Sunamoon

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Wow I didn't realize how long it had been since I have been on OH. Life and work have been so busy that there wasn't any time to spend here reading posts or updating all that has happened. Since my last post in May. I have completed all my testing, my psych eval, my three month diet program required by my insurance and gotten my cpap machine for my sleep apnea. I didn't lose as much weight as I had hoped to during my 3 months but hey 10 lbs is 10lbs. Hormones play a big role in my system evidently or the lack there of.  I was doing low carb and doing well at eating the right things and going to support group to prepare myself but for some reason the weight just wasn't falling off like it did before. I tried not to stress over it as my nutritionist said just keep doing it and it will all come together.SO I just kept doing what I was doing.

Meanwhile I spent some time in the ER with my wife and I wondering if I was having a heart attack.I woke up on the morning of June 4th with my left arm throbbing, horrible headache and nauseated beyond belief. I got up and figured it was just a bad morning. I don't have high BP, or overly high cholesterol and Ive never had an issue with my heart. So I decided to go in to work anyway and just tough it out, due to not having much leave time left. I've used it all to deal with my appts for WLS. Well I never even got to get on the phone, I got dizzy and my legs started feeling like jelly and so weak. At that point my boss and Holly decided to take me downstairs to the nurse our office keeps on staff. She advised me to go to the er if i couldn't get in with my primary physician. My primary was full that day and evidently didn't seem to think it too important to see me or work me in due to my symptoms. Needless to say he is no longer my primary Dr. SO long story short, I went to the ER where they poked, prodded, played vampire, ran test after test and still couldn't tell me what was happening to me. I wasn't having a heart attack tho that they assured me of. They referred me to a cardiac Dr. Who set me up for a stress test. Man was that a trip. Such a weird feeling watching them shoot radiation into your arm and then put you in a weird machine to take pics of your heart. Then sit you in a waiting room for a bit and shoot some other strange thing in your veins to speed up your heart. That was a wild ride and one I care not to repeat! Results of the test were inconclusive basically they saw some shadow in the pics but that is all. Dr said honestly it could simply be my boobs as I am well endowed. LOL But that there was nothing to be worried about just keep working on getting my cholesterol numbers down.

Bringing home a CPAP machine has been a wild ride as well. I can't seem to get accustomed to having something shooting air down my throat and waking up with something tight on my face. Twice now during the night I've ripped it off my face in a panic. I've only had it 5 days as of today. Everyone keeps telling me it will get easier and I will feel much better after I truly start getting restful sleep. I've promised myself to keep trying and wear it every night. But it feels like there is an octopus sleeping on my face! And so far I still feel the same as I did before but with less painful headaches in the morning. I'm hoping with a few more days I will wake up with No headache at all. The dryness it causes in my mouth bothers me too as I drink water through the night. I've raised up the humidity in my machine but it still does it. Wearing the chin strap is no fun. I feel so trapped by the time I have all the gear on. And Lord knows its not attractive! My darlin wife must love me a lot to deal with all that hanging off my face. LOL I just keep reminding myself that one day at a time is all I have to do, or in this case one night at a time.

The other thing I have been dealing with is I had a minor outpatient surgery on the 9th of July. My gynecologist had to remove some polyps that had grown on my Uterus. Luckily they were not cancerous. This was a surgery that would not have had to happen if my Insurance company had approved her removing my uterus last year when she removed my ovaries. I was 50 at the time of that surgery I certainly didn't need my uterus anymore. But the insurance company actually told my Dr. (she called them to haggle it out) That since my uterus didn't make Testosterone Not to remove it! Insane reason to leave it. I had tumors all in my ovaries that was causing abnormal levels of testosterone in my body. Which was causing male patterned baldness in me and making hair grow in places women never want hair! But please insurance company let me leave my uterus so i can have  more surgery in my future.. UGH.. so stupid. SO That surgery was this past week and now it looks like I'm headed for the big one!

Friday morning I got the call from Dallas, the lovely lady that works at Centennial Medical Center that My Insurance had approved my Gastric  Sleeve! I have already set up my appointment to see Dr. Olsen and get my surgery date. His nurse has said that it could be as soon as late July or early August! I can't believe it! With the realization that I could be post op within the next month also brings about a lot of nervousness. Not about the Surgery itself but about handling everything afterwards. I promised myself that I would do everything I could to succeed in this endeavor for a new healthier me. I plan to do just that. But part of me is saying what if I fail? What if I cant resist the craving in my head? Why go through all this just to fail again at keeping the weight off?  My best friend always tells me to Not suffer future pain. It hasn't happened yet so don't suffer the pain of something that may not ever happen.  She's right I know. But I am a worry wart.  The only thing that can derail my surgery now is money. I am hoping my co pay wont be out of reach for this surgery after going through everything the last few months. But I'm keeping the faith that everything is happening the way its supposed to. I'm not giving up!

I hope everyone reaches their goals of a happy healthy life.. I know I am on my way!

Be Well til next time ~Suna

 

Sitting at the breakfast table this morning enjoying my morning coffee and making my wife's lunch for the day,  I got the call from the sleep center with  the results of my test.  As we knew I do have sleep apnea. In a lighter sleep I was having breathing difficulty of 10-12 times an hour half breaths and some stop breathing all together breaths. In REM sleep it was 50 times an hour. So yes I knew I had it. I've woken up with headaches for 20 years or more and dry mouth constantly in the mornings. I guess I was hoping I was fooling myself that I didnt really have it due to my weight. I go back for another sleep study on June 11th with the cpap machine to see how I do. All the more reason to have this surgery and try to get me and my life back under my control instead of  food controlling me.

 

So Wednesday night there was a cancellation at the Sleep Center so they called me in. I was glad to get it out of the way instead of waiting until June 4^th.  It certainly was an experience I will never forget. In some ways it was fun, in others it was weird and I felt very much like a science project. But all in all it was an ok experience. I was lucky they didn’t mind the fact that I couldn’t get there til 9pm since I work until 8 pm and have a 45 minute drive home. Luckily the sleep center is only a couple blocks from my house! I dropped my sweet wife off at home and headed over to the center loaded with my pj’s and my favorite pillow!

 

 What made it fun was the sleep tech that was assigned to me. Her name was Michelle and she was Awesome in helping me to understand what happens when you have sleep apnea and making me feel so comfortable in a strange bedroom. The bedroom itself was lovely, very clean and nicely presented. The bathroom was large and very comfortable to move around in.  The bed itself was so comfy, Queen sized with memory foam over the main mattress. It even had a lift mechanism that made it easy to watch TV til I started to get drowsy!  There was a great ceiling fan in the room just like in my own room so that was a great help to knock out any outside extra noises going on. (their was an elderly gentleman in the next room that couldn’t sleep so he talked a lot to Michelle) The fan really helped drown him out.

 

Michelle had me fill out some paperwork and then said I could change into my pj’s, then she would come back and get started on getting me hooked up to all her little wires. I don’t think I have ever seen so many wires as she had lain out across the bed. She wrapped a couple of elastic belts around my mid section and above my breast area. I was stunned they fit since I’m such a large woman. LOL  Then she attached some down to my lower legs and taped those in place. She told me this would let her know if I had restless leg syndrome. I was worried that if I rolled around in my sleep that they would come off and she stated that’s why she taped them on my leg and to the top of my pajama leg. (Sure enough, they stayed put!) She placed two more across my chest on each side and clipped on those wires to all the area’s she had set already. Her attention then changed to my head and oh my goodness it was a wild process. It never hurt, it was just awkward. There were 8 electrodes on my face. 2 by each eye and 2 down by my jaw on each side. Then she started the process of placing the electrodes in my hair. She scrubbed my scalp in each position with a q tip with alcohol on it to make sure it was clean and the adhesive would attach firmly. Then placed this glue like substance in the spot and added the electrode and covered it with plastic like rubber plate. (The only way I know to describe it.) By the time she was done all around my head, I had two behind each ear, 3 across the top of my forehead , 1 on each side of my neck and 1 in the middle of my neck in back, and 1 on each side of the middle of my head on top. The wires were hanging down all over my head and gave me a vision of “Pinhead” in my mind, or the thought of They can just ship me off into outer space now with this entire hook up? I’m sure they could see me from space with all the brainy waves going on. When she got everything finished I made a point not to look in the mirror, I was afraid I would frighten myself!

 

I kept thinking how on earth am I supposed to be able to go to sleep and sleep for 6 hours so that she can get all the recordings she needs as required by my insurance? I just knew that I would be wrapped and tangled from hell during the night cause I roll from side to side all night long as my hips and legs begin to hurt while I sleep. I don’t sleep well to begin with. I’m a very light sleeper and pretty much know when any little thing is going on near by. The ceiling fan was a Godsend!

 

Michelle settled me in and turned down the air conditioning for me. I’m middle aged and of course the raving night sweats happen a lot even with the hormones I’m on. So I knew I was in for a warm night. I turned off the TV at 10:20 and told myself in order to get back home to my own bed and my cuddly wife I needed to relax and go to sleep. It was hard getting settled and trying to find a comfortable position with all those electrodes hanging off my face and head, more so than the ones on the lower half of my body. I sleep on my side most of the time and have a long pillow that I sorta lean on from my head down to my belly. Trying to get in that position with all those wires was wild. I finally just let myself wrap up in the wires since Michelle assured me it would not affect her readings. Once I realized the wires were firmly attached enough I did finally get to sleep.

 

The hardest part of it all was trying to sleep without my wife next to me. I’m so used to her being near that it truly felt strange to sleep alone. Her nick name is blanket girl. LOL which secretly I love calling her that. Although I do get hot flashes and night sweats I am mostly cold natured. Once I’m cold it takes a long while for me to get warmed up. My blanket girl is always extra warm and is very hot natured so it works out great for us both. She likes the feel of my cool skin to cool her off and I like that she is cuddly warm to warm me up. Blanket Girl to the rescue!  After this surgery I am sure I will truly be grateful even more for Blanket girl from what I understand…   I love her so much and her support in this endeavor means everything. When I crawled into bed this morning at 4 30 am it was a truly welcomed sleep cause I was right where I was supposed to be. As I was drifting off  I heard her say Now I can sleep…

 

Be Well All, til next time ~Suna

 

So today was my first visit with the nutritionist to start the diet program required by my insurance. It didnt start out like I expected but it was good. There was a meeting with a Therapist in a group setting to start off with. A lot of questions and answers from the patients. Gave me some real  insight as to whats going to be happening as we go forward. I'm looking forward to more group sessions. I'll have 2 more with this group setting, 1 a month.

 

After speaking with the Therapist, the nutritionist came in and she gave us good ideas on what we need to be eating now to get ready for how we will be eating after the surgery. She reccomended 20 grams of protein at every meal plus veggies, avoiding carbs mostly. She told us how to get the reccomended amount of protein per day when it increases after surgery by using shakes or greek yogurt with added flavor to get through the taste of plain yogurt. They really did stress the importance of getting all your water. I do well to get 3 16 ounces of water down a day. so trying to get 64 or 84 ounces is going to be difficult. I know I need to drink more water just to feel better. I've got to keep pushing it!

 

Be Well! ~Suna

 

 

So this morning I had my appointment with my PC Dr. to do a face to face about the referral letter to Centennial Medical Center. She was perfectly happy to do this for me and said it would take about a week to get it over there. After a few minutes of giving her my weightloss history, in front of a young intern who was following her around that day. ( I was mortified to tell my diet history in front of this young man) She made a couple of comments when I mentioned I had in the past lost a 100 lbs doing a low carb diet. She stated how unhealthy it was and even tho it obviously worked for me she didnt approve. I ate well but me keeping my carb count at 25-30 grams per day nearly freaked her out. She stated I had lost a 100 lbs by starving myself and ruined my metabolism. I countered by saying I never had a good metabolism to begin with for as long as I could remember. I also told her that I felt great on low carb eating plan. My thought processes were better and I felt clear headed. Not to mention I had a great energy level, as well as losing weight and didnt feel so sluggish all the time. It didnt seem to phase her.

 

We went on in our discussion of all the different types of diets I had tried over the years, from seaweed pills when I was 12, to phen phen to the fun days of deal a meal and  richard simmons tapes (which I still have, love me some sweatin to the oldies!) and all the other diets in between. When I look at the list I made when I filled out to go to the Seminar at Centennial, I was amazed at all the different things I had tried over the years and how all of them had failed. The thing is I know it was my fault they didnt work. But somehow I feel like those programs failed me too. You hear all the good promises they make and when it doesn't work you want to blame the program not ourselves for not following it to the letter. But I think that sometimes those types of promises ought to be prohibited. People who have serious eating disorders (like myself)who try so hard for however long you manage to fight the urge to feed those food demons we carry around with us, take it to heart that this time it will be different. This time I will make it and I will feel better and look fabulous! But somehow that doesnt happen. Whatever happens that derails us from that train of determined thought and that new diet plan that was going to change our universe turns into a nightmare of a train crash! We/I if you are like me feel guilty because we failed ourself again. We fed the emotion of failure with doughnuts, fast food (insert food of choice here), candy and whatever bad food we know we should not eat.  It's a vicious cycle we live in when you are battling food addiction.

 

I digress in the point of this blog today, got sidetracked on the thoughts I wanted to make sure got posted today. My lovely wife was with me today and she made a point to tell the Dr. I had gone for the sleep apnea consultation and we were waiting on the call to let me know insurance had been notified and approved to set up the actual test.  My Dr stated today was that... because I was over weight it was a given that I had sleep apnea. She also staed that people that had large necks for sure had it. Now my wife's family all have sleep apnea and none of them are over weight. My wife hasnt had a test yet but she will be having one. As we are pretty sure she has it too. But she doesn't have a large neck and is not over weight but a few pounds. Less than 50. I'm sure as my eating habits change she will be losing those few pounds.  Now I'm pretty sure I have Sleep Apnea, due to the symtoms the Sleep Dr discussed with me. And the fact that I dont sleep well to begin with.  But why does it have to be a given that because I'm obese I have it? I dont like being looped into  catagories just cause I'm overweight.  Like everyone is usually shocked that I do not have high blood pressure. Or that I do not have diabetes currently at this heavy weight of 375.lbs. Now I did have it in 2007 which is what caused the low carb diet and loss of 100 lbs.  And the Dr said this morning that I am pre diabetic again.    Ok so I am venting here mostly. But today for the first time  I felt uncomfortable with a Dr's office that I had previously sung the priases of. 

 

On a High note.. During my lunch break at work today the Sleep Apnea office called and my Insurance approved the test and is going to pay for it 100%. I'm thrilled! May the 15th I go in for the actual study! Funny how it came together on the same day we were discussing it for the  referral letter.

 

Ya'll Be Well Til next time~Suna

So today I set  more appt's trying to get it all in. At least the ones I am aware of. I am sure there will be more to come!

 

May 8th 2014  primary care Dr.  8 30 am.  to begin the 3 month supervised diet and discuss the letter of reccomendation to be sent to the Insurance company. I am soooo dreading this 3 month diet program. If she lets me do low carb I will be just fine.. I just have to wrap my head around dealing with it for 3 months while im getting ready for the surgery.

 

May 15th, Dr called, night tech called in sick so had to resheduled. 

 

May 21ST!-9pm There was a cancellation! Sleep Apnea Study!  How is one supposed to be able to fall asleep in a strange bed  when its not a vacation?!  LOL nurse stated they needed me to sleep at least 6 hours! I dont sleep 6 hours on a good night.  We'll see..

 

May 16th 2014, Dentist appt. 9 am, not WLS related but I've had health issues that need to be tended to before surgery.

 

May 20th 12-2 pm Nutritionist and a 3 month diet program. Where I have to go to their place once a month and go through nutritional counseling as well as have the Dr. Supervised diet plan.

 

May 27th 9 am  Physch Evaluation.  I already know I am crazy.. I just hope they don't think so too!  This actually does scare me. I've never had a test like these before.

 

So the month of may is going to be full of all these appts and my pocketbook is going to be empty of all the co pays! I havent heard yet what the co pays will be so that has me a bit worried. But I'm hoping to get them finished before my job furloughs me. If my job can last til the end of June I will be set to go!

 

Be Well! ~Suna

 

Edited for the change in my appointment for the nutrional evaluation.

 

Edited for change in appt with the sleep study Dr.

On may 1st. I saw Dr. Patel to be elvaluated for the test for sleep apnea. If all the things I saw on the brochure are true, I def have it. I am going through with the test. But I am not sure I am going to get the c-pap machine after. If the surgery will help cure the sleep apnea why should I ask my insurance company to pay for a machine I would only be using for a few short months? It seems a waste to me. I've survived this long with out a Cpap a few more months should be ok. I would think and hope. we'll see.

 

My insurance company requires a 3 month supervised Dr's diet. SO I made an appointment with my primary care Dr. this morning. I will see her next thursday and and begin the diet once I have spoken with her. She also wanted to consult with me face to face about the letter of recomendation she will send to my insurance company.  I plan to take a printed copy of the letter I saw here on OH to her as well just to help out. When the young lady at the office called to set up my appt she asked which surgery I was interested in. When I said the sleeve she stated that she had had the same surgery 6 months ago! I asked how she was feeling and she stated that it was the best thing she ever done and had already lost 80 pounds!  I want to be her in a few months! LOL

 

I wanted to make the other Dr appointments this morning but life intervened. I will try to get those started asap. I noticed on the website for Centennial Medical Center that my particular insurance has a fast track. So I'm hoping to get it all done asap to have the surgery possibly by Aug or Sept. After I am furloughed from my job for the year. It would simply make the healing process easier to not have to worry about going in to work even tho I have a desk job. I just imagine my return to work in Jan of 2015 looking awesome!

 

For me all this will be trial and error til I get it all figured out. But isn't it that way for everyone who goes through life with a eating disorder and then make a life altering decision to have the surgery? One step at a time is all I can do. When the time is right it will happen just as it should. I just have to be patient and do each step as I am supposed to.  

 

Be Well All ~Suna

So last night the wife and I left work early to go to the Seminar at Centennial Medical Center. I had been to one of the seminars years ago so I basically knew what to expect. What I didnt expect was how nervous I would be. Its such a major life change. I want the change and I know how hard and difficult its going to be to even get to the surgery let alone afterward. Dr. Olsen was wonderful. He explained all the surgeries in such a way that they were easy to understand and decide quickly what I did and did not want to do.  The sleeve is Def where I want to go. I have issue's with wondering if I can truly make the necessary changes to keep the weight off once I lose it. Origonally I was also considering the DS. After hearing and seeing the explanation of that surgery I am no longer considering it.  The sleeve seems to be the less invasive and does not rearrange my insides so much! But the restriction is exactly what I need to be able to get a grip on my over eating and emtional baggage. 

 

I was also pleased to find out there is a support group right in my town and on Sat!!  No need to use more work hours to try and get to appts. When I was researching there were no support group meetings close by and the ones that were, they were scheduled at times that would mean I'd have to leave work to go to. I work an odd shift, 11:15 til 8 pm,  so all my appointments must be either early in the morning or on the weekend.  Its a relief to know there is a support group close by that I will not have to miss! I know I am going to need those group meetings and probably a private therapist as well. I use food as my comfort any time I feel a stressful moment. There has to be a way to break the vicious cycle.

 

Last night I also learned there is a 3 month Dr supervised diet I have to go through in order to get my insurance to approve the surgery. I'm not looking forward to that. But I will do what ever I need to,  to get the surgery and start my way to a new feel better life. I'm patiently waiting for the next step. The hostesses at the seminar said I would recieve an email after they confirmed my insurance. So hopefully there will be an email soon to tell me what to do next!   I'm a bit scared of all this and aprehensive as to whether I am strong enough to fight my demons with food. But I have to try..

 

I would like to say to my wife that I am so grateful tohave you in my life. Your support means everything to me. I know the next few months are going to be rough with all the changes I will be going through. So I'm doubly glad to know you are one tough terrific cookie and can handle me through it all. I thank you in advance and I love you with all my heart.

 

Be Well ~Suna

Since I started seriously considering WLS again. About 10 years ago I tried but was denied and simply gave up. Now Im determined to not give up. I want my life back! There are just so many things I am missing out on.. Time to get out there and live! I've scheduled the seminar at Tennessee's Centennial Medical Center in Nashville for next month. Work schedule conflicts keep me from going sooner so I had to wait for a Saturday class. I wish I could go sooner! I'm looking forward to meeting Dr. Olsen, he's the surgeon I've chosen. I like his qualifications and the fact that his patients have good things to say about him. Once I see him at the seminar I will follow my gut feeling on whether he is the right one for me, for sure. I'm going to learn as much as I can before the class but I feel that Gastric Sleeve is the right procedure for me. Finding OH has been a tremendous help in my learning curve of what to expect. I plan to continue to post my thoughts and feelings as I make this journey to a better me.