One of those days....

Jul 13, 2011

Today is one of those days I need to vent and what better place than the OH blog.
I'm having troubles with my relationships.  I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years because the relationship was in a shit hole.  I know that surgery wasn't the cause of the break up but it definitely gave me the confidence to say "fuck this" and move on ( I wish it were that simple)  
Trying to move on has been hard especially now that one of my best friends' true colors is beginning to show.  I consider my friend nate my best friend and we see eachother 3-4x a week...unless he gets into one of his moods.  I used to keep my distance from him but he is very easy to trust and makes you believe he would never hurt you.  For instance...he went to connecticut with his boyfriend while I had surgery and he never bothered to call to see how I was doing and his excusee..well..his boyfriends ex was there and he was going crazy.  WTF?! he is a drama queen to the MAX.  
Anyways..back to now... Lately he's been going through phases where he is super mad at me.  On 4th of July i made plans to go to the beach and if that failed I told nate I would go to his house.  Well beach plans didn't fail so I went and he was so mad he was going to invite my ex over to his house to hang out to get back at me.  When he admitted that my heart fell to my stomach..how can someone want to hurt me so bad? Especially because I had spent the last 2 nights with him.  I've come to realize that he either wants me all to himself or nothing at all.  It took a lot of tears and confusion today to realize i need to stop trying to please everyone else and make myself happy.  If that bothers someone, they're not needed in my life.  I'm sick of walking on eggshells around someone who is supposed to be my support and have my best interest at heart.  It sucks having to learn and grow the hard way sometimes.

Anyways, i'm glad I got this out..helps me feel a tad better
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Things I have learned...

Mar 12, 2011

**Do not take a single bite of something you KNOW you're going to love and is bad for you.. there is no such thing as a single bite.
**Carbs are the devil. No ifs and or buts... AVOID AT ALL COSTS!
**Protein drinks will always taste nasty unless they're loaded with calories..be careful. 
** Drinking water does get easier. Crystal light is a life saver.
**All fast food sucks.  Only eat what you can measure and can find the nutritional facts on.. you will regret it otherwise
** I hate exercising but it's worth it when you lose weight
**Transfer addiction is a huge problem for me.. watch out for this and do not allow yourself to slip up. It is hard to fix it.

If anyone has anything to add to this feel free.. Any advice would help!
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Almost 3 months...

Mar 05, 2011

So I am almost 3 months out.  Since surgery, I am down 55 lbs. I was a size 24 and now i'm an 18 so that's great.  I've already hit my second stall which is frustrating, but i've learned to take it as a little break from the stress of the diet.  It is hard not to obsess over food.  My carb addiction roars bright and early in the morning and late into the night.  I wish that could've been removed with surgery.  I see bread and my mouth just waters.  Every once in awhile I allow myself a bite of something naughty but i'm not making it a habit.  LIfestyle changes don't happen overnight.  I got my tattoo "Pain before beauty".  I've been waiting to get this tattoo since I started my journey for surgery about 3 years ago. 

I am so thankful to have had this surgery.  The first month was rough.  Bottom line: I LOVE FOOD. That will not change.  I have a problem obsessing over what I'm going to eat next or later or even the next day.  Sometimes I just need to stop and take a deep breathe and remind myself to chill the F out.  Anyways, If anyone has questions let me know. GOOD LUCK
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Getting happier..

Jan 23, 2011

So I do not regret the surgery as much anymore
Now that I can eat real food and not liquid I feel so much better.
My water intake has gone up too since I can swallow more at a time now

I want to get a tattoo but my mom wants me to wait (till NEVER) till I reach a goal.
My goal for this particular tattoo was just to get surgery alone which I've waited 3 years to do
We will see..i'm still thinking of the actual design to go with the theme
I am going to do "Pain Before Beauty" and I want to add a lipstick to it but if anyone has any other ideas of what to put with it I would greatly appreciate it.  I'm stuck and I want it to be Perfect. 

Anyways I'm down 34 lbs since Dec. 16th (day before surgery).  I went through a 2 week stall but after I received my monthly gift I began to lose again.  Sons of bitches.  After I got my one month labs, my iron and potassium were low so I have to take 3 iron pills with vit. c and a potassium packet everyday along with my multi. vit.  It is a pain in the ass because this can't be taken with that and yada yada.  Oh well, I finally got surgery and I'm losing weight.. can't really complain.  My goal is to be under 200 by June 2nd.  I'm going to NY, Spain, Turkey, and Greece and i want to look HOT.  I can't wait. Anyways, toodooloo
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I actually did it!

Jan 01, 2011

I finally had surgery on Dec. 15, 2010.  My hospital setting couldn't have been better.  I had a private room and I was able to get a bed for my guest to stay in.  Althought the setting was good, it was still a hospital and I prefer working in one than being in one.  The only problems I had were my IV falling out and them sticking me 5 times to find a new spot, and I couldn't pee for 2 days after they removed the catheter (FREAKED ME OUT).  I stayed from that Wednesday until Saturday morning.  I was sooo ready to go home! 

Now that I'm 2.5 weeks out, here is my experience:
* I think no matter what, EVERYONE gets buyers remorse within the first month
* I cried a LOT (especially since I was on liquids during Christmas :()
* Even though you lose weight, it takes time to process. 
* I realized a whole new meaning to "It's not brain surgery"  I was super excited and ready, but for some reason I thought motivation came with the surgery and it didn't.  I think the doctor removed it :/
* Dont weight yourself everyday or you WILL go insane.
* my TOM is the worst it's ever been. 
* My pain medication I think was pure sugar and no medicine
* I hope to find happiness soon in all of this.

I miss food.  I miss pizza and cheeze bread the MOST.  I feel like i'll never eat it again and it saddens me that I'm this bent out of shape over it.  Hopefully 2011 will take many lbs. from me and give me more happy moments.
4 comments

I'm really good at complaining...

Nov 23, 2010

I posted last week saying I finally got my date (Dec. 15) and that it was hard for me to get excited because i had/have so much going on in my life at once. 

I still have a lot going on but while i'm trying to prepare myself, I'm all of a sudden getting scared.  I dont know if it's because of the chain of unfortunate events i've been experiencing or if for once i'm REALLY thinking about it.

I was originally more afraid of the needle going into my arm for the IV than anything else but now i'm REALLY afraid of going under (I think it's the control factor) 

Also, I feel like i'm all of a sudden completely unprepared. I have wanted this for 3 YEARS! I have gotten dates before and had to get them canceled because of some mistake or what not. 

What should I have for clear liquids?

Can I really live without food or am I allowing to take over my life?

How will I ever find the protein drink I like before surgery?

I think my major fear is that I am an emotional eater.  Since right now i'm going through a rough patch, I am able to eat my feelings away. 

I had to move back in with my parents this last week and I'm afraid my mom will not know how to handle the new changes in my life.  She is already freaking out which doesn't help me out at all. 
Anyways.. this is really just a rant.

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New surgeon

Oct 17, 2010

So after careful thinking I realized that VSG is the best option for me
I called the surgeon office and found a new surgeon who primarily peforms VSG.
I definitly feel more comfortable with this decision and should hear back from the office by Thursday to set a date.
I hope I can get Dec. 20.
I want to get it done after i graduate on Dec. 16 and before XMAS.

My mom wants me to wait until after Christmas but (this might sound stuipid) I'm afraid if I don't do it asap
my opportunity will go away like it has before.  This is the 3rd time i've attempted to get surgery.
Anyways, i'm praying this works out and that by this time next year i've lost tons of weight. 

BETSEY JOHNSON DRESS HERE I COME!
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Changes

Oct 02, 2010

SOO
I got my blood work done and everything was A-Okay
I am hoping for surgery in December but there is a little setback...
I was planning on VSG but my doctor says RNY is the best for me due to my age (23)
I AM SCARED SHITLESS
RNY was never really an option.
I have been looking at those of you on my friends list and you are all such an inspiration.
I'm willing to do this and any support would really help me out.
anyways..as i've been telling myself through these years: PAIN BEFORE BEAUTY<3
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3rd times a charm...

Jul 03, 2010

 here I am once again.. still Pre-op..still wanting surgery...

If you've read previous posts you know that I was very close to getting lap-band..
That go canceled because my insurance said they would now cover me..
Frustrating but probably the best choice..

I finished my 12 wk classes and now i'm waiting to get my blood work and tests done..
I'm praying and hoping that nothing is wrong with me and I can have surgery in December when I graduate from college.

I am such a hypochondriac and so I feel like they will find something wrong and once again I will be unable to get surgery..
I am now getting VSG at Pacific Bariatric in San Diego ca.

PRAY that I get this. 
Pray that I can stay on this site and tell you about my year post op and everything..
I hate being too depressed to come on here because of a let down..

anyways, I'M BACK
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Stalker shit.

Nov 18, 2009

So my neighbor/cousins wife is a crazy bitch and she's somehow been reading my PRIVATE facebook page.  That means she could be reading anything.  It kind of makes you sick to your stomach when you realize how UN-PRIVATE the internet is.  I'm a pretty private person when it comes to many people and if I wanted to share information with her I would.  However she's a BITCH and I would never want her to know the things I type on here.  So for now my avatar will be what it is and my profile is Friends Only.  (she can probably still see i though because she's a psycho)

Anyways, DEC. 15th is my day :)
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About Me
23.6
BMI
VSG
Surgery
12/15/2010
Surgery Date
Jan 17, 2008
Member Since

Friends 70

Latest Blog 18

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