sweetdixieflowerinak

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I have a calendar that I've been keeping track of my weight loss on.  I'm going to transfer the data here so others can see my progression.

03/9/05 Surgery day 351 
03/23/05 331 lbs -20 lbs 
04/06/05 330 lbs -21 lbs 
05/04/05 307 lbs -44 lbs 
05/08/05 304 lbs -47 lbs 
05/22/05 301 lbs -50 lbs 
05/23/05 299 lbs -52 lbs 
05/25/05 297 lbs -54 lbs 
05/29/05 295 lbs -56 lbs 
05/30/05 294 lbs -57 lbs 
06/05/05 293 lbs -58 lbs 
06/12/05 288 lbs -63 lbs 
06/13/05 287 lbs -64 lbs 
06/22/05 282 lbs -69 lbs 
07/03/05 281 lbs -70 lbs 
07/07/05 279 lbs -72 lbs 
07/10/05 278 lbs -73 lbs 
07/17/05 277 lbs -74 lbs 
07/18/05 275 lbs -76 lbs 
07/19/05 273 lbs -78 lbs 
07/20/05 272 lbs -79 lbs 
07/23/05 271 lbs -80 lbs 
07/26/05 270 lbs -81 lbs 
07/29/05 269 lbs -82 lbs 
08/01/05 268 lbs -83 lbs 
08/02/05 267 lbs -84 lbs 
08/04/05 265 lbs -86 lbs 
08/17/05 264 lbs -87 lbs (Geez 13 days it took to lose 1 pound Arrrggghhhh!!!!!) 
08/21/05 263 lbs -88 lbs 
08/23/05 262 lbs -89 lbs 
08/24/05 260 lbs -91 lbs 
08/28/05 259 lbs -92 lbs 
08/29/05 257 lbs -94 lbs 
08/31/05 255 lbs -96 lbs 
09/04/05 253 lbs -98 lbs 
09/05/05 252 lbs -99 lbs 
09/13/05 251 lbs -100 lbs  Wahoo!  I can't believe it! 
09/17/05 250 lbs -101 lbs 
09/24/05 249 lbs -102 lbs I'm not losing so fast this month.  
09/25/05 248 lbs -103 lbs 
09/28/05 246 lbs -105 lbs 
09/29/05 245 lbs -106 lbs 
10/02/05 244 lbs -107 lbs 
10/13/05 243 lbs -108 lbs Finally! It only took 11 days to lose one pound! 
10/18/05 241 lbs -110 lbs 
10/24/05 240 lbs -111 lbs 
10/25/05 239 lbs -112 lbs 
10/26/05 238 lbs -113 lbs 
10/30/05 237 lbs -114 lbs 
11/02/05 235 lbs -116 lbs 
11/07/05 234 lbs -117 lbs 
11/08/05 233 lbs -118 lbs 
11/13/05 230 lbs -121 lbs 
11/14/05 229 lbs -122 lbs 
11/15/05 228 lbs -123 lbs 
12/04/05 227 lbs -124 lbs  I've been on quite a stall there.  I was getting discouraged. 
12/06/05 226 lbs -125 lbs 
12/07/05 225 lbs -126 lbs 
12/11/05 224 lbs -127 lbs 
12/13/05 223 lbs -128 lbs 
12/15/05 221 lbs -130 lbs 
12/16/05 220 lbs -131 lbs 
12/26/05 219 lbs -132 lbs 
12/27/05 218 lbs -133 lbs 
12/28/05 217 lbs -134 lbs 
12/29/05 215 lbs -136 lbs 
01/09/06 214 lbs -137 lbs This is where my one of the surgeons in my surgeon's office said I'd most likely stop.  Huh!  Showed him! 
01/16/06 213 lbs -138 lbs 
01/17/06 212 lbs -139 lbs 
01/22/06 211 lbs -140 lbs 
01/25/06 210 lbs -141 lbs 
01/29/06 208 lbs -143 lbs 
02/18/06 207 lbs -144 lbs  Sheesh I thought I was done.  22 days to lose one pound.  Yikes!  Scarey! 
02/21/06 206 lbs -145 lbs 
02/25/06 204 lbs -147 lbs 
03/05/06 203 lbs -148 lbs 
03/08/06 202 lbs -149 lbs 
03/12/06 201 lbs -150 lbs 
03/16/06 199 lbs -152 lbs Yeah!  I'm finally to onederland.  I can't believe it. 
03/31/06 198 lbs -153 lbs  Boy is this weight loss moving slowwwww.  Oh well at least it's not going back up. 
04/01/06 197 lbs -154 lbs 
04/04/06 196 lbs -155 lbs 
04/28/06 195 lbs -156 lbs 
04/30/06 194 lbs -157 lbs 
05/08/06 193 lbs -158 lbs 
05/10/06 192 lbs -159 lbs 
05/11/06 191 lbs -160 lbs 
05/27/06 189 lbs -162 lbs 
06/03/06 188 lbs -163 lbs 
06/10/06 187 lbs -164 lbs 
06/20/06 186 lbs -165 lbs 
07/07/06 184 lbs -167 lbs 
07/08/06 183 lbs -168 lbs 
07/09/06 182 lbs -169 lbs 
07/30/06 181 lbs -170 lbs 
08/04/06 179 lbs -172 lbs 
08/13/06 177 lbs -174 lbs 
08/29/06 175 lbs -176 lbs 
09/03/06 173 lbs -178 lbs 
09/18/06 172 lbs -179 lbs 
09/23/06 171 lbs -180 lbs 
09/24/06 170 lbs -181 lbs 
09/25/06 169 lbs -182 lbs 
09/29/06 168 lbs -183 lbs
10/24/06 166 lbs -185 lbs

I bought an XL coat back in September. It fit then, but I tried it on last night and it was huge on me. So I took it back to them today. I didn't have a receipt, but all the tags were still on it so they reluctantly exchanged it for me. I got a size Small. I could not believe it. I think perhaps it is mismarked, but not sure. For now I'll take the small.

I went shopping last night for a rain jacket since we are going on a little weekend excursion and it's been kind of rainy lately.  You know I just have the hardest time grasping the fact that I don't have to head straight to the plus size department.  I mean it's like I totally shut down when I walk into a misses section.  I am scared out of my mind.  I'm probably one of the rare few that has not bought that many clothes since my surgery.  I have bought smaller jeans as I need them.  Only 2 pair at a time and I wear them until I go down a size.  Last night I decided that since we were at Burlington Coat Factory that I should look at winter coats.  I had an absolute blast trying on coats.  It was so much fun trying on a 2X and saying oh that's just too big.  Then trying on an XL and the same thing.  Finally I found a large that fit well and that was so exciting to me.  I decided to go with a full length coat this year as last year I was miserable with my short coat.  My legs were just way to cold.  It was down right painful.  When I was larger I would have never worn a big coat like that for fear I'd look like a tent.  This coat weighs about 10 pounds and is completely fur lined even in the sleeves.  (Only teddy bear fur.  I'd never dream of wearing real fur.) Anyway, it is so warm and so cuddly and I am looking forward to the cold weather so I can wear it.  Woohoo!

I'm finally at the overweight range on the BMI calculator.  I can't believe.  I've been obese for so long.  Of course my mind still hasn't caught up with me all the way yet.  When I look in the mirror all I see is my big panni.  I want to get it removed so bad.  I do at least want to lose about 19 more pounds before I do because then I'll probably be a normal weight after it's removed.  I know it's at least 15 pounds of skin there.  I saw a show on TV the other night with a lady that looked like her panni was smaller than mine and they took 15 pounds off just her stomach.  My only concern right now is my hair.  It just doesn't seem to be growing.  It's not falling out though.  I'm taking all my vitamins, protein, and getting my fluids and exercise.  My blood work is good.  *sigh*  I think I'm just not giving it enough time.  I did have a set back in December when my dog was really sick.  I was so upset and stressed for a month.  About 2 months later my hair started falling out again.  I do have hair growing underneath all over, but the long hair that was there doesn't seem to be growing.  Oh well, I will just keep doing what I'm supposed to and it will eventually grow back.

My husband, dog, and I went on a walk tonight.  We walked down by Cook Inlet and the Park Strip.  It's really a pretty area and I love going down there.  We took a wrong turn tonight and ended up on a cul-de-sac.  At the end was a school playground.  We had to cut through there to get back to the street.  Well we went by the swings.  My husband asked me how long has it been since you swung.  I can't even remember.  He said go ahead swing.  I said no I'm too big.  Then I thought what the heck.  I hopped on and took off.  My dog went nuts.  She was charging at me.  She's never seen anyone swing before.  It was such a wonderful feeling.  I fit in the seat of the swing and I was swinging really high.  It felt like I was flying.  We are going to walk by there again Wednesday night so I can get some pictures of me swinging.  Weeeeeee!!!!!!

 

I just had to write this down.  My husband picked me up tonight.  Lifted me off the floor.  He's been trying to get me to hop on his back for a piggy back ride, but I'm chicken.  So he squatted down and grabbed me behind my legs and lifted me up.  I'm so scared his back is gonna be out tomorrow.  He said no way that I'm not that heavy.  Another thing that happened tonight is I ran into an old friend at Walmart in the parking lot.  She was getting in her car and I wanted to get her attention so I honked my horn.  She thought I was someone that was mad trying to tell her not to leave her basket by my car.  I got out and she had this funny smile on her face.  I said her name and she was looking at me with this very puzzled look on her face and said I'm sorry I don't know who you are.  I said Sarita it's me Kelli.  She almost fell on the ground.  Her jaw dropped and she said Oh my gosh I didn't even recognize you.  She said oh my goodness you have lost so much weight.  So we hugged and caught up on some things.  Exchanged phone numbers.  It was so bizarre to have someone that was my Maid of Honor in my first wedding not recognize me.  We used to be so close and through the years with me moving out of state for a while and having different jobs we just lost touch.  We had not seen each other in probably 4 years.  I have been feeling down, but seeing my old friend just perked me right up.  It's a nice feeling.

  Am I ever going to start losing weight again?  I guess I have this fear because last time I went to the surgeon's office one of the 3 surgeon's they have did my 6 month follow up appointment.  My main surgeon did not have an opening.  Well he goes to this computer program and basically tells me I'm going to lose down to 213 and that's about it.  So when I got to that weight I started panicking that he was right because I keep stalling.  I have gotten down to 208 now, but there are days I bounce back up to 212 and 213 and I just freak out.  I know that it's water weight because I know I am not eating enough to put on 5 pounds in a few days.  So the other day I just was kind of down about it and figured what the heck.  This may be it.  I should just eat what I want.  So I junked all day.  I ate chips, cookies, candy.  Not sugar free stuff either.  I felt so guilty oh my gosh.  I went back on the wagon yesterday.  I will not stop at this weight.  I will lose the weight I want to lose and no one with their computer programs are going to predict it for me.  My goal is to be under 200 by March 9th, but I don't think I'm going to get there.  I don't have time.  My weight loss is too slow now.  It's ok though.  I'll eventually get there.  I originally set my goal at 150, but I started being realistic.  I should probably set it to 165 and then have my excess stomach skin removed.  I have a big panni.  I think if I lose to 150 and then have the skin removed I'll just be too skinny.  I don't know.  I'll have to see what I feel like when I get to 165 and go from there.

About 3 months ago I noticed that depression was slowly creeping up on me.  I have been taking Wellbutrin XL 300 mg for a while and it's always done well for me.  I have just been laying around not doing anything on my days off.  I don't even want to get out of bed.  I went to see my PCP Wednesday and she put me on Cymbalta as well.  I didn't want to come off the Wellbutrin because it's the first one that ever worked for me.  She also gave me some Xanax for sleeping and anxiety attacks I've been having.  Even though I was just laying around I couldn't sleep especially at night.  I toss and turn and wake up after only sleeping for about an hour once I finally got to sleep.  I had been taking benadryl and that seemed to work for me, but it just stopped.  I guess I got used to it.  I did manage to get up today and do some laundry and clean the bathroom.  I have been on the cymbalta since Wednesday.  I don't know if it works that quick or if I just got sick of looking at my dirty bathroom. 

 

Last Sunday was one of the saddest days of my life.  I had to have one of my dogs put to sleep.  Words cannot express how tore up I am.  I have been crying for the last month.  She was so sick and even though she was in the animal hospital 3 times they just couldn't get her better.  I went to the hospital and held her for a long time and talked to her and promised her no more needles and no more tests and no more eye drops and no more diapers.  I kissed her and petted her and my husband did too.  We sat and cried and just held on to her.  She was in pain even with a pain patch on and she started whimpering.  I knew it was time for me to say goodbye.  It was the hardest thing I ever did.  I stayed with her for about a half hour after they put her down.  I just didn't want to say goodbye.  I have never been so sad in my life.  Bailey was my first dog that was just mine.  Not my parents.  We have been through so much together.  She was always by my side and she was just a fun dog.  I still have my other baby.  Sugar Baby.  We love her too and now I find myself watching her like a hawk to make sure she is OK.  I'm afraid she will get sick too.  Bailey was sick ever since I got her with one thing for another.  She had chronic dry eye in one eye that she went blind in.  We put drops and cleaned it 3 times a day to keep it comfortable.  She had a cataract in the other eye that we had fixed last year and had to put drops in constantly.  She had diabetes that we had treated with 2 shots of insulin a day for the past 2 years and she was on a special diet.  I did everything I could for her, but in the end I couldn't save her.  She had high lipids and triglycerides that aggravated her pancreas and bowels.  She had a really bad case of pancreatitis.  We had her cremated and my husband got her ashes last night in a pretty little tin and they had made an impression of her little paw on a little plaque and put her name and a heart on it.  When he handed that to me last night I broke down really hard.  As I sit here typing this my heart is breaking.  I have gone through all the guilt feelings.  Thinking if I had done this or that she wouldn't be dead now.  I know logically that is not true, but you know how you blame yourself anyway.  I have a special box that I'm going to put her little ash tin in and I'm going to put her paw print, leash and collar in too.  It still hurts, but I'm getting better.  I know I did the right thing by letting her go.  She's not in pain anymore. She'll be waiting for me in heaven.

Don't get me wrong.  I am happy to celebrate Jesus' birthday, but people just get so caught up in the material things.  Everyone gets stressed.  I get stressed.  I like to give gifts to people, but I like giving them something they will like and use.  So I struggle trying to come up with just the right thing.

My dog has been sick for the last 3 weeks we've been back and forth to the vet doing blood tests trying to figure out what is wrong with her.  Her liver enzymes are high along with her triglycerides and cholesterol.  They thought she might have Cushings, but she doesn't.  She already has diabetes that we have been treating for about 2 years with insulin.  They switched her to a new insulin and ever since then she gets sick.  I think it's the new insulin, but the vet doesn't.  We are taking her in Wednesday for yet another test.  Sigh.  I love my dog so much and it just kills me that she isn't feeling well.  I don't want to lose her.  I have cried so many tears over these past three weeks.  I don't know how I'm going to handle this.  It's breaking my heart.  I have done my best to keep up with my vitamins, protein, and water.  I'm doing pretty good.  I've lost 132 pounds since surgery.  I feel good and I think I look pretty good.  We went to my inlaws house Christmas Eve and my brother-in-law actually gasped a little when I walked in.  He and his wife had not seen me since before surgery.  They travel a lot for work and we don't get to see a lot of them.  He later told me before they left that I looked great.  I was taken aback and didn't really know how to respond at first, but finally eeked out a thankyou.  I still have trouble with compliments.  I get embarrassed.  I have lived so many years trying to hide myself, which was hard considering how big I was.  I didn't like any attention put on me and I still don't.  The other day a women came to drop off her prescription at the pharmacy and I went to the window to take it.  My boss was on the computer at the drop off window and she just started going on and on about how great I looked and that I was just getting so skinny.  I could feel my face going red.  I don't know if I would have had that reaction had someone else not been there.  I just never want to have anyone think that I flaunt it.  I don't.  I need to learn to take compliments in a more graceful manner.  Why is it so darn hard?  I don't mind handing out compliments.  I do it all the time and I am sincere.  Hopefully I'm not embarrassing others.  I am in a size 20 now.  They are getting loose.  I have a pair of 18's to wear already.  I tried them on the other night and I can get them on and zipped without laying on the bed, but they are a little snug for my comfort so I'll wait until I lose another 5 to 10 pounds before I wear them.  I can walk all over the place without getting out of breath or my feet and back aching.  It's amazing.  I can run up the stairs now and never breathe the least little bit heavier.  I do, however; need to start exercising more.  I need to start exercising more days.  I hate exercising.  I don't know why.  The only exercise I ever like was doing the Richard Simmons aerobics.  When I moved I don't have enough room in my living room to do them anymore.  My husband and I are going to try to buy a house this spring.  I am going to find a place that has a nice size living room so I can do my Richard Simmon's tapes.  LOL  I know he is goofy, but he is fun and I think he is a sincere person.  I think he genuinely cares for others.   OK I'm gonna get myself in gear now and try to clean up some around the house.  Bye for now.

I just found the BMI calculator and put in my numbers.  I am not super obese or extremely obese anymore.  I'm just obese.  Now I know that may not sound like much to others, but to me it is wonderful.