Going Up not Down

Dec 19, 2009

Though still excited about my journey it seems that since started it and have been looking forward to my surgery my weight keeps going up!  I started at 234 and 5 months later I am 242. This is the biggest I have ever been in my life! (without being pregnant) Even then i was 250 at 9 month pregnant! That was 5 years ago. Then 2 almost 3 years ago i started at 230 and lost 79 pounds. I was feeling great! I see what some of my issues are.  I am truthful so it's not a guessing matter for me- I am still struggling with sweets! I purchased some lower calorie healthier sweets but yet  every now and then I'll still eat the "bad" stuff. Then my gym time went from no time to a little bit of time back to no time! There are times when i am getting more than enough of protein and then days where I dont get 1/2 of what i need to take in. I know what the biggest problem is. I believe I could really devote the time and energy to my weight loss if i wasnt having to do so much in my home (marriage, children, finances etc.) Especially financial!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Sometimes I just dont have the energy (emotionally, mentality, physical and spiritually) to keep moving forward! I know I am more than a conquer and the battle is not mine it's the Lords yet sometimes its a struggle to want to get into the fight at all!!!! I read blogs with joys and sorrows in this weight loss struggle and I get encouraged. This site really has been a blessing to me. It gives me an outlet with others who may or may not be experiencing the same trials. I am going into my 5th month of my 6 month program and as a personal goal i feel like i should be at a point of consistancy by now. I am feeling like i should have this thing down packed and the surgery should just be an enhancer to being disciplined with my food,calorie, sweet, and protein intake. I dont want to be behind the 8 ball!!!!!!!!! Also, i dont know if anyone else has this situation but i am tired of people telling me girl you look good your fine. You dont need to lose weight!I know they mean well and in their way feel they are helping me but it's not. Even, my husband;  I know he loves me and says he support  my decison yet he says things like, "baby you are beautiful and you just lost 80 a couple years ago without the surgery you can do it again!' Yeap, I lost 80 pounds 2 years ago but  and i've gained 90 plus back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!      

 Wow this is therapy for me. I didn't think i was going to type all this- Glad I could release some things though  because I AM TIRED!

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