supergirlwonder

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I originally posted this on my blog, but I thought it was fit for here too.

One of the quotes I so frequently see on weight-loss blogs and websites is "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." To that I say - bullshit, how about cupcakes, cheeseburgers, cheese and diet coke - just to name a few.

Thin has never been my goal although I admit to wondering what it would be like to have thighs that don't touch or to not have to make a calculated decision about what stores I will shop at in the mall. However, these are not things that keep me up in the middle of the night (like Britney's VMA performance).

I've made a lot of progress in the last four months since surgery and not all of it physical. I am proud of myself and I'm excited for the months and years to come. Today something big happened and really - I could not be happier about it.

The above picture was taken at a party I threw for my friend in mid-December of last year and was probably the last push I needed to make the decision to have surgery. I have NEVER shown this picture to anyone before today.

In my defense, I was very, very drunk by that point. There's still no excusing my hair though. I don't know, you can't win 'em all?

That is me on the day of surgery (May 8, 2007). I am very fat, but also very happy. Note the absence of a visible neck.

That is me this morning before coming to work and after the scale (and my excel spreadsheet) let me know that I'd officially lost 100.6 lbs. And, oh! No worries - I took those shoes off before I left - that was strictly for the picture's sake - I'm wearing flip-flops.

I am still fat but I am a lot less fat than I was when that first picture was taken. I don't say I'm fat to self-deprecate, I say it as a matter of fact and I'm okay with it. Mostly. In the grand scheme of things, if the worst thing someone says about me is that I'm fat, then I'm doing okay. Plus fat does not equal ugly or stupid or any of the other adverse things people say. But that's another tirade for another day.

Surgery has been a gift and a curse. A gift because it has allowed me to shed pounds I've gained and lost again and again with not all that much effort on my part. I feel better, I move better, I look better and that too, is a gift. It's a curse because my arms look like deflated balloons and eating is kind of a pain in the ass, but these are the sacrifices I've made and I can't look back.

Today has been one of those days. I ate too late and as a result, threw up what sat perfectly well last night. I just ate some tuna and I'm pretty sure that's coming back too. I think it's time to go to bed and try again tomorrow.

If you were thinking that just under 8 weeks out of surgery you could eat any part of a bagel with turkey sausage, egg and veggie cream cheese - you are dead wrong and you will get sick.

I had White Bean & Tuna Salad for dinner - sounds totally disgusting but the creaminess of the beans against the firm tuna was so, so good. The recipe is kind of a mash-up of one I saw in a Giada de Laurentiis (everyday italian on the food network) recipe and a South Beach diet cookbook I bought.

Mine was easy: a can of tuna (in water) drained, a can of cannellini beans drained and rinsed, a tablespoon or so of capers (rinsed), a few slivers of a chopped onion (red or white), 2 tablespoons of light mayo and a tablespoon of dijon mustard (salt and pepper to taste but be careful with salt - capers are naturally kind of salty) - you will think me when you make it AND it's full of protein. I'm posting the Giada recipe below which I plain on making next week to take to work:

1 6oz can of dark meat tuna packed in olive oil
1/4 teaspoon sea salt, plus more to taste
1/4 teaspon freshly ground black pepper
1 15 oz can of cannelllini beans, drained and rinsed
1/2 medium red onion, thinly sliced
3 tablespoons of red wine vinegar.

PREP: Add tuna w/ its olive oil and the salt and pepper. Using a fork, break it up into bite-size pieces, then gently toss in the beans and onion. Drizzle with red wine vinegar and season with more s&p to taste.

I imagine this would also be good served in lettuce cups, or served over a bed of baby spinach.

If my scale were a real life person, she would be a bitch. As soon as I got up this morning I weighed myself. Partially because I wanted to determine if a.m is better than p.m., but mostly because my husband was in the shower and I could keep it a secret.

When the numbers chimed out I was excited, the scale was finally moving down again after being stuck in the same 1-2 lb area for the last week or so. I wanted to add it to my spreadsheet (yes, I keep a spreadsheet) but didn't remember until about 30 minutes later and then I couldn't remember the numbers, so I hopped back on and when the scale echoed the numbers - it seemed off from what I vaguely remembered. Such a liar my scale.

I can't complain though. I've lost a pound a day since surgery bringing me to 52 (or 55 - if my scale would stop acting shady) since surgery. I have a long way to go yet, but it' s exhileratingly scary and fun all at once.

The majority of my entries about my weight loss surgery can be found here. I will be posting sporadic updates and pictures here though :)