is the world coming to?  Whatever happened to the time when jobs like mine had the best insurance of all?  Oh well, as much time as I waste surfing the web and hee-hee-ing and ha-ha-ing with BAF, I shouldn’t be complaining. 


12/7/06

Dec 25, 2006

December 7, 2006

OK, let's talk about this sleep study.  I had it the night before last.  I don't know how they call it a sleep study when no one gets to sleep.  They hooked me up to 21 wires (head, face, chest, and legs), 1 microphone, something going up your nose and in your mouth, a strap around my chest, and a strap around my waist. 

The tech woke me up (just as I was falling asleep of course) throughout the night to reconnect some of the wires and make me sleep on my back. 

Don't get me wrong, the tech was nice and the facility was very nice (and clean) more like a hotel than a hospital or lab.  But I would suggest taking the next day off work b/c you will be so very tired if you don't.  Yesterday was awful b/c I could barely stay awake at work and had no energy when I went home.  After work I was in bed by 6:00pm.  Only one more sleep study and a few more days on this diet and I'll be done. 


12/8/06

Dec 25, 2006

December 8, 2006

OK, so the word on the street is that if you google your name, screen name, etc. you get a link to your profile, etc.  So I did it and I didn't like it at all!  I'm sorry I had to take down my photos, but I don't want EVERYONE in my personal business, only those with the purest intentions.  That stinks because I hate reading profiles with no pics.  But, you gotta do what you gotta do.  Maybe I'll pray on it and change my mind eventually.  Until then.

 


12/11/06

Dec 25, 2006

December 11, 2006

This weekend I went to the club with one of my girlfriends.  Naturally, we separated to go do our own things after designating a central meeting spot….etc.  So I went to another part of the club to solicit free drinks when a young man exclaimed “Big Sexy, can I buy you a drink”!  I knew he didn’t mean any harm by it…I am after all Big and Sexy, but I didn’t like the fact that he put me on blast all like that.  He didn’t know me from Adam, so what makes him think that would be OK?  I immediately thought of my surgery, and regretted being at the club, drinking unnecessary calories when I know I’m supposed to be dieting.  So I ordered a very long pour of Sapphire with DIET tonic and let the games begin.  He went on to hem me up against the bar and tell me how he prefers big girls…yada yada yada.  All Black women are beautiful to him..then he added the disclaimer “NO MATTER HOW THEY LOOK”!  So I’m thinking “OK you (bleep), you can’t possibly be suggesting I’m a mud duck because I promise you I will leave here with at least 5 numbers and 2 invites to breakfast”!  I had no choice but to run up an enormous tab…on his dime of course…because he’s an a$$hole. 

ENOUGH of the chubby chasers OK?  I know their intentions are NEVER pure.  They are usually sexual deviants and I have no desire to fulfill their lustful fantasies that include watching me eat and love handles.  Maybe this is something that all women have to deal with, no matter what size.  Maybe I should be flattered.  I don’t know.  I can’t even say why this bothers me because I have a man, and he loves me just because I AM not because I’m BIG. 

 


12/14/06

Dec 25, 2006

December 14, 2006

I just got the results from my sleep study.  I have mild sleep apnea.  I’ll be dayum!  Now I know I’m going to have to fork out another couple hundred for a dayum CPAP machine.  There goes the babies’ (god baby, niece and nephew) Christmas.  LOL, I wasn’t buying those spoiled little ankle biters anything anyway.  I don’t have any kids!  I was offered another part-time gig and I took it, but I need that money to pay all these copays, deductibles, and coinsurances!


12/19/06

Dec 25, 2006

December 19, 2006


I would like to testify to the goodness of my God (Jehovah) and His son, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  I very rarely discuss religion or politics, but the Christmas spirit has moved me.  I am always complaining about what I want, what I don’t have, and what everybody else has got.  I could win the “Hater of the Year” trophy because I always think God has blessed everyone else with so much and me with so little.  I’m embarrassed to say these things, but it’s true.  Now, I’m not jealous-hearted, I don’t get angry with other people when they are blessed with things I would like to have, but I do complain to Him and question Him as to why he hasn’t blessed me with the same things. 

Then I went to a certain shopping center where they have specialty items (OK, hair weave) that I can’t find in my neighborhood for cheap.  That is when it struck me.  How dare I turn my nose up at my blessings?  There were people there who are obviously living on the street, addicted to drugs, and impoverished in ways that I forgot still existed in America.  There were children wearing dirty, tattered jackets even though a winter coat is required during this time of year.  I looked down at my coat and remembered that I wore it specifically because it matched my shoes and handbag…not because it was my only one.  I saw a pregnant woman waiting at the bus stop with a few grocery bags.  I looked at my car and remembered that even though I grit my teeth each month when I have to make the payment, it never crosses my mind that it may not start because if it doesn’t…it’s still under warranty.  I looked around at the boarded up houses and houses that needed to be boarded up and reminded myself that even though I don’t own my home, it’s nice, cozy, roach and rodent free.  Then I looked around at the hustle and bustle of all the “street vendors” and their “patrons” getting their grind on…then I remembered to stop looking around and pick up the pace to my car before I witness something or one of those crackheads knocks me upside my head and steal my shopping bags.  I’m not saying that to be funny or critical, it’s true. 

I have asked the Lord to forgive me for being ungrateful and told him that I realize that my blessings are my blessings and their blessings are their blessings.  I may not be ready for the things that I want but I have everything I need.  Maybe I need to grow up more.  Maybe I need to complete this surgery and be the best “Suchaclassylady” I can be.  Or maybe I just need to learn to be grateful for what I’ve got.  After I prayed for forgiveness do you know what He did?  He opened his hand and poured even more blessings down on me and my loved ones.  He is much too good to me and I don’t deserve Him. 

By the way, I had my 6th weigh in this month and I've lost 2 more pounds.  This is following a month of heavy drinking and partying, egg nog, cakes, pies, Christmas cookies, dressing, pork, and all the other delicacies you only get during the holiday season.  I've got that Last Holiday Meal Syndrome and I've been putting in some serious work at the bar and at the dinner table.  Obviously not serious enough because I still lost weight with minimal exercise.  I don't plan on rolling the dice for too long.  I'm going back to the gym just as soon as the holidays are over...it's just so hard to battle the cold to go jump around in the pool with a bunch of women when I can be hugged up on the couch with a bowl of sweet potato pie and wash it down with a vat of egg nog, then lay down for another nap.  *Sigh* feels good. 

 


Christmas 2006

Dec 25, 2006

 Today is Christmas, and it's bittersweet for me.  I know this is my last Christmas looking like Mrs. Claus, but it makes me kind of scared and definately sad.  Am I saying goodbye to who I am, or just who others percieve me to be?  Tomorrow I'm going to buckle down on that precert diet....did I mention you have to serve 7 months, not 6?  I thought I would be done by now, but oh no....Aetna wants 1 more month.  REMEMBER, the first visit with your pcp to supervise your diet is just a consultation, not an actual visit.  I digress.

I realize that 2007 is just around the corner and it 's going to be a huge change for me.  It's going to be the biggest and best year of my life, I just know it, and I'm scared shytless.  I'm afraid my private life will become something very public.  When I lose the weight, I'm almost certain people will wonder how, and I don't want them in my personal business.  What will I tell the co-worker who drew the shortest straw and has to ask me how I did it so she can report back to everyone?  If I tell them the truth, will they think I'm weak, undisciplined?  If I lie, will I be denying another big girl the information and courage she needs to go through with WLS? 

What about all the attention?  True, I'm the coldest big girl in town, but not everybody likes that.  I'm afraid I'll become the B I always wanted to be...dogging men for all of the jackals I dated in the past.  Dogging them because this is probably one of the same men who didn't want me as a big girl.  Dogging my man because I can.  Will we stay together?  I love him so very much, so completely, but I"ll be a different person...half the woman I was this time next year...can our love withstand that? 

Only 3 of my friends know.  My closest childhood friends don't have a clue..and I'm not telling them.  EVER  I was reading on the main board how a woman and her friend were in a softball league.  The woman was post-op and looking good.  She made a really big play, everyone was cheering for her, and her friend screamed something like "Why are you cheering?  She had WLS, she did it the easy way!"  My friends, though I love them dearly, would take waaaaaay too much pleasure in the fact that I had WLS to lose weight.  Not because I would be healthier, but because they can call all around spreading their filthy hate and jealousy.  They damn near jizz all over themselves when they see me struggle with my weight and even though some of them are fat, they take solice in the fact that they are not as fat as me.  Watch what Classy is about to do...I guarantee you'll love it!

And about my family?  My brother told me the other night that he didn't want me to go through with WLS.  This is the same person who opened my eyes 8 or 9 months ago by telling me I am gross and people don't like me because I'm fat.  I look really unhealthy and I should stop pretending everything's OK, because they obviously are not and everyone can see it.  My marriage didn't work out because I'm fat and my current relationship won't either because no one wants a fat girl.  He/she went on to throw himself upon the sacraficial stake by offering to do anything he could to help me overcome it.  We weren't even arguing! I suppose the Spirit moved him to spit such venom at me to get me to lose the weight.  Now, I can't get the support I need to complete this character-building journey?  I told him that I was doing it and that's the end of that conversation.  I wasn't interested in all the reasons why he doesn't want me to do it.  I'm afraid friends and family will start to distance themselves from me because I'm going to steal their shine.  Well Baby, get used to it! 

Another loved one finished the precert diet, got the CPAP and decided he could lose the weight "on his own".  He even took that opportunity to encourage a family pep rally/intervention for lil' ol' me

******private moment for my relative and me******

OK, Babe...you weighed over 400#, now you weigh 350# after the precert diet...good luck with that.  Let's keep it 100, and by 100, I mean 100% REAL....you found out you would have to come out of $20K because your insurance wouldn't pay...that's what really changed your mind..so don't tell me about the power of pushing away from the table because you and I (and the rest of the Clumps) already know that's not really what's up.  If we could push away from the table like the Champions you claim we are, then why didn't we push away at 175#?  200#?  250#?  OK....it took until you got over 400# to realize you should push away?  If we are going to have the conversation ever again, I expect you to keep it funky. 

*****that concludes our private moment******

Nothing is going to stop me now (except maybe a denial letter from Aetna).  I've been through over 20 years of hell and spent 6 months of those 20 years in the 7th Circle of Hell doing the precert diet.  Next time the extended family of Clumps sees me, I'm going to be at least 100# lighter, much healthier, and exponetially happier.  So why am I so scared?

 


March 16, 2007 - I have a date!

May 15th is my rebirthday!  OH is the first to know!  I haven’t even told my family yet.  Get this….I was just referred to OH by Barix’s scheduler!  HA!  I’m so in love with the Lord right now.  I’m all teary-eyed because I know how disobedient and ungrateful I’ve been, that is why I’m not complaining about my date being 2 months away.  There are people out there who don’t have insurance to cover WLS or are battling appeals.  He brought me through a lot and I’m going to tell you all about it on March 22nd.    In the meanwhile, let me email my Angel and call my family so they can shoot me down.  Smell you later!   

 

 


March 16, 2007 - I have a date!

May 15th is my rebirthday!  OH is the first to know!  I haven’t even told my family yet.  Get this….I was just referred to OH by Barix’s scheduler!  HA!  I’m so in love with the Lord right now.  I’m all teary-eyed because I know how disobedient and ungrateful I’ve been, that is why I’m not complaining about my date being 2 months away.  There are people out there who don’t have insurance to cover WLS or are battling appeals.  He brought me through a lot and I’m going to tell you all about it on March 22nd.    In the meanwhile, let me email my Angel and call my family so they can shoot me down.  Smell you later!   

 

 


March 16, 2007 - I have a date!

May 15th is my rebirthday!  OH is the first to know!  I haven’t even told my family yet.  Get this….I was just referred to OH by Barix’s scheduler!  HA!  I’m so in love with the Lord right now.  I’m all teary-eyed because I know how disobedient and ungrateful I’ve been, that is why I’m not complaining about my date being 2 months away.  There are people out there who don’t have insurance to cover WLS or are battling appeals.  He brought me through a lot and I’m going to tell you all about it on March 22nd.    In the meanwhile, let me email my Angel and call my family so they can shoot me down.  Smell you later!  

 

 


About Me
Midwest,
Location
27.3
BMI
RNY
Surgery
05/15/2007
Surgery Date
Jul 09, 2006
Member Since

Friends 171

Latest Blog 160
18 months out...
May 15, 2008 Happy Surgiversary to Me
May 5, 2008
April 7, 2008
4/3/08
3/25/08
March 24, 2008

×